Love and Marriage
Chapter Fourteen

The next few days were extremely tense, as things got worse between Martin and Sam. She wasn't sure that things could have gotten worse, but somehow they had. It was getting to the point where they could barely stand to be in the same room together. They had even started fighting in front of Claire. Things were looking very bleak for them and she did not look forward to her next therapy session with Leslie. But here she was, sitting on Leslie's couch and waiting for her to get off of the phone so that their session could start.

Leslie said a quick goodbye to the person on the phone and then turned to face Samantha. "I'm terribly sorry about that. My youngest nephew just had surgery and I was trying to find out how he is doing."

Sam was sorry to hear about that. "Is it anything serious? Is he ok?"

"He was just getting his tonsils removed. He'll be fine."

"I'm glad." Sam smiled.

"So am I." Leslie smiled back. "So, how are you today?"

The smile left her face as soon as Leslie asked her that question. "I'm…well, I'm not very good."

"Why is that?" Leslie asked, hoping beyond hope that something bad hadn't happened between her and Martin.

Sheepishly, she explained, "Martin and I sort of failed your assignment."

"You mean you two didn't talk?" Leslie asked.

"That's right." Sam nodded. "Instead we did something that has made our relationship even worse."

"What did you two do that made it worse?" Leslie asked.

"We got drunk, I dared him to touch me and we had sex." Sam looked down at the floor, ready for Leslie to berate her for not doing what she wanted them to do.

Leslie was surprised at what Samantha told her. "I see". That was all she could say in her state of shock. Her understanding of their situation was that they hadn't been intimate in many months. So suddenly getting intimate because of intoxication was not such a good idea. It seemed they were learning that lesson the hard way.

"We started drinking and then I ended up daring him to kiss me." Sam explained.

"And he did." Leslie guessed.

"Yes." Sam nodded. "Then things escalated from there."

"And what happened the next morning?"

"He wanted to talk about what happened, but I didn't see the point. I mean, why talk about what happened? We got drunk, I dared him, and we had sex. The end."

Leslie watched her as she talked, noticing a pattern. "You keep saying that you dared him."

"Because I did."

"Right, but I'm thinking that there's more to it than just that. Why is it so important for you to let me know that you were the one who dared him?"

Sam took a deep breath. "I guess because I know that's the only reason why it happened."

Leslie noted that and then looked back up at her. "So why do you think that it the only reason why it happened?"

"I don't think it," Sam corrected her, "I know it. He hasn't given me any indication that he still desires me in months. No sideways glances, no brushing up against me, no kissing or touching of any kind. But then we get drunk and suddenly I look good enough to sleep with! It's humiliating to think that the only way I can get him to sleep with me is if I ply him with half a dozen beers! That's not the way a marriage is supposed to work."

"You're right about that. That's not normal for a marriage." Leslie agreed. "Did Martin tell you that the only reason he slept with you was because he had consumed alcohol?"

"No." Sam answered, nervously playing with her wedding band.

"Has Martin ever told you that he doesn't desire you anymore?"

"Not in so many words." Sam replied. "But he hasn't done anything to make me believe otherwise."

Leslie paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. "Perhaps you're not listening to him. I think what might be happening is that you're hearing and perceiving what you want to hear and perceive instead of what's actually going on."

Sam was confused. "So what you're saying is that I want to think that Martin doesn't want me anymore?"

"I think so." Leslie nodded, knowing that she was going to have to explain this better so that Samantha understood. "You see I think that you feel insecure about your attractiveness and your ability to be desirable to a man. So it is easier for you to project those feelings onto Martin. By projecting those feelings onto Martin, you make him the bad guy. It's much easier for you to say 'Martin doesn't want me' than for you to admit that you don't feel attractive."

"So what you're saying is that this is just my problem?" Sam asked, getting defensive.

Leslie could tell that Sam didn't believe in her analysis of the situation but kept the smile on her face anyway. "It's a possibility but Martin isn't completely blameless in this either. But I'll deal with Martin during his session." She knew from the past session that part of the reason why Martin pulled away from Samantha was because he didn't feel like she wanted him. It certainly wasn't a lack of desire. If only she could tell Samantha that piece of information. But she couldn't do that. Instead she had to find a way for them to talk so that hopefully they could tell each other how they really feel about each other.

"Samantha, I want you to think about what I've said today and try to figure out if I'm right."

Sam chuckled. "Aren't you supposed to be right all of the time?"

Leslie laughed softly. "I don't know about that. I've been wrong a few times but 99 of the time I'm right. Just think about it. So how have things been between you since that night?" She was almost afraid of the answer.

"Horrible!" Sam exclaimed. "We can barely be in the same room with each other. It's made everything worse. Now we're even starting to fight in front of Claire and we've never done that before."

"Oh dear." Leslie wrote down some information in her notebook. "And why do you think that is?"

"I don't know." Sam shrugged. "Things between us are just really tense now."

"Have you talked about this at all since it happened?" Leslie asked.

"No." Sam shook her head. "He wanted to that first morning, but I didn't."

"Why did you not want to talk?"

She decided to be completely honest. "I wasn't sure what to say to him. Everything's so complicated. It was even before that night and now, it's just confusing me. I want to love him the way I used to and I want him to love me like that too, but we can't seem to make it work and it's breaking my heart."

"I think it would be a good idea to tell him that." Leslie encouraged her. "Your assignment this week is to spend a half hour talking with Martin but I don't want you two to fight. I want you to open up to him just as you do in our sessions. Do you think you can try that?"

"I'll give it a try." She gave Leslie a small smile.

"I still don't think that your marriage is a lost cause." Leslie told her as she started grabbing her things to leave.

"I hope you're right." Sam stated before leaving to go back to work.

Martin put the phone down and crossed off another name on the list. When he saw Danny approach his desk, he put his pen down. "What do you have? Any leads?"

"Not yet." Danny shook his head. "Look, don't get mad about this, but me and the rest of the team are wondering something."

"What are you wondering?" Martin asked, not in the mood to deal with Danny's joking.

"What bug has crawled up butt and died?" Danny asked. The serious look on his face was to show that he was actually being serious for once. "Really man, what's up with you? It's like you're PMS-ing or something. Is something wrong?"

Martin was silent for a moment, contemplating just how much he should tell Danny. The bullpen was empty and there was no one around to hear their conversation. Finally he decided that he needed to talk to someone so why not his best friend? "Yeah, something is wrong. It's Sam."

"What now? Are you two still at odds?" Danny asked. It pained him to see that his best friends were unhappy and being unable to help. That's partially why he was so glad to be able to help by letting Claire stay with them overnight. He thought that maybe Martin and Sam could talk out whatever issues was driving them apart. Judging by the way Martin was acting though, he could tell that nothing productive had been accomplished.

"Yeah, we're still at odds." Martin nodded.

Sam stepped off the elevator and looked around. For the past few months she had been avoiding this floor, unable to force herself to come down and see how much things had changed since she was transferred. But now she came with a specific purpose. On the way back to the office from her session, she realized that she needed to talk to Martin. They needed to form some kind of truce. She needed to tell him some things that she should have told him a long time ago. She knew that their marriage was being held up by a very thin thread and could snap at any time, but maybe there was still something she could do to fix that.

Moving away from the elevator, she noticed that Martin and Danny were crowded around Martin's desk. They both had their backs to her and didn't know that she was there yet. As soon as she got close enough to realize that they were talking about her she stopped, listening to the conversation.

"So is the therapy not working?" Danny asked, concerned about his friends' marriage.

"No, I don't think it is." Martin shook his head. "You know, when Sam and I were starting to get really serious I often wondered if I was making the right choice by loving her. I wondered if we were too different and if we would be able to make a marriage work." He paused. "I still sometimes wonder if we made the right choice getting married. And lately, I've been thinking that it was a mistake. Isn't that horrible?"

"Well, it definitely doesn't make you guys eligible for the Most Stable Marriage of the Year Award." Danny joked, hoping that his joke would lighten the mood. "You aren't thinking about divorce, are you?"

"I've been thinking about it for awhile. Normally I'd think about it for a second and then dismiss it, but lately I've been re-considering." He wasn't sure how much more fighting he could handle and knew that something had to change. If they couldn't start working out their problems, maybe a divorce would be the right solution. "Maybe it's the best solution."

"Whoa buddy, you need to really think about what a divorce would really mean. Any chance of having a happy family would be gone. You'd be shuffling Claire back and forth between two homes. Is that what you really want?"

"No of course not." Martin replied, shaking his head. "I just…there are times that I look at Sam and wonder why we got married in the first place."

Sam had finally heard enough and hurried back to the elevator. She had to get away from Danny and Martin before they realized she was listening to their conversation. After pressing the button for the elevator and deciding that the elevator was taking too long, she ran over to the nearby stairwell.

After running up two flights of stairs, she collapsed, sitting on one of the steps and burying her head in her hands to stifle the sobs. Martin was honestly considering divorcing her. Of course he was, he said it himself. He wondered why they got married in the first place. She was tired of crying; she'd been crying too much lately. Taking a few deep breaths and drying her eyes, she calmly walked up the remaining flights to her floor.

Meanwhile, two floors below her, Martin and Danny were continuing their conversation, completely unaware that Sam had been listening in. "Then there are times when I look at Sam and I can't imagine living without her. I love her so much Danny. I'm not sure I could go through with a divorce."

"Well you better be completely sure that a divorce is what before starting it." Danny advised.

"Thanks for listening." Martin gave his friend a small smile. "And I'm sorry for acting so moody. I didn't realize that I was affecting the rest of the team. I'll try to do better."

"That's all we're asking for." Danny smiled, getting back to work.