Love and Marriage

Chapter Seventy-One

"I think that I need to tell Martin about the baby sooner than I originally thought." Sam told Jackie during her next session.

"Really?" Jackie was surprised by this. During their last session together, Samantha had seemed reluctant to entertain the notion of telling Martin. While she was glad to hear that Samantha was having a change of heart, she wondered what had triggered it.

"Yes." Sam answered.

"You seemed adamant on waiting to tell him. What finally changed your mind?"

"I guess it was a combination of many things." Sam explained. "I got to thinking about what you said during our session and realized that you had a very valid point. Then I talked it over with a friend from work who gave me even more valid reasons for telling them. But I guess the final straw that broke the camel's back was the phone call I got from a friend back in New York. Danny, the friend, called and filled me in on what's been happening with Martin since I left."

"And what has been happening with Martin?" Jackie asked, curious about how Martin was handling the separation.

"Danny informed me that Martin wasn't dealing with things very well. He said that Martin was trying to work as many hours as he could, he wasn't eating, and was constantly in a bad mood. That's not normal behavior for Martin, especially the not eating part. He normally has a huge appetite and eats anything he can get his hands on." She looked up at Jackie. "So when I heard that he wasn't eating, along with the other things, I knew that it was serious."

"And this news surprised you?" Jackie guessed.

"Yes." Sam answered. "He's mentioned that he missed me and Claire, but he never told me just how much or to what extent our leaving had on him. When Danny told me this stuff, I was slightly angry because Martin was keeping something that I considered important from me. Then I realized that I was a big hypocrite."

"How so?" Jackie asked, wanting Samantha to explain further.

Sam sighed. "I was getting mad at him for keeping something from me when I am keeping something important from him. I wanted him to be honest, yet I wasn't willing to be honest with him. It's unfair and it needs to stop."

Jackie had to admit that she was impressed by Samantha's progress. From Leslie's notes and their first session, she hadn't thought that Samantha would make this much progress in so little time. But it was refreshing to see. "I agree with you that it does sound unfair for you to expect Martin to be completely honest when you aren't being completely honest with him. I think it's a big step for you to be able to admit that and then try and fix it. How do you intend on fixing it? Do you have any ideas?"

"Yes, actually I do. To start with, I invited Martin down to spend the weekend with us. He'll be coming down on Saturday." Sam explained. That was only two days from now and she still wasn't ready to tell him about the baby. She kept chickening out, even though she realized that she had to tell him while he was here. She couldn't let him go back to New York without telling him. "The plan is to tell him about the baby while he's here."

"That's the plan?" Jackie asked, noticing hesitation radiating off of Samantha. "Are you sure that you will be able to go through with it?"

"That's the thing." Sam laughed nervously. "I know I have to. I know that it's not fair to keep this to myself and that it will only hurt Martin if I keep it a secret for a long time. But…"

"But you still don't think you're ready to tell him?" Jackie guessed.

"Exactly." Sam gave her a nervous smile. "Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No." Jackie shook her had. "It doesn't make you a horrible person. It just means that you're afraid, and I can help you with that."

"How?" Sam asked.

"You're fear exists on many different levels but right now let's focus your fear that telling Martin will end your break." Jackie replied. "You're afraid that you won't be able to stop Martin from moving down here as soon as he finds out about the baby. And that wouldn't be a smart idea because you two have already agreed on this break. Correct?"

"Yes." Sam nodded. "We've already agreed on this. We can't go back on it now."

"My advice to you about this is to be completely honest with Martin. Tell him the reasons why you don't think he should immediately move here and then listen if he has his own list of reasons why he thinks he should immediately move here." Jackie explained. "The best thing you can do is share your feelings and listen to him when he shares his. You might not agree with what Martin has to say and you might think that it's a horrible idea, but try to at least think about it for a moment. Give his thoughts serious consideration instead of instantly shrugging them off. That is what good communication entails."

"So I should just tell Martin why I think he should stay in New York?" Sam asked.

"Yes, if that's how you feel." Jackie told her.

"But then I would be the bad guy. I'd be sending him back to a place where he's miserable. I don't know if I can do that." She admitted.

"Couldn't you compromise?" Jackie asked.

"I guess." Sam replied. "But what kind of compromise could we come up with?"

"Well it seems to me that part of Martin's sadness and a reason he may be so miserable in New York may be the fact that he doesn't know when he's going to see you and Claire again. Reading the transcripts of the sessions with Leslie it becomes apparent to me that Martin is a very family-oriented guy. Family seems to be the most important thing to him. Am I correct in that assumption?"

"Yeah." Sam nodded. "He'd do anything for his family."

Jackie nodded. "Sometimes in situations like this, a separation from a family member or even your entire family can be made worse by not knowing when you'll see them again. I don't have any kind of reference about how long you want this separation to be. Have you talked to Martin about how long of a break you're taking? Have you decided together?"

"No." She shook her head. "We never finalized a set time when we'd get back together."

"I see." Jackie made a note of that. "Then maybe, as a compromise, you could sit down with Martin and figure out just how much longer your break will last. I think that might help both of you. You would still get the break that you want and Martin would get the peace of mind accompanied with knowing exactly how much longer he will be in New York before rejoining his family here. I think that would help him if he had some kind of idea about how much longer the break would be and it might help make him less miserable. What are you thoughts about that?"

"It's a good idea." Sam replied after thinking about what Jackie was telling her. In all honesty, they probably should have finalized a set time for this break from the beginning. But everything seemed to happen so fast that they never got to that. "I'm just glad that I have two more days to think of the best way to tell him about the baby."