Chapter 8

Raven woke up clutching a stuffed bear tightly to her chest. At first she was slightly surprised, but she quickly remembered that it was the gift Beast Boy had left for her the night before.

She reached up lazily, picked up the note sitting on her bedside table and reread it.

Raven,

I hope you like your presents so far. I saw this and thought of you, I'm not sure why though.

-Your 'secret' admirer

Raven looked down at the bear in her arms. It had dark fur, a cross between black and blue. Its glass eyes were dark purple. The interesting part though, was the green heart stitched on its chest. It was definitely a unique bear, and Raven had never been much for stuffed toys, but she had loved it the moment she saw it. She was stumped as to why, though.

Squeezing the bear one last time, she placed it on her pillow and sat up, stretching her arms.

She quickly padded across her room and changed into warm clothes. She made her way down the halls of the tower into the kitchen, where Starfire and Cyborg were eating quietly at the table .

She walked over to the stove to boil water for tea, and Starfire looked up from her toast. The alien put the toast, smothered in some strange pink alien spread, and floated over to Raven.

"Raven, I have been meaning to ask you, what is this… 'Christmas caroling' I heard of on the television?"

Raven poured the hot water into a mug and replied, "Caroling is when a group of people go around singing Christmas songs."

"What is the purpose of this?" Starfire asked, watching Raven stir her tea.

"For entertainment," Raven replied vaguely.

"Yes," Starfire nodded, contemplating the idea. "Friends, we should do the caroling!"

"You want to go caroling?" asked Robin, walking into the room. Starfire floated over to him and began batting her eyes. Raven sighed, knowing that Robin was putty in Starfire's hands when she started fluttering her eyelashes at him.

"Please, Robin," she begged, in her sweet voice. "It would be most enjoyable!"

Robin smiled and replied, "Of course, Star. We can go today."

"Glorious!" the girl exclaimed, soaring around the room.

"What have you gotten us into, Robin?" Raven hissed, taking a sip of her tea.

"Oh, lighten up, Raven," Cyborg said through a mouthful of cereal. "It'll be fun!"

"What'll be fun?" Beast Boy asked, walking into the room, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"We're going caroling today," replied Robin, walking over to the fridge.

Beast Boy nodded and smiled and slumped over to the table, where he lay his head down sleepily.

Everyone ate breakfast, talking about their plans for the day. They decided that they would go skating in the afternoon, have a quick dinner around five, and then go caroling. Everyone was excited about it, except for Raven. She didn't think that she would have a bad time, or that she wouldn't have fun, but she didn't want t go because of her voice.

She had always been self-conscious about her voice. Growing up in Azarath, she had grown up around a people who loved music. Every Azarathian grew up singing and had a beautiful singing voice, but Raven's voice had always paled in comparison to theirs. Now, she didn't want her friends to know how badly she sang.

She decided that all she could do was sing quietly, if at all, while they were caroling. If she stood close to Cyborg, his booming bass voice would drown her out anyway.

Robin finished his breakfast first and ran off, Starfire following close behind, to print some lyrics off the computer. Cyborg left next to find their skates from their resting-places in the basement. Beast Boy was next, off to do… well, Raven wasn't quite sure what.

Raven read on the couch while her friends ran around preparing for the day's activities.

After a quick lunch, everyone piled into the T-car and they made their way to the skating rink.

Jump City's most popular skating rink was in the park in center of the city, and was one of the most popular places in town in winter. People often came just to play in the snow around the rink.

They all got out of the car and walked through the park to the ice rink. Sitting down on benches, everyone took their boots off and pulled on skates none of them knew they even had.

Beast Boy finished lacing his and looked down at them with a doubtful expression on his face. Raven noticed and slid across the now mostly empty bench.

"What's wrong? Don't you know how to skate?" she asked, watching his face carefully.

"What? Of course I know how to skate!Why wouldn't I know how to skate? Everyone knows how to skate… hehe," Beast Boy laughed nervously. Raven saw right through his lies, but decided to play along. She shrugged and stood up. Beast Boy stood up as well, stumbling a bit, but pretending to remain calm. She let him take the lead.

He walked over to the ice. He glanced at it hesitantly before stepping onto it gingerly. He took a few awkward steps across the ice without falling and let out a sigh of relief. However, as he let himself relax, he began to slip. He yelped and braced himself for his impact with the ice, but was caught by surprise when a pair of thin, yet strong,arms caught him. He looked up to see Raven's upside down face looking at him with neither scorn, nor surprise, merely slight amusement.

"Okay, so maybe I can't skate," he admitted sheepishly. Raven smirked and helped him stand upright. "I was pretty young when I went to Africa, andMombasa doesn't exactly get snow in the winter," he explained, grasping Raven's arm to stop from slipping again.

"Well, you can learn now," Raven offered.

"You'll help me?" Beast Boy asked hopefully. She nodded and he smiled his gratitude.

She helped Beast Boy skate around the rink, him holding onto her arm for balance, and told him all the basic things to remember. By their third time around, Beast Boy was getting good, and was able to skate by himself, but he kept his grasp on Raven's arm. He allowed his grip to loosen, but held her arm in the crook of his elbow. Raven chose not to comment on it.

They continued to skate for a few more hours, talking with each other and sometimes their other friends. After a while, Raven decided to sit down. She told Beast Boy, and he let go of her arm so she could leave. He skated over to Cyborg and Robin, who were preparing to race.

Raven sat on the bench and watched as the boys raced across the ice. Robin usually came in first, being lean and fast in everything he did. Cyborg usually came in second, though he did beat Robin a few times, using sheer leg power. Beast Boy came in last, using the excuse that he had just learned to skate that day.

Starfire joined Raven after a while, tiring of skating around in circles alone. They watched the boys for a few more minutes before they decided to stop their racing. They skated over to the girls and asked what they wanted for dinner. They all decided to just get hot-dogs at a stand in the park (it also sold tofu dogs for Beast Boy) and Cyborg, Starfire and Robin left to get them.

Raven looked around. She didn't see anyone, except a few people walking around the park. She wondered for a second where Beast Boy was, but decided he had probably gone to the washroom or something.

She stood up and skated to the middle of the empty rink, increasing her speed as she neared the center and pushed herself off the ice. She performed a perfect triple axle. Landingon the ice, shecontinued slowlyskating backwards.

"It's not fair," a voice said behind her. Startled, Raven nearly fell, but she steadied herself and turned to see Beast Boy watching her. "You're good at everything."

His words sounded bitter, but the smile on his face said otherwise.

"I may have been using my powers a little," she informed him, skating over to where he was standing. Small flakes of snow had begun falling, glittering in the lights around the rink that had come on since the sun went down a few minutes ago.

"Still, you're better than most," he insisted. "I bet you'll be even better when we go caroling."

Raven frowned slightly and skated past him to sit on the bench.

"You would lose that bet," she told him, unlacing her skates. Beast Boy was about to reply, but was interrupted when the other Titans came over with dinner.

They all ate, and Beast Boy didn't bring up Raven's skating or caroling.

Throwing away napkins, everyone looked around the park. It had filled up again, now that most people had eaten dinner. People were skating, playing in the snow, or just walking around the park's winter wonderland.

They grouped together on the snow-covered grass under a lamppost and Robin handed each of them sheets of paper with lyrics printed on them.

"Okay, everyone knows all these songs?" Robin asked. They flipped through the stapled papers and nodded. Even Starfire, although Robin had needed tospend all morning teaching them to her. "Good. Some parts will be highlighted. I thought it would be nice of we had some solos. Anything in green will be Beast Boy's, blue is for Cyborg, pink for Starfire, yellow for me, and purple for Raven."

"But-" Raven's protests were cut off by a stern look from Robin. He obviously thought that she was trying to ruin the fun and spirit of caroling. Without allowing her another word they all began a cheerful chorus of 'Jingle Bells' and 'Deck the Halls'. By the end of the second song, a small group had gathered around the Titans.

Raven had been lucky so far, able to sing quietly and not having any solos. They finished singing 'Oh Christmas Tree' to a round of applause from the gathered crowd and they flipped to the next page where Raven's face paled. The song, 'It Came Upon a Midnight Clear', only had four stanzas, but the entire third and fourth stanzas were highlighted in purple.

She sang the beginning of the song with her friends, dreading how she would mutilate such a beautiful song, until it was finally her turn for a solo. She looked over at Beast Boy who gave her an encouraging smile and she took a deep breath.

"Yet with the woes of sin and strife,
The world hath suffered long;
Beneath the angel-strain have rolled,
Two thousand years of wrong;
And man, at war with man, hears not,
The love song which they bring:
O hush the noise, ye men of strife,
And hear the angels sing.

For lo! the days are hastening on,
By prophet bards foretold,
When, with the ever-circling years,
Shall come the Age of Gold;
When peace shall over all the earth,
Its ancient splendors fling,
And all the world give back the song,
Which now the angels sing."

She was greeted by loud applause from a stunned audience. Her voice had been smooth, changing from high to low easily and clear as a bell. Perhaps her voice hadn't been up to snuff on Azarath, but here it was more than exceptional.

She looked over at Beast Boy who smiled at her knowingly, like he had known all along that she would be amazing. She smiled back at him and they flipped to the next page.

They all continued singing songs, Raven's voice slightly more audible than before. Each took turns singing solos. Beast Boy sangI Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas' and 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer' and a few other songs quite eagerly. Raven, Cyborg and Robin took turns singing more traditional carols, like 'Hark! the Herald Angles Sing' and 'Winter Wonderland'. Starfire did her best singing solos in some of the simpler carols, 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'and 'Frosty the Snowman', for example.

One song Raven found particularly amusing, was 'The Twelve Days of Christmas', which they all took turns singing. Beast Boy seemed quite enthusiastic about it as well.

They finished with 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas' before running out of songs to sing and leaving their appraising crowd to go home. It was getting late. They walked down the streets of town, to get to the parking lot Cyborg had parked in. On the way, they passed the toy store she and Beast Boy had looked in a couple days ago. The train display was still set up in the window, puffing merrily down the track. Raven noticed out of the corner of her eye, that Beast Boy looked at it as they passed.

She knew then, exactly what she wanted to get him for Christmas. She made a mental note of what street the toy store was on and kept walking with her friends. They got to the car and drove home.

At the tower everyone drank egg nog by the Christmas tree and then went to bed. Beast Boy left first, followed by Starfire and Cyborg. Raven stopped Robin as he began to leave.

"Robin, we don't have any plans tomorrow, do we?" Raven asked, thinking about the rush that she had tried to avoid thus far.

"Didn't I tell you?" asked Robin incredulously. "We're all going over to Bruce's house tomorrow."

Raven looked at him in disbelief.

"You've got to be kidding me," she sighed, rubbing her temples. "What about the day after?"

"Haven't you looked at the fridge recently? The Titans East invited us to a Christmas party at their tower," replied Robin, looking at Raven as she swore loudly. "Why do you want to know?"

"I still need to get Beast Boy's present," she grumbled, sweeping over to the kitchen to boil water for tea.

"You still haven't gotten a present for Beast Boy?" Robin exclaimed, following her across the room.

"Shut up," she replied as calmly as she could. "No, I haven't. I couldn't find anything… special enough. But I know what I'm getting him now, and I need to go get it at some point."

"I guess your going to have to go on Christmas Eve," replied Robin, sitting down in a chair.

Raven sat down next to him and sighed.

"I know."

They sat in silence for a while as Raven drank her tea.

"I understand," Robin said at last. Raven rose an eyebrow and he continued. "You were trying to find the perfect gift for him because you really care for him. Maybe even as more than a friend. I know, I went through the same thing with Sta- uh… like I was saying, you obviously like Beast Boy more than you let on."

Raven glared at him lightly before sighing. She would have told him that the very idea was preposterous, that he didn't know what he was talking about, much the same as she had been telling herself for the past eight days, but as she looked at him she knew she couldn't. She could lie to herself, but she couldn't lie to Robin; he was like a brother to her… closer even, like a twin.

"I think I might like him. Almost as much as you like Starfire," She told him, smirking slightly at the red blush that crossed his features at her last statement. "But I don't want to."

"Why not?" Robin asked her, looking at her closely.

"It just wouldn't work," Raven replied. "I'm so dark, I can't be the fun girl I know he wants to be with."

"Beast Boy likes you just the way you are," Robin told her. "Maybe he doesn't want another Terra." Raven winced at the geomancer's name, but continued.

"Maybe not," replied Raven. "But even if he did love me, I couldn't show him love back without my powers destroying him and everything else."

"I'm not so sure about that," replied Robin thoughtfully. "You've been having fun this whole week, how do you know it would be any different if you tried to love?"

Raven became slightly flustered and began to tell him that it was different somehow, though she wasn't sure how,but he continued.

"And you fell for Malchior, right?" Raven scowled at the dragon mentioned. "And at that time your powers were under more control than I've ever seen them, except maybe when you defeated Trigon."

"What is this, a trip down memory lane?" Raven asked sarcastically. Robin sniggered and replied,

"No, I'm just trying to make a point. You can love Beast Boy, I think you're just afraid."

"I'm not afraid," Raven snapped, slamming her cup down on the table. Robin sighed.

"It's okay, Raven. Love is a scary thing."

Raven nodded, looking down at her tea.

"But it's great… isn't it?" Robin added, smirking. Raven smiled and nodded. They sat in companionable silence and Raven finished her tea. She put her cup in the sink and walked to her room.

She opened her door and smiled. Sitting there on her bed was another gift. It was wrapped nicer than her first few gifts, but she could tell it was wrapped hastily. She picked up the note.

Raven,

Thanks for helping me learn how to skate. I had fun. Caroling was fun too. I know you didn't think your voice was nice, and you still might not think it's great, but I think your voice was beautiful. Like a crystal bell.

-Your 'secret' admirer

Raven folded the note and opened the gift. It was in a small white box and when she opened it, she gasped. A glass- not crystal, but still quite nice- bell sat inside,surrounded by protective bubble wrap.

She pulled it out and listened to the pretty tinkling noise it made. She smiled and put it down on her nightstand, next to the other gifts.

She got ready for bed and slipped under the covers. She looked at her gifts and smiled. Beast Boy did care about her. She wasn't sure if it was just great friendship, a small crush or- dare she hope?- love, on his part, but she was beginning to realize the depths of her feelings, and it sent a warm feeling of peace through her. Picking up the bear off her pillow, Raven hugged it and slipped into a peaceful sleep.

I love caroling. I go with my family every year. You'd think it would get embarrassing after a while, but somethow it doesn't. I have a very large and musical family. We really don't sound that bad. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter, I enjoyed writing it. Thank you to all reviewers thus far!

Tammy Tamborine