Love and Marriage
Chapter Fifteen

As she sat curled up on the couch and wrapped in a blanket, she stared at her wedding ring. There was nothing special about it's appearance. It was just a simple gold band that was supposed to signify that she would spend the rest of her life with Martin. She slipped it off of her finger and held it up between her index finger and thumb. She'd been sitting on the couch like this ever since she dropped Claire off at her friend's house for a sleepover. It was a good thing that Claire had made plans to stay at Sarah's house tonight because Sam really needed the time alone to think.

She'd been remembering their wedding and how happy they had been. The six years between their wedding and the miscarriage were the happiest of her life. Now she was miserable and she was certain that Martin was too. Earlier at the office when she was listening to Danny and Martin talking, she heard some things that upset her. She suddenly realized just how bad things had gotten in their marriage. Although she had dallied with the idea of divorce a few times, she never thought that Martin would consider it. He was always the one that suggested they give it more time.

But now he was starting to give up. She could hear it in his voice and was sure that if she had seen his face while he was talking, she would have seen it reflected in his eyes too. No matter how hurt or angry she got, a divorce was the last thing she truly wanted. Maybe she could still do something to save their marriage.

Martin walked into the house, surprised that he didn't smell dinner cooking. Looking at his watch, it was the normal time for dinner. He was actually a few minutes early for dinner. Sam's car was in the driveway, but where was she? He soon found her sitting on the couch, curled up into a ball and holding her wedding ring in her hand. "Hi."

"Hi." She replied softly, slipping her ring back onto her finger.

The house was strangely quiet. Usually he'd hear Claire singing and dancing around or the sound from the TV, but it was silent. "Where's Claire?" He asked.

"She's spending the night at Sarah's." Sam explained. "I didn't know you'd be home for dinner or I would have…"

"It's ok." He interrupted. "I'm not hungry anyway." He started to walk away so that he could go take a shower, but stopped when he heard her call out to him.

"Martin?" She waited until he stopped to continue. "Can you sit down for a moment?"

Without a word, he came over and sat on the other side of the couch, wondering why she asked him to stay. It was too much to hope for that she wanted to talk to him.

She watched him closely, noticing that his face was unreadable. She had no idea what he was thinking, and she was afraid to ask him. Taking a deep breath, she skipped any warm-up questions and went straight to the question that mattered most. "Do you want a divorce?"

He was caught off-guard by her question and looked at her strangely. Where had that question come from? Was she thinking about asking for a divorce? "Why? Do you want one? Haven't we already had this discussion before?"

She nodded her head. "Many times, actually. But I'm asking you about it again. Do you want a divorce?"

"Do you want a divorce?" He asked, hoping to stall for time.

"I asked you first." She pointed out.

"Fine." He sighed. "Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think that it would be better for everyone if we just ended this and lived our lives separately."

She was glad that he was being honest with her, even though it hurt.

"What about you?" He asked, interested in hearing her opinion. "Do you want a divorce?"

"Sometimes, yes. I think that we'd be happier if we weren't married anymore."

While he didn't like her answer, he was glad that they were being honest with each other. He chuckled. "Did we just agree on something?"

A small smile formed on her face as she looked down at the floor. "I guess there's a first time for everything."

It had been a long time since they had shared a laugh about something like that. It felt nice and he didn't want to ruin the mood, but he had something he wanted to say. "Look Sam, I…"

She cut him off before he could say much. "Actually, I have something I need to say and I'd really appreciate it if you could just not interrupt me until I'm done." She was going to go through with Leslie's assignment. After all, they had already been talking for a few minutes without fighting. Maybe they could make it to thirty.

Reluctantly, he nodded to show her that he would listen without interrupting. At least she was willing to talk to him.

"I've been thinking a lot about the situation we're in right now and how we could have ever let it get this bad. I don't have any kind of answers or solutions for any of our problems. I'm not even sure I know what all of our problems are anymore! All I know is that I'm tired." She paused to collect her thoughts. "I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of wondering if today is the day that you'll get fed up with me and ask for a divorce. I'm tired of this never-ending emotional roller coaster that we seem to be on. I'm tired of looking at you and being afraid to reach out. I'm tired of going to sleep and waking up in the morning without your arms wrapped around me. And I'm tired of feeling completely alone when you're standing right next to me."

"What I guess I'm trying to say is that although sometimes I'm sure it doesn't seem like it, I do still love you Martin." She tried to gauge his reaction, seeing his face soften.

"You still love me?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yes." She whispered. "So do you think that maybe we can still work this out and get back to the way we used to be?"

"No, I'm not sure we can. Sometimes loving someone and wanting something to work out isn't enough. We can't agree on the important things in life and we're not happy in this marriage. I think we should give up and get a divorce." Martin replied, getting up from the couch and leaving the room without another word.

The incessant ringing of her cell phone was the first thing that entered her consciousness as she started to wake up. She looked around and saw that she was still curled up on the couch. Was that all just a dream or did that conversation with Martin actually happen? At this point she wasn't sure. The ringing of her phone was starting to get annoying so she grabbed it off the coffee table. "Hello?"

"Sam, what took you so long to answer your cell phone?" Danny asked impatiently. "I tried calling the house first and no one picked up."

"I was asleep." Sam defended herself. "What's up anyway?"

Danny took a deep breath before delivering the bad news. "Sam…I don't want to be the one to tell you this but Martin's been shot." He hated having to be the one to tell Sam about Martin's injury. He remembered how out of it and scattered she was after the shooting several years ago. She could barely keep it together. Knowing that they were having problems with their marriage he wondered how this news would affect her now. Would she care just as much as she cared back then?

Her eyes widened in shock and panic. Martin had been shot? Again? Memories of the shootout Danny and Martin got in all those years ago filled her mind as she envisioned Martin being close to death again. She almost completely fell apart after the last shooting because she was so afraid to lose him. Looking down at her hand, she was surprised to see that she was shaking. "How…" She noticed her voice was shaky and took a deep breath to calm down and gain control of her voice. "How bad is it?"

"It's not bad compared to the last time." Danny answered her, knowing that she would be thinking about the last time Martin got shot. "He got shot in the leg. They're taking him up to surgery right now."

"Surgery?" Sam questioned. Just how bad was he if they needed to take him into surgery?

"He was shot in the leg. They needed to take him into surgery to fix the damage and get the bullet out." Danny explained.

Sam was already rushing around the living room, grabbing her keys and some shoes. "I'll be right there." She told him, hanging up the phone. So her conversation with Martin had been just a dream. Martin hasn't given up yet. That was good. Now he just needed to be ok so that they could fix their marriage.