A/N: Thank you for reviewing the last chapter. This chapter is a filler, I'm afraid. I just wanted to post something before the New Year. Also a bit of a warning—I haven't seen anything past Spin yet so we'll go into the AU territory. As always don't hesitate to add a bit of constructive criticism. And I wish you all the best for Christmas and the upcoming New Year;-)
---H.M.D---
Chapter 3
"Okay! Differential diagnosis people!" House stormed into his office and dropped his rucksack on his desk, startling the other two occupants who appeared very bored and disinterested. Until now, that is.
"Jesus Christ!" Robert Chase grabbed his chest and almost fell off the chair, while Foreman just stared at House with a look he only reserved for his misanthropic boss. He obviously learned to take no crap from him anymore.
House was impressed with him, though he would never admit that.
He looked at his favorite victim with a smirk. "My, my Dr. Chase. Such words! I thought with your upbringing and being an ex-almost-holly man; you knew of not saying the Lord's name in vain. I am appalled!"
He noticed out of the corner of his eye, that Foreman had trouble hiding the impending smile from his eyes.
Chase sat down slowly and straightened out his ugly shirt for the day. That day's choice was a poop-colored one, with tiny little orange flowers on them. The guy seriously needed a gay friend.
He cleared his throat. "Why did you have to do that? You almost gave me a heart attack." He breathed out nervously.
"Damn! My mission has failed. Excuse me, while I go hide in the corner and cry."
He leaned on his cane, making mocking faces at Chase, who rolled his eyes.
"Do we actually have a case or you just came here to annoy us?" Foreman asked; his face was impassive again.
"I seemed to recall this being my office or was that just my imagination?" He looked around in an innocent fashion. "There's Carmen Electra but I don't see pink unicorns anywhere. Good, otherwise I'd have a hard time keeping Cuddy away."
He continued in a hush-hush voice, "Did you know she had a pony when she was an itty-bitty girl? She keeps its pictures by the bed."
At Chase's confused look he added, "Sorry, Chase. It was just not meant to be." He wiped a fake tear from his eye and sniffled for additional effect.
"So do you have something for us?" Foreman asked impatiently.
"Ah Dr. Foreman, straight to the point. I like that. I don't like those sneakers though." He pointed with his cane at Foreman's very red Converses. "Doesn't match with that ugly pink tie."
Foreman narrowed his eyes at him. "Learn to accessorize, man."
"Dr. House?" He turned and saw Cuddy staring at him in all the seriousness.
"Well, if it isn't the ray of sunshine on an otherwise cloudy day." He quipped with a grin.
She sighed. "My office, now!"
He looked at his watch. "We only just got here and you already want me." He smirked.
"I knew you'd come around."
He turned to the other two men in the room. "Well, you know what they say; a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." He limped after her.
When they left, Chase frowned and said, "Hey Foreman, did you notice that purple bruise on House's jaw?"
"When it concerns House, I don't find anything surprising anymore."
"But Dr.Cuddy's hand is all bandaged up. You don't think those two got into a fight? Do you?"
"When it comes to those two, I try not to think at all." He retorted disinterestedly and continued to tap his fingers on the table, following some unrecognizable tune.
-
"So, why am I here besides for the obvious reason?"
House leaned on his cane as he observed her choice of clothing. The choice for the day was a pale green suit which consisted of a matching jacket and pants. They were in a hurry, okay she was in a hurry to get here, so he didn't even have time to notice what she was wearing.
"And what is the obvious reason?" She put her hands on her hips, staring at him in annoyance.
He knew she was going to ask that. He might be a pain in the ass but she was sometimes too curious for her own good. A characteristic they shared.
"You realized you were wrong and now you can't wait to jump me. Though I must say your office is a little risky. Anyone could walk in, you know? But what do I know? Maybe you're actually into that. Are you?" He raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
"I am not going to dignify that with an answer." She went around her desk and took some files. She held them out to him.
"You see this?"
He cocked his head to the side, waiting for a good remark to come.
"This is your case load for today."
He was going to say something but she beat him to it. "And don't even think about skipping clinic or assigning somebody else. I'll be watching you."
"Every step I take and every move I make?" He asked amused, taunting her.
"Yes. Now get out!" Cuddy pointed at the door, like she was scolding a disobedient child.
When he stepped out she slammed it into his face.
"Whoa, definitely frustrated. Call me when you change your mind." He said loud enough for her to hear through the door and left satisfied that he managed to irk her again.
-
"Are you Dr. House?"
He didn't get very far away from Cuddy's office when he was stopped by a short, middle-aged man with beady eyes.
"Who?"
House made his usual sarcastic face and looked down at the name tag on his blue suit, which he apparently forgot to take down before coming in.
Ready, steady, go!
He looked up at the man, giving him a look of complete innocence.
"Gosh, I am so sorry. I seem to have taken the wrong name tag again. You must mean that nice young blonde-haired man with the funny accent."
"What?" The man stared at him in confusion.
House saw Dr. Chase coming his way and exclaimed, "Aha! There he is—the man of the hour!"
Chase stopped on his way to Radiology and gave him a questioning look.
The beady-eyed man looked from House to Chase in an even more confused manner.
"Doctor—" Chase started but was cut off by House who patted him on the back.
"Yes, we know you're that doctor. I just can't help feeling so humble in your great presence."
Chase opened his mouth to respond but House's hand pushed him from behind.
"Oh don't be so modest. This man needs your help. Now go and treat!" He said and limped away, leaving two confused men at his wake.
-
"New Jersey Herald? Nope. Hmm...Good Housekeeping? No. Aha! Bingo!" House took the magazine and sat down on the extra chair in Cuddy's office.
Some would say that it's not very smart to sit in the office of a certain someone you're supposed to avoid. They would be right but since that someone wasn't in and should be back in approximately one hour; after sitting through a painfully boring meeting of the board of directors...it doesn't matter. The important thing was that he wasn't in the clinic. And butting heads with Cuddy was his favorite past-time.
He flipped through the magazine and smirked. He soon heard the noise coming from the outside but before he could register what was happening, the door opened and he came face to face with a pissed-off looking Dean of Medicine.
Here we go.
"How do I get my superhairy guy to wax?" He read from the magazine and then looked up. "Cuddy, ma' old buddy...pal...chum...Have you been holding out on me?"
"House! What the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be in the clinic!"
He looked around in an innocent fashion. "What? You sent the police after me?"
She placed her paperwork on her desk and pushed his legs from their resting place on her chair.
"Are you crazy? Not guilt-ridden enough? Want me to be in pain?" He responded when his legs hit the floor and landed in a painful position. He popped another dose of Vicodin.
"No I want you—"
"Well I know you want me but you didn't have to skip that meeting. And I'm not into pain. You're in luck though, 'cause I heard that Chase is totally into that and he doesn't even have a girlfriend. How perfect is that?" He smirked, waiting for her to bite.
Hook, line and sinker.
"Well I thought you were the king of pain." She retorted sarcastically.
"Touché." He flipped through the magazine. "Heh, Rick Springfield's back as Dr. Noah Drake on General Hospital."
He looked up again and saw her sitting in her chair. She seemed tired.
"What—that was all? That's all I get? No more puns? Oh did Uncle Greg wear you out?"
She rubbed her neck and cringed when she found the sore spot.
"Can we, just for once—"
"Skip massive amounts of usual foreplay and do it on your desk? I'd love to but you know—the leg and—"
"No!" She glared at him. "Would you stop twisting my words and let me finish."
He motioned with his cane.
"Can I make you a deal?"
He frowned. "What kind of a deal?"
"You'll be free of clinic duty for the rest of the week if you tone down the sarcasm. That means no sexual innuendo, no bitter remarks or inappropriate sayings."
"That's all? I have to be nice?" He raised an eyebrow.
"That means that just for once you'll have to be nice to everybody."
"What Foreman, Cameron and Chase?" He gave her a disgusted look.
"Them too."
"Oh come on, you gotta give me Chase. He's my main source."
"No. Take it or leave it."
He looked at her outstretched hand and heard the clock ticking in the background.
Okay. Think about it. Four glorious days with no clinic duty for four days of pretense. You can do it.
His hand shook hers. "Deal."
"Good. Now get back to work. You still have, "she looked down at her watch, "six hours of clinic duty for today. Use them wisely."
He stood up and flinched at the sudden pain. "Yes, Mother Superior. Shall I tell all the boys and girls to do their usual morning prayer?"
"Get out."
She pushed him outside and closed the door.
He popped a couple of more Vicodin and left in search of his favorite accomplice.