Rurouni Kenshin: Tales of a Sexy Swordsman
Chapter 6: Bird Beaks and Porn Puffs
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, but don't rub it in, you big meanies!
Author's Note:
Finals are over! And I did good! W00T! I'm so glad that the semester is over, so I can have a fresh start! Not only that, it means that half the year is over! Only a four and a half more months and this horrible Freshman year will be over! Not only that, it means summer! And that means writing like crazy! Or am I thinking too far ahead...? Teehee.
Thanks to everyone for reviewing, and hope you will enjoy this one!
Entry 200:
W00T! I made it to Entry 200! So kick ass.
Entry 201:
How many of you thought that I had bought a sex toy last chapter! Oh, you sickos. All of you belong in that rabid fangirl's club!
Entry 202:
"I'm a sinner, I'm a saint! I do not feel ashamed!"
Entry 203:
Sing it, Yahiko!
Entry 204:
And I thought they called him Elvis the Pelvis... Well, these people have obviously never seen Sanosuke in his white pants!
Entry 205:
Now we really know Megumi is a nympho! Man, if she's getting Sano every night... Jesus. I don't think I could do it.
Entry 206:
Nah... I probably could.
Entry 207:
That poor mattress...
Entry 208:
I think I may be bi.
Entry 209:
Or, as people like to say, as straight as a rainbow.
Entry 210:
Is it my fault that I'm so beautiful!
Entry 211:
I loves my new mirror... I could just stare at it all day...
Entry 212:
Wait... WAIT! These pants make me look fat, not phat! OMG! Big problemos here! Must... Get... Ricky Martin's pants...
Entry 213:
"Kaoru-dono, I need to use the computer, that I do."
Entry 214:
Wow, Kaoru looks all flushed and stuff. And she rushed to X out all her windows... Hmm...
Entry 215:
"Here you go Kenshin I have to go now see you later!"
Entry 216:
I wonder what she was doing... Web History... Click.
Entry 217:
OHMYLORDINHEAVEN! Kaoru-dono is so dirty! My god! I didn't even know these sites existed! Holy shit!
Entry 218:
Wow... This guy's bird beak is even bigger than mine!
Entry 219:
"Hey Sanosuke! Yahiko! Come here and look at these sites for a minute!"
Entry 220:
"Wow, Kenshin! That guy has a bigger bird's beak than you!"
Entry 221:
Now how the hell would Sanosuke know that?
Entry 222:
Oh... That's right... We went to a nude hot spring together. And... Of course... We stared at Megumi and Kaoru, that dirty little kitten, too.
Entry 223:
"My god, what the hell is that!"
Entry 224:
"Really, that is fucked up."
Entry 225:
"No, literally."
Entry 226:
"Yahiko-chan!"
Entry 227:
"T-Tsubame!"
Entry 228:
Somebody's in trouble!
Entry 229:
"Sanosuke! What are you looking at—Oh my..."
Entry 230:
"Wow, that guy's bird beak is even bigger than Ken-san's!"
Entry 231:
Now how the hell would she know!
Entry 232:
"Wow, she's more limber than you, Megumi!"
Entry 233:
I knew she was getting it every night! And she still wants to get into my pants! My god.
Entry 234:
"What are you guys doing?"
"K-Kaoru-dono!"
Entry 235:
I guess I got off easy... I only can't feel my whole body.
Entry 236:
The rest of my days will be filled with saying, 'Kaoru-dono... Could you do that one move on page seven of kinkmaster.sex?'
Entry 237:
Oh man, I'm so hilarious. I really can't breathe. I just crack myself up, over and over again.
Entry 238:
What was I doing on the computer anyway...? Hm...
Entry 239:
What is it? What was I about to do?
Entry 240:
Oh, cruel fate... Why must one as beautiful as I suffer so?
Entry 241:
OH! I REMEMBER! Ricky Martin's pants... Damn, they're tight! And they'd be tighter on me.
Entry 242:
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Someone just screamed. I think it's Kaoru-dono...
Entry 243:
Kaoru-dono! OH NO!
Entry 244:
Oh, it's just Seta Soujiro, the Tenken. The adorably cute guy who has killed possibly hundreds. He's so cute! And... He's a BASTARD!
Entry 245:
"Soujiro! What are you doing here, you little bastard?"
Entry 246:
He looks confused.
Entry 247:
Oh, here comes Sano!
Entry 248:
"Hey Sano! Look, it's Soujiro the Bastard!"
"Yeah! How are ya doing, bastard?"
Entry 249:
He's started to get a little weepy.
Entry 250:
"You're such a bastard, Soujiro! Jeez! And your mom's a whore!"
Entry 251:
"Soujiro's a bastard... Soujiro's a bastard!"
Entry 252:
He's really started to bawl!
Entry 253:
He looks so cute when he cries!
Entry 254:
"Well, Soujiro, it's true... Our parents got married before they did it. Yours didn't. So you're a bastard!"
Entry 255:
Oh, he's fine now. And still adorably cute.
Entry 256:
I feel pretty... Oh so pretty...
Entry 257:
Oh, Kenshin's been a bad boy... And bad boys have to get spanked.
Entry 258:
SPANK ME! Oh yeah, baby. Shit, I'm getting all pumped.
Entry 259:
Only not that kind of pumped, as in giant scary muscles. They are so ugly. They make you look so... buff and shit. I mean, there is not a single guy who looks good buff. Streamlined and nicely shaped, maybe, but never Arnold scary, you know?
Entry 260:
There is Shisho, but he's a drunk swordsman so it doesn't matter. And besides, he's the good kind of buff, unlike some of those Oniwa Banshu guys... God, they were ugly.
Entry 261:
No, they're beyond ugly. They're just plain fugly. Fucking ugly.
Entry 262:
Except for Aoshi. Aoshi was damn hot. He might still be, under that cold and nasty exterior. I mean, his posterior is pretty damn hot, still.
Entry 263:
Not that I look or anything...
Entry 264:
Guess what! GUESS WHAT!
Entry 265:
I'm DAMN SEXY! W00T!
Entry 266:
Now, to the tune of Jimmy Cracked Corn...
"Kenshin is hot, and you guys aren't... Kenshin is hot, and you guys aren't..."
Entry 267:
Next time I see Kaoru-dono, I'm gonna go, "Kaoru-dono, I'm going to buy some tofu. Do you want anything? Because I think we're out of porn puffs again. Oh, did I say porn puffs? I meant corn puffs. My gosh, your hearing is going out."
Entry 268:
AHAHAHA! Now that was funny... I probably won't do it, though... She might hurt me or something. I don't know, maybe force me to eat her cooking and force me to get all fat and stuff.
Entry 269:
Super shiver...
Entry 270:
She might look okay in... nothing... but her cooking... Icky.
Entry 271:
I love it when she's working out... She gets all sweaty and furious... Growl... I love that.
Entry 272:
Ooo, opportunity!
Entry 273:
"Kaoru-dono, I'm going to get some more tofu and porn puffs. Do you want anything else?"
"WHAT!"
"I asked if you wanted anything else other than tofu and ear muffs."
Responses to Reviews:
x-iridescence: I love whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and strawberries. XD Glad you do, too!
GreenEyedFloozy: We all know that inside Kenshin, there is an extremely shallow side that is just begging to jump out, so I thought, why not let it have a run around the place? What I didn't know was that he'd go all out!
Pyramidgirl89: W00T! My midterms are over, too! Or finals, whatever you call them. I'm so glad it's a new semester! I did good, which makes me happy, and now I'm ready to fill that three-week gap of no updates with... UPDATES!
Phi-Dono: I thought a few people would like that part where they're cursing like mad, though I wonder if it should still be PG13... Teehee. The nipples part I can't take credit for—it was from 50 First Dates, but the rest of it should be both original and freaky. Here's a new chapter—enjoy!
Cedahlia: Should I know about this little Border's incident? It sounds... interesting. XD! I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter, and here's a new one for ya!
Venus Goddess: I'm glad I made your week better! Thanks for thinking I'm funny—usually I get people saying I'm insane, and that makes them laugh. Now that you've read Kenshin's diary and know that I write these things, can you imagine how I think?
Jeez: W00T! New reader! Kenshin is so right in the Megumi department, huh?
Crimson-Eyed-Angel99: We all know that sometime, somewhere, there's a ditzy Kenshin screaming and fighting to get out. So, in reality, Kenshin has both the Battousai and... Err... This!
NightIntent: Here's a new chapter, specially written for you! You were the number I had in my head to send my new one-shot, Seta Soujiro: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual, but I couldn't find your e-mail. Would you still like a sneak peek? Hope your week gets better, and enjoy this chapter!
Anonymous miss: You know, I thought the mirror was just a little too crazy, but I've had several people telling me it's hilarious, so there it is! Hope this new chapter gets you rolling in laughter!
Sess'sWannabeMate: Beans, beans, they're good for your heart! The more you eat, the more you fart! I might have that happen, though maybe not with Kenshin. Thanks for the idea, and love your new pen name!
Raeyn-chan: I love new readers–I love new readers that love my story more, so you've been loved! I like Nuriko more than Tamahome, too, even though we share the same birthday... But... My most favorite is still Tasuke! And Amiboshi—love him, too. Teehee.
Aoshi-Sama's weaselgirl: Ooo, another new reader! Now I'm super happy that you found this story from a friend! Now, if the insanity didn't scare you away, you rock!
Kiwigrl89: Thanks for the suggestion again! I haven't used it all the way yet. Just you wait! I have an idea for it that'll make some people laugh for sure! Here's a new chapter–enjoy!
Ari Sky: Thank you, thank you! I get these ideas from everywhere, but mostly from daily life. We all know how my brain works. BTW, is Fina's e-mail still the same one? If so, I'll go and ask her what her big news are (what are the big news?).
Slow Motion Runner: You know, that's the exact image I saw Kaoru in! Standing at the doorway, looking like Kenshin has finally gone mad... Kenshin is scaring people, but now at least we know what he's thinking!