Love and Marriage

Chapter Forty-Seven

She entered the bedroom and found Martin sitting on the edge of the bed, slowly untying his shoelaces. Without a word, she walked over and sat on the other edge of the bed.

He was afraid to look over at her, afraid he would see the all-too familiar look of hurt on her face that he seemed to be causing so much lately. "Sam…" He reached out to touch her arm, but she shrank away from him.

"Don't." She commanded harshly.

He withdrew his arm and hung his head. He had wanted to come home last night and talk about everything. Maybe they could have reached some kind of compromise. But instead, he was pretty certain that he had just given away any chance he might have had to do that. "I'm sorry about staying out all night."

"You should be." She replied in that same harsh tone. She closed her eyes and bent her head down. If she kept using that defensive tone they would only end up fighting and she didn't want that. So she decided to try and not be so confrontational. "You were with Bethany last night, weren't you?"

He sighed, knowing that things would only get worse if he lied about it. While he wasn't sure how she knew that he was with Bethany, he wouldn't deny it. "Yeah."

Danny had told her not to assume that Martin had stayed with Bethany the entire night and might not have slept with her. So she tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Did you stay at her place the entire night?"

"Yeah." He hated having to tell her all of this and wished that he could take last night back. He really shouldn't have been so careless to mix pain medication with alcohol. Now he was going to have to face the consequences of his stupidity.

"And did you sleep with her?" She hated having to ask that question and never envisioned having to ask him that. Not her Martin. He was supposed to be one of the good guys.

"I don't know." He answered honestly. He didn't remember much about last night. Bethany had filled in some of the pieces, but he wasn't sure he believed her.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Sam sighed heavily. "It's a yes or no question."

"I was stupid last night. My leg was hurting me a lot so I took an extra pain pill and then I started drinking. I don't remember much about last night. The last memory I have is getting into her car so she could drive me back here. This morning I woke up in bed with her. I don't know how I got there or what I did while in there." He decided to leave out the part about being naked because he didn't want to upset her even more than she was going to be upset.

"How could you do something that stupid?" She asked, getting up from the bed and standing in front of him. "You know better than to drink while on that medication."

"I know." He defended himself. "But I did it anyway. I wasn't thinking."

"Obviously." She rolled her eyes. "So you really have no idea if you slept with her?"

"She says we did, but I'm not sure I can believe her. You know, because she has good reasons for lying about that kind of thing." He reasoned.

"But you were so doped up on pain medication and alcohol that you could've done anything." She pointed out, crossing her arms around her chest. "You could have slept with her."

"I guess it's a possibility, but Bethany could just be lying about this. You know that she has ulterior motives." He pointed out.

"Martin, look at the facts." She said. "You have lipstick all over your collar, you smell like her perfume, and one of the buttons from your shirt have been torn off. You've stayed out all night with her and you expect me to believe that

"In my heart I know I would never cheat on you. I love you too much to do that to you." He told her, getting up and placing his hands on her forearms.

"I'd like to believe that." She quietly spoke. "I really would, but it's hard."

"Please trust me." He begged. "I don't care what she says, I don't and can't believe that I would cheat on you."

She wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe in him. But how could she? This whole thing was confusing. One minute she's mad at him and the next she just wants to hold on to him and never let go.

"I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

"What would I be forgiving?" She asked cautiously.

"Staying out all night without calling, endangering my life by mixing pain medication with alcohol, putting myself in a situation where Bethany thought she could drive us apart…the list is fairly long. Do you want me to continue?"

She shook her head, pulling away from him and walking over to the window. "Whether or not you slept with her is inconsequential right now. I'm not sure I can trust you anymore."

"Then give me some time to gain your trust back." He suggested.

"I think you had the right idea when you suggested that I leave and we take a break."

"No, you were right. That was a horrible idea." He told her, going over to her. "Worst idea I've ever had."

"No it wasn't." She shook her head. "It was a good idea. We need some time apart. That's why I'm gonna go ahead and take that job in Houston."

"No, you can't. Sam, we need to fight for this marriage." He couldn't believe that she was actually going to go.

"I'm tired of fighting with you. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep going fifty rounds with you about everything. I can't keep hoping that things will get better when I'm not sure they ever will. It's always something with us. If it isn't the children issue, it's this job, or trust issues, and now there's what happened last night. It's too much. It's like we're incapable of being happy with each other anymore." She pointed out.

"We can work it out." Danny was right. He couldn't let Sam go. It would be the biggest mistake of his life.

"How?" She asked, turning to face him. "How do we do that? You said it yourself. We can't agree on the major decisions that married couples need to agree on."

"We can find a compromise." He suggested.

"Such as?" She sighed.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "Shouldn't we at least try? We can't let this marriage die like this."

"If we wanted to be completely honest with ourselves, we'd admit that this marriage has been slowly dying for a long time. It's time to take it off life support."

"No it isn't!" He exclaimed. "Why do you want to give up all of a sudden? Is it because of last night? Because I'm sorry about that."

"It's not just about last night, but last night did prove something to me. It proved that there are too many issues to wade through…too many problems that keep popping up. I spend too much of my time crying and I'm not sure how much more I can handle." She wiped away the wetness in her eyes before continuing. "A break might be good for us because, like you said, we can work on our individual issues and maybe have a little bit of peace for once."

"You really want to give up on us?" He asked, hoping that he could be able to change her mind.

"I don't want to." She answered hesitantly. "But I think I have to. I think we have to."

"No!" He objected.

"Martin, I'm numb inside." She explained. "I don't know what to do anymore or what to think or what to feel. I don't know if I should be furious with you or whether I should just be glad that you didn't overdose last night. All I know is that I feel like this is hopeless and I don't see that changing anytime soon."

"Sam please…" He wanted to beg her to stay and work things out. He wanted to find a way to make her stay. But he wasn't sure that he could say anything to change her mind.

"I'm gonna go make sure that Claire and Sarah haven't started a food fight or anything." She felt like she had to get out of there before she completely lost all of her resolve and quickly walked out of the room. Once in the hallway she started to cry again.

Martin watched her leave and debated whether or not to follow her. He finally decided to leave her alone for now. Give her some space and take some time to figure out a new strategy to make her stay. After all, her final decision to Van Doren was due on Monday morning and this was only Saturday. He still had roughly two days to figure something out.