Love and Marriage

Chapter Fifty-Six

Meanwhile, Sam was staring out the window in the living room. She hadn't expected Claire to jump to the conclusion that their talk was about giving her a new brother or sister but it definitely got her thinking. She'd been nauseous and dizzy for a few days now. At first she had thought that maybe it was stress related or she had contracted some kind of stomach virus. But now that she got thinking about it, she was a few days late.

Normally she didn't worry about her cycle being late because she had never been the type to have it be predictable; however, she couldn't help but remember the night that she and Martin got drunk and had sex. In their drunken state and hurried nature, they had neglected to use any kind of birth control. They should have been more careful, but no condoms were used and she wasn't on the pill anymore. She had quit taking it after the fourth month of not having any sex had passed. Since they weren't having sex she didn't see the point of staying on birth control. It seemed like it was silly to stay on the pill, but now she realized that it would have been better if she had stayed on it. After looking at a calendar she had noticed that the timing was about right and there was a pretty good chance that she could be pregnant right now.

That thought really scared her. Just thinking that she could be pregnant was enough to make her heart race and her blood pressure skyrocket. This wasn't exactly the most ideal time to get pregnant, but then again, was there ever an ideal time? None of her pregnancies had ever been planned or came at the 'ideal time'. Why should this one be any different?

Being pregnant would throw a huge kink into all of her plans though. She was hoping that she could get established with this new job, work out her anxiety, grief, and other issues from the miscarriages and then maybe have another child. But she wasn't sure that was the way it was going to work out.

Absent-mindedly, she wrapped her arms around her stomach. She knew that she should take a pregnancy test to find out for sure if she was pregnant, but was afraid of what she might find out. If she was pregnant, how was she going to tell Martin? Would that change her plans of moving to Houston? Would he drop everything and come with her? Would she have to give up the job and stay here? She knew he'd be happy about it so that was one last thing to worry about. But that still left her with a ton of other worries.

She wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready to hope for something so special and sacred as another child. She wasn't ready to try and conquer her fears yet. Maybe in a few months or even a year, but not now. Besides her own personal issues, their marriage wasn't exactly on solid ground right now. Adding the extra stress and tension of being pregnant would only magnify and intensify their problems.

Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself that this was all speculative anyway. Nothing had been confirmed yet. She shouldn't worry about anything until she found out for certain. She'd go to the drugstore tomorrow and grab one of those early pregnancy tests. Then she'd know once and for all if she was pregnant. Although she thought about telling Martin about this, she decided to wait. If she told him that she suspected she was pregnant right now and she wasn't, he would be disappointed and she didn't want that. And if she was pregnant…well then she'd deal with that when it happened.

She heard footsteps on the stairs and wondered how Martin had done talking to Claire. She knew that he was an excellent father and figured that he would be able to reach Claire and hopefully explain to her what was going on.

Martin walked behind Claire, gently prodding her over to where Sam was standing. "I think Claire has something she wants to tell you."

"I'm sorry mommy. I didn't mean it when I said I hated you. I don't hate you." Claire apologized.

"I know." Sam kneeled down to Claire's level and enveloped her daughter in a big hug. "I love you Claire."

"I love you too mommy." Claire replied.

She pulled away from the hug and pushed a piece of hair from her daughter's face. "I'm sorry that you don't want to move. I know it's gotta be scary and you're going to miss your friends and daddy, but…"

"Daddy told me about when he moved as a kid." Claire interrupted. "If he can do it, then I can too."

Sam smiled, first at Claire and then at Martin. "So are you ok with this?"

"I guess." Claire shrugged. "Daddy said I could call Sarah anytime I wanted and that he was going to call twice a day, everyday until he moved in with us again. Ok?"

"Ok." Sam nodded. They hadn't discussed how much communication they would have but was relived to know that Martin was going to be calling so much. It would be hard for both her and Claire to have little or no contact with him.

"And he promised that he would come live with us." Claire pointed out.

"He will sweetie." She glanced up at Martin. "I promise that too."

"I still don't really want to go." She admitted softly. "But I guess I can try to be happy about it."

While she wished that Claire could be a little more enthusiastic about moving, she understood why she wasn't. At least Martin got her to stop proclaiming that she would never move. That was a good start. She glanced at the clock. "It's time for you to go to bed now sweetie."

Claire frowned. She didn't want to go to bed right now because she wasn't tired, but didn't feel like arguing again. "Can daddy read me my story tonight?"

"If he wants to." Sam agreed, knowing that it would be a good way for them to spend some time together before they left.

"Will you? Please?" She turned to him and begged.

"Sure." He grinned, scooping her up in his arms. "Let's go. But first kiss mommy goodnight."

"Goodnight mommy." Claire kissed her.

"Goodnight Claire." Sam kissed her daughter back. She then watched as Martin and Claire headed upstairs, talking and laughing the whole time. She briefly questioned whether or not she was doing the right thing by taking Claire with her to Houston. She thought that maybe Claire would be better off staying here with Martin, but nixed that idea. Claire was going to have to move to Houston at some point, whether it was with her now or with Martin in a few months. So why prolong the inevitable?