CHAPTER 2

It had taken some time for Hoshi to get Malcolm calmed down after his perceived insult from Trip. He'd finally fallen asleep on their bunk, but not before she'd had to soothe him in the only way that seemed to work every time.

She loved him, but she really wished she didn't have to use sex to calm him. Sometimes, when he was in one of his moods, he could be a little rough, and she didn't really care for that. He'd never actually hurt her, and she knew he would never intentionally do so, but there were times when she could tell that he wasn't totally aware of what he was doing.

She slipped out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. Flipping on the light after she closed the door, she stared at her reflection in the cracked mirror over the sink. Maybe they'd have to start rationing power more stringently like Trip kept warning them might happen, and then she wouldn't be able to come in here and stare at herself in the middle of the night after getting Malcolm settled.

It would be about the only good thing associated with power rationing, she thought with a rare flicker of amusement as she looked at the gray flecks in her hair. At least there didn't seem to be any new gray hairs after their most recent escapade.

Not that she was vain enough to care. At one time she would have been, but she was past that. Trying to survive could do that to you.

She ran some water, splashing it over her face and neck. Glancing back up in the mirror, she caught sight of the wrinkles around her eyes. Laugh lines, Malcolm called them, but he was being charitable. She knew they were worry lines. She'd gotten quite a few of them the last two years.

She leaned down again, resting her forehead on her hands on the edge of the sink, but not before she turned the water off. Wouldn't do to waste any. After air, water was the most precious commodity aboard.

Once again she felt despair pushing at her resolve, but she refused to give in. Malcolm needed her. If she slipped over the edge and joined those on the lower decks, literally as well as figuratively, she might take him along. She couldn't bear the thought of being responsible for his descent into madness.

They'd never figured out why some of the crew were affected and others weren't, or why some seemed to teeter on the brink, like Malcolm.

There was no rational explanation, so Hoshi had decided that this area of space was evil. It was as good a reason as any.

She couldn't help but wonder, though, if frustration was in part affecting Malcolm's mental health. He had always taken his duties protecting them so seriously. Now, if things kept going as they had been, chances were they all would die, and he wouldn't be able to do a thing about it. Eventually they'd run out of supplies -- if they didn't kill each other first.

Sighing, she reached for a towel to dry her face, and a phrase from a children's rhyme ran through her head: If wishes were horses...

She almost laughed. She had so many wishes. Topping the list was getting out of this predicament, but she didn't see how that was possible. Enterprise was stuck like a fly in a spider's web, hung up in space that seemed, for lack of a better description, thick. Trip and T'Pol had been trying for two years to figure out how to break free from it, but hadn't had any luck so far.

Another wish was that they'd never contacted that freighter two years ago. Just a friendly, neighborly chat, Captain Archer had said when he'd ordered her to hail the other ship. They'd never determined what it was that had set them off, causing them to fire on Enterprise.

And she wished those three warships had never showed up, either, and hadn't chased Enterprise for days. They'd barely been able to keep ahead of them. The captain and Malcolm had figured out Enterprise was being herded in a certain direction, but before they could decide what to do, they'd been driven into this morass of space. They been stuck ever since.

The warp drive didn't work here, and neither did the impulse engine. Sure, they powered up, but the ship wouldn't move.

She was reminded of the old-time sailing ships that used to be becalmed in the Sargasso Sea, an area of unnatural calm in the mid-Atlantic between the Azores and the West Indies. With no wind to fill their sails, ships were helpless. Some eventually managed to make it across, but others were lost. A few were found abandoned, no trace of their crews.

Here in this Sargasso Sea of space, not only was Enterprise becalmed, but the sensors didn't work most of the time either. Not that there was anything to see outside. There were few stars in the area, and no other phenomena like nebulas nearby.

They'd tried everything they could think of to boost their communication signals, but nothing got through. One time, they even tried an EVA on the hull to modify the transmission equipment. The two crewmen who went outside were the first to go crazy.

She hung up the towel and turned out the light, and made her way back to bed. She didn't have to worry about waking Malcolm as she slid in beside him and pulled the blanket up over them both. He always slept soundly after they'd had sex when he was upset like he had been today. The intimate nature of the act was like a counterbalance to whatever had stirred him into a frenzy.

He needed her, and she'd never begrudge herself to him. He'd saved her life -- all their lives -- more times than she could count. And she did love him. So what if sometimes he didn't realize it was her sharing his bunk? It was a small price to pay to keep him sane and with her.

There were times when she was tired and selfish, and then she would pretend they were the only ones on the entire ship. It was a pleasant fantasy, but it never lasted long enough. Something would always intrude.

As if on cue, there was a soft knock at the door. Malcolm continued to sleep, so Hoshi scooted out from under the blanket. She grabbed her robe and put it on, and hurried to the door.

"Who is it?" she asked quietly, her hand on the latch.

"It's Trip."

Hoshi closed her eyes momentarily, seeking strength. She'd just gotten Malcolm calmed down. If he woke to find Trip here, there would be hell to pay.

Opening the door, she stepped out into the corridor. "What do you want, Trip?" she asked.

"Um...just checkin' on him. How's he doin'?"

"Like usual," she replied with a touch of aggravation, crossing her arms over her chest. "What do you really want?"

Trip had the grace to look sheepish, and he dropped his gaze from her face. "I was just wonderin'..." After a long pause, he lifted his gaze back up and stared at her, his eyes filled with a relentless longing. "Have ya changed your mind?"

"No, and I never will."

"Hoshi, he's half crazy--"

"He's your friend, Trip," she said heatedly. "I can't believe you're asking me to cheat on him!"

"Hoshi, please. I--"

"Hoshi?" came Malcolm's groggy voice from inside the cabin.

"I have to go," she whispered to Trip as she stepped back inside. "Please don't ask me again."

"Hoshi?" Malcolm said again as she shut the door. "Who was that?"

"T'Pol...checking on us." Hoshi added to the fabrication as she took off her robe and slipped back into bed. "She was worried something might be wrong since we didn't stop by the mess hall."

Malcolm reached for her as she settled in next to him. "You'd think she'd know that eating is the last thing on our minds after we get back from one of our missions," he said, nuzzling her neck playfully.

She could tell by the tone of his voice that he was aware of where he was and who he was with. With eagerness, she turned to him as he took her in his arms.

"You keep this up, and I'll be hungry," she said. "Then you'll have to scrounge something for me to eat."

"You know the rules," he murmured as he moved to cover her body with his. "You miss a meal, you wait until the next one."

She laughed softly. "Then you better keep me busy until breakfast."

"I'll see what I can do," he said.

He kissed her tenderly, and she reveled in the sensation. The moments like this made everything bearable -- living aboard a derelict spaceship, eking out survival day to day, even seeing her friends succumb to a mind-altering dementia and worrying if she would be next.

But she also knew that if anything ever happened to Malcolm, if anything ever took him away from her, she wouldn't last long enough to make it to the lower decks. Her life would be over.