Love and Marriage

Chapter Twenty-Two

Later that evening, Martin was lounging on the couch watching TV and waiting for Sam to finish making dinner. The car ride back from the session had been relatively quiet since they were both thinking about the obvious talk that was going to have to occur between them about the night they had sex.

Claire bounced into the room and stood in front of the couch, blocking his view of the TV. She had been given the important job of telling him about dinner and took it very seriously. "Mommy said to tell you that dinner will be ready in ten minutes."

Martin smiled at her professionalism. "Thank you for the message."

She was proud of herself for getting the message right. "You're welcome." Even though she was done relaying the message she stayed where she was, looking at his leg and pointing. "Does it hurt?"

He looked at his leg. Yes it hurt; it hurt a lot. But he wasn't going to tell his daughter that because then she would worry about him. "Not really."

She wasn't sure she believed him when he said that, but had no reason to doubt him.

He scooted over on the couch and patted the empty space. "Why don't you come sit with me until dinner's ready?"

Her face broke out into a huge grin and it didn't take her long to climb onto the couch and snuggle up close to him.

"So how was your day?" He asked, not paying attention to the TV anymore and instead focusing completely on her.

"Fine." She replied, her voice lacking the normal enthusiasm it usually held when she discussed her day.

"Just fine?" He questioned. Usually her day was great and she'd go on for ten minutes about what she did. "Did something bad happen?"

"No, nothing bad." She shook her head.

"But something happened?" He guessed, trying to gently pry it out of her.

"It was a show and tell day." She explained. "A lot of kids brought pictures of their little brothers or sisters."

"Oh." He was finally starting to understand what the problem was. "And you didn't have one to bring in pictures of."

"Yeah." She nodded.

"Sweetie, why do you want a brother or sister?" He was curious about whether she just wanted one because her friends had one or if she truly wanted a sibling.

"My friends have them." She replied honestly. "Sarah has a little brother and she gets to help take care of him. She looks after him and teaches him things. I want that."

So she wanted a sibling so that she could be a good big sister. That was cute and also a good reason.

"Can you and mommy have a baby?" Claire begged. "Please? I'll be really good and you won't have to get me anything for Christmas or my birthday."

He hated having to tell her no, but he doubted Sam would be willing to have another child—especially right now. How was he supposed to explain this in a way that she would understand? "Claire, giving you a baby brother or sister is something that your mother and I have to think about very carefully. There are a lot of things to consider and it's complicated. But we'll think about it, ok?"

"Ok." She replied, not happy with his answer. She really wanted a brother or sister to talk to and play with. She wanted to be the big sister that taught the younger one what she knew. But that wasn't going to happen. She knew enough to know that when her daddy said he'd think about something it usually always meant that he was just trying to avoid telling her no. She got up from the couch. "I'm gonna help mommy with dinner."

He watched her leave the living room and felt bad about having to deflate her hopes of getting a sibling. But he couldn't promise her anything; it wasn't just his decision to make. Although he'd love to give Claire a sibling, or maybe three, he wasn't the only one who was involved in the process. Sighing, he realized that the topic of children were another one of the problems they were going to have to work through.

"Goodnight sweetie." Sam kissed Claire on the forehead and turned out the lights. "I love you."

"Love you too." Claire replied in a groggy voice before succumbing to sleep.

Sam watched her daughter sleep for a moment, thinking about how peaceful she looked when she slept. She toyed with the idea of staying here in Claire's room until she was certain that Martin had fallen asleep, but dismissed that idea. They needed to talk and he would probably just wait up for her anyway. Not seeing the need to delay the inevitable any longer, she crept out of Claire's room, softly closing the door behind her.

As she entered their bedroom, she saw that Martin was resting in bed, busy reading a book. After slipping into her pajamas, she walked over to his side of the bed. "Have you taken your pain medication yet?"

"No, not yet." Martin replied, looking up from the book.

"Do you want some more water?" She asked, pointing to his empty glass.

"Yes please." He nodded.

"Ok." She took the glass into the bathroom and turned the water on. Before she filled the glass she took a good look at herself in the mirror. Her hair was slightly messed up and there were dark circles forming under her eyes since she wasn't sleeping well lately. There wasn't anything she could do about the dark circles right now, but she could fix her hair. So she grabbed her hairbrush and quickly brushed down the wild, untamed hair. Finally, she filled up the glass and left the bathroom. "Here you are." She placed the glass on the table next to the bed before walking to her side of the bed.

"Thanks." He replied with a smile as he opened up the pill bottle. He noticed that she had brushed her hair while in the bathroom. Although her messed-up hair had looked kinda cute, she looked even better with her hair brushed. After taking his medication he placed the glass back on the table, along with his book. "So do you want to talk now or another night?"

She climbed into bed, laying on her back and staring at the ceiling. "Now's fine I guess."

He nodded. Now seemed like the best time for him too. Why delay it any longer? "Do you want to go first or do you want me to?"

Sam turned over onto her side so that she was facing him. "I just want to know one thing and I want you to be completely honest with me. Ok?"

"Ok." He answered. "I promise that I'll be totally honest."

She paused for a moment, thinking about the right way to word her question. "If you hadn't been drunk…if we hadn't been drunk, would that night have happened? Would you have slept with me?"

He tried to think of the best way to say it. "Probably not."

She knew it; her fears had been confirmed. The only reason why he wanted her that night was because he was drunk. She rolled over onto her back, closing her eyes and wishing she could sink into the floor right about now. "Thanks for being honest."

"You didn't let me finish." He told her, seeing that his answer had hurt her. That wasn't his intention but it was the truth. They wouldn't have slept together if they hadn't been drunk. "We probably wouldn't have slept together, but not because I wouldn't have wanted to."

Her eyes opened slowly and she turned her head to look over at him. "What do you mean?"

He smiled at how dense she was being and grabbed her hand, linking their fingers together. "I love you Sam, and I've never stopped wanting you."

She eyed him suspiciously. "Then why haven't we had sex in so long?"

"Well, we haven't exactly been on good terms with each other." He explained. "And I know that I didn't initiate anything because I didn't think you wanted me anymore."

She looked away, slightly embarrassed to be saying this to his face. "Martin, I've always wanted you. All I wanted was for you to reach out for me, to show me that you cared, but you didn't."

"Well you didn't either. You could have initiated something. You've never had a problem initiating sex before." He pointed out gently, hoping she didn't get mad because of his comment.

"I know that." She would have gotten mad at his comment if it hadn't been the truth. "And I could've, but I was afraid you'd reject me and I couldn't have dealt with that."

"Me either." He commented. "That's why I was hesitant to do anything too."

She let out a soft laugh. "We're quite a pair, aren't we?"

He shared a laugh with her. "How is it that we're brave enough to be FBI agents but not brave enough to say what we feel to each other?"

"I don't know." She shook her head. "It's kinda pathetic though when you think about it."

"Maybe a little." He agreed, staring at their joined hands. "I'm sorry about that night. We really shouldn't have jumped into bed and avoided our problems like that."

"Yeah. It probably wasn't the best idea we've ever had." She agreed, bringing her eyes to rest on their hands. "Doesn't mean it wasn't fun though."

"Definitely." A grin appeared on his face as he remembered that night. "It was fun."

Both of them were quiet for a few moments as they thought about what to do next. "We've just had an honest and open conversation." Sam finally said.

"Leslie would be so proud." Martin interjected.

Sam smiled. "She probably would. But you know what this means?" The fact that they were able to talk about this and settle one of their problems was a major first step. Although they still had some difficult issues to discuss, it was definitely a good start.

"Yeah I think so." He answered. "Maybe this means we can take off those training wheels Leslie was talking about."

She stayed quiet, deep in thought. "Are we going to be ok?" She finally asked softly. "I mean, do you think someday everything's going to be ok again?"

He reached out and pulled her over to his side of the bed, wrapping his arms around her. "I hope so, because I'm counting on it."