A/N- And now...your semi-annual chapter of 2005...just in time for Christmas!


Disclaimer- After all these years, do I still need one? It's quite obvious what I do/not own.

Chapter Nine


-Chelsea's PoV-

The next morning, at who knows what ungodly hour, I woke up. It seemed like I had woken from death. The exhaustion I had shrugged off since we set off from Rivendell had come back with a vengeance, and my head was threatening to split open. I squinted outside and slipped back into my comatose sleep.

"I think she's died," I heard a voice say. "It's three in the afternoon, and usually she's been up and running around for seven hours."
I groggily opened my eyes to see Jamie, Legolas, and Valandil whispering in a corner. I rolled over in my bed of pain and attempted to fall back asleep.

"Chelsea, what's going on?" Jamie asked. She was faintly worried.

"I'm tired," I murmured in reply.

"She's dying," she confirmed to the two brothers.

"I am not," I protested groggily. "I'm tired."

I felt a hand on my forehead, then Valandil's whisper of "Then sleep."

I did not resist.

Hours later, I woke up. I pulled on a second change of clothes, and marveled at their cleanliness. Happy days. There was a knock on the ground, the equivalent of a door.

"Enter!" I replied.

Jamie climbed into the room and gave me a look. "You're feeling better?"

"Much. It's amazing how bad you can feel if you completely neglect sleep and run around nonstop for a few weeks," I yawned. "What's for breakfast?"

"What do we always eat here?" she grumbled, throwing a bit of lembas at me. I couldn't decide if this made me happy or disappointed...I was so sick of the Elvish waybread but it tasted so magically delicious... how can one make up their mind?

I craftily scanned the place, then whispered. "How is dear Legolas?"

"We talked," she said, waggling her eyebrows.

"Uh...huh."

"A lot."

"This place is so boring when it comes to fun," I sighed. "But at the moment, I am so very bored and desire to wreak havoc on Lorien."

"YES!" she screeched. We left the treehouse in hysterics.

After walking, chatting, bringing up inside jokes, and stalking many elves, we parted ways. I walked peacefully alone, and was so content I wished no one would disturb me.

I found a heavily wooded spot and leant against a tree. I thought about it, and then proceeded to wonder about many other fascinating things. I absentmindedly checked my watch (or lack thereof) and sighed. I looked in front of me. Like a ghost, Valandil had appeared. We stared at each other for a minute.

"Do you wish to be alone?" he said in such a Darcy-ish manner I nearly died.

I shook my head, and we continued to stare at each other. Every conversation option that appeared in my head I dismissed. I'd acted stupid enough as of late, and I had a feeling he could see through any of my attempts to be more intelligent and poised.

"I-" I began to say. He stared at me intensely, and I found I could not speak. An old Garbage song floated through my mind: you stupid girl... "I...uh...like your tunic."

He grinned a little. "And I yours. What do you mean to tell me, Valawen?"

I paused. "I'm not sure." I'm underage and more mature than many people I know but in no way am I mature enough for an Elf, especially one of your caliber...if you know what I mean and I think you do.
"Valawen sounds a lot like Valandil, don't you think?"

"I suppose it does," he said thoughtfully.

"Did you have an ulterior motive in selecting that name?" I half-accused. He began to walk towards me, so purposefully, so...Darcyishly. He placed one hand on my face.

"My dear Valawen, I have ulterior motives in all that I do," he whispered. He drew nearer to me and I couldn't breathe and if there was a battle settlement I would have fallen off it by now...

"EEEEEEEP!" screeched a familiar...screech. Jamie flung herself into the clearing as we flung ourselves apart. "I can never go into the treehouse again."

I glared at her. She would merit no response from me, ruining my Love Scene in such a manner.

"What is wrong?" Valandil asked caringly.

"It's too horrible to say," she said. "Come on."

"It's horrible and you're drawing us into it," I said grumpily. Valandil shot me a bemused look that said, We'll finish this later.

We ran off after Jamie. We arrived at the treehouse and she paused at the stairs. "You," she commanded Valandil. "-will go first."

He gave a jaunty bow and climbed up the stairs.

"Avert your eyes, Chelsea," Jamie whispered with a large grin. I scowled at her and cast a paranoid glance at the ascending Greenleaf.

I felt more angry than apprehensive, but still went up the ladder, expecting to see a dead orc, elf, or hobbit. I entered the room. Valandil was looking curiously around.

"I don't see anything," I said bluntly. Jamie raised a shaking finger to her bed. Okay, perhaps it was a note detailing her untimely demise. Valandil strode forward as Jamie and I followed from behind. Resting on the bed was a spider.

"This?" he said, stunned. "This is the abnormity?"

Jamie nodded, eyes wide. It was big, and I'm no fan of arachnids, but I began to laugh. Valandil soon joined in, and Legolas ascended into our small party.

"What-" he began.

"SPIDER! KILL IT!" Jamie screeched in short terms. Legolas walked to the hairy monstrosity, picked it up, and took it out of the cabin, most likely returning it to its earth. He then turned to us.

"It is unseemly to find gaiety in others' phobias. Are you listening to me?" he commanded with all the authority of a father.

"Would you like the honest or dishonest answer?" I giggled.

"What kind of person could you possibly be to-"

"Me? I'm dishonest. And a dishonest person you can always trust to be dishonest, honestly." Jamie glared at me. "COME ON! SEQUEL!" She stormed out, and I grabbed my backpack (for parley purposes) and dashed after her.

"Jamie! I'm ever so sorry!" I called, running and laughing after her. She walked faster, and I kept yelling. She whirled around suddenly and I held up a box of cheesy whatsits with a cheesy smile plastered on my face. "Parley?"

She grabbed the box and marched on. I moshed her from behind, and she nearly ran into a tree. "ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!" she screamed.

"PARLEY!" I screamed in reply. Elves were staring, quiet beings they were. Aragorn walked past us, raising his eyebrows. I waved at him happily, and he returned it uncertainly.

"Come now, Jamie," I chided.

"Yes, I shall require a debt..." she began.

"A blood debt? Like the one Davey Jones requires!" I gasped, eyes wide.

"JULYSEVENTHTWOTHOUSANDANDSIXOHMYGOD!" we screeched in unison. The debt was momentarily forgotten as we proceeded to run around, screaming to every sixth elf about the upcoming sequel, a sequel to end all sequels, if you will.

"LEGMEISTERJULYSEVENTHTWOTHOUSANDANDSIXYOURPANTS..TIGHTPANTSOMGOMGHOTJACKOMGBAAAAAHBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," Jamie screeched to Legolas later that night. He gave her an odd look that said nothing short of, "What?"

High off previous sleep and caffeine, Jamie and I were still on our sequel-rant.

"Bahrbee?" Valandil repeated, saying the word with foreign curiosity.

"Yes!" I said happily. I walked over to my bag, searched though the tidal waves of crap, and pulled out a picture of one Hector Barbossa. It had hearts drawn around it. "Voici Bahrbee!" He accepted the picture and stared at it curiously, then furrowed his brow and put on a hoity toity expression.

"My dear sir, you do look like you are in need for a bit of a shave," he said politely to the picture.

"I suppose he could, but y'know, he feels nothing," I said wisely, reclaiming my picture and stuffing it back. I retrieved another picture. "Now here's a fine speci-MAN!"

"He looks like a dwarf who hasn't bathed in years," Legolas said from across the room, merely glancing at the picture.

"A very attractive dwarf?" I said, waggling my eyebrows. "A very tall attractive dwarf who carries around a bunch of weapons and is drunk all the time and TRES CHAUD!"

"I suppose so," he replied, barely listening to me. "He is attractive for a dirty scumbag."

I giggled with girlish glee and pulled out the last picture for the night. "And what about dear William?"

Valandil stole the picture and wandered over to his brother. "Doesn't he look familiar, dear Legolas?"

Jamie and I shared a knowing look, then for the millionth time that day, burst into (flames) hysterics.


--Jamie's PoV-

After Legolas and Valandil woke me from my not-as-deep-as-I-would-like slumber, I went to find Aragorn. I found him talking to Haldir about God-knows-what in Elvish. I snuck up behind him, stealthily, like Chelsea stalking Root Boy, or even Amanda and me hovering behind Mr. Ware. I then jumped up and screamed, "AIEEEEEEEEEEK!", glomping him with a glomp to end all glomps.

Haldir quickly smiled, nodded, and ran away, terrorized as much as an Elf could be.

I hung on to Aragorn's neck as he spat, "Chelsea! GET OFF OF ME!" I was surprised in the least and released my freakishly strong hold on his neck. "Jamie! I did not expect this of you!" I "XD-d" and set off for Sir Leggohousen.

After a half-hour of searching, screaming, and enlisting the help of Lorien inhabitants, I found him in a mangled clump of bushes. He raised his finger to his lips and signaled for me to come closer (XD). I took up a spot in the bushes and listened to Legsy quietly explain to me what he was doing.

"I know it is no secret that Chelsea is taken with my brother, and he with her. I have been watching them together. I cannot let him tell her anything about-" he cut himself off.

I peered through the bushes and heard Valandil say, "Did you hear that? In the bushes?" Chelsea looked at him like, "I can deal with a little insanity, just because you're so chaud." Legolas looked at me like "What do we do?" In sheer desperosity, I pulled him toward me and snogged him, tongues and all. For a near-3,000 year old guy, he sure hadn't lost his touch...

We continued to pretend to devour each others' faces as we ignored Valandil's gaping and Chelsea's blurting out of "SCORE!" between every "OH MY GOD!" Valandil closed the bushes and left, mouth agape. Chelsea stood there, looking back and forth between Leggy, Vally's back muscles rippling as he walked away, and me. She squeaked and flounced off after Vally, muttering something in German.

I had no clue what to do next, so sat there for a minute after ungluing my face from Legmeister's. I slowly processed what had just occurred, then, after getting the okay from Leggy, set off after Chelsea. I glomped her from the side, sending her toppling over into another set of bushes.

"OH MY GOD!" Chelsea screeched, picking leaves out of her hair. "Double vay ta eff!"

I replied, "Young love, what can I say?" and left to explain to Leggy. Jeezum crowe, if I knew the effects of that one snog (that one really nice, long snog), I question whether I would have done it...

Of course I would've.

I found Leggy in our uber tree house. Lorien is so awesome. Climbing up the steps was made difficult by my heavy breathing and exhaustion, but I continued upward. I knew I had to explain. But what was there to explain? It was just a snog, right? A harmless snog? A snog between friends, right?

He was sitting on his bed, carefully examining something. Or he was pretending to not notice me. I came up and sat beside him. He knew it was me without looking up, which is typical of the Elven race...:snicker:.

:loooong awkward silence:


I don't know what to do! I snogged a future King, is that a crime?

"Whatcha reading?" I started off. Wow…I am just full of ideas.

"A note. From my brother."

"Oh? What about?"

"He's gone...with Chelsea. He says he will return soon though."

I popped my mouth, you know, like a facepalm...with your fingers to your lips?

"Legolas," I whispered, moving closer. He whispered my name in return, cupping my face with one perfectly manicured hand, following my neck until..

"Take it," I said. "It doesn't belong to me." I tried ripping the necklace off my neck like they do in Pirates of the Caribbean, or some other so-fricken-famous movie, but it hurt...really bad. I slowly unhooked the clasp as Leggy looked on.

He flipped the engraved golden ring over between his fingers after I gave it to him. "Where did you get this?" he boomed.

"I...I..." I paused. "I was trying to protect you."

"Protect me?"

"I thought you could have been an Orc. That would have been awful."


OOC: Look familiar? xD..sigh.


What Really Happened:

:loooong awkward silence:

I don't know what to do! I snogged a future King, is that a crime?

"Whatcha reading?" I started off.

"A note. From my brother."

"Oh? What about?"

"He's gone...with Chelsea. He says he will return soon though."

"Ooh." I practically whispered, probably hinting at my embarrassment. "Chelsea didn't tell me she was going anywhere. Hmm.."

"Amaurea?"

I looked at him a long time, giving him an "o.o" expression with maybe a bit of the "come hither so I can shag you" face.

I don't know if he meant to, but he looked like he was about to. Then he broke the silence by quipping, "Why did you...what's the word? Snog? Yes, why did you snog me?"

I smiled a faint smile, looking him in the eyes. (Tee hee contacts!)

"Legsalot," I paused, sighing heavily before continuing, "...I think you know why I did." I smiled that faint smile again, and paused at his sharp intake of breath.

"I figured as much, I'm just," ((hot)), "..I'm just confused."

"Eh?" I said slowly, almost mimicking a Canadian hockey player.

Then he kissed me.

-Chelsea's PoV-
-rewind-

The next morning, Legs and Valandil were gone. Jamie was frowning and munching on something.

"Guten morning!" I said half-Germanly.

"Oh, hey," she said distractedly. "Valandil left this for you." She handed me a note of some kind which I wasted no time at all proceeding to rip open.


Meet me, Valawen.

"Understatement of the year," I muttered. "How long ago did they leave?"

"Eh, like two hours ago," she replied.

"AAAAH!" I screamed, safely securing the note in my bag and cramming my feet into shoes. I jumped out of the treehouse to Jamie's laughter.


OH GOD WHAT IF HE LEFT, I wailed internally. Why didn't he wake me up? OH GOD WHAT IF HE HAS TO SETTLE PATERNITY ISSUES ON A CUTE LITTLE BABY ELF OR EVEN WORSE WHAT IF HE HAS FOUND A FRENCH GIRL WHO SINGS "MOOOOOOON RIIIIVER!" LIKE THE ANGELS WOULD AND LOOKS LIKE AUDREY HEPBURN AND-

I flew into the clearing where we'd met yesterday. He was sitting under a tree and reading a book patiently. I composed myself as best I could and smiled, "Good morning." He looked up with no mirth. God, Will's claimed another hot piece of... fandom into his Emo Club. "What's wrong?"

"My father and I have some things to resolve. There's much that you do not know," he sighed. I sat across from him. Oh God, does my face look fat? I LEFT MY HAIR DOWN OH MY GOD WHERE ARE MY CHOPSTICKS AND-

"You can tell me, if you wish," I said quietly. It was silent for a few minutes.

"Father has been cross with me since my birth. There was to be one heir to his throne and two were born. I was the one who would rule. I forsook my destiny and Legolas was chosen as heir. I informed my father when this took place that I would never serve as my brother's underling. He did not take this lightly."


Give me a smile? Please? The gravity is scaring me, ever so slightly...because I know where this is leading.

"If I cannot convince him that I am of some use, there is a good possibility that I will be removed from the royal family. I must return home to remedy this situation," he fell silent. I had nothing to say. "He cares too much for his country," he said bitterly. "The same thing happened long ago. I cannot tell you how many years it's been. I left home for a while, and came here and lived comfortably. Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel let me stay as if I was someone as close as family. Legolas came to retrieve me years later, to tell me Father had dismissed the situation. He never forgets anything. He will never forgive me either, unless I can do this right."

"I know what it's like to fight with family," I said. "It's never been like that." It was silent once more. "Valandil, I-"

"Let me speak. I do not know how long it will be until I return. I do not know how long it will be until I can tell you...Valawen, I-" he paused. "Did you hear that? In the bushes?" I listened and heard nothing. My skills as a female dementor must have been improving. He got up suddenly and strode over to a patch of bushes, and pulled them apart to reveal Jamie and Legolas snogging.

"OH MY GOD!" I screeched. Valandil's eyes widened. After a second, he closed the bushes and walked away. Jamie and Legolas never noticed a thing. It made me wonder...are all Elves that...for lack of better word... good? I looked after Valandil thoughtfully and trotted after him.

"I must find Legolas," he said as I caught up. Well, that was pretty obvious; he was back there snogging the life out of Jamie. Or vice versa. I wasn't paying attention. "I will meet you again later."

"Good luck!" I called out. He turned around and smiled. I couldn't decide if I should faint or smile back. He was gone before I could decide.

I stood in the middle of the Lorien equivalent to a road until I was savagely glomped by a PEF and fell into another set of bushes.

"DOUBLE-VAY TA EFF!" I screeched. WTF in French.

"Young love, what can I say?" she said dreamily. I snickered and she ran back off.

I wandered around aimlessly for a while, still flummoxed. Wandered around until...

"Valawen!" I heard Valandil shout. I spun around and attempted to look like the movie starlets of old. "I must leave tomorrow." I noticed him pocketing a letter as he said this. "Father...has crossed his own boundaries," his eyes hardened.

I looked at him curiously. "How?"

He stared at me, as if seeing how much of the truth I could handle. I can handle a lot of truth, in case you're wondering. He exhaled. "He's arranged a marriage," he said through gritted teeth.

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "If it will please him and resolve the conflict, why don't you go through with it?"

He stared at me again. "Are you all right?"

"I believe so."

"You've just suggested for me to marry another."

"It's not like we're married," I said coolly. "We're from two different worlds," I made extravagant hand gestures. "It would have never worked between us, darling." More staring. He took my hand, which had four half-moon marks from my fingernails digging into my palm. I took my hand back, and gave him a look. "It would have never worked," I repeated. I turned and began to walk away. I stopped abruptly when I felt his arms encircle my waist.

"You're not an actress. Come with me. I'll explain," he whispered into my ear. What could I do but follow?

We went back to the treehouse and I packed my things while Valandil scribbled a note to Legolas. "We will go to where I stay when I come here," he said. Without the supervision of Legs, what would happen? I have little to no willpower. Oh God, I'm going to be taken advantage of. I glanced at Valandil, who was frowning at his note. Okay. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

He looked up at me. "Are you ready?"

I flounced over and began to descend the ladder. "As ready as I'll ever be."

His treehouse was bigger than the previous one. Fit for a prince. Ooh, tasteless joke. I dropped my stuff by the bed overlooking Lorien.

"Would you have me marry her to solve my problems?"

I looked over at him. His face was serious. And beautiful. "Would you be happy?"

"Would you?"

I snerked a little and sat down on the bed. "This is going nowhere." I looked up and he was in front of me. He cupped my chin with his hand, forcing me to keep staring at him.

"I wouldn't do it."

"Is all my Jack-quoting in vain? IT WOULD HAVE NEVER WORKED BETWEEN US. DARLING."

He bent down so that when he spoke, I could feel the heat from his breath. "I'll take the time we have."

Oh God. I'm the eternal sap. I could keep acting like it didn't matter, that my skin was thicker than Oliphants with armor on...it would all be futile. An eternal sap is condemned for eternity.

I blinked and two tears fell. "NO!" I wailed. "OH GOD, NOT THIS AGAIN." I flung myself backwards and closed my eyes, not breathing to repress the emo fit that was begging to happen.

I felt his hand gently caress my face. Ugh. Not while I'm CRYING. What kind of Casanova are you?

"I bet that had ulterior motives too, right?" I said, keeping my eyes closed. Breathe deeply. That is the way. Excellent advice from a book, kind of like that godforsaken/blessed book that landed us here...

He kissed my forehead gently. "I will take care of it. I will not marry her."

"If it's death or marriage, marry her," I ordered him.

"I promise nothing," he said nobly. I opened my eyes to glare at him.

"Stop being noble."

He grinned, the first I'd seen that day. "I leave tomorrow morning."

"Will you wake me up before you leave?"

"If you will wake."

I remained lying on the bed, staring on the ceiling. It was dark. I wasn't tired. All I could concentrate on was the fact I got mere touches, gazes, and forehead kisses while Jamie got a snog fest. Lucky lucky girl.
That jealousy left after I got an image of Valandil happily married to another. Another elf, who would live to a ripe old age and look hot while doing so.

"I will not marry her," Valandil repeated from across the room.

I sighed. "Whatever you say."

"I doubt she'd marry me anyway. Who would care to marry an Elf such as myself?"

It was on the tip of my tongue. I swallowed my words. "Goodnight, Valandil."

It was silent. I could hear him thinking.

The next morning at the ungodly hour of 4AM, I was woken up. I hurriedly put on shoes and grabbed a granola bar, which I ate half of before deciding I was no longer hungry. I descended the ladder down to the earth. Looking as ruffled as an Elf could look, Valandil sighed and followed.

Legolas was the only Elf I knew at the going away party (tcha. Right.). Haldir, Galadriel, and Celeborn were there as well, but as I had not spent endless weeks in their presence, I did not "know them".

Elves tended to his horse as Valandil said his goodbyes to those who showed up at the ungodly hour. I tried to stand at the end of the line like a noble elf, not a girl who was endlessly amused by everything and the youngest one there by several...millennia. I wished Jamie was there. Or a Hobbit. Or at least someone who would make me laugh in this dark hour (literally.).

When he approached me, the other Elves began talking amongst themselves, turning completely away from us. I stared at them, perplexed. Valandil smiled, and pulled me behind a tree.

"Never trust Elves when they appear to be busy. We are excellent eavesdroppers," he grinned. I began calculating all the times Jamie and I had giggled girlishly while Legolas and/or Valandil had appeared busy...

"If all else fails, I will meet you in Rohan," he continued. He pulled me closer to him (ooer) and whispered something in Elvish. I hoped it was something exciting like, "I will shag you when the hour is late and all are gone!" but it was probably something ordinary like, "The something-or-other plant is the best for curing ills. Oh, and the weather is to be sunny tomorrow."

He stepped back and looked at me intensely. "Namaarie, Valawen, mela nin."

I smiled. "Godspeed, Valandil." I was about to continue with, "it's impolite to speak in languages another does not understand" when he swung onto the horse (ooer), and began to ride fast.

"The best goodbyes are quick," Legolas said from beside me. I nodded, and then sighed. I followed him as we set off for the old treehouse.

Legolas disappeared soon after we reached the treehouse. Jamie was still sound asleep, so I quietly made my way to my bed and sat down. I couldn't decide if I should sleep or not.

"WHY DID YOU LET HIM LEAVE!" Jamie yelled in my ear to wake me up. I jumped about a foot in the air and nearly fell out the window.

"What?" I said blearily. She pointed to an empty bed. I dazedly looked around the treehouse. "What was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know...you could have thought up something," she said. I threw the blankets back over my head. "You're ruining everything!"

"You're so lucky. Just in case I forgot to tell you," I yawned. "I miss the Hobbits."

I heard her storm out. I fell back asleep blissfully.

Later that day, after much scouting, I found the Hobbit House. There was much food, drink, and dancing to be found. Although I was nearly twice the height of them, I found myself relating more to them than I ever did to the pointy eared Fair Folk….in the few weeks I'd inhabited their earth.

How crazy.

We were to set off within a few days. I couldn't help but be cheered by leaving the beautiful, forever twilight realm.

A/N- Some things parodic, some things emo, some things stupid. That's what you can expect upon revising crap that was written TWO YEARS AGO in a FANGIRL STUPOR. Jamie and I both did our parts to make this chapter better than it was originally. Which it is. By leagues, believe me.

Quickies: Chaud means "hot" in French (XD), "Breathe deeply. That is the way." is from Rebel Angels, sequel to a great book by Libba Bray (GO READ IT WHILE WAITING FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT IN THIS PARODY!). I think that's it...

The Fantastic Fangirls- If by "more often" you mean "twice a year" then done! XD. It's my fault on most posting accounts because...I hate typing things up :sigh: Same thing with our parody...I JUST DON'T WANT TO TYPE! Ah well. I'm glad you keep reviewing, anyway. EEE EWAN! Random outburst of replies.

Slayer3- Oh, I'm sure it'll Mary Sue at some point before the end. Like this chapter, for instance. Look at it this way: it's parodic in it's sappiness. See? Changes everything to a parody! Thanks for continuing to read/review! XD!

Ko- Thanks! Once again, hope you didn't stop after chapter one. YOUR REVIEW MEANS LEAGUES TO ME.

In a world akin to LotR...HAVE YOU SEEN THE POTC TEASER! OMGOMGXDSQUEEYAY! I saw it when it was all bootleggy and bad quality, which made me feel like an uber fan. It's so great. Really. Go to Yahoo for a nicer quality one. It's so bon, I actually went outside and ran around in the yard for a few minutes. In the cold. Barefoot. At 10PM.

Reviews make great presents...XD. Have a great Christmas!