Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty-One

The next day at work, both Martin and Sam were distracted as they tried to write the letter that Leslie had assigned to them. It was lucky for them that it was a slow Thursday for both divisions. That gave them plenty of time to write and re-write their letters, both of them going through multiple drafts.

That night, when Sam came back into their bedroom after tucking Claire into bed, she placed her folded letter on top of his book. "There is my letter." She didn't wait for a response. Instead, she disappeared into the bathroom.

Martin looked at the letter that sat on his book as he took his pain medication. After swallowing the pill, he took his letter out of the book. He was using it as a bookmark but laid it on top of Sam's pillow so that she would see it when she came out of the bathroom. He debated about whether or not to start reading her letter but ultimately decided to wait until she started reading his.

Sam came out of the bathroom dressed in her pajamas and walked around the bed to her side, noticing the letter on her pillow. "Yours?" She gestured towards the letter.

"Yes." He nodded.

She picked up the letter and slid underneath the covers. "You wanna read these at the same time?"

"I think that would be a good idea." He told her.

"Ok." She agreed, slowly unfolding his letter and watching him do the same with hers. She took a deep breath before focusing her eyes on his handwriting.

Samantha,

Let me start off by telling you that I love you and I truly want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you, even before we started dating. That being said, I have to tell you that I'm not sure I can move to Houston with you.

I don't mean to be difficult or stand in the way of your career. You should know that I have never wanted to impede any career advancement for you. I know that this job would be a huge promotion and it is something that you've wanted for a long time. I know that you hate your current job and you're not too fond of your co-workers. I tried to do something to help you with that and I failed. I'm sorry about that. I truly thought I had found the solution to this problem but I guess it wasn't meant to be.

There are a few reasons why I don't want to move, and although you already know what they are I will still list them since that's what Leslie wants us to do. (Just remember that these are in no particular order.) First off, I don't think it's a good idea to move Claire so far away from the only home she's ever known. While I'm sure that she would be able to make new friends, I don't think she should have to be placed in that situation.

Secondly, if we moved we'd be farther away from my family. Although being farther away from my father wouldn't necessarily be so bad, I'd miss Jamie, Ava, Rodger and the others. Plus I'd miss Danny, Viv, Jack and the rest of the friends we've made here. I know you would miss them too.

Then there's the issue of me not having a job in Houston. I know that you say I would be able to get a job there eventually, and maybe I could, but there's also the possibility that months could pass by before another job opens up—maybe even years.

Lastly, I can't shake the feeling that if we move to Houston it's the end of all hope for more children. You'll be working a job that carries a lot more responsibility and won't want to get pregnant and have to take maternity leave. As selfish as it may sound, I still hope that you'll someday change your mind about having children. I realize why you're scared about having more children and I understand now that you've shared everything with me. I just can't shake the desire I have for more children. It's a part of who I am.

This situation is terrible because whatever we decide someone is going to be stuck somewhere they don't necessarily want to be. I'm not sure how to resolve this. Maybe a game of rock, paper, scissors is in order? Or maybe we should just flip a coin. I'm open to any suggestions you have for solving this.

Martin

Meanwhile, Martin was unfolding his letter from Sam and trying to prepare himself for whatever she had written.

Martin,

This is definitely the weirdest letter I've ever written, although I must confess that I haven't written many letters in my lifetime. That's probably because I haven't had many people in my life that I've cared enough about to write letters to. But I love you and since Leslie said that we should do this, I figured that I should give it a shot.

I've done a lot of thinking since our session with Leslie about this job in Houston and your reaction to it. I realize that asking you to move to Houston so that I can have a better job that I would actually like going to every day is a big sacrifice and that I'm probably a very horrible person for even suggesting it. But I am suggesting it anyway.

While I would love to be able to tell you that I could easily give up this job offer with no regrets, I find that I can't do that. I need a change and I honestly think that we need a change too. I know that I've said this to you at least a dozen times already but moving to Houston could be the start of a new beginning for us. We could rebuild what's been worn down between us and try to purge the bad memories from our minds by creating newer, better memories.

I never meant to give the impression that I wanted us to 'run away' from our problems by moving. Of course we'd need to continue with the marriage counseling and I doubt that all of our problems would be magically solved overnight. But New York is full of old haunts and demons for both of us. Although some of the best times of my life have spent in New York with you and Claire, there have also been numerous bad times that we've shared. Break-ups, shootings, a miscarriage, endless fighting, hurt feelings. Plus it gets really cold here too.

I know that I'm supposed to list all the reasons I have for moving, but I think you already know all of them. So I wanted to address some of your objections to moving.

I know that you're not to happy about the fact that you wouldn't have a job for a little while, but you could stay home with Claire for a few weeks and spend a lot of quality time together while you wait for something to open up. I'm sure that with your record and the wonderful recommendation Jack would surely give you it wouldn't take long for you to get a new job.

I was surprised when we were talking to Leslie that you brought up the children issue again, although it probably shouldn't have been such a shock. It's become quite a large issue between us. I'm sorry that you feel like if we moved, you'd be giving up even the chance of us having more children. But that's not necessarily true. Right now, having more children is the last thing on my mind and that wouldn't change even if we stayed in New York. I'm trying. I really am. I'm trying to get to a place where being pregnant doesn't scare me senseless but it's gonna take some time. I really hope you can believe me when I say that I want to have more children too—just not right now. I need you to try and be patient with me please.

I would miss our friends and certain members of your family a lot, but it's not like we would be moving to the other side of the world. Houston isn't really that far when you think about it. Besides, with all the new technology out, there's about a dozen different ways to keep in touch with people now. And we could come and visit during the holidays and Claire's spring break. We wouldn't be cutting off all ties with everyone.

I guess this is the bottom line. As selfish as it may be, I want this job. But I don't want to take it if it's just going to make you miserable. Even though I really want to take this job, the last thing I want is to drag you along somewhere that you don't want to go. All I'm asking is that you think about it.

Samantha

When they were both done reading the letters, they folded them back up and turned to look at each other, both knowing that now they had to talk about what they had written in hopes of coming up with some kind of solution.