Rurouni Kenshin: Tales of a Sexy Swordsman
Chapter 8: Sano's Hot Dogs
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, but I'm sure someday I'll be able to sneak by security and steal it! I also do not own BISH Co., as that was made up by Gemini and Moonspark, which is found at this website:
Author's Note:
W00t! Glad you guys still like this crazy old thing! I'm in a bit of a spot, as it seems I can't. Get. Inspiration. For my other stuff! Thank you all for the reviews, and, pretty please, if you have time, take a look at SAITOU: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual, which is the new one of the series, as I might have mentioned in the previous chapter for Seta Soujiro.
Anyway, I don't have much else to say, other than that I hope you will all enjoy the chapter!
Entry 334:
Checking the mail... Such a boring chore...
Entry 335:
Junk... Junk... Letter to Kaoru-dono... Junk... Fanmail (all for moi, of course!)... Junk... Junk... Sano's Viagra refill letter thingie... Ooo! Letters for me!
Entry 336:
Hm... Seems like BISH Co. wants me to do another photo shoot for my new book, Himura Kenshin's 101 Ways to Look Soulful. Ahh... We all know what this means!
Entry 337:
Daily facials! 9 full hours of sleep! Hair appointments! Nails done! Latest diet fad! Waxings!
Entry 338:
No one likes a hairy man.
Entry 339:
Well, maybe those people with hair fetishes do.
Entry 340:
Waxing hurts like hell...
Entry 341:
Oh... My everything hurts like a mother father... If you know what I mean.
Entry 342:
Ugh... Look at my legs! They're so... Pale. Eww... Do we think it's time to tan a little bit?
Entry 343:
Now... Where's a good place to tan in the nude in private?
Entry 344:
I know! The roof!
Entry 345:
Wow. It's really hot up here.
Entry 346:
Dear god, I hope I don't burn. If I peel... Well, someone's gonna meet the Battousai.
Entry 347:
Wait, what the hell am I worried about? I'm Himura Kenshin, the guy who heals from fatal wounds in less than two days, except for that one time in Kyoto, where I fought that dirty stinky crispy sausages and mad screaming used-to-be-pretty-cute guys... That took a month... For dramatic effects, of course.
Entry 348:
Been up here for two hours... Am beginning to feel like a sausage myself...
Entry 349:
"Kenshin!"
Entry 350:
Damn it, she always wants me. Ah... I can't help being a sexy love god.
Entry 351:
Now... Where's my clothes?
Entry 352:
Oh shit. I'm not kidding. Where the hell did I put my clothes?
Entry 353:
"Kenshin, where are you? I'm back from teaching the class!"
Entry 354:
She always looks so hot sweaty, though! It makes me think of other things she could have been doing... With me... Rawr...
Entry 355:
"Hey! Kenshin!"
Entry 356:
No, no, don't leave! Don't walk away! Don't... No! Bad Kaoru! Naughty Kaoru! Come back...!
Entry 357:
This is so unfair.
Entry 358:
"Kenshin, what are you doing up on the roof?"
Entry 359:
Okay, now, who invited Sano into this scene? As we all know, this is a moment for me to bitch and moan about how I probably missed out on the wildest sex of my life.
Entry 360:
"And why are you naked?"
Entry 361:
This has suddenly gone very awkward.
Entry 362:
"Wow, nice tan."
Entry 363:
Now would be the time to run.
Entry 364:
Okay, good, I think I lost him in the forest. Hope no one saw me.
Entry 365:
Found some clothes. Really ugly, but they'll have to do.
Entry 366:
We all know that the only reason I wear magenta is because the author doesn't want me to look too sexy? I have to be flawed, you know.
Entry 367:
Honestly, don't we all hate those perfect people? Like my daughter, Shadow. Or was it my past lover, Kimiko? Or... Wait, what am I talking about? Damn, those OCs have really twisted me around.
Entry 368:
They've twisted me like a screw.
Entry 369:
Haha, screw is such a funny word. It's just so... twisted.
Entry 370:
Okay, who doesn't think I'm a complete weirdo?
Entry 371:
Yes, yes, I am a sexy weirdo, but that doesn't undo the fact that—
Entry 372:
"Yo! Kenshin! You home in there? You blanked out on me."
Entry 373:
Whoa... Okay, you know what, if he doesn't stop popping out of nowhere, I'm going to have to get him a collar or something. With bells on it, so I know when he's coming.
Entry 374:
In fact, I should do that for the rabid fangirls...
Entry 375:
Don't any of you argue that I can sense ki or chi or some other BS like that. We all know it's just for dramatic affect.
Entry 376:
"Uh, Kenshin, hey. Kaoru wanted me to find you. There's someone who wants to take you to a photo shoot or something. Now be careful... We know that cameras steal your soul."
Entry 377:
Damn, they're here already!
Entry 378:
Well, at least I have a nice tan.
Entry 379:
"Oh, and Kenshin? That shirt's really ugly."
Entry 380:
Okay, now, he's one to talk, isn't he?
Entry 381:
Photo shoots are so exhausting... Ugh... Every sexy fiber of my awesome body is sore... I need a massage.
Entry 382:
Now, massages given by certain people is just as good as sex.
Entry 383:
Well, of course, a massage given by me is even better than sex.
Entry 384:
Not that my sex isn't great, too.
Entry 385:
Anyway, back to the photo shoot. It was... Strange.
I went into the room and some random woman came up to me, smiling like mad. She looks down to my crotch and smiles even more.
"Congratulations, Mr. Himura. It's huge."
Yes, that's exactly what she said to me.
Entry 386:
The rest of it was a lot of random phrases, such as:
"Oh yes, that's beautiful!"
"Turn you head that way, a little more to the left, yes that's sexy!"
"Give me an angsty look!"
"Oh, yes, yes, YES!"
"You don't know it, but I'm slowly stripping you with my eyes. Now, how do you react?"
Entry 387:
I've never heard so many "YES"es in my life.
Entry 388:
Except for that one time... Haha...
Entry 389:
Walking around to find Kaoru-dono... Where is she, anyway?
Entry 390:
Okay, just very nearly ran crotch-first into Ayame and Suzume.
Entry 391:
That makes me sound like perv, doesn't it?
Entry 392:
But I'm not the perv. That's Sano's job.
Entry 393:
"Haha, Ken-ni! Mr. Roosterhead has a hot dog in his pants!"
Entry 394:
DEAR GOD! WHAT WAS HE DOING!
Entry 395:
"He was showing it to Miss Megumi!"
Entry 396:
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
Entry 397:
"He told her he couldn't get it away and could she please help him get rid of it and she giggled."
Entry 398:
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
Entry 399:
"Do you have a hot dog in your pants, too? 'Cuz you look funny, Ken-ni."
Responses to Reviews:
Phi-Dono: I'm so glad that you enjoyed the last chapter! This one is a bit late, but I hope the ending made up for it. Here's more for you to laugh over, and thanks for your awesome support!
X-iridescence: Yeah, I really like the serious Kenshin fics, but sometimes, you just wish for something hilarious that doesn't work with him. Hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the rest!
Ookami-Hitomi: I love the angst and suspense, too! I wrote a lot of stuff with that in it, and still am, but all the same, it's good to have some time to laugh over whatever happened to Kenshin.
Thime: I was wondering where that quote came from! Most of these things that happen to Kenshin have happened to me, or, at least, the things he says/does. I like Kaoru, too! Sorry for seeming like I was bashing her. Yes, I think Kenshin will suffer an ego blow soon. :cackles: And yes, kabong sounds very kinky. I don't remember how I made it up, though...
Rachridgeback: Hm... OMFGWTFLOLBBQ... I think that means Oh My Fucking God What The Fuck Laugh Out Loud Barbaque. Am I right, am I right? LOL! Here's a new chapter, and hope you'll enjoy it!
Suicidal Baka911: Glad you've enjoyed it so far! Hope you keep doing so!
Crazianimegirl: I'm terrified of clowns... :shudders: They are so freaky! Dates with piano competitions are horrible, but at least I won't have them for a while now! Here's a new chapter for you!
NightIntent: I'm glad you liked the last chapter, and hope you feel the same for this one! Randomness is awesome... But only sometimes!
Kai: You know, I believe that's right. I'll have Kenshin strip for you next chapter!
Suicide and Murder: w00t! Cookies! Here's a new chapter, and thanks for the yummies! Oh, wait, I got a Grammy, too... Well, cookies are sweeter!
AmnarRanma: No problem for mentioning you! It was so nice of you to review and leave your support! As for Boobzilla, that's a true story with one of my friends. I'll tell it to you some time in the future!
Cedahlia: I'm glad you think I'm hilarious! I think I'm just random to a fault... :D Here's a new chapter for you the crack up over!
Strawberry'd: I totally understand what you mean. Randomness is good, but only sometimes, so here's a quick fix! I hope you enjoyed this, and thanks for the props!
Jerk: I would hope it was interesting... It's my life!
GreenEyedFloozy: LOL! I bet that Kenshin is really flattered by the radish-wielding-chocolate-sauce-and-strawberry-eating fangirls, though he is a bit traumatized!
(Blank): I suck, you swallow. Small world, isn't it?
Battousaigal1: Aoshi at 13 was super hot! I'm so glad you enjoyed laughing over this! Battousai is sexy... Yum!
Dyst: I'm so glad you enjoyed the procrastination and masturbation line! It's one of my favorites, if I do say so myself. Actually, I have a lot of favorite lines. The one I can think up right now as the part about the 101 Dalmatians... I was very entertained by that. The thing is, most of the things Kenshin says/does are what I see/hear/do everyday. I am a very strange girl...
Kiwigrl89: Yes, I finally updated! I'm so happy that you are showing other people, and that they love it, too! Here's a new chapter–enjoy!
Lil Rose Angel: It was so nice to talk to you again! I hope it was fun in France–I have never gone and have always wanted to! Of course people are going to stare at you when you start laughing uncontrollably in a public café! I'm glad you enjoyed the last entry–it was from something one of my friends at school said. Really, loads of things from this story are my life. Thanks for the nice long review, and yes, yes, yes I will re-review for you!
Midnite cherry blossomz: I'm so glad you liked the Boobzilla part! Actually, that's something I call one of my friends, but it's a long story. Maybe I'll tell you guys that in the future!
Tera McCaslin: No, Kenshin's not gay... As he said in one of my entries, he is bi as a... Er... Bi thing. LOL. I'm glad you liked this story, no matter how dumb and random it is!