Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy

Martin picked up the phone for the seventh time in five minutes, dialing all the numbers of Sam's phone number except the last one. By the time he reached the last number, he chickened out and hung up the phone. It shouldn't be this hard for him to call her. He missed her and wanted to talk to her, but at the same time he didn't want to crowd her. She had wanted this break—she had wanted to get away from him for a while.

On the other hand, he missed her and wanted to talk. Sure, they would briefly chat when he called to check on Claire but usually those conversations were only about what had happened to them during the day. While he savored those precious moments with her, he wanted more.

Taking a deep breath, he picked up the phone and dialed her number. This time he even dialed that last number.

"Hello?" Sam answered after the third ring.

"Hey, it's me." He greeted nervously.

"Martin." She smiled. She was glad to hear his voice again. They were talking every time he called to talk to Claire but their conversations were never about anything important. She couldn't help but miss him and the late-night talks that they had before going to sleep.

"I didn't wake you up or anything. Did I?" He hoped not. He would feel bad if he was keeping her from getting sleep.

"No." She answered. "I wasn't sleeping. I was doing some crossword puzzles."

"Crossword puzzles at night?" Now he knew that there was something wrong with her. She usually only did the crossword puzzle in the morning. If she was doing crossword puzzles at night, then that meant she had a problem that she was trying to sort through. "Is something wrong?"

"No." She lied. Well, it was more like a half-lie. Technically there was nothing wrong. She was just worried, anxious, and missing him. "Nothing's wrong."

"You sure?" He could tell that she wasn't giving him the full story.

"Yeah." She replied, trying to sound confident. "Everything's…great."

Everything was great with her. He had suspected that she was doing well without him and her comment confirmed it.

"How is everything in New York?" She asked hesitantly. After what Danny had told her two days ago, she wanted to find a way to get Martin to admit that he was having trouble so that they could have an honest conversation about it. She just hoped he would be receptive to that.

"Great." He lied.

She could tell by the tone of his voice that Danny was right. Everything wasn't great with him and wondered why he wasn't talking to her about it. Maybe it was the same reason why she wasn't telling him about the baby. Fear. Hers was an immense fear of facing demons of the past and his seemed like a fear based on insecurity.

There was an awkward silence that soon transpired over the line and it was driving her crazy. "Martin, I've been thinking…"

He wasn't sure what she was about to say, but he knew from prior experience that sentences starting with 'I've been thinking' usually preceded bad news. So he braced himself for the worst.

She missed him, and although she wasn't ready to have him move down there yet, she didn't like the way they were drifting apart. Hopefully this would be a good way to stop that from happening. Also, maybe this would help Martin too. She hated to think of him being miserable and had vowed to do something to help. She'd been thinking about it a lot and had finally figured out a few things to do that would hopefully help the situation.

"I miss the way we used to talk before we went to sleep." She paused for a moment before continuing. "Before I left we were getting into a habit of talking a lot and we had some good conversations in bed. I know that we talk when you call for Claire, but do you think that maybe we could also talk later more often—like we are now?"

He was shocked. That wasn't bad news at all. In fact, that was wonderful news. He'd love to talk to her like this more often. The fact that she was the one asking for that meant that she was reaching out to him and it meant a lot to him. "I'd really like that."

"Good." She was glad that he agreed to that, although she didn't think he would have rejected her idea. "I had another thought too."

"Oh really?" He tried to be optimistic that this thought was also a good one.

"Yeah." She replied. "I was thinking that maybe you could come down for a weekend sometime soon. I know Claire would be thrilled if you came and so would I. What do you think?"

"Just tell me what weekend works for you and I'll be there." He told her. He wasn't sure what was going on with her. She was being more open and even inviting him down for a visit. While he would have liked it more if he could just move down there, he would be happy with a visit.

"How about this weekend?" She asked nervously. She knew that it was short notice, but she was also positive that he would drop anything and everything to come.

"This weekend?" A smile crept onto his face. This must be his lucky day or something. "Yeah, this weekend is perfect."

"Wonderful." She let out a deep breath that she had been holding. The fact that he was going to come visit this weekend meant that she had to commit to her new plan. "I think it will be good for you to come here. You really should see this house. It's even better than the pictures."

"I'm sure it is." Martin agreed. Yeah it would be nice to see their new house, but he was definitely more interested in seeing his family.

She was still interested in talking about what Danny had told her. Since asking him outright if he was ok wasn't working to get him talking, then maybe it would help if she tried another tactic to get him talking. Maybe if she opened up about her feelings, it would create an atmosphere where he would feel comfortable talking about his own feelings.

Internally she praised herself for doing something that Leslie had been trying to get her to do for a while now—be honest and communicate with Martin. "I probably don't tell you this enough, but I really do miss you. I mean, don't get me wrong. Everything is good here and I really like it a lot, but it's not the same without you."

It meant a lot to him that she was actually confessing this to him. Up until now he had thought that she was doing fine without him and didn't miss him very much at all. But maybe that wasn't true after all.

He was still being silent and she figured that it might help if she elaborated on her earlier statement. "Anytime I start missing you I just look at Claire and I can't help but smile. There's so much of you reflected in her. She has your smile, your laugh, and your kind heart. She's been really worried about you because she doesn't want you to be sad. I don't want you to be sad either. I at least have Claire around to talk to after work, but you don't. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you."

He listened to her talk, thinking about how nice it was to hear her opening up to him. Even though they had been talking to each other, this was the first really honest conversation that they had engaged in since before she left. She was sharing her feelings and making herself vulnerable by doing so. He realized that he should reciprocate. Maybe now was the time to tell her about how much he missed his family.

"It has been hard." He started out by saying before elaborating. "This house is too empty and dark when I come home. Without you and Claire here, it's just…it's not home anymore. It's just a place where I come to sleep and change clothes."

Her heart broke in pieces to hear him talk this way, knowing that she was responsible for his pain. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" He wasn't sure why she was apologizing to him.

"When I left, I didn't factor in how hard this would be for you." She explained. "I never meant to…well, I'm just sorry about everything."

"It's ok." He shrugged it off. "You had to go. I know that."

"But I never wanted to cause you pain, and I have." She felt horrible about the way things have turned out for him.

"I'll be fine." He tried to reassure her. He was starting to believe that he actually would be fine now. Things were looking up for him. Sam was starting to open up to him, they had agreed to have more of these late-night talks, and he was even going to get to visit this weekend. He was on cloud nine.

She wanted to believe him when he said that he would be fine. Ever since she suggested that he come visit, he had sounded happier. Maybe this visit was exactly what they all needed. Claire would get to see her father, Martin would get to see Claire and her, and she would get a chance to work up enough courage to tell Martin about the baby. She'd tell him now but didn't think that it was the kind of news to spring on him over the phone. She'd wait until he visited and then try to find a way to tell him then.