Chelsea's PoV-
"...George Dubya will be on you like flies on a rotten carcass!" I hissed. The Fellowship kept soldiering on, ignoring the continuously threatening source near the back, trailing after Leggy. I felt my effectiveness was much more...effective when the noise level was louder, but Aragorn had threatened to "make me be silent", and that freaked me out a little bit. And so I just trailed Legolas, and if he got used to the buzzing, Aragorn. FIGHT AUTHORITY!
"Aragorn, do you hear a faint chattering sound?" Legolas said innocently. I had found a handy weapon to use but before I could do anything...
...I, being the ever-graceful girl I am, tripped over a rock. Into grass.
...grass?
"Lothlorien!" I said happily. Legolas's joy was overly apparent on his face. I sniggered a bit as we waltzed into the boundaries.
"Stay close, young hobbits! They say a great sorceress lives in these woods...an Elf-Witch of terrible power. All who look upon her fall under her spell and are never seen again..." I tuned Gimli out at that point. If I wanted ghost stories, I'd sit by a campfire with the rest of the Fellowship, wielding a flashlight under a full moon.
Suddenly, Elves appeared, pointing arrows at us.
"The dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark," remarked the leader (it appeared). I sniggered again, waiting for the "yo mama"s.
The Elves, Legolas, and Aragorn muttered for a while.
"Jamie..." I whispered. She looked up. "ELVES!" I mouthed. She grinned. I began another song to the tune of "Home on the Range"...
"Lothlorien...
Where the Elf Witch and hot elves dwell!"
"Where seldom an Orc is seen!" Jamie contributed.
"AND THE LEAVES ARE NOT GREEN!"
"And the hot Elves are everywhere!" we finished together. I turned back to see the Elves and Fellowship staring at us to the similarity of "O.O". I bowed. Attempted to. Whatever.
"Who are these new abominations?" Leader of the Elves said.
"I take offense to that," I pointed out.
They all muttered in Elvish again. Gimli's response to this: "So much for the legendary courtesy if the Elves!"
They reverted back to English, or whatever it is in Middle Earth. "We have not had dealings with the Dwarves since the Dark Days," Leader of the Elves commented.
"AHA! I KNOW NOW! You're Haldir!" I said intelligently at last. He arched an eyebrow and nodded, then went back to Gimli to argue about manners.
"You bring great evil with you. You can go no further," Haldir informed us. This engaged more Elvish blathering.
"Can you understand anything they're saying?" I muttered to Jamie.
"Um...no."
"Excellent. I'm not the only one then."
The Fellowship's anxiety grew, along with my boredom. I began the drum solo to "New Beginnings" (Finch), as their conversations grew louder. Jamie had snuck out her CD player and was rocking out to Simple Plan or some such.
"Gandalf's death was not in vain! Nor would he have you give up hope. You carry a heavy burden, Frodo. Do not carry the weight of the dead."
Boromir's speech brought me to reality. Ooh, drama. I yawned heavily.
Finally, Haldir spoke in a language that was understandable to the majority.
"You will follow me."
"Gladly," I said cheerfully. Odd looks around, nothing new, hohum.
I walked up front to Haldir, who was trying to be a Forest Ranger, Leader of the Pack, et. al.
"Hello," I greeted. He gave me a glance.
"Hello."
"I'm going to walk up here."
"...all right."
There was silence.
"Have you heard of a specimen called a Valandil?"
Sideways glance. "Yes."
Hmm. Not enough response. "Quick, one word to associate with him..."
"Advisory."
I nodded. "Obliged."
Sure, that's what I said, but what was echoing through my head?
WTF!
What seemed like, and might have been, hours later, we approached a cityscape. Haldir, who was either really annoyed at me or my newest Elvish amigo, looked upon it with admiration.
"Caras Galadhon. The heart of Elvendom on earth...Realm of the Lord Celeborn and Galadriel, Lady of Light," he smiled.
"Excellent," I said proudly.
We walked in, and how beautiful Middle Earth could be was revealed.
Haldir led us to Celeborn and Galadriel. Now no offense to my smashing Elvish friends, but the lure of Lorien was stronger than lectures. So I snuck off, without anyone noticing, to explore the heart of Lorien, forgetting every "STAY WITH YOUR GROUP!" lesson I had been forced to sit through in elementary school.
I speak no lies when I say Lorien was so much better than in the movies. Gah, you poser filmmakers.
As I walked along, some Elves would either bow (which I would regard with a little wave/tip of head/salute thing), or stare suspiciously. Needless to say, I was pretty amused. Eventually, i found a nice little garden to stay, and so I sat cross-legged in the grass.
But I didn't know I was being watched.
Thanks to a brief memory lapse caused by extreme relaxation, I was now happy and serene (ha. That's actually pretty funny.). I'd let all thoughts of Gandalf, life at home, how tired I was, and how cold I was conveniently slip my mind. Ah, bliss.
Oh, and The Killers were blasting from my MP3 player. BLISS.
For some reason, I opened my eyes. I could have sworn someone was there...but a glance around proved it was my paranoid nature overreacting once again. Figuring it was just a small, furry woodland creature, I closed my eyes again, headbobbing to "Somebody Told Me" and rocking out like a miniature bloody rock god...dess.
A time unit later, listening to Garbage now, something hit me over the head. I cracked open an eye, annoyed, and squeaked.
A squadron of armed Elves were brandishing arrows at me.
"On your feet." If you're ever going to listen to me, don't laugh. DO. NOT. LAUGH AT THE PIRATES PARALLELS. "Intruders are not permitted in the boundaries of Lorien," Police Cpn. Elf said sternly.
":squeak: OH EM GEE DON'T KEEL ME I WANT TO LIIIIVE AND WHAT OF MAH DAWTAIR-"
Isn't it odd how under stress, you develop crazy Madame Giry accents? And make up stories about dawtairs?
One of the elves tightened their bow or what have you, and I ran off on a rambling spree fighting back the inevitable hysterical laughter.
"I'm not an intruder, I'm a member of the-"
I didn't even get to finish. They dragged me off before my alibi could be heard.
None of my usually successful threats had any effect, not even the Dubya one. Sighing in angst, I tried a last resort.
"Do you not know who I am? I am the Princess of Auf Acshe! And Scottish bands desire to write songs about me all day long, singing "I WANT YOU...TO TAKE ME OUT!" Unhand me, knaves!" I screeched to no avail. I was led up a long, winding staircase that led to who knows where. Probably the gallows. And I had no pirate ship to haul me out of trouble. Or a Will. Sad. I'd prefer a Jack, but Will has supa-distraction-swordy powers. And he's so cute. Wait...did they even have gallows in Middle Earth? Gallows. Ha. It's a funny word...
My ingenious thoughts were interrupted by a sudden halt. I almost fell over, but by some grace, I didn't. I muttered darkly as the Elves muttered to the other Elves (guards at the tops of the stairs.) in Elvish.
"Come. We shall take you to the Lord and Lady," one of the Elves said. A brief stint of hope surged through me. The Fellowship was there...surely there was possibility I would be recognized and not killed.
I then realized I had no idea how long I had lazed around. They could be long gone.
We walked up more stairs, until finally we came to a platform-like landing. I was left to stand alone in near darkness. I didn't like it. There was something very odd about this place: safe, yet it was supremely foreboding.
A light suddenly broke through the darkness. I looked up, shielding my eyes. A random Elf guard entered also, and bowed.
"M'lord, M'lady, the Intruder on the Western Grounds."
Ooh, excellent stage name.
Celeborn and Galadriel stared at me expectantly.
"Um...I'm...er...sorry if I intruded but you see, I mean no harm. I'm part of-"
I was interrupted by a shriek. "THERE SHE IS!"
The entire Fellowship emerged and regarded me with looks of anger, worry, relief, happiness, and irritation. You can guess who was who.
"What were you thinking, going off by yourself? This is not a place for you to be alone, you could be killed or..." Leggy and Aragorn began angrily.
Okay, you caught me. Their speeches were similar to the above, only Aragorn's was filled with medieval gabber, and Legolas made it a lot worse by ranting in Elvish. The Hobbits were crying with silent laughter, but Jamie made no move to conceal her amusement.
It dawned on them quickly that they were in the presence of Celeborn and Galadriel. The silence came rapidly. Legolas bowed. I laughed. Gimli looked at Galadriel all "O.O" which sent me and Jamie into more hysterics.
Celeborn began to lecture and talk about Gandalf's whereabouts. "Gandalf the Grey did not pass the borders of this land. He has fallen into shadow," Galadriel said quietly.
Woah. Total creepiness yet total…R-E-S-P-E-C-T! FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME! …yeah.
"He was taken by both Shadow and Flame. A Balrog of Morgoth. For we went needlessly into the net of Moria," Leggy said bitterly. I turned to him, eyes wide.
"You just used the word needlessly. HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY…THAT I LOVE YOU!"
"Needless were one of the deeds of…" Galadriel began to speak. I didn't really hear her because she was in my head too.
"Welcome, child, to Lorien."
"Child! I mean… : sigh :…hi."
"Does this frighten you?"
"What?"
"Middle Earth."
"It's so absurdly awesome, it doesn't."
"I know what you have seen in your mind. This is what shall happen if you should fail."
"Okay, that's a little cre-"
"…the quest now stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and it will fail to the ruin of all," she spoke aloud. I had been dissed.
By this point, we were all a little uncomfortable. "But hope remains while the Company is true. Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest, for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight, you will sleep in peace," she said softly. Frodo gasped and stumbled backwards. There was something here…forget Legolas, something was drawing near and I could feel it.
I was sitting near the hobbits again. UBER SQUEE! It was night, but few of us were tired. Something in the air, probably.
"A lament for Gandalf," Legolas said quietly. God, what was it about this place that made me have suppressed laughter attacks?
"What do they say about him?" Merry asked. I squealed a little bit.
"I have not the heart to tell you. For me, the grief is still too near," he sighed.
"Drama Waffle King," I sighed. Sam sighed. We were all sighing a bit now.
"I bet they don't mention his fireworks. There should be a verse about them…
The finest rockets ever seen
They burst in stars of blue and green
Or after thunder, silver showers
Came falling like a rain of flowers.
…oh, that doesn't do them justice by a long road," he said in frustration.
"I liked it at least," I said, golf-clapping. "And now, I go to walk. If I'm not back by morning, RELEASE THE HOUNDS!"
No one paid me any mind. I'm nothing but air. I really should start singing more.
I walked off. Skipped off. Whatever.
"Chelsea. CHELLLSEA. CHELSEA!"
I turned around to see Jamie running towards me.
"Urgency is because…?"
"It's so boring back there," she sighed. Typical Jamie. "Boromir's getting patriotic with Aragorn…everyone else is being quiet. Scared of their wrath. I'm going to come with you."
"Okay," I said.
"So…uh…how do you think the quest is going so far?"
"Not so well," I sighed in emo-ness. "We're divided. I could ramble on why, but…I think you know." Her blank look told me the truth. "Righto then." I thought for a topic that would be interesting and deep. In some way.
"Ah, but what about dear Willia-….Legolas."
She looked at a tree next to us as we stopped. "I haven't talked to him for a while," she said mournfully.
"Well, we'll be here for a month. Use your time wisely," I said seriously. I couldn't take it, and started to snicker. She glared at me, and I sighed.
"By the way…" Jamie started to say. I started.
"I meant to ask you! Did…" I lowered my voice. "…did Galadriel speak to you inside your mind? Like the Phantom?"
"I thought you didn't like the Phantom anymore?"
"I don't. Answer the question."
"Well, yes…but…"
Her eyes locked on something behind me.
"What? What're you looking at? Oh my God, don't tell me Will and Jack are finally here…" I said gleefully. She couldn't/wouldn't answer, so I swiveled around to look, and crashed into someone, falling over backwards.
"OH MY GOD I'M SORRY I WASN'T LOOKING AND THEN THERE WERE THOSE PESKY LEPRECAUNS THAT WERE SKITTERING AROUND I'M REALLY NOT THAT CLUMSY AND I'M SORRY AND-" I noticed who I was rambling to.
"You haven't changed much, have you Valawen?"
Shiver me timbers and call me Larry.
"Valandil?"
Jamie snickered. "You! You set this up!"
She gave me an odd look. "Um…no."
"Liar," I glared from the ground. Valandil extended a hand, but I didn't notice it until I stood up. Yeah, I wasn't exactly the brightest girl at the moment.
"Is there a reason you're here, or just to make innocent girls run into you?" I accused, tilting my head and looking at him. He seemed slightly amused, slightly miffed. So I giggled with girlish glee and hugged him (although "hug" isn't the best word).
"Have you been here before?" I said after I stepped back. Stupid question, but…
"It was my adopted homeland. I came here…in my childhood," he said, gazing into space. Why do I constantly have the habit of bringing up horrible memories? It's like I'm a female dementor or something…
A second later, he grinned. "How was your journey?"
Ah well. You can't blame only me for having bad conversational topics.
"All right, I guess. Aside from the lack of sleep, bad pacing, 13 hour days, the whole mort de Gandalf, and bad food, it was pretty good," I sighed. "I think I miss Rivendell."
"I'm sure Legolas would be happy to have Jamie and you visit Mirkwood at one point," he said thoughtfully. "I would enjoy it too, of course."
I fought back another round of girlish glee-giggles from behind a face of astonishment.
"That'd be…ABSOLUTELY SMASHING!" I grinned. (Jamie, I notced, had been gone for a while. In the words of the wise character portrayed by Michael McDonald… "sneaky snake".)
"We should walk back," Valandil said. I nodded, deciding not to dwell on the possibilities of the phrase, and we turned to go.
We reached the platform where the others were located. I saw Haldir, and waved manically. Jamie and Legolas rolled their eyes.
Don't forsake amusement yet, guys.
"Ah, Valandil! Mae govannae!" Haldir greeted. I sighed, knowing this was to follow in, yes…
More Elvish gibbering.
Those who could not understand stood there, smiled and nodded, and attempted to look smart.
"You two know each other?" I stated after the gibbering reached a few minutes. Well, of course they did, with the whole word association "advisory" thing…but how? HOW!
"We were friends in our upbringing," Valandil smiled.
"Uh huh," Jamie nodded.
"I see," I said.
"Is there a reason we're here?" Pippin piped up.
Haldir stood straighter, assuming duty as a host. "Welcome, Fellowship, to Lorien. We hope you fin our accommodations suitable. You may…"
I zoned out about there, and rifled through my backpack. Much to my surprise, I found cookies that had not been there before. I squeed a little loudly and bit into a peanut butter one. Mm…peanut buttery goodness.
I looked to Jamie to see she had found food and beverage products galore. The Fellowship began to part. The four hobbits went in the direction of one treehouse, Gimli, Aragorn, and Boromir in another. Legolas and Valandil stood nearby, muttering brotherly greetings under their breath. In Elvish, of course.
"Haldir!" I called rather majestically. He turned around. "Where are Jamie and I to stay?"
He gave me a look that said, "silly girl, of course you know." "With Valandil and Legolas of course."
Jamie, who had been leisurely enjoying a Mountain Dew, spewed.
I raised my eyebrows at Haldir. "And…you really trust us?"
He raised his eyebrows in return.
"We are noble fangirls, you know."
"We might glomp them to death in their sleep or something," Jamie managed to say.
I turned to Valandil. "I'm sorry, but I don't think we're ready for this stage in our relationship," I said graciously. He smirked.
I rounded back to Haldir. He shrugged.
"You stay with them…or with Aragorn."
I sighed like the Drama Queen I am. "Is there a reason we don't have our own treehouse?"
"Intruders," he said simply.
"You just said this was a well protected a-" Jamie began to say.
"You might do something less than intelligent."
I stared at him, mouth agape. "I cannot believe your nerve." I turned to Jamie. "La conférence de fangirls, s'il vous plait!"
"…huh?"
We turned from the three elves.
"It's not so bad really," she said.
"But…there will be Hot Gods of Elvishness!" I hissed, glancing over my shoulder to be sure no one was listening. They were discussing something amongst themselves, but can you ever be sure with those tricky Greenleaves? No. You cannot.
"It'll be…different, but we'll just have to live with it."
"Har, literarily. Should we find a way to be supa-stealthy and get the thing to ourselves?"
"We'll see how things work out. I was thinking that though."
"Excellent."
"WE ACCEPT," we announced to the chatting elves, smirking evilly.
"Valar," Legolas muttered. Valandil smirked. I fought back girlish giggles…they just seem to be prevalent today, don't they?
We began the ascent to the ladder. When I got to the top, I looked over what I could see of Lorien. Then, Jamie appeared at my side. We looked down, seeing two Elves, and we looked at each other.
"Ooer."
Jamie's PoV-
"WEEEEE!" I yelled with glee while jumping on the soft linens covering the Elvish bed. Chelsea glanced at me and proceeded to jump on her bed too. Our happiness was short-lived.
Chelsea's PoV-
What is so wrong with jumping on beds? Really, if you've got a bit of pent-up energy, it's better to jump than try to kill someone or something, right?
Obviously, Leggy didn't see it that way.
"May I ask what you are doing?" he sighed as he turned to face us. Jamie sat on her bed immediately, and I stood defiantly on mine.
"Releasing pent-up energy. Got a problem avec that, Monsieur de Elfy?"
He stared at me blankly. Jamie looked at me.
"I don't even speak French, but I can tell you that that's horrible."
"Thanks, PEF."
Valandil, unlike Legolas, had not been trying to sleep. He was watching things out of the window behind his brother. He glanced around the tree trunk that separated us from them. (ooh, Lost reference!).
"I can think of many other ways to release pent-up energy that's much more entertaining than jumping on beds," he said innocently. I dropped to my bed.
"Getcher mind outta them there's gutter," I snarled. His eyes widened. "GARN!"
Three pairs of eyes focused on me. I got under the covers.
"I happen to believe I make a very convincing Eliza Dolittle. Now…GOODNIGHT!"
A/N- It's hard work rewriting my point of views AND typing. I really don't care for what I wrote in the first one, although I love the second one (now finished!) and my first point of view in the third one.
Yes. We are FINALLY on RotK :sniff sniff:. Although now ANOTHER cowriter has the second one (finishing up the last PoV), Jamie's working on RotK, and I'm stuck…typing.
Smashing.
Slayer3- It's a little bit funny how Spring Break has come and come, and SUMMER HAS STARTED…and I've finally posted again. How's the fic now? Thank you for continuing to review…I'm very disappointed with FotF at the moment, now that I've seen what GOOD parodic writing in this story is. But I can't exactly start from the beginning, so I've just got to type and edit. :sigh: Sorry, rambled a bit there.
sibbielee113- Can't say I really thought of that…amusing though. I'll talk to Jamie about the Gimli thing…you might see some in the RotK parody then, because I can still craftily maneuver one into my PoV. Har. Thank you for the ideas though!
REVIEW!…as I tend to implore you at the end of each chapter.