Disclaimer- Not in my possession, although a certain twin elf is. Bwahahaaa.
-Jamie's PoV-
The little amount of sleep I got was taking its toll…
I was scanning for a place to keel over and sleep when Pippin knocked over the remains of a skeleton, sending Gandalf into a rage.
"Fool of a Took!" he blasted at the bewildered young hobbit.
I picked my way over to Chelsea and leaned my heavy head on her shoulder. She didn't seem very sympathetic. She swished her curly, fire red hair, and said in an irritated way: "I haven't had any caffeine for ages, I'm just as tired as you are."
Woah.
She obviously didn't know.
"Fool of a Took!" Gandalf hissed. "Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!"
Pippin migrated over to a corner and sat silently. I walked over. "It's okay, Pippin. I still love you."
He smiled glumly. "It's as if I don't do anything but cause trouble." I love his accent. Honestly, the world would be a better place if everyone had accents. "What?"
It took me a minute to realize I had spoken aloud. "Er...nothing. Just musing, trying to make the world a better place...y'know, the usual. Anyway, I don't think you cause trouble. I think you liven up the place. You make Jamie and I- resident fangirls and unwanted, unneeded members- feel much better."
He smiled, and began to speak, but Gandalf beat him to it.
"You, Pippin, can go on first watch at reward," Gandalf growled. Pippin sighed as the others began to fall asleep.
"Want me to stay with you?" I offered.
"No. You're tired. Sleep will do you well," Pippin said glumly. I felt bad about leaving him alone, so I dragged my sleeping bag near Pippin.
"There! Now you're not alone, even if your company is sleeping," I grinned.
"Thank you," I heard the hobbit say as I pulled the sleeping bag over my head.
"Don't mention it…" I yawned, falling asleep almost instantly.
What seemed like minutes but was probably hours later, I heard rustling noises. Pippin was asleep nearby, and Gandalf had taken his place, smoking.
Why is this place so full with addicts?
"Gaaanndalf? You shouldn't smoke. You might get emphyzema and die."
He glanced over, appearing not to care at all, really.
I sighed. "What time is it?"
"Near four in the morning."
I sat up. "Do you despise me for snatching your hat?"
He chuckled (bad word choice, but most appropiate). "Despise? No."
"Would Jamie and I win in the Most Annoying and Sometimes Useless Member of the Fellowship contest?"
"Not Jamie as much. Neither of you annoy the Fellowship terribly, but you do need to learn when to keep quiet." I snickered. "You bring life to the Fellowship," he said thoughtfully.
I glanced at him in horror when I realized I had said the same thing to Pippin. Alas, it went unnoticed.
"You may doubt your talents but I know you will help the Fellowship in many ways. Do not be quick to judge others, watch yourself and your words, and trust yourself, and you will be fine."
This was like finishing school. Only in a cold cavern where a bunch of dead guys were.
"Thanks, Gandalf," I said, dazed. I was too tired to think of any more as I fell back asleep.
Around seven o'clock we were sadly woken up by Gandalf, Aragorn, and Legolas. Sam and Frodo woke up amazingly quickly while Gimli was slightly slow on the uptake. Merry, Pippin, and I watched everyone with dazed, drooping eyes, and Jamie disregarded everyone and just went back to sleep (until Legolas had to go over and personally shake her awake.). We ate a quick breakfast, Jamie and I rationing our caffeine and good food supplies. Just as we prepared to leave, drums were heard.
"SSSH!" I hissed. We grew silent as the drums increased.
"Frodo!" Sam cried. Sting was glowing blue.
"Orcs!" Legolas and I spat. Boromir sped off to the doors, two arrows barely missing him.
"You...six! Stay close to Gandalf!" Aragorn ordered. "That is so discriminatory, it is not even FUNNY!" I yelled back at him as the hobbits drew their swords. Jamie and I scanned the area frantically. "Um...hate to tell you this..." I began to say as Aragorn and Boromir worked hastily to secure the doors. "...but Jamie and I are weaponless. Unless you count like...these sharp rocks or something..."
Gandalf took a minute to acknowledge the situation. He drew two swords out of Sam's pack. "I was hoping you wouldn't need these..." he frowned, handing the old ("vintage", one might go as far to say) Elvish swords over to us.
"Hmm," I said, appraising the sword. I smiled at its sheen.
"Let them come! There is one dwarf yet in Moria that still draws breath!" Gimli spat/roared. I began to laugh, but the doors were breached, and the room was quickly being flooded with orcs.
The door split with a loud, resounding crack. There was maybe one moment we could brace ourselves for what was coming, but before most of us had any time to react, the Orcs attacked. Hideous and bloody and...ew, they were certainaly a face only a mother could love. If their mothers.
A few (dozen) came towards me. Not knowing what else to do, I screamed "RUUUUUUUS!" in homage to King Arthur and spun around, luckily hacking off a head. "AAARGH!" I screamed.
"This is no time to be squeamish!" Legolas reprimaded as he took down six at once. Someone should really, really backhand him whenever they get a chance.
Jamie and I speared one that was cornering Merry, and in return he speared one that had snuck up on me. All the fighting went on for a few terrifying minutes. I would have gratefully stuck with this in place of the cave troll whose steps were shaking the ground.
"GAAAAAAAH!" I screeched as Jamie infamously "EEP!"ed. It was hard not to be distracted by the newcomer, but the many grunts of the revolting Orcs jolted me back to reality. I tried my best to ward them off while keeping my eyes on the troll to make sure I would not be squashed to death.
"I think I'm getting the hang of this!" I heard Sam exclaim. I rolled my eyes. Optimists. Gotta love them.
Frodo was doing an odd hide n' seek thing with the cave troll as we hacked the last Orcs away. I looked from my spot in a corner to see practially all the Orcs either slain or fleeing. Smiling with relief, I came out of hiding to collide with Jamie.
"EEP!"
We turned around just in time to see Frodo being stabbed by the troll.
"FRODO!" Sam bellowed. I was watching Merry and Pippin with vague amusement, but then they jumped off the troll to let Legolas commit his little Awesome/Weird/Hysterically Funny Death of Cave Troll Act. The troll fell to the ground, unmoving, while Aragorn, Gandalf, Merry, Pippin, Gimli, Legolas, and Sam dashed over to Frodo, their faces a jumble of utmost concern. Jamie and I sauntered over, stepping over the bloodied Orcs.
"Oh no," Aragorn whispered.
"Mithril," I hummed softly. Jamie grinned at me. They turned Frodo over, and suprisingly...
"He's alive!" Sam exclaimed.
"It's all right...I'm not hurt..." Frodo panted. I laughed.
"You're almost as much of a Drama Sap as I am."
"You should be dead! That spear would have skewered a wild boar..." Aragorn said in awe.
Jamie and I burst out laughing.
"BOAR!"
"LOCKE!"
"SQUEAL!"
"LOST!"
"US FROM THEM!"
"...what?"
"I think there's more to this hobbit than meets the eye," Gandalf smiled. I rolled my eyes. Frodo opened his shirt (ooer) to reveal the Mithril coat.
"DING DING DING! I win Double Jeopardy again!" I cheered.
"Mithril! You are full of suprises, Master Baggins!" Gimli chuckled.
"Oh, by the way, Chelsea...you dropped this a while back," Frodo said, fishing in this pocket for something. I gaped at him in adoration.
"I LOVE YOU!" I squealed happily, tackling him back to the ground and grabbing the pack of Extra peppermint gum. I popped a piece into my mouth and skipped off happily, while Sam glared at me from the back.
Orcs were soon approaching. Or so we heard.
"To the Bridge of Khazad-dum!" Gandalf commanded.
"Away!" Jamie and I said in unison as we ran.
Moria was full with Orcs like ants at a picnic. Soon, we were surrounded. I had nothing to say, only eyed the Orc nearest to me who was grinning and brandishing his axe or whatever. I glared and brandished my sword right back.
Gimli let out some kind of strangled war cry, and the Orcs retreated quicker than they had appeared. But as Gimli gloated, I noticed a glare of red on the walls. We all gazed at it in appalled horror.
"What is this new devilry?" Boromir whispered. I found time to applaud the excellent use of words.
"A Balrog. A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. RUN!" Gandalf said somberly, then yelled.
"GAH! I read about those and they're big and fiery and kinda freaky and we're gonna die and did I mention we're doomed and I never got to run over a watermelon with a car and I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE and-" I rambled hysterically. Someone pushed me gently, and I ran.
-Jamie's PoV-
It was so obvious now, how could they not see it?
I ran on with my sword. Wow! Track really works wonders. Especially on my legs.
(OOC: Okay, now I'm cracking up.)
Pit pat. Pit pat. War cry. Screams. Pit pat, pit pat...THUD.
I woke up from my sleep on a hard stone floor. Dirt, dust, the whole nine yards. I looked around to see where I was. I wasn't on the floor of the mines. I was on a rock...with the sun beating on my back. I turned myself over and examined a very worn out Fellowship. Something stirred beside me.
"Hey," Chelsea muttered, not suprised.
"What happened? And...uh...what's wrong?" I questioned her.
"You passed out or something. Nothing's wrong. Nothing's wr-", a single tear ran down her cheek, "-everything's wrong. But don't worry about me."
"It's my job to worry. I worry about all my friends. Even when they say nothing's wrong."
"It's just...I'm not sad. These are kinda happy tears. Kinda...I'm just glad we're close to Lothlorien."
-Chelsea's PoV-
:rewind:
Oh God...after this, I refuse to run ever again. Huff huff. Pant pant. Can't breathe.
Unlike Legolas, Jamie, Aragorn, Boromir and (suprisingly) Gimli and Gandalf, I was having a very tough time running like the wind. And breathing. And...
An onslaught of Orcs appeared from nowhere.Well, more than a dozen, anyway. We slew them quickly, and ran on until we came to a bridge. A very, long, narrow bridge.
A pox on them.
"Lead them on, Aragorn! The bridge is hear!" I overheard Gandalf mutter. Aragorn hesitated, and caused Gandalf to roar: "Do as I say! Swords are of no more use here!" he shouted. Just before we made to cross the bridge, Jamie fell.
"JAMIE!" I yelled. She had passed out from exhaustion or...something else. The Fellowship skidded to a halt and stared at me in question. "She's passed out or..."
Aragorn and Legolas made their way over. Gee, so nice to see the devotion in a crisis.
"She's unharmed," Aragorn announced a minute later.
I arched an eyebrow that said, "THEN WHY ISN'T SHE AWAKE AND SQUEEING OVER JIMMIE!"
In one fluid movement, Legolas hoisted Jamie over his shoulder effortlessly. "It would be an assumption that she has not been receiving adequete sleep," he said as he walked back upfront. Then we sprinted on, over the crumbling bridge. Legolas leaped over first with Jamie, then Gandalf, Boromir, Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Gimli (who proclaimed, "nobody tosses a dwarf!").
I attempted to toss him but the little bugger was quicker.
They all made it over safely, but a bit of bridge fell with each person who jumped. I realized there was no way I could bound over the crevice, and looking to Aragorn, I noticed there was no way to weasel out of it.
"No...please, no," I sighed. Aragorn held Frodo and me closely as the rock we were standing on slanted.
"Steady...hold on!" he barked at me as I made an attempt to retreat.
The rock broke away from its botton and began to fall at an obscene angle. Slowly. Agonizingly. I watched in horror as the other side drew nearer.
"Lean forward," Aragorn commanded.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I shrieked as we fell forward. Aragorn and Frodo managed to get over, while I remained motionless on the stone. The Pit of Fiery Doom wasn't really helping.
"Come on! Now!" Legolas urged impatiently. I suppose he was tired of waiting. Sending a scathing glance towards Legolas, I leaped forward, narrowly making it. I began to celebrate, but Gandalf forced us forward.
"Over the bridge! FLY!" Gandalf shouted. I was now too exhilarated to move, let alone fly...but then a loud roar sounded and I turned around although I knew what was happening.
Gandalf was facing the Balrog alone, shouting the infamous, "You cannot pass!" Frodo turned around and called Gandalf's name. We halted. "I am a servent of the Secret Fire, Wielder of the Flame of Anor. The Dark Fire will not avail you...Flame of Udun! Go back into the Shadow! YOU...SHALL NOT...PASS!" Gandalf bellowed. He manuevered his powers to cause the bridge to break. The Balrog plummeted, Gandalf sighed and turned around.
The whip of the Balrog snaked around his ankle and he was dragged back down. He was trying to keep his grip, but he couldn't.
Boromir grabbed Frodo to keep the small hobbit from going back to the Wizard. "GANDALF!" Frodo cried, strugging against Boromir.
"Fly, you fools," Gandalf whispered, never losing his commanding tone. He fell.
I'll be the first to admit I laughed when this happened in the movie. But now...there was nothing remotely funny about this. Not at all. Nothing was funny about the sudden stillness, or Frodo's cries of the way he was forced to be carried off by Boromir...nothing funny about the disbelief, shock, and sadness. Nothing funny about the shakiness that was taking over me.
"Aragorn!" Boromir called to Aragorn who was watching the empty cavern. He looked up and resumed leadership: guiding us out of the mines at last.
I sat by Jamie, looking off into the distance. A few minutes later she sat up. "Hey," I said quietly.
"What happened? And what's...what's wrong?" she questioned.
"You passed out or something...nothing's wrong. Nothing's wr-" I took a breath, letting the cold air sting the tears. "-everything's wrong. But really, don't worry about me," I answered her, glancing around at the people around me.
"It's my job to worry. I worry about all my friends," she said joyously.
I swallowed and looked to her, faux-smiling now. "It's just...I'm not really sad. These are kind of happy tears...kind of," I sighed. "I'm just glad we're close to Lothlorien."
She finally looked around. "Where's Gandalf?"
"Legolas...get them up," Aragorn called.
"Give them a moment, for pity's sake!" Boromir argued, waving his arm at the grieving Fellowship.
"By nightfall, these hills will be swarming with Orcs. We must reach the woods of Lothlorien. Come Boromir, Legolas,Gimli...get them up!" Aragorn said, emotion void in his voice. He helped Sam up as Boromir and Legolas helped the others.
"Where's Gandalf!" Jamie repeated wildly. "Where is the Old Man!"
Legolas reached us. "Come on, Jamie, Chelsea," he said quietly, lending a hand to Jamie.
I glared at him. "How...how in the world can you say that? He's gone, and you're willing to keep going like nothing's wrong!"
"Gandalf's go-" Jamie began to say.
"I'm not leaving until I'm ready to go," I said stubbornly.
A minute later I was being cast over Legolas's shoulder, screaming my head off. "NO! THIS IS A VIOLATION OF MY RIGHTS! PUT ME DOWN, YOU PONCE!"
"Frodo!" Aragorn alert as we began to leave. Frodo turned around, one tear blazing a path down his face.
We walked on, leaving all spoken thoughts of wizards silent for the moment.
A/N- YESS! Got it all typed at long last and I'd like to get this over with so ON TO THANK YOUS!
Cosmos Senshi- I'm glad. I'm one of those crazy people who A. Obsesses over PotC like a fangirl of the greatest extent and ties it into everything and B. Flaunts whatever foreign language I can. Thanks for continuing to read D!
Slayer3- Do you know how happy it makes me when people think this is funny? I'M DOING THIS FOR YOUU PEOPLE! Thanks for leaving a review, and my apologies for taking longer than expected to type and post. Have you written that fic yet? If it's got LotR and Alias, I'd really like to read it. Can't seen I've seen the rest of those shows...even though people tell me to. Just got hooked on Alias and looove it.
klt Brinkster- Obligied for the comments. D. Hope you're still reading and didn't leave off after chapter three because, if I may be so bold, I do believe this is getting better with each chapter/revision.
Wren O'brien- Excellent name, first off. I understand with the spaz moments...that's basically what this parody's written on. Thank you for your review!
And now, my preciouses, I must amble off. This is Chelsea, saying gooodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow. (Anyone else addicted to SNL?). And Happy Early St. Patrick's Day! I shall be spending the day green to pay homage to my Irish ancestors. Adieu!