Love and Marriage

Chapter Thirty-One

"So how are you today?" Leslie asked Martin after he sat down and got comfortable.

"I'm getting by." He replied. His leg was still hurting him a lot but he didn't want to complain about it. Complaining wasn't going to help him.

"You look like you're walking a little better today." She pointed out.

"I am. It's slowly getting better." He agreed.

"So, other than your leg, how are things going?"

"Surprising well." He smiled.

"What's so surprising?" Leslie asked curiously.

"Sam and I are getting along very well right now. We're laughing and joking again. Yesterday she brought me lunch at work and we ate together. We used to do that all the time but we stopped doing that months ago." He paused. "I guess it's the little things that are making me happy. It feels like things are getting back to the way they were before."

"That's a good sign." Leslie nodded. "Have you and Samantha been communicating more?"

"Yes and no. We've been honest about our feelings, but we haven't tackled any of the big problems."

"And just to clarify, what do you think your big problems are?" Leslie made sure that she was ready to write down Martin's answers.

"Well I think we still need to work on communication a little bit. Sam needs to find a way to cope with her miscarriage and the issues surrounding that. We need to resolve the children issue. We have been addressing the issue of not feeling wanted by each other, so that's not a big problem anymore."

"Is that all of them in your opinion?" Leslie asked, jotting down his list.

He thought about it for a few more minutes. "Yeah. I think that's it."

She nodded, noticing that he left out a few things. "I'm not sure it's a complete list."

"What's missing then?" He didn't think they had any other problems to deal with and was interested in Leslie's opinion.

"First of all, during our individual sessions together I have noticed that you seem slightly insecure about your role in this marriage and your relationship with Samantha. I think we need to at least address that and find out where that's coming from. Secondly, although I believe the two of you have talked about this, there is still the issue of Samantha hating her job. I don't think that's been completely resolved yet given the fact that she still has the same job and is not enjoying it at all."

"While the communication and children issues should be the major focus of our sessions, it is important to also address the smaller issues. It has been my experience that the smaller issues can sometimes do more damage than the larger ones because they often get ignored until they morph into huge problems that can't be solved."

As much as he didn't want to admit it, he did still feel slightly insecure about his role in Sam's heart. Thinking back about it, he realized that he's never felt completely secure about Sam's love for him.

"Do you have any objections to my additions to you list?" Leslie asked.

"No, not really." Martin shook his head. "I guess you're right about the insecurity thing. I've never truly felt like Sam wanted or needed me as much as I did with her. And as for the whole Sam hating her job issue, I think I might have a few ideas about how to solve that problem."

She was glad that Martin was admitting his insecurities and was curious about the ideas he had for the job issue. "Let's spend some time talking about this insecurity you feel. Do you still feel insecure?"

"Yeah." He admitted hesitantly. "Although I know I probably shouldn't. I mean she's been doing a lot of nice things for me lately, like bringing me lunch, making sure that I take my pain medication, and I know that she's trying to open up her feelings to me more. But I still can't seem to shake off this feeling that she could live without me. I've always felt that way."

"And why do you think that is?" Leslie asked.

"Well it could be because she's a very independent and reserved woman. When we started going out, she usually wasn't the one who initiated the planning of dates. I was always the one asking if she wanted to do something."

"It sounds like you internalized that to mean that she didn't need you around." Leslie stated.

"It's possible." He shrugged. "Because I look at her when she's taking care of Claire and sometimes I wonder if she even needs me to be around. She has everything taken care of."

"Have you ever told her how you feel?"

"No." He shook his head. "I haven't because it sounds silly."

"It's not silly if it's how you really feel. Emotions and feelings are not silly. Sometimes the reasoning behind the emotions and feelings are silly though." She made a point to make that distinction because she felt it was important. "You said that Samantha has been doing a bunch of little things for you and really making an effort, right?"

"Yes."

"Out of curiosity, have you been trying to do nice things for her too?" She knew that it would definitely be a good thing for Martin to reciprocate for Samantha because she had a feeling that if he didn't, Samantha would take it as rejection.

"I haven't been doing as much as she has, but I have been trying to make sure that she knows how much I love her through words."

"That's certainly a good thing. Perhaps you should think about doing a few nice things for her too though so that it makes it impossible for her to think that your words are hallow."

He was now getting worried. "Has she said that she thinks my words are hallow?"

"No." Leslie smiled. "She hasn't said anything like that. I am merely trying to anticipate what could happen between the two of you so that you can hopefully avoid any more misunderstandings or false assumptions."

"Oh. Good." He breathed a sigh of relief. "You had me worried there for a moment."

"I'm sorry." Leslie apologized. "That wasn't my intention."

"I know." He smiled.

"Maybe you could think about doing something nice for her." Leslie suggested.

"I could do that." He nodded, already thinking of a few things that he could do.

"And for our next session I want you to talk to Samantha about your insecurities. Share with her what you've shared with me and let her know where you're coming from. I think it would help to be completely honest with her."

"If you think it will help, then I'll do it." Martin replied.