"You got me into this mess Granger, now fix it!"

"Fix what, exactly?" Hermione asked. They were seated at the Slytherin table that morning, as Malfoy couldn't stand the various degrees of looks the Gryffindors were giving him. They ranged from stunned to jealous to disbelieving to hating to admiration, and, with a hissed "Damn Gryffindors," he had given up trying to figure them out and dragged Hermione over to the Slytherin table.

At least there he knew where he stood.

Except that day they were being almost as bad as the Gryffindors. Very little jealousy- Mostly confusion or hatred. Hermione was finding the entire…Debacle a very interesting experience.

"I want you to make sure everyone stops thinking I'm gay," he said, ripping into a piece of toast. "It's horrible. And I'm not gay."

Hermione smirked. "They don't know that."

"No amount of PEZ could possibly make up for this. I kissed my enemy!" He stopped, glared at all the people who were eavesdropping, then looked at her suspiciously. "Did you drug them, maybe?"

"No!" Hermione said, entirely aghast.

He looked at her a few more seconds before looking back down at his toast and saying "Well then!" in an all too cheery voice for a Slytherin.

Hermione was about to question him when Hannah plopped down to her right. All the Slytherins seemed absolutely beside themselves. A Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff? What had they done to deserve that?

Hannah looked up and down the table, then commented loudly "I know someone from Ravenclaw, Hermione, who could come eat with us…."

There were many hurried responses of "No!" "She's fine!" "You needn't bother!" As the table settled down as Hannah laughed, Hermione chided her. "That wasn't very nice."

"No," Hannah replied evenly, "But it was terribly amusing."

"You know, you have a fairly twisted sense of humour," Malfoy commented.

"You're only saying that because you're a Slytherin," Hannah replied reproachfully, glad that he wasn't muttering curses at her. Clearly his short time with Hermione had done him well.

"No, actually," Hermione said, passing the jelly down the table. "You are fairly twisted."

"He's turning you Slytherin!" Hannah cried, and Hermione and Malfoy rolled their eyes in unison. Hannah stared at them. "That was just freaky…."

"What was?" They asked, once again in unison. Then they stared at each other. Once again in unison "Oh."

"Yeah 'Oh,'" Hannah replied, but she was grinning.

Hermione glared at her friend. She knew what her friend was getting at, albeit subtly, and she wasn't pleased at all. "So Hannah," Hermione began, and Hannah was instantly on her guard, "How's it going with Will?"

Hannah coloured. Perhaps the only time she ever blushed was when Hermione mentioned Will. Malfoy shot her a very curious glance. Honestly, Hermione thought, he would be such a girl. Except for that ass…I did not just think that. I did not just think that. I did not-

"Granger?" Malfoy was peering at her, hair falling in his eyes. Hermione looked at him ruefully and thought Almost makes you wish he'd stuck with that God-awful gel.

"Hermione?" Hannah said, waving a hand in her friend's face. "Honestly, ask me a question, but don't even bother to listen for an answer."

"Sorry Hannah," Hermione replied automatically, trying to avoid Malfoy's puzzled gaze. "So?"

"I don't know Hermione. Honestly, I think he likes me as more than a 'Friends with Privileges' sort of thing, but I have no idea how I'm going to get him to admit it."

"Have you told him you like as more than a….Whatever you just said?" Malfoy asked, and Hermione looked at him in surprise.

Hannah, however, coloured once again. "No."

"Then that is your official mission," Hermione replied curtly. "Tell me what happens!" Hannah was walking back towards the Hufflepuff table, looking very determined.

"Quite the relationship expert, huh Malfoy?" Hermione asked teasingly.

"Granger, shut it."

Hermione only laughed.

Just before lunch, Malfoy and Hermione were walking together to the Great Hall. "I don't want to have guys coming on to me anymore! I mean, I am obviously straight," Malfoy complained, tossing his hair out of his eyes in a very girly way and listening for Hermione's laugh to reach his ears. It wasn't a delicate laugh, though it wasn't like it sounded horrible either. It just seemed so genuine and- And Slytherins were sure as hell not supposed to think like that. About anyone. Let alone a mudblood.

"Prove it to them," Hermione replied once her laughter had subsided.

"How?"

"Well, you kissed a guy to prove you were gay-"

"I was not proving I was gay!"

Hermione smirked and entered the Great Hall. She stopped short and looked out at the accumulated people. "You have to prove it. And they all need to see it."

"I know, I know," Malfoy replied, reaching into her back pocket and pulling out the PEZ package. Hermione gasped and leapt three feet in the air.

"Don't do that!" She said, trying to keep her voice low and her cheeks from staining red, but he only returned her earlier smirk and sucked on a few of the candies. She growled at him as they walked to his table, and he raised his eyebrows at the animalistic noise. "Pig."

"Kitty," he whispered in her ear, enjoying her surprised, defensive, pissed, even curious expression.

"Jackass," she whispered into his ear, reaching across him for the bread and smiling a little.

"Filly."

"Tiger," she said, watching the emotions on his face flicker.

"You know how I was supposed to prove I was straight?" He countered, and she gave a soft noise of recognition. "Well…" He said, before leaning down and kissing her for what seemed like all too long. And then she slapped him, rolled her eyes, and went back to her dinner.

But not before she'd whispered once more in his ear, "No more PEZ for you," and pulled the package out of his front pocket.

A/N: The school's reaction, Malfoy's thoughts, Harry's thoughts, Luna's thoughts, and Hermione's hysteria….All in the next chapter!