The Perks of Being a Magic Endowed Wallflower

A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone

Chapter 3

Losing it Completely

The owl arrived at Hermione's window at precisely six o'clock. Standing, she opened to let it in, disentangled the letter, and flipped it over. It was another one of hers. She opened it and sat down.

Dear Friend,

It seems I am a witch.

Wow, it is so weird to say that. I really don't feel different, but today, I found out how different I really am.

I found out because of Harry.

Of course, I had the letter from Hogwarts, and yes, I really wanted to believe it. But I needed proof. I'm one of those types of people; I suppose you should know that. I need to know why things are the way they are…I need to know why I am so different from what everyone else has labeled "normal".

Once, I had a psychiatrist, and he always asked me these really weird questions, they didn't make sense to me. You see, I think he needed to know the reason I was different, just like I still do.

My psychiatrist, who I will call Dr. Stephens…in case you're wondering, that isn't his real name. It doesn't feel right to be writing this, and telling you people's names. So, because of that, I will just call him Dr. Stephens.

I started seeing Dr. Stephens when I was nine. I guess that's when my parents saw how very odd I was.

Still, to this day, I'm not sure what exactly tipped them off to my oddity. I suppose it could have been the school. I guess that would make sense. After all, at first, I saw Dr. Stephens during school. Then, I guess he realized I really was a nut job and moved me to his office in the city.

I am off topic, I apologize. That is one thing that makes me different, or so says Dr. Stephens. Dr. Stephens says that my mind skips a lot. I guess he's right, and I'm sorry if this is confusing.

Hermione put the letter down with a start as someone knocked on her door.

"Hermione?"

She heard the voice through the thick door and the other one too.

"You dolt, she's probably still sleeping."

Quickly she shoved the letter underneath a pile of books.

"I'm awake." She mumbled as she opened the door.

Before her were two clowns.

"Uh…I must be dreaming." She peered at the clowns, both of whom were now smiling broadly.

"It's us!" the taller of the two cried.

"It was his idea." The other said, laughing.

Hermione smiled. "Ron." She said pointing to the taller clown. "And…Harry. Right?"

They beamed at her.

"What on earth are you two dressed as clowns for?"

"To cheer you up of course." Harry said, linking a puffy sleeved arm around hers, Ron doing the same. "We've got a surprise for you."

"What for?"

Ron and Harry exchanged glances. "Because we love you, of course." And that they did, but behind that…

Hermione squealed as she saw the state of the Gryffindor common room—where her friends had led her.

The common room was filled with bright colors—reds and yellows and blues, in big bold stripes. Everything was festive looking.

"You guys did this, for me?" she asked.

They nodded.

"Wow."

Lavender poked her head out; she was wearing a bright red jumpsuit. Hermione blinked. Lavender, Ms. Perfect Eyebrows,

In

A

Bright

Red

Jumpsuit

I'm dreaming, Hermione thought.

"Hey, you're here. Come on, join the party!" Lavender wrestled Hermione away from the clowns.

"Can you believe this?" Lavender asked as she jumped up and down on a yellow ball. It would have been impossible, if it weren't for magic.

"Uh, no."

Lavender shook her head. "Harry and Ron did this for you. It's amazing that they care so much."

This was just too odd. Hermione closed her eyes.

Ticket please, thanks, walk through the doors,
Into the halls of illusion and visit yours,
To see what could've, and should've, and would've been real,

Hermione shook her head. This had to be a dream. I'm hallucinating. She tried to reassure herself as weird things started happening around her. The world was spinning.

But you had to fuck up the whole deal.
Let's take a walk down the hallway,
It's a long way, it takes all day,
And when we get to the end, ya find a chair,
With straps and chains, we slap you in there!

Spinning—someone was bound to see, the way she didn't exist anymore.

Spinning—someone was going to see, right through her.

Someone knows who you are. They know your name…Hermione swallowed hard. Opened her eyes.

The insane scene had not changed.

Should I sleep or stay awake
Am I really happy or is it all
Just an illusion
Sitting in my room now
Hiding thoughts
Just hoping one day I'll get out
I hear a voice call my name

"Hermione?"

Turning over, Hermione opened an eye. "What do you want?"

Harry stared at her. "You're going to miss class."

She sat up. Harry wasn't in a clown suit anymore. If he ever was, she thought bitterly. I am so loosing it.

"Okay, okay. Thanks Harry."

"I'll wait in the hall."

Hermione nodded and went to get dressed.

Emerging a few minutes later she looked down at her schedule. "Uh…I've got…"

"Double Potions." Harry said, putting his arm around her protectively. " Come on, we're going to be late."

And they were.

Snape sneered at them as they entered.

"Five points each from Gryffindor for being late." He growled as they sat down in the back.

"Now as I was saying. This year, many of your classmates have elected not to take potions." He looked over at Harry and Hermione with a look that clearly stated 'and you should have too.' Before continuing. "For those of you who stayed, you will be learning a very complex and deadly and dangerous potion. You will be starting with a potion known only as "Reality", it is NOT a potion to be taken lightly."

Snape then pointed to the board, where a list of ingredients were written.

"I have chosen your partners." He said while his back was turned.

Harry and Hermione looked at each other. Uh oh!

"Potter, Parkinson"

"Abbot, Henry"

"Sorince, Cowell"

"Granger, Malfoy"

Hermione groaned.

"What's that Ms. Granger, a problem?"

Malfoy smirked.

"No, Professor."

When he had finished they all moved to their respective seats.

"You look like shit, Granger." Malfoy drawled as she sat down.

"Thanks."

Malfoy sat back. That wasn't a response he was looking for.

"Stupid Mudblood."

"That I am."

Although she had been truly honest with Malfoy, her responses had an added bonus of shutting him up. Collecting Malfoy and her materials, they began to make the "Reality" potion in silence.

The day ended as badly as it had begun for Hermione. At dinner Ron had used the phrase "overshadowed by so many" and Harry had said he was "alone"…from across the hall. Hermione had heard Malfoy shout at some poor first year. "Stay in line!"

I'm loosing it.

Hermione returned to her room, thankful again she hadn't met Malfoy on her way.

She had a list of suspects…Hermione didn't care really if they were logical suspects or not. All she wanted was someone to blame.

Someone to say to:

You did this to me!

You made me a freak!

Instead of having to blame herself—as she did every night, as she had always done.

I need some sleep
It can't go on like this
I tried counting sheep
But there's one I always miss
Everyone says I'm getting down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

I need some sleep
Time to put the old horse down
I'm in too deep
And the wheels keep spinning 'round
Everyone says I'm getting' down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

Standing at her desk, Hermione wondered if everything had been a dream. Slowly she lifted the books she had hid the letter under. Sure enough. It was there.

Unfolding it, Hermione continued reading. It was a poem that she had written long ago. Why it was written between the paragraphs about Dr. Stephens and the one where she told the stranger how she finally got rid of Harriet Stoe, Hermione did not know. But right now. Things weren't exactly explainable.

Life doesn't always make sense, she thought. But she knew something was wrong. It was bothering her so much…it was what she wrote in her last letter. She had forgotten about it. Forgotten. But someone wouldn't let her forget.

It could really fuck up my life, Hermione thought. More than it already is. I need to know who this person is.

Calming her thoughts, she looked down at the poem.

once there was a girl

who knew nothing

and knew everything

every morning

she got up and realized

she'd missed another day

another day was gone

so again, she went to the cabinet

again, she passed the day away

and every morning

she got up and realized

another day was gone

her life was slipping away

so again, she raised her glass

and let it all slip away

Hermione didn't want to be that girl anymore. She didn't want to hide. She took out a piece of paper and wrote down three names.

Harry Potter

Ronald Weasley

Draco Malfoy

She was going to take her life back.

She wasn't going to let it all slip away.

That chapter i just wanted to show how screwed up Hermione's mind is...and how by focusing on something, she is able to get back in control...but eventually become to obsessive. anyway. tell me what you think. this was a bit weird and i still don't know what happened. lol.