Due to the heart-warming reviews, (and the joyous time I had coming up with the ideas), 'Of Marauders and Gnomes' is back. And, for your reading pleasure, it's a CHRISTMAS EDITION! It was one night at about midnight when my cat pounced upon me, did I get this idea. I've had been adding things to the 'to be' chapter about our cuddly Gnomes, and I suddenly realized that Christmas is almost here, and I couldn't help but think about Christmas with the Marauders and shiny balls. I couldn't resist. Truly, I shouldn't be doing this because I have too much work, but, oh well...

Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of the things mentioned in this here story. (I own the plot, of course). Thank you. No slash this time, unless you look REALLY hard. Sorry if you find spelling mistakes in here... my beta's were on holiday before this even touched their hands. I would check it myself, but I suck at editing my own work. Besides, I'm tired, and I'm also kinda rushed. I hate doing things on deadlines.

It's really weird because the way I write these stories is nothing like how I usually write, so I find it very choppy and un-descriptive... I don't know if I like them or not, but I guess if you all like them, I'm happy.

Before I get to the story, I have to say something... I had this student band teacher for a month... and he reminded me of Remus sooo much. He looked like him, he acted like him... damn... I wanted to huggle him, but I didn't, and now he's gone, and I didn't even get a picture! So sad... He knew me by name as well... and I was the only person he really talked to as well... so, if a Ryan Koush is reading this... I LOVE YOU! And, I dedicate this story to you...

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It was near Christmas and the Marauders were still marauding, the Gnomes were plotting, the Christmas decorations were being dragged out (a.k.a. mistletoe), Dumbledore was hanging candy canes everywhere (from doorknobs to people's noses), the armour was decked out with Santa hats and garlands, and evil was a foot. No, not the evil Sirius Black and James Potter (though they ARE evil) who were hanging garlands so low that if you were running you'd decapitate yourself, and putting mistletoe in every doorway, (EVERY) (Lucius comes out of the bathroom, letting Snape go in, they both freeze and look up "…Shit"). No, it was evil that only those that were short and wanting power, and sexy men (mind, Sirius wanted that too) could plot. The Gnomes. It's always the Gnomes... and I assure you, this is evil of a mighty kind that they are planning and plotting. Unfortunately, for the sake of the plot, I can't tell you what they were plotting just yet...

Our Marauders, as I have said, were marauding... actually, they were outside flailing in the snow and desperately trying to make snow forts.

"Aaaargh, Remmie, come help me with this bloody fort." Sirius grumbled as he heaved another pile of snow onto his mound.

"You just appointed me chief snowball-maker Sirius, I can't help you." Remus replied

Sirius snorted out some snow from his terribly cold nose and lifted a finger in Remus' direction. He also looked over at the fort that Lily and James were supposed to be making, but he had the distinct feeling that the two were snogging behind the fort, rather than building it. To make himself feel better, he started to sing.

"Hark the Holy Garden Gnomes, watch how they all froth and foam, in the caldron they do boil, and their pants they do soil. Run from us and hide away-ah, to their holes on Christmas Day-ah. With angelic songs do praise, for all our Marauding ways... On these Gnomes we will piss-"

"Sirius? What's this?" Remus held up a glowing object.

"The Holy Grail!" Sirius yelled.

James' head peeked over his snow mound, "Nah, Remus, it's an angel. It goes at the top of Christmas trees."

"What the fuck is a Christmas tree ornament doing out here?" Sirius pondered, but then he saw the Gnomes on the edge of the forest. They were decorating a pine tree, and as soon as he saw it, the angel was snatched out of Remus' hands.

"Keep your paws off him!" Growled Sirius; shaking his fist at them.

Remus shook his head and sighed. He knew better than to mess with the Gnomes. He had once, accidentally, rolled down a hill to the edge of the forest. There, the Gnomes over-powered him and stole his valuables. (a.k.a. his socks and underwear) "Bloody hell, what kind of person gets jumped by Gnomes?" He asked himself.

Within a few minutes, the forts were ready and the snowballs were stocked. With an exchange of nods between Sirius and James, the snowballs were flying. Remus laughed manically as Sirius was beaned in the head with a well-aimed ice ball Lily had thrown. A vague 'sorry' was heard over the shouts and curses of Sirius.

Sirius, planning revenge, grabbed a snowball yelling, "Hasta la vista, baby!"

Remus, knowing Sirius would fail, reached for a snowball. His hand hit air. The snowball had moved. He reached for it again, and it moved. He glared skeptically at it. It moved again, and wiggled. "Aaaah! It's alive!" He yelled, he tried to run away, but suddenly a pack of Gnomes jumped him again. "Ah, fuck." Before a blindfold was pulled over his eyes, he saw a little Gnome head pop out of the snowball.

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The volley of snowballs from James' side stopped, and James made his way over to Sirius while snowballs thudded around him. Sirius had always had terrible aim.

"Sirius, have you not realized that your partner has just been untimely kidnapped by Gnomes?"

Sirius looked around. "Remus? Damn, what kind of person bets kidnapped by Gnomes?"

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The blindfold was taken off a while later, and Remus blinked his eyes open. He was sitting at the top of a pine tree in the middle of a Gnome village. Remus had always been terribly afraid of heights, so he clung to the tree. A flashing light caught his eyes and he found his favorite Christmas ornament, his Star wars Yoda ball. He grabbed it and held onto it tightly. "Damnit, first they steal my underwear, now my balls! What's next?" Speaking of underwear, he looked up and found his underwear was perched on the top of the tree. He looked down to ground (which was terribly far away) to see Gnomes passing out cheese and muttering "Happy Easter".

"We're not in Tokyo any more, Yoda." He took a better look at his surrounding and found that there were garlands, tinsel, Christmas ornaments, his socks, his underwear, and glowing fairies in jars hung on the tree. "What kind of Sick and twisted Gnomes are they?" He cried.

A tiny ladder was placed near Remus, and up climbed a Gnome clad in red robes with a giant hat. The Gnomes had a Pope?

"Hello sexy werewolf."

Damnit, did everyone know he was a werewolf?

"I suppose you are vondering vhy you 'ave been brought here. It is az simple az this – I vant vorld domination".

A Gnome Pope with a Swedish accent wanting world domination? Very sick and twisted.

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"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, no one was stirring, not even a mouse."

"Couple things wrong there Prongs, dear. "Sirius said. James, Lily and Sirius were on a quest through the forest to find Remus. "Your statement was WRONG. It isn't the night before Christmas, it's a couple days, second of all, it isn't a house, it's a castle, third, there's a hell of a lot of noise in the castle."

A drunken Gnome passed singing a rather crude rendition of 'Silent Night'. There was a five minute pause as the lyrics were considered, then a, "and fourthly, it's not a mouse, its a rat. Peter's a rat and dead."

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"But why capture me? I hold no power at all!" Remus cried.

"But you do. You are sexy, so because Sirius is sexy, he will save you. Once Sirius is here, we will capture him too, and the world will bow down to us because Sirius rules millions of fan girls!"

"Why didn't you just capture him before instead of me?"

"What kind of person is kidnapped by Gnomes?"

"Good point."

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"No, Sirius. Your version makes NO sense. 'It was a couple days before Christmas and all through the castle, there was lost of noise and Peter is dead' is WRONG!"

"It's fine!"

"It doesn't even rhyme!"

"Neither does holly and Falalalala! And that's the most popular song EVER!"

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Remus was still up in the tree, but the Gnomes had given him gingerbread to munch on.

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"Sirius, Lily and I are leaving. We can't stand you. You have to do this by yourself... do you think you can do it?"

Sirius nodded. "I have a plan, don't worry."

"And the plan is..."

"I'll make him an offer he can't resist...

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He was still stuck in the tree and the gingerbread was gone.

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"I'll be back." Sirius said as the three parted ways. A soon as James and Lily were gone, he started to sing again. "I wanna hippopotamus for Christmas, only hippopotamus will do..." (A/N: That was for all those people who have seen the Telus commercial and love it.)

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He was still stuck in the tree. The Gnome Pope (whose name was Vlad) came up to greet him once more. "We have held a council, and the Elders agree to let you have one life-line."

Remus (shaking with grief (and because of the height)) managed to squeak out, "Re-mus phone home."

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Sirius finally stumbled upon a clearing and in the middle he saw Remus in a tree. He ran over to him. "Remus, are you okay?"

"Run, Sirius, it's a trap! They only want you for you sexiness!"

Sirius stood right below Remus. "Remus, you're 10 feet off the ground, I'll catch you if you jump. I swear I'll protect you."

With a quick breath, Remus jumped. He fell into Sirius' arms.

The Gnomes were advancing with nets.

"Now what?" Remus asked.

Sirius' eyes darted around. He put Remus down on the ground and grabbed his hand. Screw the plan. "Run away! Run away!"

They ran.

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"Shit, okay. Plan B, operation 'capture Snape and scare the world into giving us power'."

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Within the safety of the castle (in the kitchens) Sirius finally managed to calm Remus down.

"Remus, do you want some hot chocolate to warm you up?"

Remus nodded in affirmation. "Shaken, not stirred."

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Thank you for reading this, I didn't think it was as good as the first Chapter, but it's still here (and in the nic of time too… it's almost Christmas Eve!) I hope you enjoyed it, and please review because the Gnomes are waiting.

If I get a good enough response, I might post the next chapter (about the Gnomes) sooner.

Lots of Love with a good holiday, Miyu Hitozawa.