Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty

She lowered her body into the bathtub and moved around so that her head was resting on the edge of the tub. The warm water and bubbles were usually a very relaxing combination for her, able to help restore inner peace to her and help her release stress. Tonight though it wasn't working. She still felt stressed and tense. She closed her eyes and tried to think of something happy instead of focusing on the situation of her marriage but it was no use.

After Sam went upstairs, Martin lost his appetite and cleared the table. While he was washing the dishes, he thought about the mess that they were in. She didn't seem to want to fight for them anymore, and he had no idea how to convince her not to give up.

He was stupid; he realized that now. If only he could go back and stop himself from drinking while taking his pain medication. He had known that it wasn't a good idea, but at the time he just wanted to numb the pain he was feeling because of his leg and his failing marriage. But instead of numbing the pain, he caused even more.

He knew in his heart that he hadn't slept with Bethany. There was no way that he would ever do that kind of thing. He wasn't the type of guy who cheated. Sure he had been drinking and was doped up on pain medication, but he couldn't remember sleeping with her. He couldn't even imagine sleeping with her.

Besides, Bethany had a very good reason to lie to him about that. He wasn't sure if Sam believed him or whether she thought that he had slept with Bethany. He had hoped that Sam would believe in him and that she would see through Bethany's attempts to break them up. It didn't look like she was going to believe in him though.

Putting the last of the dishes away, he wondered what he should do now. He could either stay down here until he thought she was asleep or go up there and try to talk to her again. Although he dreaded getting into another fight with her about this, he decided to go talk to her anyway. When he entered the bedroom, he saw her coming out of the bathroom in her pajamas. "Sam…"

She stopped where she was and looked at him. "What?"

"Can't we just…"

"No." She knew what he was going to ask. He was going to ask if they could talk about things and she didn't really want to right now.

He felt frustrated by her and was starting to feel like maybe she didn't really care about leaving him, like maybe leaving was a relief to her. "We need to talk about this."

"And say what?" She sighed. "What is left to say? I think we've said everything. I'm leaving and you're staying here."

"Why does it have to be this way?" It was like a light bulb went off in his head as he had a clever idea that he should've had before now. "What if I told you that I wanted to go with you?"

She looked at him incredulously. "To Houston?"

"Yes." He replied. "To Houston. What if I offered to go with you?"

"You'd change your mind all of a sudden and come with me?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He was offering to go with her. But why now? He had been adamant about not moving with her. This sudden change of heart could only mean one thing: he was feeling guilty about last night and wanted to try and make it up to her. Why couldn't he have had this change of heart before Bethany sank her claws into him?

"Yes." He replied. "We could have Leslie refer us to that colleague of hers and continue our therapy there, away from everything here."

She thought about it for a moment, and although she wanted him to come with her, she wasn't so sure that was a good idea. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that they did need some time apart—at least she needed some time apart. She definitely had some issues to sort out and she knew that he did too. "No." She replied softly. "I don't think you should come with us."

"No?" He questioned. "Why not?" He couldn't help but think that maybe she didn't want him to come with her because she wanted to get rid of him and throw away their marriage.

"Because this marriage just isn't working right now." Sam replied, sitting on the edge of the bed. "It's making us both miserable and it's tearing me apart inside. We've tried therapy and, while Leslie's been amazing, it has only pointed out more problems and issues that we need to work out."

"But we need to…" He wanted to make her see what a mistake being apart would be, but wasn't sure how to do that. Then he remembered what she had said. "Wait, you said 'us' earlier. You said 'I don't think you should come with us'."

"That's right." She looked into his eyes, silently praying that he wouldn't object to this. "I'm taking Claire with me."

He expected that, but it still hit him hard. He didn't want to see Claire go too. He didn't want to lose both his wife and his daughter, but he didn't really have a choice. He couldn't fight her on it because leaving Claire with her mother was the best thing for their daughter. But it still hurt. "That makes sense."

She was prepared for a verbal battle with him over taking Claire with her to Houston and was surprised when he didn't give her one. "You mean you aren't going to fight me about it?"

"No." He shook his head. "It makes sense not to separate her from her mother."

"Thanks for not fighting me about it." She was grateful that she didn't have to argue her case about this.

He moved to sit next to her and grabbed a hold of her hand. This time, she didn't flinch or pull her hand away. "I feel like everything I love is slipping away from me and I'm powerless to stop it. You, this marriage, Claire."

"I know the feeling." She whispered, keeping her gaze locked on their joined hands.

"At least you'll have Claire to take care of though." He pointed out. "I'll be all alone."

"You'll have Bethany." She pointed out, trying to gauge his reaction to that. Although she was fairly certain that he had no romantic feelings for the woman, she felt like she needed to make sure—for her own piece of mind.

He brought their hands up to his lips and placed a kiss on the palm of her hand. "I don't want her. I've never wanted her and I never will. I want you Sam."

Her eyes traveled up to meet with his and she managed to give him a small smile. "It helps to know that."

"I'm so sorry about last night. If I could go back I would change things so that I never got into that car with her…"

"I know you would." She interrupted, willing herself not to cry.

"I know that Bethany said that we slept together, but I don't think I slept with her. I don't trust her and something about her story doesn't make sense. You have to believe me. Please. You know me and you know I would never cheat on you." He felt compelled to make her believe him.

"I really want to believe you." She told him. "I think a part of me does believe you and does believe that the man I married would never do that to me. But at the same time, there is a part of me that thinks it is possible that you might have slept with her. Even though you might have only slept with her because of the interaction between the alcohol and the pain medicine, it still hurts to think that it's a possibility."

"I'm so sorry." He apologized, pulling her closer to him and placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "I love you, you do know that right?"

"Yeah." She nodded, unable to stop the tears from falling.

"I want this marriage to work out." He told her, wiping away a few of the tears that had escaped from her eyes.

"I do too, but I think we just need some time apart." She explained. She had an idea that might help them, if she could get him to agree to it. "Were you serious when you offered to move to Houston earlier?"

"Absolutely." He replied quickly.

"Well maybe we could take some time and work out some of our individual issues. Then after some time has passed, maybe you could come down to Houston and we could see if anything has changed."

"You mean, just take a short break and then try again?" He asked, making sure that he understood what she was suggesting.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Maybe if we have some time alone we can figure out how to fix this, because I want to fix it."

"I do too." He assured her. He thought about her suggestion and, while he hated the fact that they would be separated, he realized that maybe this would be for the best in the long run. Maybe she was right and they just needed some time to figure out what they needed. The more he thought about this, the more he liked that idea. "How much time?" He asked, hoping that it wasn't a lot. He wasn't sure how long he would be able to handle being away from his family.

"I don't know." She shook her head. She hadn't thought about this for very long and her idea wasn't completely formulated. "A few months maybe? Just enough time for Claire and I to get settled."

As the wheels in his head started to turn, he realized that this was a good idea. He could put in for a transfer to Houston now, and then he would likely have a job waiting for him by the time their 'break' was over. "I like this idea…well not the break part. I don't want to be apart from you or from Claire, but maybe it would be a good idea to work on our individual issues for a while. Then maybe things will be different…better."

"You think we can do this?" She asked hesitantly, biting her lip.

"Yeah." He answered.

"But what if a few months pass and nothing's different? What if we still can't make it work then?" She didn't want to think about what would happen if they still couldn't make their marriage work, but knew that it would be a possibility.

"It won't happen." He assured her, gently stroking her cheek. "This break is the only time that I intend to spend without you. Once this break is over, I intend to spend every day with you by my side."

That comment made her smile. "So then we'll just take a little break?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "A little break." He wrapped his arms around her tighter, almost afraid that if he let go she would be gone. He felt her arms wrap around his neck and her head rest on his shoulder. In this moment it felt like everything would be ok for them. In this moment, he found hope for the future.