Love and Marriage
Chapter Eighty-One

"Goodnight sweetie." Sam smiled and kissed her daughter on the cheek before making sure that Claire was tucked in tightly underneath the covers.

"Sleep well princess." Martin kissed Claire's other cheek.

"Night mommy and daddy." Claire said back as she started to yawn. Her eyes closed within a few seconds and she was fast asleep.

"C'mon." Martin whispered to Sam, holding his hand out for her to take.

She took his hand and they quietly left Claire's room, turning off the light and closing the door. She wasn't sure where he was leading her to at first, then it became clear that they were heading to the bedroom. He sat down on the edge of the bed and motioned for her to join him. So she did.

Many thoughts were running through her head and she didn't know which one of them to focus on. So instead of choosing one to go with, she would wait for Martin to start the conversation.

"Were you serious when you suggested that I fly down here every weekend?" He finally asked, wanting to start this conversation. Even though he didn't really want to talk about this, he knew that this would probably be their last chance to talk without worrying about Claire overhearing them.

"I was at the time." Sam admitted.

"And now?" His interest was piqued. If that was what she wanted then, what did she want now?

"Now I don't know anymore." She shrugged her shoulders.

"I understand that you are looking for a compromise, and that me flying down here every weekend sounds like a perfect compromise. But I'm not sure that it is the solution that we should be thinking about."

"Why?" Sam asked, eager to hear his opinion.

"It's impractical. By the time you factor in how much time I spend flying to and from here, I'll only get to see you and Claire for a few hours. And while I would treasure those few hours, it's just not practical." He explained. "It would be costly and exhausting."

"I know." She agreed. "But what else are we going to do?"

"I don't know." Martin shook his head. "Why are you against me coming and living here right now?"

"Fear." Sam replied quietly.

"Of what though?" He asked. What exactly was it that she was afraid of? How was he supposed to help her if he didn't know what she needed help with?

"Just the same old things." She answered, getting up from the bed and walking over to look out the window. "Like losing the baby."

He got up and walked over to where she had gone, standing behind her and wrapping his arms around her tightly. "That's not going to happen. I promise you that."

"You can't promise something like that." She pointed out.

"Yes I can." He assured her. "And I am."

"How then?" She asked with a small smile appearing on her face. "How are you going to be able to promise that?"

"I just am." He smiled back. "We're not going to lose this child. I believe that with my whole heart."

"How can you be that optimistic?" She asked, turning her head slightly to glance at him.

"I'm not sure. I just am." He replied. "History isn't going to repeat itself. This boy or girl is going to be born and live a very long life."

"I have this recurring dream." She went back to staring out the window. "I lose the baby. You then blame me, get mad at me and leave. You take Claire with you and I never see either of you again."

"That will never happen—none of it." He kissed her neck in hopes of reassuring her. "First of all, we're not losing the baby and secondly, I'd never leave you. I love you too much to do that."

"And, rationally, I know that. But I still have these dreams and…"

"Dreams don't mean anything." Martin told her. "They are just a way of your brain to play practical jokes on you while you're sleeping. Your brain puts together scenarios of situations that scare you."

"Dreams are practical jokes?" She couldn't help but laugh at his analysis and turned around in his arms so that she was now facing him. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He had this unique way of knowing exactly when she needed him to inject some humor into a situation, and it was one of the many reasons why she loved him.

"Thanks." She smiled. "I needed that."

"Anytime." He told her, glad that he was able to help bring her out of her pessimistic mood. "You know, it would be a lot easier for me to do this if I was in the same state…"

"And we're back to this again." She interrupted, closing her eyes. "Am I the only one getting tired of talking about this?"

"Nope." He chuckled. "I'm tired of it too, but we can't stop discussing it until we've made a decision."

"So I guess the idea of you flying down here every weekend is out." She assumed that he didn't want to do that.

"I'd rather not." Martin sighed. "But what other choice do we have since you don't want me here and I don't want to go?"

"It's not that I don't want you here." She felt like she needed to make that clearer to him. "I love you and I want you in my life. But…"

"But you don't want me in your house or in your bed." He finished her sentence for her, thinking that he knew where she was going with her statement.

"That's not true." She objected. "Why do you think that?"

"What else am I supposed to think Sam?" He asked, releasing his grip on her and walking away to go sit back down on the edge of the bed. "You run hot and cold with me. First you want me to go and then you make it seem like you want me to stay. But you can't have it both ways. So do you want me to stay or go?"

"I'm not sure anymore." She admitted honestly as she sat next to him on the bed. "I think we still need this break but, at the same time, I'm not sure how much longer we should stay apart. I don't want to keep hurting Claire or you."

"Ok." He sighed. "So it looks like we need some kind of compromise."

"Yeah." She nodded. "Any suggestions?"

"I'm thinking." He told her. "How much longer do you think this break should be?"

"Maybe a couple more weeks?" She suggested.

After a few minutes of thinking, he turned to her. "How about this? I go back to New York tomorrow and put in my two weeks notice. I then get everything ready to move. I pack everything up, put the house up for sale, and everything. Then I come back down here."

"You're just going to quit your job instead of waiting for a transfer?" She questioned.

"Well, yeah." He replied. "I can just reapply whenever an opening comes along here, and until then, I can take care of Claire during the weekdays so that she won't have to go to the federal daycare everyday."

"She likes the federal daycare though." Sam informed him. "She's made a lot of new friends there."

"We can figure that out later I guess." He shrugged.

"So you'd be moving down here in two weeks?" She questioned. "You're going to pack everything up and take care of everything in just two weeks?"

"Yes." He replied. "I think this is a good compromise. That way, you still get two more weeks of this break while I don't have to wait indefinitely to move down here." He was really hoping that she would accept his compromise because it seemed like the perfect solution to him.

She wasn't sure what to think about his compromise. She was trying to process everything.

He noticed that she was being rather quiet about this and took it as a sign that she didn't like it. The smile left his face. "You hate this compromise, don't you?"

"I don't hate it…" She told him.

"But you don't like it either." He assumed. "Do you?"