Mou Ichi Do Chapter 22: Kiss Me Goodbye, a gravitation fanfic

Sorry for the late update. I was really busy with school work. Sigh.

And well, I was losing faith in this story. The clichés and all. So I sat down and started brainstorming if there was any other way I could end the story… but alas, I wasn't able to come up with anything good. Dammit. I'm kinda disappointed, but well, I think it's better if I end it in a cliché manner, rather than leave it hanging.

I'm so sorry, everyone! (Sob)

There's either 1 or 2 chapters left to tie up everything. So please bear with me…

Well then, here's the chapter. It may be sort of boring, but it's necessary as a bridge (?) to the ending.

DISCLAIMER: Gravitation does not belong to me.

MOU ICHI DO

Chapter 22 - Kiss Me Goodbye

Shuichi flung himself down onto the bed as soon as he reached the safe haven of his room. In the dim orange light, everything was still. Yet, his heart was thumping uncontrollably, and his mind was whirling with confusion. He buried himself deeper into the covers, trying to compose himself, willing all those disturbing thoughts and feelings away. But everytime he shut his eyes, he saw Yuki bath in the glow of the setting sun.

He groaned and squeezed his eyes when he heard a knock at the door. He was sure that it could only be Akiha checking up on him, and he didn't want to have to deal with Akiha now. That guy knows him too well and it bugged him. All he wanted to do now was to lie down there and not think of anything, watching time pass and hoping that the world would be a better place.

The doorbell rang, followed by another two knocks on the door.

Shuichi pulled the pillows over his head.

But the knocks persisted.

Sighing, Shuichi sprung up and strode to the door, throwing it open, all ready to yell at Akiha. But to his surprise, that man wasn't there.

"Haruko?" Shuichi blinked. "What are you doing here so late in the night? Is there something wrong?"

Haruko gave Shuichi a tired smile. "Shuichi, can I come in for a moment?"

"Uh… sure."

Haruko glanced at the half-packed luggage at the corner of the room. "You haven't finish packing?"

"Not really. But I'll just dump the rest of my stuff in and I'll be done. So you don't have to-" Shuichi faltered as he felt arms wrapped around his waist from behind. "-worry. Haruko? Is something wrong?"

"…" Haruko rested her head on Shuichi's back. "Shu-chan, are you really going back with us? Promise?"

Shuichi felt his heart skipped a beat. He held his breath unwittingly. Why is she asking me this? Did she… but it doesn't matter anyway. In fact, it's better this way. He untangled himself from Haruko, stepping away quietly. "I am going back to America. But…"

"…But you're leaving me."

He wasn't able to respond immediately to that. Instead, he walked away, towards the windows. It was still drizzling outside, making the night seemed colder than ever.

"Shu-chan?"

Shuichi closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the cool glass. "I'm sorry."

"…So it's true then?"

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to lie to you…" Shuichi's voice dropped to a whisper.

"Your relationship with Yuki-san was for real?" A moment of silence passed before Haruko spoke again, with a trembling voice. "I can't believe it. I… I feel so stupid… Why?"

"I really didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean for all these to happen. It's just that…" Shuichi turned and took in Haruko's broken form, an immense guilt weighing down on his heart. "I don't want to continue lying."

"But what if I wish for you to carry on lying? Will you? Can you do it for me?"

Shuichi gazed at Haruko sadly. "I can't do it, Haruko. It's not a matter of whether I want to do it… I just can't. Maybe if I hadn't come back, if I hadn't met him again, I could go on living in the lie I created. But seeing him again has stripped me of that ability. There's absolutely no way I can carry on deceiving myself anymore."

Tears trickled down Haruko's cheeks silently. "But I really love you, Shu-chan. I don't know how to let go. I don't want to let go…"

"Everyone says that they do not wish to hurt the other party whenever they ask for a separation. But in the end, they still end up hurting one after another… and of course, the ones most hurt by everything would still be themselves."

Shuichi smiled bitterly. Hiro's words always made sense. "I can't tell you how to let go, because I obviously don't know how to do it as well. But you're a strong girl… you're much stronger than me. You can do it. Besides, I'm not worth it. You should find someone better."

"Shuichi…" Haruko walked towards the boy, reaching out to touch his cheek, and began asking fearfully. "Did you love me?"

Shuichi squeezed his eyes shut.

"Did you love me?"

It reminded him so much of his pitiful self. It was the one question where the answer never failed to break his heart.

"I'm a heartless, lying bastard. I took advantage of you. I used you to try forgetting him. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if I've ever truly loved you a single bit. Would that help you to forget me? You can hate me as much as you want to." Shuichi took a deep breath to try holding his tears back. "No matter what I do, no matter where I am, there's only him in my heart. I've done everything I can think of to try to free myself, but in the end, I realized that I may not wish to be free at all. I don't know… I don't know anymore. I'm so tired… I give up… I'm sorry…"

Haruko took a step back and watched Shuichi with pain-filled eyes. She opened her mouth, wishing to say something comforting in return, but realized that she couldn't do it. More tears slipped down her cheeks and she bit onto her lip, turning to leave. She knew that there wasn't anything that she could say or do to make this alright. All that she could do was to wait and pray for time to heal everything, so that she could at least stay by Shuichi's side as a friend.

But before that, this was going to be a long and torturous night.

xXx xXx xXx xXx xXx

"Shuichi! Are you ready?" Akiha yelled as he stepped into Shuichi's room. Sunlight filtered in through the windows. He stopped and stared at Shuichi's enormous luggage, which was practically bulging at the sides. "What the hell did you put in there!"

Shuichi grimaced. "It's not me. My mom and my sister stuffed me with so many local products and forced me to bring them all back to America. I'll feel bad if I don't bring them all back."

"You're already starting to miss them eh?" Akiha smiled.

"Of course… I'll miss everyone."

"You sure you wanna do that?"

Shuichi hesitated for a moment. He took in a deep breath, held it there for seconds, before releasing it slowly. "Yeah. It's time for a fresh start. I'm gonna do it."

"Well then, let's make a move. Tsuyoshi and the rest will settle stuff at the airport." Akiha wrapped his arm around Shuichi's waist and guided him out of the room, heading for the TV station once last time. Hours later, they arrived at the studio after having a quick lunch, a trip to Sense Gallery, and some time to shop around.

"Shuichiiiiiiiiii!" The moment Shuichi stepped into the studio, he was assaulted by Ryuichi's infamous glomp, with Kumagorou squashed in between them.

"Sakuma-san…" Shuichi grinned and hugged back. He missed this warm feeling and this feeling of disbelief everytime he got from hugging his god. His god… Yes, Sakuma Ryuichi would always be his god even if he had quit singing.

"That's enough! You'll suffocate him to death." Noriko clucked her tongue and pulled Ryuichi off, while Hiro helped Shuichi up.

"Nooooo! Shuichi can't die! He finally agreed to sing again! He can't die without singing…" Ryuichi sniffled, appearing to be on the verge of tears.

"So Shuichi? What made you want to sing before you leave?" K frowned as he continued wiping his magnum with a handkerchief. "I still can't believe you agreed to be a surprise guest singer for us."

Shuichi stuck out his tongue. "Nothing much. I just thought that it would make you guys happy, especially Sakuma-san!"

"Waahhh! Shuichiiii!" Ryuichi made very sure not to hug Shuichi again for fear of suffocating him to death. Instead, he chose to peck Shuichi lightly on the cheek. "I like Shuichi na no da!"

Shuichi blushed. "Sa-sa-sakuma-san…"

"By the way, you look quite horrible, Shuichi. Did you not sleep well last night?" Hiro frowned worriedly.

"Not a wink."

"Huh?" The entire group echoed.

"Nah, it's nothing. I just couldn't sleep well, thinking of how I'm leaving tonight." Shuichi lied. Haruko… I hope she's alright… "My flight has been rescheduled to take off at 9 instead of 11."

"What! But I think I heard that Seguchi-san wanted to invite all of us to dinner. It's meant to be a farewell dinner for you." Hiro sighed. "But it seems like you're leaving straight after this show now."

"Don't make it sound like we'll never meet again!" Shuichi scrunched up his nose. "Anyway, I'll go say goodbye to Seguchi-san before I leave. He'll be at the same old bar, right?" He shot Sakano a questioning look.

"Ah, right. Shachou will be there with Mika-san... and Yuki-san, I think." Sakano gulped nervously when he realized he had just mentioned that name.

"Alright everybody! Please get ready! We'll begin shooting in 5 minutes time!"

It was a gift to be able to hear Bad Grasper perform one more time before he left. They were absolutely great, concentrating on each and every note of the music, radiating off so much energy. Shuichi just thought that it was a pity since it wasn't a live performance. The show would only be broadcasted at 7pm later in the evening.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, can you guess who the mysterious guest singer for tonight's show is?"

Shuichi recognized it as his cue to get ready. The stage lights were dimmed and he stepped up onto the stage, casting a glance towards the spot where Akiha stood. The latter gave a thumbs-up.

"We're honored to have him on stage to sing us one last song before he leaves. Yes, I'm sure you know who he is by now. This special performance is dedicated to all Bad Luck fans out there! Here is Shindou Shuichi, with the song "Sometimes Love Ain't Enough"!"

A soft orange light set the stage aglow as the music began. An image of him standing on stage performing as part of Bad Luck flashed into his mind. He could just picture all the screaming fans.

"This song is for the one whom I love, and the one who love me…"

And the lyrics came flowing out.

xXx xXx xXx xXx xXx

Yuki sighed for the hundredth time that day and gritted his teeth in frustration.

"So, Eiri, you haven't answered me! Where were you yesterday? You didn't answer any of my calls!" Mika nagging voice droned on and on. "I was so worried!"

"I don't need to report everything to you," Yuki snapped and growled. He hated being fussed over like he was some defenseless kid. Tohma and Mika should get a life and stop probing into his. Besides, there was no way he could tell them that he spent the entire day with Shuichi yesterday. "If you really need to fuss over someone, then take it out on the underage guy who's drinking."

Mika shot Tatsuha a murderous look. "What do you think you're doing?"

"It not as if you don't know that I drink…" Tatsuha whined. "Stupid aniki. Anyway, Shuichi's leaving tonight. I hope you know that."

Yuki's cold demeanor did not falter even though his heart plummeted a little. "So?"

"Well I thought you'll be interested to rush to the airport, scream out your love for him, and get him to promise you that he'll marry you stay by your side forever."

Yuki glared daggers at Tatsuha.

"Eiri-san, you-" The bells tinkled, signaling the arrival of customers. Tohma frowned. The bar was supposed to be closed to public while they were there. Who had the audacity to intrude on a rare family gathering? He turned to look, and his eyes widen in surprise.

"Shindou-san…!"

Mika, Tatsuha, and Yuki all snapped their heads up in alarm.

What? Yuki turned in the direction of the entrance as well. He caught his breath in amazement at the sight of the model who was panting slightly. "Shuichi?"

Shuichi smiled back nervously.

"Shindou-san, why are you here?" Tohma asked, startled. He noted that Akiha was standing outside, by the door.

"I… I just wanted to bid you goodbye. My flight's been rescheduled to 9pm. I'll be leaving for the airport from here afterwards."

8? That's early… Yuki looked away and chose to focus on his glass of liquor instead. It was only then did the reality of it sink in. He's really leaving…

"That's a pity, since I thought of holding a farewell dinner for you. Do Nakano-san and the others know?"

"Yeah, I just met up with them." Shuichi paused for a moment. "Yuki, can I talk to you for a minute?"

It took Yuki a few seconds to react. "…What?"

Shuichi just stood there, near the door, refusing to budge. "I need to talk to you."

Talk? Again? What is it this time? Yuki sighed and stood up He moved towards Shuichi, who was searching for something in his pockets.

"Here…" Shuichi held out a white envelope, complete with his house address and a stamp at the corner. "It's time I return this to you."

"What the hell is this?"

"And I've got something else for you too," Shuichi smiled, and pulled out a scarf from the paper bag he had been holding on to. "I bought this back in America thinking that it suits you, before I realized what I was doing. Stupid eh?"

"Huh?" Yuki blinked in confusion as Shuichi wrapped the scarf around his neck.

"By the way, there're some things which I forgot to tell you yesterday," Shuichi gazed deep into Yuki's eyes. "One, I hate him. And two, you're such a cold, heartless bastard." He tugged on the scarf, forcing Yuki to bend down.

His lips ghost over Yuki's, whispering: "But I love you…"

He was sure that Yuki didn't hear that though, as the words were swiftly drowned in the kiss that followed next. He dug deep into the kiss, trying to burn the image of Yuki into his mind, and to memorize the author's taste and scent.

Finally, he pulled back reluctantly. "Goodbye…"

Trying to keep himself from shaking, he quickly bowed to Tohma, Mika, and Tatsuha who were still paralyzed at witnessing the kiss, and turned to leave.

The tinkling of the bells brought Yuki back to his sense.

"What…" Yuki glanced down at the envelope in his hands. It was light, yet somehow it felt heavier and heavier the longer he held on to it. He opened it swiftly, and a piece of silver metal came falling out.

"Eiri! What was that all about?"

It was a key. The key to his house.

He peered into the envelope and pulled out a note. It read: "7.15pm, TV channel 3."

He glanced at the digital clock at the corner of the bar. 7.20pm.

Shit!

"Turn that to Channel 3!"

"Huh?"

"I said turn the TV on to Channel 3!" Yuki barked to the bartender. "Hurry up!"

"Eiri-san, is something wrong?" Tohma asked worriedly, and strode to Yuki's side. The bartender jumped in fright and did as he was told.

"…by Bad Grasper! Let's thank them with another round of applause!"

Tohma frowned at the program that was currently being shown on TV. "That's the TV program that Bad Grasper is assigned to do. What about it?"

Yuki frowned as well. What did the brat mean by asking me to watch this program?

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, can you guess who the mysterious guest singer for tonight's show is?" The host paused to allow some tension to build up. "We're honored to have him on stage to sing us one last song before he leaves. Yes, I'm sure you know who he is by now. This special performance is dedicated to all Bad Luck fans out there! Here is Shindou Shuichi, with the song "Sometimes Love Ain't Enough"!"

"What?" Tatsuha yelped. "Shuichi's performing on the same show as Sakuma-san?"

Yuki's heartbeat raced as he watched Shuichi strolled to the center of the stage. He's singing an English song again? By directing me to watch this… is the song for me then?

Bit by bit, Yuki grew more and more confused as he took in the lyrics of the song.

xXx xXx xXx xXx xXx

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
(Patti Smyth & Don Henley)

I don't wanna lose you
I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side

And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry

That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Shuichi sat in the cab, on his way to the airport, staring out of the window in silence. He vaguely registered Akiha squeezing his hand in an attempt to offer him some comfort. He wanted to protest, to tell Akiha that he didn't need any sympathy, but he was too tired to do so. In his mind, the song he had just sung on stage continued playing in his head.

Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall

Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all

It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change

And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say?
Do you feel me beside you in your bed?
There beside you where I used to lay

He remembered how his voice had come dangerously close to cracking as he sang those few lines, with memories of Yuki's sleeping face, the cutest side of Yuki, rushing into his mind.

Do you still see me beside you? Or has someone replaced me, taking up my place beside you in bed? Was there someone else who kissed you good morning now?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough

It took me years to understand this fact, Yuki. That sometimes, love isn't enough. Loving you wasn't enough to get you to love me back. Loving you wasn't enough to keep you by my side. Just like how Haruko's love wasn't enough for me to get over you. Life's so screwed, isn't it?

But why can't love be enough? Why can't loving someone be a simple task?

Shuichi closed his eyes as the song came to an end. He didn't need to look around to know how everyone's reacting to the song. Those who knew him would know who he had been singing to.

The one whom he loved… Yuki.

The one who loved him… Haruko.

But he didn't need sympathy. All he needed was to convey a message: He understood it now, and it was time to stop struggling futilely.

Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

xXx xXx xXx xXx xXx

Yuki stood rooted to the ground as he attempted to put everything together in a logical sense.

Sometimes love ain't enough…

Isn't he trying to say that he loves me? But feels that loving me isn't enough?

I don't understand! I don't get him at all!

Yuki slipped the key into his pocket and crushed the note along with the envelope. He turned and strode to the door.

"Eiri-san? Where are you going?"

He didn't answer. Once he stepped out of the bar, he picked up his pace, running to his car.

Damn brat! Stupid, stupid, stupid! He's confusing me. His words and actions do not match. How dare he fuck around with my mind! I'll get him for this. I swear.

He's not leaving until he explained everything clearly.

Night was falling fast and Shuichi's departure time drew closer and closer by the minute. He slammed down on the accelerator and began his race to the airport.

He's not leaving until I allow him to do so.

xXx xXx tbc xXx xXx

I get a kick out of inserting songs into my fic. I'm insane. Lol… sorry. But the lyrics do say something. Love this song lots, btw. And the previous song, 'Reality'.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I would have given up on this story if you guys hadn't written all those wonderful reviews. And those who were screaming at me to update… I practically cringed and warned myself to update soon for fear of getting kicked. Hahaha! (laughs) Thank you so much! (huggles everyone altogether… is that possible?)