A/N: Do you remember the genre of this? Take a look… angst, just reminding/warning you.

Chapter 13-Fading Away

He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling of the Gateroom. Confusion set in as he sat up, immediately noticing he was lying on an orange couch and that there was another facing it.

"You have got to be kidding me…"

"Umm, that would be a no."

Rodney looked to the foot of the couch and saw a man dressed in white linen with short, brown hair.

"You! But you're gone! What…this cannot be another one of the Colonel's pranks."

The man walked around the couch and sat down opposite Rodney, "Garin Trelio is gone, I'm just … a figment of your imagination, as is this dream, hallucination, or whatever since you're most likely unconscious, or in a coma."

"Why would I imagine a man who violated my life and almost killed me in the process?"

"I can only say what you already know."

"Then what's the point of this?" Rodney swung his legs around and planted them on the ground.

"Because you don't want to know, so I have to tell you."

"Well tell me why you look like him."

"He is the one who started this ten-thousand years ago." The Garin look-a-like smoothed out his pants.

"With the whole copying his own consciousness and his wife's?"

"Yep."

"Okay… so what else are you going to tell me?"

"You're afraid that if you don't survive, they will keep him."

"That is ridiculous, if they're that afraid why wouldn't they just make a new copy?"

"I'm only stating your fear."

"What the hell do you know about my fear?"

"A lot. I some from your mind, your history. Like how you dream of the people you know, they're not really them but what you perceive them to be."

Rodney crossed his arms, "I'm not going to die, so there's nothing to be afraid of."

"Optimism replaces fear to avoid dealing with that fear… interesting."

"Hey, don't go analyzing me… but you're me… so I'm analyzing myself… "

"Yea, pretty weird. I guess you shouldn't have taken those psych courses in undergrad."

"Or bio. Pretty much became a hypochondriac and diagnosed myself with several mental conditions." He rubbed his face, not wanting to be sitting there talking with Garin Trelio, even if it wasn't really him.

"There's also the fact that if you die, and it's before the team returns to Atlantis and before they can copy you again…"

"Then there's only him." Rodney buried his face in his hands and sighed. "But where would they put him?"

"There is the whole cloning technology thing that Garin Trelio was originally going to use, and that the Asgard do."

"To the detriment of their health as a species." Rodney scoffed.

"Which is why the Ancients stopped playing with it after the Garin incident."

Rodney sighed, "Why can't I have a fun delusion or dream? How about somewhere on a beach where it's warm and the sun is shining."

"Because you needed to face what I told you." He sat leisurely on the orange couch.

"My own mind thinks it knows better than I do… I'll tell you something Garin-wannabe! I know plenty about myself, why I'm like this, what I'm afraid of and I don't need you or anyone to point it out to me!" Rodney pointed and gestured wildly.

The other man put his hand on the arm of the couch, "Apparently you do."

"No I don't."

"Then maybe you just needed someone to talk to, instead of being alone."

"Again, I wouldn't pick Garin!"

"Again, he's the one who started all of this!"

"Can't you just go away?"

"Since I'm the embodiment of your unconscious mind, that's a little weird."

Rodney quipped, "This whole thing's a little weird."

"Maybe unconsciously you're worried he's not really gone." The look-a-like suggested.

"That's ludicrous."

"Dealing with issues by pushing them away…"

"No I don't."

"Yes, you do. The only thing that you let yourself truly talk to someone about was the whole invasion of Garin, and you didn't tell anyone everything."

"So what? They didn't need to know."

Rodney gasped, grabbed his chest, and he fell back into the back of the couch.

The Garin look-a-like felt it too, and gripped his. They stared at each other unable to breathe or speak.

They both had the same frightening thought, that this was it.

-

"Again!" Carson's voice flooded the infirmary's trauma room.

One of the nurses charged the paddles.

The paddles were applied to Rodney's chest, his dark blue uniform shirt had been hastily cut off, and Carson once again shocked his system, the whole room watching the monitors in hope. Elizabeth, John, Ronon, and Teyla watched through the doorway, Radek could hear the shouts from his infirmary bed.

Nothing happened except Rodney's body leaping up for a moment, Elizabeth held her hand over her mouth, John looked away, Teyla placed on a hand on Elizabeth's shoulder, and Ronon kept his eyes glued on the man lying there.

Carolyn, the head nurse of the medical contingent since the beginning, applied more gel to the paddles before Carson shocked Rodney's system again.

His chest seized up from the pulse, but there was still nothing on the monitors except the constant sound of a solid line. His eyes stayed stubbornly shut.

John turned his head back in disbelief. It really couldn't be happening, the head geek out for the count? There was no way he was gone… he sniffled to hold back the tears.

Elizabeth wiped a tear from her eye, feeling more behind that one. After all they had been through since they first arrived in the Pegasus Galaxy he couldn't die like this…

Carson stayed in doctor mode, shocking Rodney's systems for the eighth time. The monitor was still steady.

As soon as Carolyn grabbed his shoulder to stop him, it sunk in. But he kept it together as he looked at the clock, "Time of death, 16:27."

Elizabeth let out a cry but pulled it back in. She couldn't imagine Atlantis without him. Of all the times they thought he and his team was gone, that someone didn't make it, she never had to watch someone go. Everything happened somewhere else, Peter on the satellite, military during the siege somewhere in the city, people off world, but never directly in front of her eyes. John's heart had stopped after the Iratus bug and the stuck jumper fiasco, but he made it.

John felt as if he was about to collapse, Rodney was fine the night before. Hell, they got so plastered Radek had to save them before Elizabeth found out. No more bantering on their missions, no one to pull their collective asses out of the fire with some brilliant idea… Above all, he was losing a friend. A void grew in his heart.

Carson clenched his fist in anger that he couldn't bring him back. It was his job, his friend needed him. He was the only doctor Rodney would let touch him, and he let him down. Carson muttered with despair radiating from his voice, "Bloody hell!" He pounded Rodney's chest out of frustration.

The silence of the room was broken by the blip of the monitors.

Carson's face flooded with hope as his gaze turned to the monitors, "He's getting steady…" He checked Rodney's breathing and detected it there in the faintest sense, "He's back. Let's get him into surgery." He looked up at the group assembled at the door as they were wheeling Rodney into another room and nodded.

A collective sigh was released from the group and John broke the silence, "We should probably go sit down."

Elizabeth's voice was as subdued as John's had been, "You three need to be checked out."

"It can wait until we know more." Teyla felt like her heart had been ripped out, stomped on, sewed together, and heaved back in within those few minutes they all had watched Rodney on the stretcher. She knew they all needed a break without people prodding at them.

Ronon used his large arms to usher them into the regular infirmary, "We'll be fine for awhile."

-

Rodney gasped a breath in and rubbed his chest, "What the hell was that?"

"Like I would know." The other man took a deep breath and leaned back on his orange couch.

"Aren't you supposed to know everything?"

"Only what's already buried in your unconscious mind."

"Well that's stupid."

"What else would I be?"

Rodney stared at him.

"I am not the remnants of Garin Trelio! Alright? How can you even think that?"

Rodney stared at him again.

"Yes the computer somehow didn't delete the copy of you, but that doesn't mean it didn't get all of Garin out. It's been five months. He's gone, I'm not him!" He stood up.

"It seems I've uncovered another one of my fears." Rodney said with a teasing voice.

He sat back down, "Oh shut up."

"I'm the conscious me, so you shut up. The unconscious is always silent anyway."

"But I'm always here."

"So am I."

---

Elizabeth sat on an Ancient exam table, waiting for news from the operating room, hoping for the best but silently preparing herself for the worst she could think of, which didn't include a funeral.

John had been forced into scrubs by Dr. Kushnikov, the same went for Ronon. After a long and tension filled stare-down between the Runner and the Russian man that dominated the room even with Ronon in there, Ronon had conceded, chose red scrubs, and hopped into bed. John had opted for light blue scrubs.

Teyla got off lucky; Dr. Kushnikov only had her arm in a sling to alleviate pressure on her sprained and severely bruised shoulder. The deep purple was spreading down from the top to her arm and back.

John was ordered to take it easy and confined to his bed due to a fractured skull. They needed to keep an eye on him in case anything serious developed. Ronon's bed was to John's right, where he was also confined and his chest wrapped to guard the three broken ribs that had became dangerously close to damaging his lungs. They all knew Rodney hadn't been so lucky.

Though both men also had concussions, they and no one else thought too much of the three team members' injuries. They were thinking of Rodney.

Teyla sat in a chair next to John's bed, between him and Elizabeth's exam table. Radek chose to stay for a while though he had been released with Dr.'s Hong and Costello and parked himself in a chair on the other side of John's bed, by Ronon's.

It had only been a moment since all five had assembled. There had been a flurry of infirmary staff around the three returning from a mission-gone-wrong, and it made them all but impossible to talk to. After Dr. Kushnikov left and before anyone had a chance to discuss the issues of the day, Major Lorne walked in, took a brief glance around, instantly noticed the absence of Rodney, and deduced from the solemn faces where he was.

He avoided bringing it up, "Pardon me sir, but have you been informed of the Wraith saboteur?"

John's eyebrows raised as he looked at the man from his sitting-up position in the infirmary bed, the monitors keeping track of the beat he was sure his heart skipped, "No, I haven't. What's its status?"

"In the brig. McIntyre's team and I captured it. They're on guard."

Dr. Weir went into further detail, glad not to be on the subject of what was going on in that other room, "The Wraith manipulated the generators. They could have exploded."

Ronon gripped the edge of his bed, his head tilted towards her, "They won't now?"

She responded, "Dr.'s Stroh and Simpson are working on the last one."

"Just the one Wraith? They didn't send a Hive Ship?" John started to think of possibilities of what had transpired since they had left.

Lorne answered, "No. Sergeant Grimault did scans and didn't pick any others up. I have two teams doing sweeps as a precaution."

"Good work, Major. I like the city intact like this when I get back. Any intel on how it got here?"

"It transported itself from the Daedalus after trying to take it out. There's nothing on how it got there."

Ronon sniffed the air, catching a faint scent of something he couldn't place as John braced his arms and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, "I think it's time to have a chat with him."

Teyla looked at him, "Dr. Kushnikov has confined you to the infirmary. You would not want to cross such a man. I believe he shares Dr. Beckett's affinity for large needles."

"But…"

Elizabeth cut in, "Major Lorne can handle it." John suddenly looked like a puppy who just got scolded for chewing on his master's slippers.

"I could assist also."

Lorne nodded his head to Teyla, "That would be helpful." He gestured to the backroom, "Sergeant Stackhouse is in there. It got Pine and Elm, and Jones of White of the chemical and mechanical departments."

John and Ronon could both feel the anger being fed by more news about the Wraith. Sheppard moved his legs back onto the bed, "Was he stunned?"

"And fed on." At the Colonel's mixed expression of shock, worry, and an underlying hatred, Elizabeth continued, "Carson says it wasn't much, just a few seconds, but he's here the night for observation."

"Why would it stop?" Ronon searched their faces for a clue to what they were thinking, "It wouldn't be able to make him a Runner unless he had a transmitter he could transplant and get to the Gate." He rubbed his chest, from where his feeding scar was.

"It could have something to do with all the garlic he ate." Lorne stood at the foot of John's bed.

The Colonel's eyebrows rose again and his forehead rolled back, pushing his short hair with it, "A Wraith repelled by garlic? Is it me or are they getting more like Dracula?"

"Carson hasn't had much time to fully deal with the situation." Elizabeth's comment sent their minds off thinking about what the doctor was doing at the present moment.

Major Lorne took the opportunity in the lull of conversation, "Ms. Emmagan, are you ready?"

She nodded as she stood, "Yes."

Everyone said quick goodbyes and after the pair had left, Radek had a sudden realization and asked John and Ronon, "Who modified the engines to get away from the fissure? You had to or you wouldn't have gotten that far."

Copy-Rodney had all but slipped John's mind, even Ronon stopped thinking about him for the last few minutes after the information about Stackhouse had been revealed, he was reliving his own encounter with the feeding side of a Wraith's had in his mind.

John squirmed, "Rodney did…"

"But you told Carson he had been unconscious for a couple of hours." Elizabeth countered.

"Yes, but I didn't mean that Rodney." He didn't know how he was going to explain this one…

"There's only one…" It hit both Elizabeth and Radek at the same time and he went on, "Oh no… we were afraid of that."

Dr. Weir looked directly at the Runner, "Ronon?"

"He's in here."

"I'm sure I don't have to tell you not to go into the storage rooms without a scientist who knows what they are doing." She didn't yell, but kept her voice even.

"I won't be."

"Good." Her head nodded to no one in particular.

"It's actually him? The duplication worked?" Zelenka pondered explanations for why the copy didn't delete and got transferred into the Satedan.

Ronon nodded, wishing it never happened but knowing it ended up saving them from a not-so-pleasant watery grave, "Yes."

"It's him alright. If he wasn't talking through Ronon, I wouldn't have known the difference."

Elizabeth couldn't believe it really happened. There was another Rodney McKay… "We need to decide what to do about the… duplicate."

"Before we do anything, I need to study Garin Trelio's computer. I did delete all stored consciousness data…but obviously not." He pushed up his glasses.

"Rodney did mention causing you some bodily harm once we got back."

Radek spoke solemnly, "Not for some time, Colonel."

"He'll be fine and you won't be left the science department to run, or joining my team, or both."

"Never happening. Off-world is scary place."

John shrugged in agreement, recalling all the times he was out there with some natives pointing sticks at them, and of course the Wraith.

Elizabeth addressed Zelenka, "Why don't you work on Trelio's computer, we'll call you with any news. I'm sure Ronon would like to be himself again soon."

John waved his hands, "Hold on, we can't just rip him out." He remembered the look Copy-Rodney had on Ronon's face during their last conversation, he didn't want to die…

"What else do you suggest? I don't see another viable solution."

"But it's not the same as before, he's a person, not just some data stored somewhere."

"The fact remains that he cannot stay where he is. You have not forgotten Elana Trelio and Dr. Heightmeyer? It cannot last, no matter how amiable the relationship is."

Radek built on Elizabeth's statement, "And the suppressant was not used. With the technology of Garin Trelio, it was necessary to have the downloaded consciousness become dominant and communicate with the other. Without it, we do not know how long they can stay this way. Lt. Cadman and Rodney barely had a few days without it, but that was with Wraith technology so we cannot know for certain."

Ronon asked the scientist, "They did not black out though."

Radek shifted in his chair, "It has to be the use of different technologies. More study is needed."

"What's the bottom line?"

Radek responded to Elizabeth with worry in his eyes, "The sooner we get duplicate Rodney out, the better."

Work on it, and we'll decide what to do with duplicate Rodney later."

Radek nodded and quickly left the infirmary, glancing at the operating room doors.

The group reduced to three, looked at each other, letting all the news sink in.

Colonel Sheppard broke the silence, "What would be so bad about two Rodney's?... never mind."

"We're on touchy ground with this situation, John."

The Colonel replied, "More than with Garin Trelio? And Elana?"

"Yes, very much. Garin purposely invaded Rodney and completely gained control while Elana was forced and worked it out with Kate in the end. This copy of Rodney exists simultaneously with ours, was an accident in the first place, and came to light with another accident. He is now a type of life-form that deserves no punishment as Garin Trelio did."

"You're not going to erase him from the computer?" Ronon questioned from his infirmary bed.

"I don't know if I could bring myself to, or order it."

John agreed, "It'd be like killing Rodney."

"What if McKay doesn't survive?"

Elizabeth was a little startled at the bluntness of his question but went on, "You're saying then we would still have him in a way. But in what body? We would need to find someone willing to share and take the suppressant… but that still isn't 100 percent effective. We've seen it before, one would die."

John perked his head up from where he had let it sink forward due to the pain at the back of his neck, "A clone."

---

The water ran red in the prep room sink, splashing quietly against the deep blue Ancient material that made up the sides. After the latex gloves were mostly rinsed of blood, Carson peeled them off and threw them forcefully in the biohazard container, on top of his operating gown that had seen cleaner days.

He brought his hands to his face, but remembered the powdery residue left over from the inside of the gloves and dispensed a bit of soap into his palm.

"Dr. Beckett?"

He turned his head around to see Carolyn, still in her surgery get up, minus the mask. She pulled off her cap and gown as she spoke, revealing her pink nursing scrubs, "Would you like for me to inform them?" She kept her voice low and compassionate, her dark brown hair tied low at the back of her head. She didn't mention how tired he looked.

"No, that's alright. I should." He turned back to the now-foaming soap and rubbed one hand over the other; aware of the sweat that was hidden under his own cap he didn't take off yet.

"Are you going to take a moment?" Carolyn moved to his right side to wash her own hands.

Carson didn't have to think about what she meant; he knew he must have looked terrible, "Not the spitting image of beauty at the present am I?" He kept rinsing his hands, not deeming them clean enough even though he had gloves on and no blood had ever gotten on his hands.

"Not exactly." She watched him take a deep breath, "Are you going to be okay?"

He rubbed his left temple, not caring that his hand was wet, "It's not every day one pronounces a close friend on your own table." His voice was just as quiet as hers had been.

"I can't say I've ever been through that." Nurses don't call out the time of death; they were the support of doctors.

"It's one of the dangers of being a surgeon in a close-knit community like this one." Carson finally decided his hands were clean enough and splashed some water on his face, reveling in the sensation and using it to wash away the sweat and dirt that had accumulated during the operation.

"You were good in there, doctor. Definitely here for a reason."

"Thank you, but it's not the type of thing I like to be doing."

She decided to shift the subject just a little so as not to be to noticeable, "Dr. Pinkston handled herself well too, especially for her first day."

"And first surgery in an operating room built by a race of aliens. I just wish it didn't have to be on Rodney."

Okay, so he wasn't going to let her deviate from the subject, "You both did your best. That's all anyone can do."

"Sometimes the best isn't quite good enough." Carson took a deep breath to collect himself as he stood by the door. He always hated this part.

He walked in the regular infirmary, without his white lab coat but the new standard issue dark grey shirt and pants. They had been protected from the messes of surgery by the operating gown.

The three remaining people instantly looked up, he was a little startled at seeing Colonel Sheppard and Ronon Dex in scrubs but expected it, and he saw their faces and knew the two words they wanted to hear, "He's alive."

After the moment of relief settled through them he continued, "We had a tough time with it. He had an incredibly low blood pressure and he was bleeding internally in the thoracic cavity. We've repaired his lungs as much as we could, but he's still going to be needing a respirator for awhile."

"But he'll be fine?" John was the only one to speak.

"You have to understand, Colonel, his brain went without oxygen for longer than I would have liked before surgery and again during. He's stable now, but until he wakes up, we simply don't know."

Elizabeth hopped off the exam table, "Can we see him?"

"For a few minutes." He saw John and Ronon start to get up, "Hold on you two."

"What?" John asked.

Carson picked up their charts from the ends of their beds and read them over as he said, "I want to make sure that Dr. Kushnikov has graciously allowed you to walk around."

Ronon and John looked at each other as Carson said, "And he hasn't."

John gave Carson his innocent puppy-dog eyes, "Oh, just for a minute."

"Colonel, from what I read here both of you need to rest and Ronon cannot go bouncing around with broken ribs of that severity."

Ronon bowed out of the fight, "Go ahead, Sheppard."

John stood out of his bed, aware of a slight bit of dizziness as Carson, who knew he wasn't going to be able to keep the Colonel down for long without a glimpse of the Chief Scientist, guided his IV stand. Elizabeth was pounced to help beside him, but John was determined not to lean on either one of them.

They were about out the door when Ronon called, "Dr. Beckett?"

Carson turned around and let John with Elizabeth helping him pass into the intensive care room, "Yes?"

"Is there a way to make me unconscious?"

Carson walked over to the man lying on the bed, "What heavens for?"

"I need to talk to him."

The doctor thought for a moment and offered another option, "I could make a batch of the mind-suppressant." That way Rodney could create a world for them to talk.

"How long would that take?"

"A few hours."

Ronon shook his head, "We might not have that long." He could feel himself getting weaker than when he came in.

"I'll see what I can do." Carson left the room to talk to Elizabeth and gather supplies.

A/N: I can honestly say this chapter has a part that was the hardest I have ever written… my heart cracked a little.

Might go to fifteen chapters… might be too much to wrap up in one more.

Reviews make me smile, thanks!