"Heaven's So Far Away"

"What're you doing?" Tifa asks. I look up from the small knapsack I'm filling with supplies to the young woman in the doorway. She looks exhausted; I think she's been up with Cloud all night. The thought of him makes me instinctively brush my fingers across the bruise on my temple. I shake my head slightly and focus on Tifa.

"Leaving," I reply simply. Tifa stares at me uncomprehendingly.

"What?"

"I have to stop Sephiroth." I look back at the small pile of provisions on my bed and mechanically begin to place them in the pack. Tifa steps into the room.

"We're all trying to do that--"

I shake my head. "No. I have to."

Tifa pauses a moment, mulling this over. I keep my attention on the items in front of me.

"So, you're just going to leave him?" Tifa asks angrily, and I look up. She's standing at the foot of my bed, her hands balled into fists. "You can't do that to him!"

"What are you talking about?" I ask. Tifa's fury seems to waver slightly, and she looks to the side.

"He- he cares about you a lot, Aeris, and you can't just leave him like this--"

The obvious pain and resignation in her voice are heartbreaking. What's worse is I think I'm partly at fault…

"You've given up," I state. Tifa looks up in surprise, then closes her eyes.

"I'm a fighter, Aeris. I'm trained to recognize losing battles. I—I can't compete against you… you're so much better for him than I could be. I just—I just want him to be okay, to be happy…"

I can tell she's not really talking to me anymore. She really, truly thinks that Cloud would be better off with me. I liked this triangle we had, but I never wanted it to end up like this.

"He doesn't love me, Tifa," I say gently. She stares at me. "I know he doesn't." Tifa is silent, as if she's having trouble processing this information.

"You're wrong, about me being better for him," I continue. She focuses back on me.

"What?"

I sigh heavily. I know my fate, and I know that I'm right. That doesn't make this hurt any less.

"Tifa, you're so fiercely loyal to him, I know you'll stay with him no matter what. I-I can't. I know you'll take care of him… that's why I can leave. He needs to be taken care of… he needs you."

Tifa looks stunned. I don't know if she's ever thought that Cloud might depend on her for more than her fighting skills, or even her friendship.

"Aeris…" she says softly, her voice trailing off.

I force myself to continue. "Besides, even if he did love me, even if it was a match decreed by Fate… it wouldn't matter."

Tifa's voice is heavy with dread. "Why?"

"I-I don't think I'll be coming back," I say, my voice choked. It's the first time I've admitted it out loud, admitted it to anyone. My hands are shaking horribly as I place the last few items in my pack.

"What are you talking about? You have to come back!" Tifa exclaims desperately. I shake my head, cutting her off. She doesn't understand.

"Tifa. For Holy to be released, to stop Sephiroth, a soul has to reach the Planet," I say, trying to keep the waver out of my voice. We're both on the verge of tears.

"No… Aeris…" Tifa gives in first and looks down, her shoulders shaking. "You can't go…."

"Don't make this any harder that it already is, Tifa… please…" I'm crying, too. Tifa takes a few steps towards me and throws her arms around my neck. I hug her back. Despite the jealousy and the tension of loving the same man, she's still my friend. I let my head rest against her shoulder. I don't want to go…

"What am I supposed to tell Cloud?" Tifa asks quietly. I shake my head, letting my eyes close as tears slide down my cheeks.

"Don't tell him anything. I-I'll make sure he knows. Don't worry about it."

"Okay," Tifa replies, trying to sound like she trusts me. I know she doesn't, I know she doesn't think any of this will work out.

Honestly, neither do I. But I have to try.

I step back from Tifa and pick up my knapsack. Roughly wiping a hand across my face, I meet Tifa's eyes.

"Take care of him," I whisper. Tifa nods, a few tears coursing their way down her face.

I have to leave now, before I give into the growing fear and decide to stay. I leave the small inn and begin my journey. I try not to think of Cloud, or Tifa, or Zack, or Sephiroth. I try not to think at all.

Instead, I pray to the Planet that this will all work out in the end. That our pain will have some purpose. And that he'll forgive me.