Ch. 29

Reminiscing

Babe heard Tad's frantic calling, but she couldn't answer. She tried to open her mouth but no words could come out. Black spots danced in the edges of her vision. Everything was getting blurry. Her arms and legs seemed glued to where they were, she couldn't even lift them an inch off the ground. She felt a sharp pain somewhere in her shoulder but she couldn't pinpoint where the pain was coming from exactly.

While she lay on the ground, she felt something warm, sticky and wet cover the ground beneath her and she wondered what it was. When the smell of copper reached her nose she knew. Blood, and it was most likely hers. All she remembered was Paul aiming the gun at her and it going off. Now her hearing went in and out, and she thought she heard something that sounded like two men struggling, and Tad calling out to someone outside, but her hearing faded out again and she couldn't hear anything anymore except for her own thoughts.

Babe remembered her life and the people that made the most impact in it; JR, Little A, Krystal, Jamie, David.

David had only been in her life for about a year, but she really did love him. Even though she told him to leave her alone every chance she got, it didn't mean she didn't love him. He was there for her when she needed him, and she would always be thankful to him for that. And even though he messed in her life and tended to ruin her plans, he was only doing what he thought was best for her. Babe was proud to say David was her Dad. He was the ideal Dad for anyone; he gave up his career for Babe because he loved her so much. He was a brilliant doctor, but his job was nothing when compared to Babe. She would miss her father so very much.

Babe thought of Jamie and of the risks he took to ensure that her and her son would be together. He left his family behind in Pine Valley, skipped college, left all his friends, and betrayed his brother for Babe. He kept Babe strong when the went down to New Orleans to keep little A away from JR. Back then, her son was Baby James, being named after Jamie. Babe had loved Jamie for what had done for her and little Adam, and she hoped that maybe after her death Jamie and JR could become brothers again.

She thought of her mama and everything they had been through together. They had faced hunger and poverty, and they always ended up on top, usually thanks to some rich man 'lending' something expense of theirs to them. They could take on the world then, and they still could. They took on two Chandlers and tamed them both. They faced the wrath of most of Pine Valley when Babe and Krystal had kept Miranda from Bianca. Erica Kane, Kendall Hart, Greenlee Lavery and her husband had only been some of the people they dealt with, and it wasn't pretty. But because of her mama, Babe was able to try and make amends for what she did to Bianca, and draw the strength to go and get her son back, no matter what the costs. Babe felt the tears roll out of the corners of her eyes when she realized she would never see her mother again. She knew that when she was gone though, Krystal would be there for little A and remind him everyday of his mother, and she would never let little A forget Babe.

Little Adam was the most important person in Babe's life, coming before all others. No one could make her feel like he did. She loved the look of wonder on his face as he explored things for the first time, and she loved it how after he fell, he got right back up. Her heart ached with a terrible pain as it dawned on her she would never see him grow up. She would never be at his wedding, or kiss his scraped little knees when he first learned how to ride a bike. She wouldn't live to see his 5th birthday, his 16th, or his 30th. He would spend all those birthdays without her, not knowing how much she loved him and how much she cherished each little finger, each little toe. She longed to be at home, standing above his crib, watching him dream. She loved the smiles that spread across his face as his mind wandered through different scenes, or maybe even when he seen her face. She knew now that even though she wouldn't be there, JR would. She hated to leave her son, but she didn't have a choice.

Babe's vision darkened and she felt so very cold. She wanted to ask for a blanket or a coat, but she didn't know who to ask. She felt so alone. She wanted JR to be there, and to just hold her while she took her last breaths.

JR, oh JR. Her lover and her best friend. He was the one who had made her laugh and then cry a few minutes later. She selfishly wished that only for a moment, she wasn't so alone, but that JR was with her. She wanted his warmth to surround her, and make her feel safe and wanted. But she knew he was where he needed to be, with their son. She thanked God that JR would be there for little A, no matter what. She was so happy for the precious moments she had got to spend with JR in the past couple weeks. She was able to leave with those memories, and those of her son. She hoped JR would be OK, and that he would be able to move on. And when he did, she hoped he would find… find someone else who would be a great wife to him… and a great mother to little A. God, How was she supposed to let go of the love of her life?

Babe felt like half her heart was being ripped out as she felt her last gasps leave her body. This was it, she was leaving. She was leaving JR and her son behind, her mama and her father. She wouldn't be able to say goodbye, and that's what really hurt. She wished they knew how much she loved them. And she did so very much. They were her world. She would do anything for them. She just hoped they would be OK.

Babe felt the last breath of air enter her body, and then be released. Her heart slowed, and then stopped. Her eyes opened for the last time, and then shut.

Goodbye.