Chapter Two

Tommy sat at the table with me and said "Jude I don't know where to begin" I guessed the beginning would have been a good place but I kept that comment to myself because I remember the beginning, and the now, just not the middle and I don't know why that is.

Tommy got up and got the portable CD player and put it in front of me, "I guess we can do this with music accompaniment because music is how you have always communicated" he said thinking of which song to start with. Again he got up this time he went to the CD rack and picked out 5. He put them on the table and I looked at them. 4 of them were mine! Now I was really confused. 1 of them was his. Pointing to his I asked "When did you do this one?"

I was reeling Tommy had gotten so upset with me for suggesting that he work on his solo project. "It was released right after you left on tour to promote your 3rd album shortly after your 18th birthday." He said trying to figure out my thoughts. I helped him out by saying "Were we together then?" "No, I was still trying to work out the logistics of a relationship with you out in my head." He said uncomfortably with a certain amount of pain in his eyes

"Oh Jude this is so hard on me." He sighed shakily. "Sadie is gone. There was a terrible accident and she was killed." He got up and paced the room nervously with tears in his eyes. "WHAT! I don't believe that not for one minute" I screamed at him hoping that what he was saying was a cruel joke. Then I remembered my dream and I put my head down on the table and whispered softly "Tell me how".

He proceeded to tell me my dream that I had that morning. Then he went on to tell me that it was Jamie who had been driving the car and he lost control and careened across the front lawn crushing Sadie between his car, her lawn chair and her car in the driveway. He was paralyzed from the waist down. He hadn't spoken to anyone since then. That was 3 years ago. "The song you remember working on. We recorded it but we never released it because you felt like it would be wrong because of the title." He said and reached for my hand. "Do you have it? I want to hear it" I begged him "Of course I have it. Are you sure you want to do this to yourself?" he asked me skeptically. "Just put it on Quincy" I shouted at him. I sat and watched him put the disc in and closed my eyes to listen:

Saved

I opened my eyes,

Barely alive without you

Feeling no pain, I'm not the same without you

Save me! Save me!

Watching you watching me

From afar, I'm drowning

Feeling as though we've been here before

Know what I mean?

There's a river in your eyes and I'm swept away

Breaking inside out, promising to stay
Together again, a lifetime stranded apart

Save me! Save me!
Watching you watching me from afar, I'm... reeling.

Feeling as though we've been here before

Know what I mean?

But your river calls to me and I'm swept away

Breaking inside out, promising to stay

Together again, a lifetime stranded apart
Save me! Save me!

When the song ended I looked at him and said "I wrote that for you didn't I?" Searching his eyes for the answer, He simply nodded and looked away. I didn't think that I could handle anymore but I waited for the rest of the story. Sensing that I was anxious to know the rest he plowed on with the story.

"After the funeral your Mom, well she kind of had a nervous breakdown. She's actually still in the hospital. We usually go to see her after dinner." He said glancing at the clock. "Tonight she can wait Tommy I have to know the rest of this." I told him now knowing some of the horror that my own mind was protecting me from but I also needed to know why it was protecting me now instead of then when it all happened.

"You were finishing recording your 3rd album and it all came crashing down on you. You were essentially left alone. You refused to go live with your father. Although I can't say I blame you. You wanted to stay at the house by yourself. I wouldn't let you so after 2 months of us arguing and me running from your house to my house, to the studio to the hospital, you finally agreed to come and stay here at my house.

It was about six months before I acknowledged that I was still in love with you. And you were denying the very same thing. Yeah we had moments alone at home where you wanted us to be together and then you would push me away and tell me you couldn't do that to Sadie" He finished on a sigh like a weight had been lifted off his chest. "What was I doing while all this was going on?" I implored. "You were writing and recording. The 4th album came out on the heels of the 3rd, you went in a different direction it was darker and more dramatic and the public well they were impressed so Darius arranged a tour. I couldn't go because I was working at a different studio by that time. Let's just say Darius and I didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things so by mutual consent I was cut loose. You were still tied to him. So you went off on tour and you were so mad that I couldn't or wouldn't go that you told me when you came back you were leaving the house and we wouldn't ever work together again. I was so desperate not to lose you that I pushed myself to finish what I had started a year earlier and I released my album. When word got around to you and you finally heard the first song you called me and told me you loved me and you were coming home to be with me the way it should be. Do you want to hear the song?" he asked me hesitantly. I just nodded dumbly.

Walk in the Shadows

What? You say you're through with me

I'm not through with you

We've had what others might call love

You say it's over now,

What's done, what's through?

You can't stay away, you need me

I need you

When the fire starts the pain's too much

For your mind

You need attention, what's good is only mine

I can cure the hunger that burns in your heart

Just come to me

I'll take you home

We'll walk in the shadows

By day we'll live in a dream

We'll walk in the shadows

You say you don't feel safe alone tonight

Cause you feel the pressure building in your head

Our secret's safe for one more night

But when the morning comes remember

I'll be with you

We'll walk in the shadows

By day we'll live in a dream

We'll walk in the shadows

One day you'll be with me

If only you believe..

Hearing that song and the way he sang it sent shivers down my spine there was the desperation and the longing that I always felt and of course the promise of things that could be if we did it the right way. I know why after I heard it I called him and told him what I had. But I was now more confused. I waited for the story to continue.

"You didn't want the publicity of our relationship so we decided to keep it to our selves but you know how well that works. There was always speculation and rumor so we had to let it come out. People didn't think that I was such a good guy dating you since I had been involved with Sadie. The common misconception there is that we were still together when she died and you know we weren't" pausing he got up to get a glass of water.

"What did happen with you and Sadie?" I wanted to know since she would never tell me. "When you went out on your first tour and I went away with her I realized then that I could never love her the way I love you and it wouldn't be fair to her. So I gave her the it's not you it's me speech and she hated me for lying to her because she could see right through that. I spent more time on the phone with Georgia and EJ trying to get information and watching the papers for news of you then I did doing anything else and she was pissed off." Now I knew why I wasn't allowed to mention his name in front of her without her stomping off.

"Your contract with Darius was up at this point and you decided you wanted to take a break from all of it. You had been running from the demons haunting you for so long that I took you on an extended vacation. You wanted to go to Las Vegas so that's where we went. We spent your 19th birthday there and we decided to get married. Now before you ask it wasn't a spur of the moment thing we had been discussing it at home and the whole time we were there. It was planned. So on December 10th you became my wife and in 2 weeks it will be our 2nd wedding anniversary." He smiled gently at me the way he did that always made me love him more all over again.

"But didn't we have a big wedding with friends and relatives there?" He gave a little laugh "Nah just Georgia, Ej Kat and Shay flew in for our wedding you didn't want your dad there and your mom really couldn't go." "Shay was there? Why the hell would he be there?" there better be a good answer for this one I was thinking when I was knocked over by the next little tidbit.

"Shay walked you down the aisle and gave you away to me!" he told me trying hard not to laugh at the shock registering on my face. "No wonder my mind has gone blank on me. This is a lot to process. Does my mom know all of this? We couldn't have been cruel enough to torture an already sick woman with all of this could we?" I asked hoping that I would get a flat out no. "Well yes she does know. What she remembers or chooses to remember is a different story" Was that the answer that I wanted? No, most definitely not.

"Tommy you said we go see her every night after dinner it's almost 7:30pm can we still go? Maybe she knows why I forgot everything. Maybe I just need to see her too." He looked at me with all the love in the world in those beautiful blue eyes and told me "Of course we can go but I don't know if your ready for this. You won't get the answers that your looking for."

With that I jumped up and ran out the front door. I was so excited I was like a kid on Christmas morning trying to wake the whole house up so they can open presents. That mood would soon change.