Author's Note: Thank you to all my great reviewers! It just takes a second to write something, anything, and I would appreciate it greatly… it is my exam week and I'm driving myself crazy with studying, and writing this helps! I hope you enjoy this chapter, it starts with Roger's POV and then back to Mark's at the end. It explains a lot of things and I hope I didn't make the flashbacks too confusing! Remember, Rent doesn't belong to me, I just enjoy and love it!  Enjoy!

Chapter 3 – Fresh Air

ROGER'S POV

I have to admit, I have been acting quite abnormal. I can see why Mark is reacting the way he is. It's just like him to be acting this way. I know he'd rather be scurrying around, barking at me to go out and do something, take my AZT, and try to feed me something. He'd be encouraging me to sit down with my guitar and play or write or do something that would get my spirits up. Well, now our roles are reversed, and I can see why it makes him so uneasy. I guess it all started… well… a long time ago.

10 months previous

I can't handle this. Mimi can't leave me, I'm just not strong enough to go on without her. It's just not fair, I should be the one going first… she has so much life, so much happiness, something I never could get straight. I'm always so negative, she's deserves my better health right now. But the doctors are rushing around, trying to make her better, but they know that she doesn't have much time left.

"Excuse me, are you with Mimi Marquez?" one of the younger doctors, who I am presuming is an intern, asks me.

I glance over his shoulder to avoid having to look at him. "Uh, yeah, I'm with her. I'm Roger Davis."

"Well, that makes a lot of sense. She's been screaming for you for a couple minutes now… would you like to see her?" he asks, unsure of the question, and unsure of the circumstances, that was for sure.

"Yeah, I'll see her," I reply and follow him down the hallway. I hate hospitals more than anything. I know when my time comes, I'm telling Mark to not let me stay in one, all connected to machines, trying to prolong what is obviously my impending death. I just want to go peacefully, in a place in like the loft, where the memories of my life will be so porous that it will be a happy death. I guess as happy as death can be.

I walk into her room and have the urge to just hold her forever, telling her that everything will be okay. But that's not me. And that's not the truth. Everyone will not be okay, she's leaving me. As soon as I realize that, I feel a tear drip down my cheek and I quickly wipe it off. I have to be strong for her because otherwise what else does she have?

I glance over at her, her frail body looking weaker than when I saw her last. She seems so innocent, attached to all the machines, lying peacefully. I walk up to her bed and watch her scarce breathing, her gentle body making hardly any movement whatsoever. I sit down beside her and slip my hand into hers. Her eyes open at this action and I just stare into them. Her eyes, something I will always remember because they are too beautiful to forget. We stay like this for awhile, too afraid to break the silence and give into the fear.

"Roger…" she quietly murmurs.

"Mimi?" I reply, squeezing her hand even harder, not wanting her to go, not wanting to let go.

"You need to do me a favor," she begins, with each word it becomes apparent it's taking her more and more energy to exert.

"Anything for you, my beautiful," I tell her, choking back any raw emotions.

"Don't give up on life after I go, you have so much to live for. Let Mark take care of you and take care of him. You don't see it sometimes, but he needs you as much as you need him." At her last word, the tears come down. In her last moments, all she cares about is me. How did I get so lucky to have her in my life? I don't take the time to analyze what she's truly told me, but I know it doesn't matter right now.

"I promise," squeezing her hand again.

Present Day

It seems like Mark needs his camera to keep his memories. I've never been one for photographs or videos, it seems like I can capture a memory with my brain more vivid than any of Mark's films. I still remember that day as if it were yesterday and keep her wise words of wisdom close to my heart. Her words didn't really hit me hard until months after her death. I hadn't had time to analyze them until I pushed my hatred for the world that I insisted on the several months after she left me. The funny part was, this memory, it was just an ordinary day that is clearer in my mind than what I did last night.

4 months previous

I woke up this morning and decided that I would try at least leaving my room for a little while. I don't know what motivated me to decide on this, I mean, I haven't made any decisions on anything in months. I haven't done anything in months. I sit, alone, with my guitar, in my room, and wonder why I should even care. I'm going to go soon, just like Mimi, but she wouldn't want me to give up like that. So, at least I'm not giving up yet.

I slowly make my way out into the living room, surveying the area that I have tried to ignore so hard. I don't see Mark anywhere, so he must be out doing… well… whatever he does nowadays. I don't honestly know, I really don't talk to him anymore. He occasionally sticks his head into my room, probably to make sure I'm still alive, but I noticed he stopped trying to talk to me at least a month ago. I hear him come and go day in and day out… but it's almost as if I don't even exist.

I sit down on the couch and try and relax. I haven't sat on this couch in weeks and it's a feeling like… almost like reconnecting with something you haven't touched in forever. It's a fresh, happy feeling, and I lay out, taking it all in. Maybe this day will be different. I stare up at the ceiling and breathe in the freshness of the air. It's a cold, crisp autumn day, I can tell by the temperature in the loft. Temperature in the loft is normally just a couple degrees warmer than the temperature outside. Not a noticeable difference at all, that's for sure. While I am taking in all this fresh air, I fail to notice Mark come in the loft.

When I break my gaze from the ceiling, I peer over to my left and see my blonde roommate standing in the doorway, seemingly unable to move. He's just staring at me, I think unsure what to make of my action. I moved out to the couch, big deal. He probably thinks it's the apocalypse. I take another look at him, this time a deeper look. I haven't seen him in his entirety in months. That's when I remember her words.

Don't give up on life after I go, you have so much to live for. Let Mark take care of you and take care of him. You don't see it sometimes, but he needs you as much as you need him.

I didn't listen to Mimi. I promised her, in her last days, this promise, and I've failed her. I look over at Mark and I can tell I've failed, horribly. He looks like he's been practically living on the street, he appears even skinnier than he was before, if that's even possible. He has this look of sadness that consumes his soul and it's daunting. It's as if he is unable to possess happiness and he's even closer to death than I. He finally moves away from the doorway and heads in to his bedroom. Not a word was said between us, but our friendship expressed what words could not.

I stared back up at the ceiling. I considered Mimi's words again. He needs me and I can see it now. He's lowered himself to what state I've sunken to, complete and utter displeasure with life and happiness. I have to believe that I have something to do with that and I can't help but feel mad at myself. How could I have let this happen to Mark, the one of us that has so much possibility, so much hope, for his life? The more I consider it, I don't know what else could have done this to him. I mean, I guess I wouldn't know. I haven't talked to him, seriously, for a long time.

I stay out on the couch for at least an hour before Mark makes another appearance in the living area. I watch him carefully as he collects some items strewn across the space and bring them back to his room. He does this a couple more times and I think he's only doing it to watch me. To figure out what I'm doing. Heck, I don't know what I'm doing. All I know is that the air out here is better for thinking, which is all I seem to do nowadays. He finally stops whatever he's doing and comes over to the couch. He stares at me a moment before saying anything.

"Is everything okay, Roger?" he asks, the insecurity wavering in his voice.

"Yeah," is all I grunt, not willing to quite open up yet. I think I can get there again, but I'm not ready yet. I don't know when, but maybe soon. Maybe more of lying on this couch will help.

"Do you need anything?" he asks me, obviously unsure if I've moved out here for problematic reasons. I'm enjoying my new change of scenery, by the way.

"No," I reply, short and sweet.

"Okay," he finishes, turning away from me and walking back towards his room. It was a start, right?

Present Day

If it weren't for that day… I don't know if I'd be at where I am today. I still can feel the air that was so vibrant and fresh and what it did to me. How it changed my spirit. The next day brought more progress in my search to find some meaning to my life. A reason to go on, I guess you could say. If I wanted Mimi's words to ring true, I had to find a reason not to give up. I figured I'd give up my constant depression temporarily to see if I like the other way better. I mean, I figured I might be missing out on something.

4 Months Previous

Today when I woke up, I made a decision that I was going to go for a walk outside. Yesterday's experience on the couch turned out rather enjoyable, so I figured it was time to go out and see how the real world is handling without me. Its bad enough I look like death already, deprived from sunlight for so long has made me pale, almost as bad as Mark. As soon as I'm ready to go, I grab my jacket and head for the door.

As soon as I open the door, I hear Mark scurry out of his room and say, "What are you doing?"

I couldn't help but laugh inside, considering I was confusing the hell out of Mark. So, I played it off, or else he was going to start asking way too many questions. "I'm going out."

Not allowing him a chance to respond, I shut the door and headed down the stairs to the outside world. Opening the door to the outside world, it was like my rebirth. I felt so alive again. It seemed like the world was like, welcome back Roger, we're glad you've decided to join us again. I started walking down the street and observed everything… the bums, the trash, the worn down buildings, and the sky. I took a walk around the block and made my way back to the loft. I wouldn't want to overdo it now, because that would be bad. I had just a savory taste of the new phase of my life. I think Mimi would be proud. I know she wanted me to go on without her, be happy, enjoy my life, but I just couldn't image doing that at first. She was my life. But now I'm seeing that she's sending down some of her love to show me how to live. Maybe Mimi and Angel are up there causing a commotion, having fun sharing love to other people, and helping me out along the way. The thought of that makes a big smile come across my face. I don't think I've smiled like this in a long time. I look downward to hide it, but at the same time I want to share it across the land.

I return back from my walk and take my climb up the stairs slowly. I glance at Mimi's former apartment, pause and observe it for a second. So many memories lie within in, good and bad ones alike, and I stay still as they all come flooding back. After the moment passes, I climb the last bit up to our apartment.

As soon as I've entered, I observe Mark working on something on the couch. He glances up at me, a look of confusion, yet happiness, and I return his glance with a weak smile. I figure that'll quench his need for interaction for a little bit. I enter back into my safe haven and throw my shoes and coat back in the corner, where they occupied previously for several months. I sit back on the bed and lay out. I collect all my thoughts that I've experienced on my short trip to the outside world. It's a small start, but I think it's something.

Present Day

So that's how I began to get out of my depression and I still, to this day, can't even believe I did it all on my own. It would have typical for Mark to drag me out and force me to get on with my life. But this time he didn't. Maybe he's given up on me, figure he's tried too hard to get nothing in return. This is my turn to repay him for all the times he's tried to help me get out of my destructive habits. It's frightening how much he's turning into me and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I don't even like who I am some of the time and I just can't imagine Mark like that. He's so much better than that, he's so much better than me.

We're walking towards this run down café that we occasionally frequent when we're sick of eating at the Life. That, or when they don't let us in for causing too much of a commotion. Normally it's the latter, but sometimes we need a change. And after last night, I don't know if we should go there anyway.

I'm trying to collect my thoughts as we walk down the snow covered avenue, considering everything I have to tell him. He walks ahead of me and I notice how small he is. The sadness overwhelms me and I am reminded why we're walking down this street. It's time to tell him everything that's happened to me that past couple of months.

MARK'S POV

We're walking a bit distanced from each other and I fear what's waiting for me when we arrive at the café. What has he 'discovered'? The endless possibilities run through my mind, just like the single frames of one of my films. Is he planning on moving away? He's going to leave me again and he wants to soften the blow, which in my mind, seems to make the most sense at the current moment. Maybe he's found another girl and he feels weird about it, since Mimi left us not so long ago. Concerned about how it would look if he just moved on so quickly after she left. So many possibilities, all of them make less sense as I come up with them in my brain. Maybe he's back on the drugs, although I pray that isn't the case. He has gone away for long periods at a time, possibly trying to avoid me while he's in that state of mind. I sincerely doubt that is the case, considering I would know, I could tell. I just can.

Once we arrive, we're seated a table in the middle, amongst many other patrons, and I wonder if Roger asked for this on purpose. Put me in a position where I couldn't react crazy, but honestly, that's not going to stop me. I need to stop overanalyzing things, but I can't help it. It's what I do best. I always thought it helped me become a better filmmaker.

We order and I can tell he's nervous. Nervous around me? Again? Twice in two days? This must be a miracle. What he has to tell must be pretty disastrous and he's afraid how I'm going to take it. I'm already in a pretty bad shape, so I don't know how whatever he has to tell me could make it any worse.

"So, remember that day when I came out of my room, really, for the first time? When I sat on the couch like all day?" he begins by asking me.

I smile at his question, of course I remember that day. "I remember that day, man, you scared the shit out of me!"

"And the following day, when I went outside for the first time?" he asks, again, a simple question. Of course, I remember every little thing he's done, when it's considered to be quite epic considering the circumstances.

"Once again, I remember, although you weren't gone very long at all," I remark, I always wondered what he did that day.

"And then I just started to do more random things like that?" he continues. Random? Yeah, you could say that.

"Like the time I found you on the balcony and you stayed there for like 6 hours at a time?" I replied to his questions with another question.

"Yeah, like that. You remember?" he seems unsure. Of course I remember.

"Seriously, Rog, I don't know what you are getting at. Of course I remember, I was so happy, yet confused, I didn't know what to make of them at the time."

He seems happy with this response and takes a sip of his drink, after he sets it down, he starts again. "Yeah, so the day Mimi died, she asked me to promise her something, and until then, I really hadn't thought about it at all. I guess I was still too hung up on her dying… that, well, I forgot to do the one thing she asked me to do."

He stops there, unsure how to continue. He begins again after a moment of hesitation, "Well, she told me, that, well…" he stops again, stuttering and afraid to continue.

"Roger, if you don't spit it out…" I say, realizing it may have been a little harsh for the circumstances.

"Yeah, I'm getting there… okay, well, she said that I shouldn't just give up on my life. That I should keep on going without her. And I wasn't at that point. She also said, well… something about you…"

My eyes glance up at this remark because honestly, what could have Mimi said to Roger, on her death bed, that got him this tongue-tied.

"Well, she told me that I should let you take care of me and that I should help take care of you. That we need each other if we're going to survive in this hellish state of life we've arranged ourselves in. She said… well, she said that I need you as much as you need me."

I consider the magnitude of what Roger's just confessed to me. Mimi, you were so wise, yet I never knew it. And the more I think about it, the more I can see how it's true. I want to take care of Roger, help him get better, and he wants to do the same. I'm just not used to it.

"Wow," is all I can get out, fearing that the extreme silence may ruin the moment. "Mimi really cared about you."

"I know," he replies, bowing his head. "The thing is, that first day, the day I laid on the couch all day, I realized I was failing. I wasn't helping you and I wasn't letting you help me. You looked like shit, Mark, and you still do."

I interrupt with a subtle, "Thanks…"

"But seriously, you need to stop this, because it's driving me crazy. All this, not eating, looking like death's knocking at your door. It's not good for you, man."

I let out a small chuckle at his remark and take a sip of my extremely hot tea. "Yeah, now you sound like my mother."

"Yeah, I know. But there's another thing, something I haven't told you yet."

"What else is there to tell?" it seems like he's covered a lot of ground already. I can only imagine what he's going to say now… I'm leaving, or something equally insane.

"Well, in my quest to, cure myself from my depression after Mimi's death, I guess I did a lot of soul searching, which is why I just would do stuff like sit on the balcony for 6 hours at a time," he starts. "But, there was this one day, it was so beautiful outside. And I was sitting in a park, in the grass, I don't really know why."

I continue watching him. He's changed while he's talking, he seems so much happier. I don't know what it is, but it's confusing the hell out of me.

"It all made sense, the air cleared everything out for me. I came to a conclusion, that at first I thought was a bit crazy, I seriously considered that I was going insane. But the more I considered it, the more I knew it was true."

"Well?" I asked, wanting to know this big conclusion that's he's come to.

He looks down a moment and I sense more hesitation. Then, he grabs my hand and drags me to the back of the café. What was it he couldn't tell me out there? That has me really nervous.

"Well, I decided that… well…." and his face got closer, and I could feel his breathing. Then, it happened. Roger Davis kissed me.

Thank you for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated, I love to hear any suggestions and thoughts you might have:)