"I'd give up my sight for you."
"I'd give up all of my posessions for you."
"I'd give up my left hand for you."
"I'd give up my whole arm for you."
"I'd give up both of my arms for you."
"I'd give up my legs for you."
"I'd give up my life for you."
"I'd give up my soul for you."
"I'd give up my... skin pigmant for you."
"What?"
"Sorry, I'm starting to run out of ideas."
"Oh, don't worry. Let's just start from the beginning again."
"For the... twenty-seventh time?"
"Yes."
"Okay, and you know what?"
"What?"
"It sounds sweeter every time. Now where were we...?"
Ricca, Anna, and Matthew have spent the last five hours listening to this sort of nauseatingly, vomit-inducingly romantic garbage-talk from the back of the group and not one of them wasn't at least sporting one twitching eye and a facial expression similar to someone suffering from a pinched nerve. Finally, Matthew walks close to the other two and speaks quietly.
"Okay, this is getting WAY out of hand, people." He says through clenched teeth.
"Ugh, I know." Anna says, gagging. "They've been at it for... how long, now?"
"Five hours, seventeen minutes and fourty-two seconds..." Ricca says. "And I've been forcing myself not to strangle them since hour one, minute twenty."
"We have to do something about this." Anna says.
"Yeah, we need the quiet, dark, insensitive, bad-attitude Miro back." Matthew says. "My plan is... we kill the girl."
"Sounds good to me." Ricca agrees.
"No, no!" Anna says, shaking her head. "Miro would hate us and besides, where would we hide the body?"
"I saw a good ditch a couple of hours back." Matthew suggests. Anna shakes her head again.
"No, no killing!" She says. "We just have to do something to trigger Miro's dark side again."
"How?" Ricca asks. "With that Kate girl around, he's as happy as Sephiroth in a fangirl convention. How can we snap him out of that?"
"Well..." Anna begins. "...I'm not sure. But I'm sure we'll think of something. Soon."
"We can only pray." Matthew mumbles. "It's just a matter of time before I totally lose grip of my sanity..."
---------------------------------------------
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
Are we there ye-" Jack's continued questioning is cut of with a well-aimed strip of duct tape, courtesy of Nami.
"We'll be there when we find them, won't we?" She asks. Jack nods, unable to speak due to the tape.
"Well, do you see them?" Nami asks. Jack shakes his head.
"Well, that means we're not there yet!"
Jack gives a muffled 'oh' and they continue walking along. Nami was very much adept at wilderness hiking like this, but Jack was having difficulty keeping up with the pace. The fact that he could only breathe through his nose since the tape was placed snugly over his mouth wasn't helping matters, either. Finally, he tapped her shoulder and pointed to the tape. Understanding, Nami forcefully tore the tape off of Jack's face. If he had a mustache, he didn't anymore.
"Oww..." Jack says, holding his face, but happy that he could breathe well again. He turns to look at Nami.
"Thanks, but you didn't have to be so- oof!" He says, cut off by suddenly colliding into something going the direction opposite him, falling backwards due to the impact. At first he thinks that it was an animal, but as he looks up to check, he sees something incredibly strange.
"Nami... What am I looking at...?" He asks slowly, not taking his eyes away from the thing, and it doing the same. It looked to be a mirror image of Jack, the same height, face, and dumbfounded expression. The only difference visible was the fact that this person wore a blue cap, and had a huge, solitary tuft of hair sticking out of it at a nearly supernatural angle. Jack and the other simply stare for a second, blinking, and suddenly this newcomer shoots upright and takes off through the woods, quickly lost to sight.
"What... What was that?" Nami asks, for once in her life completely clueless.
"I'm not sure..." Jack says, remaining on the ground.
"Should we go after him?" Nami asks.
"I don't think so." Jack says. "I don't want to lose the trail, and... I have a feeling we might be meeting him again soon." He gets up, dusting himself off and continuing to walk.
---------------------------------------------
"The map says that we cross this bridge." Ricca says, doing her best to ignore the continued flirtings from the back of the group. "And then, we stop following the river and start walking through the fields."
"Ah, a nice walk in the ever-stretching beauty of the fields." Miro says, his eyes fixed on Kate. "Maybe today I can find a lone flower, and give it to you to match your own beauty."
"You don't have to do that for me." Kate replies. "Just walkling with you would make the grass seem greener, and the air smell sweeter. Be with me."
"I will."
"Okay..." Matthew says, looking absolutely sick at the cheezey, godawful lines being exchanged. "Going... to puke... Gimme a minute..."
"Hey, y'know what?" Ricca says. "Why don't you two cross the bridge first?"
"Gladly." Miro says, him and Kate strolling up to the bridge and beginning to cross it. Behind them, Ricca pulls a large baseball bat from her backpack and runs at them, aiming a swing. Suddenly, Matthew grabs the bat, holding back Ricca's swing. He shakes his head at her, but then yanks the bat from her hands and runs at them himself, ready to strike. Anna then interferes, holding back Matthew's swing. She takes the bat away from him and throws it away, signalling for him to watch. She quickly approaches them and, as Miro had his head turned to the water, she kicks him over the side of the bridge, quickly running to return to the others.
"What was that all about?" Matthew asks her quietly.
"Miro wasn't looking, and I don't think he noticed me, so he'll think that Kate did it." Anna explains.
"And with any luck, that'll trigger his dark side, right?" Ricca says. "Well, it might work. Let's see."
Kate ran to the side of the bridge, looking over to Miro.
"Miro! Oh, are you okay?" She asks worriedly.
Spitting out some water, Miro looks up at her.
"Fine as your dress billowing in the spring breeze as you come running, my juicy apple of affection." He replies, happily pulling himself from the water at the other side of the river.
"Crap." The other three mumble in frustration.
"He dosen't even care!" Matthew says. "I can't believe this, he dosen't even care!"
"What's it gonna take to snap him out of this?" Anna says.
"There's a pretty big rock right there by the riverbed." Ricca offers. "We just drop it over the girl's head, it's all over."
Matthew nods at this. "Okay, I'll go get-"
"I said no killing!" Anna loudly reminds them. "There's plenty of other things we haven't tried yet. We just have to think..."
And so they did, for an hour of walking, and then two, and then about another half. Finally, it was almost evening and the group decided to take a rest. Anna, Matthew, and Ricca sit together in a circle.
"Think of anything yet?" Matthew asks.
"Nope." Ricca replies, shaking her head.
"Nothing." Anna says, doing the same.
"Ugh, me neither..." Matthew says, sighing. "It looks like our only option is to snuff Kate."
"Agreed, finally." Ricca says.
"...Oh, okay." Anna says, giving up. "What should we use?" Pulling off her backpack, Anna dumps out a huge assortment of knives, swords, grenades, and portable nuclear devices. Ricca and Matthew look to the pile, and then to her in speechless shock.
"What?" Anna asks. "A girl's got to be prepared."
"..."
"What?"
"Uhh... nothing." Matthew says, blinking. Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, he spots something walking towards them, slowly. Without making sudden movements to arouse suspicion, he leans to the others and whispers.
"We have company."
Ricca nods, and turns her eyes slowly to what Matthew had seen. Suddenly, her expression became blank.
"Sorry, guys, but I'll have to split for a while." And without another word, Ricca got up and dashed away, lost to sight down the side of a hill.
"What was that all about?" Anna wonders out loud. Matthew shrugs.
"I don't know, but if it's enough to spook Ricca, we'd better get the jump on it."
Both nod, and leap up quickly, each grabbing a sword and facing the figure. Noticing that it was noticed, it walks toward them faster. From what they could see, it was a tanned man with a deceptively friendly face, with something concealed behind his back.
"You got some reason to be here?" Matthew asks, pointing his sword over to him.
"Yep." The man replies. "To bring you kids back home."
Suddenly, Anna and Matthew realise who the man was, and ready their swords quickly.
"We aren't going back, not yet!" Anna yells.
"You'll have to fight us!" Matthew adds.
"Hahahaha! Fine, this should be a blast!" The man says, pulling from behind him his weapon of choice, a large fish. "En garde!" He says, holding it out like a sword.
Anna and Matthew run at him, Matthew reaching him first. He swung his sword two times at the man, both times deflected by his skillful fish-handling. With a twirl, the man disarmed Matthew with relative ease, his sword landing a distance away. Quickly, Anna jumped in, with a stabbing motion. The man dodged, however, and after a short while of trading blows, also disarms Anna. The two of them back away from the man.
"Now, you stay there." He says. "And keep away from those weapons. I just have to make sure your friends don't get in my way, either."
With that, he came charging toward Miro and Kate, who were, so far, oblivious to the battle that had commenced seconds before due to looking at nothing but one another. When the man was only a few paces away, Miro finally caught sight of him, his fish raised, ready to strike.
"Kate, watch out!" Miro yells, quickly putting himself between her and the man. He pays for this action dearly, however, as the man strikes him solidly across the face with the large, slimy fish.
All was still for a moment. The side of Miro's face was dripping with the fish's cold, wet slime, and his face was turned due to the impact. Suddenly, a chill gust of wind blew through the fields, dying down until all was silent again.
"Miro...?" Kate says quietly.
"Y...You okay, man?" Matthew asks.
"No one..." Miro begins, turning his head back to the man slowly. "and I mean no one... smacks me with A FISH!" Another gust of wind blows by, stronger this time, making the man back off slightly.
"Oh..." Matthew says. "That did it. I think we've got dark Miro back."
"He looks angry." Anna says. "I wouldn't want to be the one holding the fish right now."
"Let's give him a hand." Matthew says. "Pick up a sword, we'll throw them to him."
"Got it. Hey, Miro, catch!" Anna says, she and Matthew throwing him one sword each. Miro catches them both, brandishing them in front of the man.
"Let's have some fun." He says. They both suddenly come at one another, Miro handling the two swords as easily as if he were two people. The man's fishmanship was skillful too, but he didn't have enough time between blocking to find an opening in Miro's defense, if you could call it that. Finally, without second thought, the man lunges at Miro with the fish in a final stab. However, Miro countered by twirling his blades so quickly that when the fish went into them, it was sliced and sliced until there was nothing but the handle that the man held, and a huge pile of sushi on the ground.
The man staggered back, dropping the fish-tail that was all that was left of his weapon, and looked at Miro.
"This... isn't over!" He says. "Next time, the whole group's gonna be here, and you'll be going right back where you belong!" With that, he quickly ran away, which was quite pathetic-looking since they were in a rolling field and could see everything from miles around with no tree cover.
"The whole group...?" Miro mumbles, dropping the swords and rubbing his hands together. "I wonder..."
"Miro, you did it!" Kate says from behind him, jumping onto his back. "You saved me, thank you! How can I ever-"
"Shove off, girly!" Miro says, throwing her off of him. "I wasn't protecting you, I just wanted first crack at the guy! Now c'mon, we're burning daylight standing around here! And besides, it isn't safe to hang around here much longer, move it!" He throws his things into his bag and picks it up, beginning to walk.
"Hmph, all right, fine!" Kate says, packing up and starting to walk. "It's not like I actually needed you to stop the guy, anyway! If you'd just given me a second, I would've had him beat in half the time it took your slow-"
"Well..." Matthew says, looking at the scene. "Everything's back to nornal, I guess. Fighting, yelling, stubbornness-"
"And Miro got slapped by a fish." Ricca adds, suddenly appearing right beside him and Anna. "So all's well that ends well."
"I'm just glad we can finally relax a bit on this trip." Anna says. "If they ever shut up, that is..."