Disclaimer:u noe it already, see 1st chap for it..
Hello dear readers! (shoutout to "George(vonny) and Ginny(aniko) if ur reading this, don't laugh me skool if it sucks..or else....halloween night, I'll get some fart bombs and throw em at u..instead of at umbridge's classroom..u noe wut I'm talking about lmao...) thx for the reviews so far!well I've been trying my best to update this thing but I've got so much homework! Argh!! Well, for harry in these next chaps things start to go bad to downright depressing..However, he'll find a light in the darkness soon enough...
Chapter 9-
(authors note:adding a song in here for mood. Linkin park (yes again...they've got a whole variety of relli good, depressing songs.. its called "Figure 0.9" of course u noe I don't own it so ther u go..)
Harry sat in the Room of requierments transfixed on the scars he inflicted upon his arm. The cuts were deep and some still gushing warm blood.
Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attatched to them,
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening,
He had felt better for a second, feeling as if he deserved the cool blade slither across his arm.It was his fault he had been ignoring Hermione.
Its like nothing I can do to distract me when,
I think of how I shot myself in the back again,
She was always their for him, but when she needed him, he just turned away. If he hadn't been so distant, they would still be together, she wouldn't have kissed Ron, and the knife he clutched so desperately now, would never be in his hands.
'Cause from the infinent words I could say,
I put all the pain you gave to me on display,
Didn't realize instead of setting it free I,
Took what I hated and made it a part of me,
He felt the blade sting against his skin, marring the smooth, muscular tone of his arm.
It never goes away,His eyes were pained, and tears began to form from his mystical green eyes.
It never goes away..
Warm, crimson liquid poured from the gash he made. It was deep, like the hole he felt he had dug himself into. The weight of the whole world was constantly on his shoulders, and felt as though he couldn't take anymore of it. Harry Potter wanted to die.
And now,
You've become a part of me,
You'll always be right here,
He swore inwardly telling how stupid he was to be cutting himself, but something in him wouldn't listen to reason.
You've become a part of me,
You'll always be my fear,
I can't separate,
Myself from what I've done,
Giving up a part of me,
I've let myself become you.
He felt guilt; complete, utter guilt.
(ok adding another song-this one's by JET and it's a song on the spiderman 2 soundtrack called "hold on"its pretty catchy..)
You tried so hard to be someone,
That you forget who you are,
Hermione locked herself in the prefects bathroom with her back against the door. She didn't want to see, or hear anyone.
You tried to fill some emptyness,
Til all you have is filled over,
If she could, she would spend eternity in there. She wanted silence, to be alone; nothingness surrounding her, so that she could think clearly. She didn't need their pity, or well wishes. She slowly slid to the floor, running a hand through her hair.
Now everything's so far away that you don't know where you are,
Hermione was puzzled by the fact that Harry had thrown his wand to the floor and ran out of the room. She was shocked to find Harry pointing his wand at her and Ron, ready to strike them down with a spell. The look in Harry's eyes before he threw his wand at the ground, terrified her. He looked merciless, and vengeful. He had even seemed for a split second to resemble Voldemort.
All that you wanted, and all that you have done seems so much,
Hermione covered her face and took a deep breath. She couldn't cry anymore, she was out of tears, and was past crying over Harry by now.
For you to hold on to,
For you to hold on to,
For you to belong to.
Why had she kissed Ron? Why couldn't she have just listened to the voice inside her head, begging her to push him away. She didn't listen, and now Harry was hurting.
It was true that their relationship had ended, and that he had hurt her, but in her heart, she knew he didn't deserve this as payback. This might just be his distruction, his downfall.
Hermione took Harry's wand out of her robe pocket. She held it up to her face, gazing and flicking it around her fingers. Everything was going wrong. Her world was abruptly turned upside down. Her parents were gone. She was never to see their smiling faces again. They were murdered because of the fact she had been close to Harry. They were dead because she was a mudblood witch. She despised that word; mudblood. It reminded her of why her parents were gone, and why so many people underestimated her as a witch. She missed her parents so much. There was always something that reminded her of them. The blue sky was her father's favorite color; the redwood trees outside her window that her mother had loved to carve creatures from.
(flashback)
"Please, come in Ms. Granger, sit down " Proffessor Mcgonagall said solemnly."What's wrong Proffessor?" Hermione said, wondering why her two proffessors looked to grim.
"We have just received news that the dark mark has been spotted over your home...I'm pained to say that your..." Dumbledore said solemnly. He paused. And bit his lower lip.
"Your parents have perished at the hands of death eaters..." he finished.
Mcgonagal's eyes were filled with pity and concern. "If there is anything we can do to help you through this, please don't hesitate to ask. We're here for you Ms. Granger,"
Dumbledore, and Mcgonagall's words rang in her head, yet they didn't sink in. She couldn't believe it. It was all just a bad dream, and she could just wake up and owl her parents in the morning.
She never woke up; and it wasn't a dream. Her parents were really gone. The two people that had taken care of her everyday, that loved her for being herself. The two people that would always be there for her, were now gone. They couldn't be there for her any longer.
She sat shocked. This was all because she was Harry Potter's best friend. It was because she was close to him that her family was stripped away from her. She was losing everything. Tears rushed down her face. Her parents were gone, lost forever, and the boy she loved more than life itself seemed to be slipping further away, and out of reach.
(End flashback)
Hermione wondered where Harry ran off to. A large part of her told her not to go, and that he deserved it after hurting her the way he did. However another part told her to swallow her pride and go to him. She unlocked the door and stepped out. She looked around the common room. It was in the afternoon, and everyone seemed to be out to Hogsmeade. She ran up the stairs to the boy's dorm and opened Harry's trunk after several minutes of unlocking the powerful locking charms on it. She lifted its top and promptly found the Marauder's map. She opened it and saw that Harry was walking to the astronomy tower. His footprints moved slowly and she felt a stab of guilt go through her heart. She closed the map and put it in her pocket. She would go to the astronomy tower to see what Harry was up to.
Harry sat leaning against a pillar near edge of the astronomy tower, looking down at the world below him.
When its hard to be yourself, its not to be someone else
Everyone was laughing, careless, and free of the pressure of being expected to vanquish a powerful dark wizard.
Still everythings so far away that you forget where you are,
You are,
All that you wanted, and all that you have done seems so much,
For you to hold onto,
For you to hold onto,
"Harry?" A voice called. It was soft, and concerned, but he knew it wasn't Hermione's voice he heard. He turned his head.
Hold on,
Hold on,
"Hey Cho," He said blankly. He stood up to face her.
Hold on,
Hold on..
"Are you alright? You look..well,...like you could use a friend to talk to right now..."She said tentatively.
Harry looked away and then back at Cho. She was sincerely worried about him.
All that you wanted, and all that you have done seems so muchFor you to hold onto,
For you to hold onto,
For you to belong to..."What happened to you Harry?" Harry began to sob. He embraced Cho, never wanting to let her go.
She looked shocked, but stroked his back, trying to comfort him.
"Its Hermione isnt it.." She said with a slight tone of jealousy.
Harry could do nothing but nod.
Hermione trod up the stairs to the astronomy tower. She arrived at the top and couldn't breathe. Harry had Cho in his arms. They werent doing anything but he still another girl in his arms. Hermione stood in the shadows. She turned away just as Harry let go of Cho. Hermione could feel tears welling up again but she forbid them to fall. She wouldn't allow herself to cry over him anymore. She slumped down the spiral staircase and slipped on some ice frozen on the steps. Someone caught her just before she hit the floor.
A flash of blond hair caught her eye and she looked up to find herself lying across the arms of Draco Malfoy. He turned beet red. If anyone else was there it would look as if he was carrying her off to his castle to live happily ever after together.
'Great, just what I need...Malfoy..' She thought grudgingly
"Careful!! Mud-.." Draco paused remembering how he almost died of the pain from Hermione kicking him on the train, "uh..Granger" He corrected himself.
He quickly set her down and looked around to see it anyone else saw he had caught Hermione Granger "Prince carrying Princess to live happily ever after"-style. Hermione being surprised was an understatement. She thought he might have loved to see her fall flat on her face.
"Geeze, first you break my balls on the train, then you go slipping on something and break my back at the astronomy tower.." He said nonchalantly.
"I suppose you want to break every bone in my body before we graduate..?" He said in a typical "I-don't-care" Malfoy style.
"uh...Thank you.." Hermione never thought she would ever say that to Draco.
"Why did you..catch me?" she asked quietly.
"Reflex I suppose. When you see something falling, you catch it..."
"I..uh..better get going then.."Hermione said. She kept eye contact with Draco. He still had his usual obnoxious glint in his bluish-grey eyes, but something else invaded them, it wasn't hate, but she couldn't put her finger on it. It puzzled her to no end.
Draco turned around and began to walk away when Hermione slipped again trying to rush away from the uncomfortable air around them. This time, she fell ontop of Draco, straddling him. Their faces were barely centimetres apart. If it wasn't for her arms holding her up, it would be an even more imbarrassing situation for Hermione. Their eyes locked onto one another's for a moment before their eyes widened turned a shade of bright red. This wasn't a good day for Hermione at all. Hermione pushed her hair behind her ears and scrambled off Draco. They didn't face eachother.
"I uh...I'm..." Hermione stuttered
"Yeah, got it,... you're sorry,..I know...best not to ..uh.." Draco stammered trying to act like the normally uncaring Draco. He faced Hermione.
"tell anyone?" Hermione offered.
"That's it! Yeah..." He quickly strode away.
"agreed!" She said.
She dashed out of the astronomy tower still as red as ever. Her ears felt like they were on fire. Of all people, she had to land on top of Draco Malfoy. She prayed to god that no one else saw that. It would be wide spread news throught the school and it would make her look..well, quite slutty. It was afterall, at the bottom of the astronomy tower, and in the afternoon when she had landed ontop of him.
Hermione arrived back at her room and fell onto her bed. She sighed and closed her eyes. 'Why? DEAR GOD WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE MALFOY I FELL ON??' She shouted inwardly.
The next morning woke to find Ginny Weasley sitting at the edge of her bed grinning ear to ear at Hermione. Ginny looked like she was about to burst out laughing any second.
Hermione pushed herself up and rubbed her eyes,
"Good morning to you too Ginny,.. um..if this is your new way of greeting people in the morning, I suggest you refrain from it, you look like your going to eat them instead of greet them," she mumbled.
"Malfoy?!??!!! WHY HIM huh?...I'm very surprised at you...I thought u despised him.."
"Whuh?" Hermione cocked her head to the side.
"Oh MY GOD!!!" she finally realized it. Ginny had seen her on top of Draco.
"NOO...NOOO...nonononononononononoooonoooonnnnnooooononononnoo," Hermione desprately tried to explain.
"GINNY!.." Hermione began,
Ginny's smile widened revealing all her teeth.
" GINNY, WIPE THAT STUPID GRIN OFF YOUR FACE!! I slipped on some ice and just happened to fall on top of Draco! PLEASE! You HAVE to believe me!"
"You expect me to believe you fell on top of him and landed in such a..shall we say...oh..provocative position?"
Hermione's eyes narrowed, and shot daggers at Ginny. Ginny burst out laughing.
"not the right word? Um..lets see...lets try...suggestive?"
Hermione leapt up and tried to tackle Ginny. Ginny kept laughing. She dove out of the way and Hermione chased her downstairs into the common room. Ginny was now on the opposite side of a large table trying to dodge Hermione.
"Raunchy?"
Ginny suggested, bending over with tears starting to well up from laughing so hard. This made Hermione nearly snap. She loathed Draco Malfoy and the way Ginny was teasing her wasn't funny.
"GINNY!!! YOU KNOW IT WASN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL!! GET BACK HERE!!"
Ginny squealed and ran up to her bed. She put a strong locking spell all around her bed and collapsed on her bed, coughing, giggling and gasping for air.
Hermione burst through the girl's dorm's door. She saw Ginny in a fit of giggles rolling around on her bed.
"Please tell me you are the only one who knows about this...I just slipped, I SWEAR! I slipped and I fell on him!" Hermione pleaded.
"Don't worry Hermione, I know! Your secret is safe with me..." Ginny managed to say.
"Trust a Weasley.." Hermione muttered to herself.
Ron meandered down the streets of Hogsmeade, alone. He was glad he was wearing a touque. It was bitterly cold. He had tried to explain to Harry it was Voldemort who was controling his every movement and leaving his mind open to torchure himself. Voldemort wanted Ron to watch himself betray his best friend by kissing Hermione. His feet crunched the snow as he walked past the many shops and taverns. He had tried his best to find Harry after he ran off to tell him that it was Voldemort and warn him, but the locking charms on Harry's trunks were too complicated to try and break, so he couldn't retrieve the Marauder's map. The only person other than Harry that could break the trunk was Hermione, and she probably didn't want to see him, or Harry just yet. She was probably still mad at him and Harry. He walked into Honeydukes and after buying a supply of Chocolate frogs, Bertie Botts Beans, and Fizzing Whizbee's he headed down to the cellar that lead straight to Hogwarts.
"Lumos Maxima!" Ron declaired.
The corridor was dark, and spooky as always. Ron prayed he wouldn't find any spiders along his way. Ron had to crouch down a little. He had grown a lot so far, and kept bumping his head against the lower parts of the passage.
Ron suddenly saw three figures crouching down infront of the door to Hogwarts. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and his heart was pounding faster and faster. Ron swallowed the lump in his throat, and carried on, ready to stupify the three shadows.
"STUPI.."
"Oi! Ronnikins! What do you think you're doing?" Fred and George called out before Ron could harm them.
Ron finally allowed himself to breath. He was relieved it was only his two brothers and Lee Jordan who were the shadows.
"What are you up to?" He asked.
"We're testing a product just below Filch's office. It's going to make Mrs Norris grow then shrink rapidly!" Lee said excitedly.
"oh,...well I'll be on my way then" Ron said indifferently.
"See you later ickle- Ronnikins,"
"SOD OFF!" Ron slammed the door behind him. He had to find Dumbledore somehow. He knew that he might be at Hogsmeade at some meeting, but he had to be sure that he wasn't in the castle grounds first before he headed back to Hogsmeade.
Draco lay wide awake staring at the ceiling. He was surprised he caught Hermione and that she would fall onto him in such an awkward position. He sighed and decided to get up for an early lunch. His two goons Crabbe and Goyle were undoubtibly stuffing their faces already. He rose to his feet and decided to take a long, cold shower. After about half an hour under the water, he twisted the tap closed and leaned with his palms against the wall. He took a deep breath. There was no way his mind would let him get over that small incident with Granger. He dried himself off and slipped on a loose, long sleeved black vintage football shirt with a pair of dark faded jeans. Once he had food in his system, perhaps everything would just go away.
He trudged down to the Great Hall, and sat down at the Slytherin table. He caught a glimpse of Hermione but tried his best to concentrate on eating. He was staring at his food, as if he was trying to make a hole in it just by looking at it. He wanted to look anywhere else but at the Gryfinndor table. This was difficult only because Hermione Granger happened to be eating right across from him. She was talking to her friends, laughing, and seemingly carefree. He soon found he couldn't take his eyes off her. It was true that he had disliked her before, and thought she was the most annoying thing in the world, but she had changed over the years. Her teeth had evened out, her hair had somewhat been tamed, and her brown eyes grew brighter. She was now positively one of the best looking girls at Hogwarts.
He grinned inwardly, but on the outside, he tried his best to keep up his usual scowl at the Gryfinndors. If his father ever found out he had the smallest feelings for Granger, a muggle witch, he would surely curse and abandon him. Over the winter holidays, his father had sent him a letter, telling him to join the Death Eaters, but Draco never replied back. When his mother sent him a coded letter telling him that his father never got a reply to his request, Draco had sent back a letter saying he never received any letter from his father. Draco was cruel at times, and he knew it, and even though he looked up to and loved his father, he wasn't like him. He couldn't stand to watch people die and scream infront of him. He found it to be nauseating, and ghastly that his father would enjoy watching guts and blood spilling out under your nose. He wondered how anyone could stomach it.
He saw Hermione get up and leave with her friend Ginny. His eyes followed her out the door. 'This is getting crazy,..I hated that girl before..now I'm interested in every movement she makes? Dammit Draco, BE a Malfoy!' he shouted inwardly.
Draco finished poking and prodding his food, and decided to sit by the lake alone. He liked to sit there sometimes just to think, or gaze out at the lake. He sat himself down a large boulder, and lay down on it. He still couldn't get that damned girl Granger out of his head. He kicked himself mentally, knowing a Malfoy and a Granger would never be a pair. It just didn't fit any way he looked at it.
"Lucius, are you sure your boy will join and do the job well?" Voldemort hissed.
"Yes, my lord, I am sure he will, he is a Malfoy afterall," Lucius replied and bowed.
"The best way to tear Potter apart, to bring him down , is to not to physically harm him...no...emotional pain stings stronger and resides much longer in the heart. We will rip him from the inside, and he'll never be in my way ever again...It seems to me that it's working quite well..just look at what he's doing to himself...the pathetic fool.."
Harry sat with his back against a tree on the lake, under his invisibility cloak. He rolled up his sleeves, and muttered and concealing, and healing spell. He was tortchering himself with questions as to why everything he ever held dear was slipping away from him. It was his fault that Hermione's parents were dead. It was his fault that he had lost her. He felt low, and useless. He was tired. Tired of being the boy-who-lived, the boy-who-lost-the love of his life, and the boy-who- was an insufferable idiot, wallowing in self-pity, cutting himself. He had gone to Hogsmeade with Cho yesterday. It had gone better than he expected. She hadn't cried or made a fool out of him, she was just there to be a friend and listen. He thought about Hermione again. How could he have every pointed his wand at her intending to hurt her and Ron? He slipped his invisibility cloak off.
"Harry! HARRY!"
Harry's eyes narrowed. It was Ron.
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" Harry snapped threatiningly.
"Its Voldemort Harry! He was using some kind of curse on me. He was controling me!" Ron pleaded. It was crucial that Harry knew the truth that he hadn't betrayed him.
Harry looked up and turned his head to face Ron. He didn't know what he'd say next.
WELL, hope u liked this chap ppl, I've been on the comp from 2- 11 pm...ugh....please review...I think I deserve some for this one...I'll update soon, perhaps tomollo or somethin...gonna go watch madtv now,...cya!