Author's Note: Sorry about the wait you guys. I have company that needs constant watching. I should have another chapter out tonight, once they've all gone home!

OOOOOO

"This is so fucking stupid…"

Ian pulled the car next to the O'Neill mailbox, but hesitated for a long moment before he actually turned off the engine. It was Monday morning, and the sun was bright and cheerful – far too cheerful for how annoyed Ian was feeling. Camp started that evening and Ian was thinking that a trip to the dentist – a five-day trip to the dentist – would be better than what they were forcing him to do.

"I suppose I could run to Canada…" he muttered as he opened the door of the convertible and got out, slamming the door a little harder than he probably needed to. Of course, he didn't actually want to go to Canada – although he wasn't positive which would be worse.

"Mr. Excited must be here," Jack said, glancing towards the living room window at the sound of the car door slamming. He couldn't see anything through the curtains, but Jaffer's reaction was typical of a visit from Ian. The lab had immediately headed for the door, his tail wagging cheerfully.

There were five of them around the breakfast table; Sam was holding Jake as she nursed a cup of coffee, and Jack, Shawn and River all making their way through a hearty meal of eggs, sausages and French toast, but Sam stood up, waving Jack back down with her free hand when he started to get up as well.

"I'll let him in," she said, smiling at having a full table of hungry men. This was a relatively new thing for her, after all.

She reached the door at the same time Ian did, and opened it just as he started to knock. And smiled when she saw him. He didn't look happy at all. Not a bit. Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt (nothing new there) he wasn't actually scowling, but she could easily read his expression and it was plain he wasn't anywhere near as cheerful as Jaffer was that morning.

"Good morning, Ian."

He did give her a smile, though, and it lit up his dark eyes for an instant.

"Hi, Sam."

"Come in."

He nodded and took the door from her so she could head back to the table, where Ian saw everyone was still eating breakfast. The house smelled great, and his stomach reminded him that he'd only had a couple of cold pop tarts for breakfast that morning.

"There's our happy camper!" Jack said from the table as soon as Ian walked closer.

Ian scowled, resisting the urge to flip him off – something he wouldn't have hesitated to do had it been Shawn or River.

"Want some breakfast, Ian?"

He shook his head, but reached over and swiped a sausage off Jack's plate before the colonel could stop him.

"No, thanks, Sam."

"Anxious to get to camp?" Jack asked, wielding his fork, defensively, in case Ian tried for another piece of his breakfast.

Shawn snickered, and River grinned, but neither said anything. They were going to have to live with Ian for the next week, after all, and the last thing they needed was for him to be pissed off at them. Sam shot Jack a look that told him that wasn't nice, but Jack pretended he hadn't seen it.

Predictably, Ian scowled. Just as predictably, he opened his mouth to say something obscene. However, he stopped just short of saying it, since he knew Sam didn't want him – or anyone else – swearing in front of Jacob. Instead he opened up the fridge, knowing that Sam or Jack wouldn't mind him getting something to drink. Being pissed off about being sent into an exile he didn't want to go on was thirsty work, after all. He pulled out a small pitcher of milk, and poured a glass.

"I keep hoping Hammond's going to call," he told them, putting the milk back in the fridge and turning back to the table so he could see them all. "And tell me this is all just a big joke."

"You don't have your cell phone on," River pointed out. "What's he going to do? Send up smoke signals?"

Ian rubbed the bridge of his nose with one finger – his middle finger – and Shawn snickered again.

"It's in the car, shit for brains."

So much for not swearing in front of Jake. But Sam didn't even frown at him. She was well aware that he wasn't happy, and knew Ian would immediately be sorry for the slip. Which was proven almost instantly as he realized what he'd said.

"Sorry, Sam."

She smiled her acceptance of the apology as he came over and sat down beside her. Jake reached a hand out to him, and Ian touched the little hand in greeting for just a moment, feeling a little less annoyed at the contact. Jake did that to him, sometimes.

"You remember the route, right?" Jack asked, taking another bite of his breakfast. "You're not going to get lost?"

"As much as I'd like to, no."

"I know the way, Jack," Shawn said, grinning. He'd been to camp as many times as Jack had, after all.

"I don't need a navigator, Adams," Ian said taking a drink of his milk.

"I was just saying… we wouldn't want to arrive late because someone took a wrong turn…"

It was River's turn to snicker, now, and Ian tossed the Californian a look that plainly said he wasn't impressed. Although he was glad that River and Shawn were both coming – even though he'd never have told them that aloud. Ever.

Well aware that everyone was having a lot of fun at his expense, Ian scowled.

"The Trust is looking better and better every minute," he said, annoyed.

"That's not funny, Ian," Sam said, sharply. Jack lost his amused expression just as quickly, and both of them were so serious so fast that Ian wondered if they thought he was serious. And was immediately guilty for saying it – and even more guilty for making Sam upset.

"I'm sorry, Sam," he said, meaning it. "I-"

"Just don't say that again, okay?" she said, interrupting the apology. "It's not something to joke about." Not when she was already concerned about his reaction to being sent off on an assignment that everyone knew he didn't want to go on. An assignment that had nothing to do with saving the world, and seemingly had no rhyme or reason for him, she was certain. Just his own little private hell.

He nodded, and took another drink of his milk before looking at Shawn and River.

"Are you guys about ready?"

"You in a hurry to get there?"

"The sooner I'm there, the sooner I can come home."

"Smart."

"I am a genius, you know…" Ian said, tipping his glass to finish his drink.

Jack watched, amused, now.

"So tell me, genius… why are you drinking from Jake's private reserve?"

Ian sputtered, milk snorting out his nose and mouth, spraying Sam and Jacob both as he choked, and Sam laughed, even as Jack reached over to pound his back to help him clear his lungs.

"Breast milk?" Ian finally wheezed, looking at Sam to see if Jack was joking. She was smiling, with tears of mirth making her eyes brighter than normal, and milk dripping off her nose, chin and bangs, but she nodded, and Ian – already red from choking grew even more scarlet. "Sick…" he wiped his mouth, sputtering and reached for a hand towel that had been placed on the table to clean Jake. Then he realized what he'd said. "Not that it wasn't good… I mean… but you know, for Jake it's good… I-"

"It's okay, Ian," she said, taking the towel he handed her, amused. "I should have labeled it or something…"

Yeah she should have!

"We'll go get our stuff," River said, thoroughly enjoying Ian's discomfiture. He'd almost made the same mistake earlier, and now he had something to tease Ian about for pretty much the rest of our life. "You can help clean up the mess while we put it in your car."