Rurouni Kenshin: Tales of a Sexy Swordsman
Chapter 7: Wrong Size Rack
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, but don't rub it in, you big meanies!
Author's Note:
OMFG. You guys are crazy. I can't believe any of you. But... I LOVE YOU GUYS ALL THE SAME! Yay! WAY over 100 reviews! You guys are so great! And thanks to everyone who reviewed Seta Soujiro: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual! Ubercool people, yes you are! You guys make me all smiley inside!
Even though you guys are ubercool and all that jazz, I still couldn't update for the last few weeks. Sorry, sorry, but I had a little 'date' with a piano competition, and let me tell you, I still can't feel my wrists. Here's a quick chapter (and I mean quick–it was done in a day), and hopefully you'll enjoy it! Let's just say it's about education and the love of learning. :cackles:
Entry 274:
Hoo boy... I feel like I just turned ugly for a moment.
Entry 275:
Oh, no, just kidding.
Entry 276:
Yahiko just came into my room looking all nervous. Jesus cripes, if he asks me to teach him Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu again, I'll kabong him!
Entry 277:
"Um... Kenshin... I think I wet my bed."
Entry 278:
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! How old are you? Oh man, that's rich."
Entry 279:
That was Sano, honest! He came in... From... My window? Wait, I don't have a window in my room... Ooo, now I'm all creeped out. It's like, that kitty boy from the Grudge! Shit, that movie was scary!
Entry 280:
Wait... What was it that Yahiko told me again?
Entry 281:
"SANOSUKE! This isn't funny!"
Entry 282:
Ahh... It all came back to me right then.
Entry 283:
Sat Yahiko down and smiled all innocently. "Yahiko, you're entering a period of time where your body and your mentality are changing."
"Meaning that you're going to be able to like, have sex and actually enjoy it."
Entry 284:
Shit! It's like, a water balloon filled with red paint got sprayed over my room!
"Sano, this one has asked you about 47 times not to mention bodily functions in front of Yahiko! Look at this mess! I hope you know that blood stains very easily! Now I'll have to stick my hands in icky lye soap and wash these sheets and my shirt and... SANOSUKE!"
"Are you PMSing or something? Because I have some alcohol to make it all better if you need any..."
Entry 285:
Deep breath... Deep breath... That one word... From Anger Management... That I can't spell so I'm not going to even try.
Entry 286:
Strip tease to anyone who knows how to spell that one 'relax' word from Anger Management!
Entry 287:
Yeah, that includes you guys, Rabid Fangirls! W00t!
Entry 288:
I am so hot, I am like, burning. I can't take a shower without making the water evaporate!
Entry 289:
Sex is so great in the showers. I mean, the water... The steam... The freakin' tiles! Wow, that is HOT...
Entry 290:
Can you see Kaoru-dono like that?
I can.
Entry 291:
Why? Because I have! Haha! You dumbasses.
Entry 292:
And if you have... I'll kabong you too! Kaoru-dono's mine to peep on!
Entry 293:
Back to what I was originally doing before some gayass retard came into my room from nowhere and made blood spurt!
"Anyway, Yahiko, you're turning into a young man."
"What was I before, a young pig?"
"You sure eat like one!"
Entry 294:
DAMN! Kaoru-dono came out of nowhere, too! Now, her popping into my room, that's something I wouldn't mind... Midnight 'snacks' together... Soft, moonlit massages... Tickle-fests that get out of control...
Entry 295:
"Kaoru! Get out of my room, you ugly hag!"
"It's not your room! It's Kenshin's room, and besides, it's my house, so I can go wherever I want!"
"Hey, Kaoru, how about letting little ol' me live here too, so you can sneak into my room and 'yell' at me in the middle of the night? We can even yell at each other naked!"
Entry 296:
Wow, Megumi kabonged him before I even could!
"Sanosuke, you horny dog!"
Entry 297:
Hey, that's my nickname! It's no fair!
Entry 298:
"Kenshin, I thought... Get them away!"
Entry 299:
I almost forgot Yahiko was still here. Well, he's so tiny that it doesn't even matter.
Entry 300:
Damn, 300 entries already? My life is, like, so full of crazy people.
Entry 301:
And I don't look a day over 21 from all the stress!
Entry 302:
The real secret to eternal youth and beauty is not the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu... It's actually the special Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu face cream developed by Hiko Seijirou the First... Who assembled the ingredients. By the time he was done finding all the different herbs and whatnot, Hiko Seijirou the Second had already killed him. Therefore, he started making the eternal youth cream. Well, really, it's a long story. All that matters is that we look incredibly sexy, except that I'm the sexiest.
Entry 303:
It's almost strange how a pretty rurouni like me has red hair. I mean, I am Japanese, right? This is just like the fact that my eyes change colors dramatically, and how my body is just so edible that you can't resist...
Entry 304:
Me and Sano are taking Yahiko up to the Akebeko to see if Yahiko has any reaction to Tsubame.
Entry 305:
He does.
Entry 306:
I have never seen anyone turn red so fast.
Entry 307:
Ooo, guess what I found! Kaoru's fashion magazines!
Entry 308:
"Are you wearing the right size bra?"
Entry 309:
Why, I don't know. Let's see.
Entry 310:
"With your bra on, measure around your torso, directly under your chest. If you end up with an even number, add 5. If you have an odd number, add 4."
Entry 311:
Now where's that tape measurer...
Entry 312:
"Now measure at the most protruding part of your chest."
Entry 313:
Wow, I'm getting turned on.
Entry 314:
"Subtract the second number by the first. If it's equal, then you have are an AA. If it's +1, then you are an A. If it's +2, you are a B. If it's +3, you are a C. If it's... etc. etc."
Entry 315:
What happens when you have a negative number?
Entry 316:
I bet even that sumo wrestler from that one stupid episode has a D size rack. Man, he'd better be careful. Move too quickly and he might knock down some buildings. Then we'd have to call him Boobzilla, terror of Tokyo!
Entry 317:
Ahahaha, I'm so funny!
Entry 318:
"KENSHIN! What are you doing in my room!"
Entry 319:
"Um... Nothing? I'm cleaning! That's right, cleaning!" Put on puppy face.
Entry 320:
"Oh, okay."
Entry 321:
Now, that is my kind of woman. Amazingly hot, with no brains and enough pep talks to kill ya.
Entry 322:
Not that I don't love you women who are amazingly beautiful and have incredible minds!
Entry 323:
Really, it doesn't matter as long as you're hot.
Entry 324:
Has anyone every wondered why Mario gets bigger using a shroom? Do you think there's something Nintendo isn't telling us?
Entry 325:
Yeah, like a babe like Peach would go for a fat Italian man like him!
Entry 326:
She should go for me instead.
Entry 327:
Boys like blondes. Men like brunettes. But what if I like both? What if I like redheads, too? I mean, I sure as hell think I'm sexy!
Entry 328:
What Kenshin is afraid of:
1) Turning ugly.
2) Fangirls... And their daikon radishes and chocolate sauce and strawberries and whipped cream... Brrr...
3) Clowns. Brrr.. Brrr... It's... So... Cold...
4) The Muffin Man when he's had too much Gingerbread Men.
5) No sex. Like, ever.
Err... That's it.
Entry 329:
And you thought I was fearless! Well, I'll tell you! Real men don't just go for the emotionless crap! We go for beer and bitch fights!
Entry 330:
Wait, what? Oh, my pretty head.
Entry 331:
How come unscented deodorant smells like stuff? Isn't that strange?
Entry 332:
Oh! Forgot to do laundry! This is what I get for procrastinating...
Entry 333:
Procrastination and masturbation are the same. They're both fun and games until you realize that you're screwing yourself.
Responses to Reviews:
Scythe195: Glad you loved it! I really enjoy writing stuff like this so people like you will laugh with eyes tearing reading it!
Sess'sWannabeMate: Finals are a bitch! Ours were in January, but when you go to an elite school like me, you totally work your ass off just to get an A-! Yeah, I know people who have finals who are in the 7th grade–they were complaining, too. Well, here's a new chapter, you Aoshi killer you!
GreenEyedFloozy: Well, perverse is such a loose term. In Kenshin's case, for instance, it's a good thing. Hope your co-written story goes well! I've always wanted to co-write something, but I really have no patience for discussing story plans and I end up writing it by myself. O.o;;;
Sagitarious Devil: Yes, in this little story, Kenshin is a little bi, but that means twice the love! (Oops, bad pun, bad pun!) Randomness isn't always great, but I find that when you've been writing so much angst like me, you can't but help put this stuff in!
Lil Rose Angel: It's fine, it's fine! I'm okay if you miss a couple reviews or so, and I'm so sorry for not reimbursing your reviews! However, since it's Spring Break for me, I'll make sure I do! Aoshi is hot. Sesshoumaru is hot. Naraku is stupid for trying to eat dead sexy Sess. Erk, I can't think of Sess and Rin together, because I think it's more like father/daughter, and that would be incest, wouldn't it? Well, hope to talk to you soon!
Uotani the fishie: Awesome! I get two t's in hot! I feel awesome now!
Phi-Dono: Yay! Glad you totally enjoyed this! I love making people laugh, and reviews like yours just make my day... Err... Night... Whatever. It seems to be 12:00 AM my time, so I should go sleep... But... I won't! I have chapter 8 of this wacky story to write!
Venus goddess: Kaoru is just so bad, isn't she? Well, we were expecting that since the Rabid Fangirls chapter, weren't we? Hope this late chapter isn't a disappointment!
Midnite cherry blossomz: Kaoru is a bad girl, but we know Kenshin loves that. I love Soujiro, and I just can't resist mentioning him as much as possible!
Pego: You know, I have never seen a fic where Kenshin is fat! Isn't that weird? But, that may be due to the fact that I'm so picky, I won't read anything unless it's punctuated perfectly. Here's a new chapter, fresh from the quirky (if you want to call it that) mind of Wicked!
Lil lonelyangel: Kenshin's not gay! He's bi! Well, at least in this little story he is. But then again, we've always wondered why he likes the color fushia.
MZ.AMbER EYES: No probbies for no reviewing! Having you review right now is good enough for moi! We love egocentric bastards like Kenshin! W00t!
jeez: Sorry for the lateness, and here's more for ya!
Dyst: I may have been high when I wrote this, which explains pretty much everything. I will write more stories that are serious, so don't worry! It's fine that you didn't review everything–even one review is better than nothing!
Kiwigrl89: Cute ideas! I may use those two suggestions next time. This time I had quite a few things thought out... But... I forgot them all. Oh well. Hope you enjoyed this (late) chapter too!
Crazianimegirl:bows: Thank you, thank you! No problem for not reviewing earlier, and I hope you enjoy the future chapters!
Suicide and Murder: You guys are strange... So I like ya! I like flame throwers. And marshmallows. And flame throwers and marshmallows together... Hoo boy, am I strange or what. And yes, porn puffs. A turn on in every bite!
Ookami-Hitomi: I'm glad I have a new readers! And she thinks this is funny! OMG! Yay! I wanted an OOC Kenshin too. He's great when he's serious, but sometimes you just need a laugh–and some stupid people writing about it. Here–enjoy!
Strawberry'd: I normally don't do randomness, but since there's people like you who love it, I keep writing! Look for more chapters of sexy lil' Kenshin and his misadventures!
AmnarRanma: Yes, I can't believe I wrote this whole thing! Tell your friend to read this–I'm sure she'll enjoy it (some) too!
Animelover222222: Wow, you enjoyed it that much! I'm glad you enjoyed the whipped cream and chocolate sauce! It's for readers like you that I write this crazy stuff! And yep, you'd definitely fit in with the rest of the rabid fangirls! Well, enjoy the club, I say!