Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Zeta Project'. I do not own any of its characters. It's just a Christmas fanfic. My Christmas gift for you.
Phi's character belongs to Insectikette.
As English isn't my native language I want to thank The NightDragon for her editing work on this story.
More Than I Ever Wished For
Zee's point of view
…I saw her among the crowd… Ro waved enthusiastically… towards me… towards… me…
'You're back!' That was all I dared to expect from her, but… she tried to shout over the noise of the crowd and to tell me something more… I wasn't able to hear her even with my sharp hearing… I could only guess looking at her lips… and she tried to say that…
White light.
And Ro disappeared.
She wasn't here…
Of course she couldn't be.
The prisoners were not allowed to have anyone visit them.
When the last check was made and my handcuffs were unlocked, one of the guards handed me an envelope.
"Zeta, a friend of yours sent you this."
I had gotten used to people calling me Zeta even when I was in my human Zee appearance, as I was now.
I opened the envelope. There was an electronic key inside and a note: "Welcome, Zee. And Merry Christmas. This apartment is yours. Bucky"
I… I was ready to go in some hotel, as always, it would be okay for me, but as Bucky had bought an apartment for me…
That was touching…
White light.
Again.
And I… I entered the apartment… I entered my apartment…
The living room was full of people… my friends… they all were here, welcoming me… And Ro…
Ro was here too…
Agent Bennet approached me first and gave me a friendly hug "I'm glad that you got your freedom, Zeta. I've owed it to you for a long time. Merry Christmas."
Bucky was the second one, who patted me on the back, "Merry Christmas, Zee! I hope you like my present, but you didn't say anything; say something at least about the decoration, buddy!"
"Uh-h… err… y-yes, the decoration is great… and the Christmas tree… thank you, Bucky…"
Casey patted me on the shoulder too, "I'm glad to see you again, friend!"
Then Dr. Selig gave me a fatherly hug, "Welcome home, son. I know what you expect from me and I wouldn't disappoint you. You'll have a human body the moment when you feel ready for that. You deserve it and I'm proud of you. Merry Christmas, son."
I nodded, still without to believe on my eyes and ears, unable to answer to all those greetings and most of all… unable to take my eyes off of Ro…
And she kept looking at me smiling, waiting for her chance to welcome me.
She hugged me, squeezing my neck with all of her force, "You're back!" but that wasn't all that she said and this time I heard the rest of her words, "I missed you so much, I love you, Zee …"
The white light… again…
We were alone with Ro in front of the Christmas tree and… I still held her in my arms…
I drew my face closer to hers and I kissed her…
…A green notice appeared in my vision, "End of the dreaming process."
No… I didn't want to detach my lips from Ro's; we just kept kissing, while the green notice kept insisting that it was time for me to stop dreaming and return to my ordinary duty as prisoner…
o O o
Zee's point of view
The convict on my right side suddenly dropped down the piece of metal he was adding to the construction and it slowly began to fall toward the ground, slightly pulled by the low moon gravity.
Then all the rest happened for less than a minute, although it looked almost as some slow motion movie.
The man began to scream...
À terribly desperate call for help.
The guards were too far away to do anything. Or at least they obviously weren't aware that something like that would ever happen and definitely weren't ready to face it.
I knew that the lack of air all around, the open space, the constant need to wear a space suit and a helmet and most of all - the thought that you depended on the oxygen bottles on your back caused psychological problems to the humans, who had to serve a term of imprisonment on the moon jail for years. The people here weren't astronauts, chosen after a check of their physical condition. They were just criminals sentenced with the harder retribution - to be in a jail on the moon. But why weren't the guards on alert for the bad results of that, as it had happened already a lot of times?
They really were too far away from the man to prevent what he had in mind to do. Even the other prisoners, who were close enough weren't able to react as fast as it was necessary. I was his only chance. My space suit and my helmet were a hologram. My movements weren't difficult because of the unwieldy space suit, I merely had to act as fast as it was possible…
The man lifted his hand in order to touch the button, which could unlock the helmet of his space suit…
"Don't!" I yelled and I threw myself toward him…
The moon gravity slowed my movements, but still I managed to catch his hand in time and we both fell to the ground among clouds of moon dust…
o O o
Zee's point of view
A few minutes later I was sitting in a chair in front of the prison's director Gordon Collins, a middle aged man with already grayish hair.
I had 'removed' my space suit and now I 'wore' the regular orange prisoner's outfit over my identity hologram - my black haired, dark blue eyed Zee appearance.
"So... you're still ready to save a human, who's threatened to die." Said Gordon Collins thoughtfully and he said this somehow at himself rather than to me, looking at the screen on his computer, where obviously were the files of my running from the NSA, during all those five years before the NSA had managed to catch me. "Well, Zeta…" he said still without glancing at me, then his keen dark eyes looked at me beneath his still black brows, "have you ever asked yourself why a robot has to be in a human jail?"
"Because there's nothing like a robotic jail so far, I guess."
Gordon Collins nodded.
"Your crime is definite as 'refusing to obey orders.' You had refused to kill people, but the NSA had not believed you, they had accused you that you were reprogrammed by a terrorist organization, Brother's Day."
Gordon Collins silenced, still looking at the screen.
All this was exactly as he had said, but as we both know that, I didn't get the point…
"Are you in love with Rosalie Rowen, Zeta?" the prison's director suddenly asked, and he screwed up his eyes as if he aimed a laser weapon on me.
I had no heart, which could go faster with embarrassment after such a question, but I felt confused and my sensors detected how my hologram Adam's apple and my jaw had winced, I had swallowed, betraying my bewilderment.
"I'm a synthoid" I tried to say as indifferent as I could. "Do you think a robot could be in love?"
"We both know that you're not an ordinary robot, Zeta. Are you in love with your accomplice?"
"She wasn't just my accomplice. She was my best friend."
"You didn't answer me."
I kept saying nothing, but even my silence was obvious enough and this time Gordon Collins smiled. I had to confess that he wasn't trying to sting or humiliate me, he was definitely good-hearted towards me.
"I'm sorry I tried to break into your personal life, Zeta, but you're an incredible robot, you are unique and I was just curious… never mind, forget it, you can take this as a friendly conversation, probably our last one. You're free. I just received the order for your release."
But the prison's director didn't let me pause to realize the whole meaning of the news, he asked me again an embarrassing question.
"Miss Rowen's waiting for you, right?"
"I… I don't know" I stammered, "I'm a synthoid…" I repeated as a minute ago. "Ro probably had found a real living man to be with rather than waiting for me…"
"You said she was your best friend."
"Yes, she... was. But I'm a synthoid..." I repeated third time.
Gordon Collins examined me with a surreptitious look and he turned toward the computer's screen again.
"Because you cost a lot of money, your bosses had decided not to destroy you, but to send you to the court. You were cast for damages - the NSA wasted a lot of money chasing you, so you caused harm and you redeemed all this working here." Gordon Collins returned his gaze on me, making a long pause before to add, "You have to know though that because of your perfect behavior the eleven months since you are here and because of the several times you had saved humans life among the other prisoners, I had decided to change your state from an ordinary prisoner to a guard-helper. The psychologists can't foresee everything and most of the jailers didn't care about prisoners' security, so I really need someone, who would be able to support me in my efforts to prevent prisoners' accidents because of the unstable psyche condition of many of the people locked here. But… that's my problem. I'm happy to know that you got your freedom, Zeta. You deserve it. Dr. Selig proved that as your module with conscience wouldn't allow anyone to reprogram you, he proved that you can't be reprogrammed by Brother's Day as well. The court decreed your freedom. Don't take me wrong, Zeta, I think robots are the best option for moon construction and as a jail director I wouldn't want to lose such a worker and helper as you. I would like to offer you very good paying job, you could be a perfect head of the jailers team here. At first sight it would be logical for a robot to have not any preferences what and where he would work, I even would probably try to use my influence and to retain you under my control. But you are different. I always knew it and today I was convinced once again that it's true. My questions about Miss Rowen weren't random. You have not only conscience, you have feelings. You're are truly a person."
Gordon Collins stood up, he walked around the desk and he extended his hand for handshake.
I stood up as well.
We shook hands.
"It was an honor for me to know you, Zeta. Good luck.
"Thank you, Mr. Collins…"
"You're welcome." Gordon Collins opened the door and nodded toward the corridor, "Come on, you'll be home for Christmas. You don't want to lose the last flight to Earth for this year, do you?"
o O o
Zee's point of view
I didn't use the common way to go out of Dr. Selig's scientific center. I didn't cross the building. I had preferred to pass through the inner yard, which was covered with snow.
Under the lights, coming from the numerous windows, the snow glittered with little yellow-lilac crystals.
I didn't know why I decided to pass through the yard instead of immediately taking a taxi just on the threshold of the front door. There wasn't any logical reason for this.
Actually no.
There was a reason.
I wanted to sense again that I would wince at the cold. I wanted to sense how my lungs would breathe the winter night air. And I wanted to see that little cloud of steam of my breath…
When I went out of the building, I really winced at the cold and as I had expected, the sensation was strong enough to distract my thoughts from that inner cold, which clenched my heart.
Was Ro waiting for me?
Would she throw herself on my neck as always, whispering, "You're back!"…
What would she answer when I would say that I love her?
I ran my fingers trough my black forelock, which constantly hung across my eyes and I lifted the collar of my coat in order to hide a little bit from the cold.
The snow wasn't deep and under my shoes it crunched, being hard and frozen and I was leaving a trace of lonely steps behind me.
Lonely steps on the snow…
Lonely steps over the frozen glittering snow…
Was Ro waiting for me…?
o O o
She had always wanted to live in a house. But not in a common one. A house like the ones in the advertisements for Christmas. It would appear to be a lonely home, as if it were the only house in the whole world and that was the reason why it looked so welcoming. It would have little windows illuminated in soft yellow like some warm nest, covered with a downy blanket of snow. A house, decorated all over with many Christmas lanterns. A house that Santa Claus would definitely notice and would stop his reindeers' sleigh to give his presents to everyone in that home.
Of course she didn't believe in Santa Claus anymore, but she loved to tell stories about him to her little, two month old daughter even now, when the baby was too little to understand.
The young blonde haired woman turned around in order to look at the back seat of her car, where her baby where sleeping in the pink carseat.
Her baby? No, not only hers. Their baby. Hers and his. This baby was as much hers as it was to the man beside her, her husband.
Her only one.
The autopilot drove the car, so the young man allowed himself to detach his eyes from the road and he asked, turning to the back seat as well, "Is she okay?"
"Yes, she is." The blonde woman answered giving him a soft smile.
He smiled back, returning his look back at the road.
Their house came into view in the distance. A lonely house, covered with a downy blanket of snow, lut up by yellow windows and glittering with Christmas lanterns - exactly as his wife had wanted.
While they had been shopping, their personal helper bots had decorated the house outside and inside for Christmas.
He had expected them both to make the decoration together, as it was their first home and their first Christmas as husband and wife, but she insisted on coming back from shopping to an already decorated house. It wasn't hard for her to convince him. He was happy when she was happy...
He took a deep breath as if a second before he had been unable to breathe, then he unzipped his jacket, rubbing his throat and his face with both hands as the panic attack subsided.
The young woman anxiously touched his shoulder, "Are you allright?"
"I'm fine, it was just for a moment. I'm so sorry that I frightened you." And slowly he shook his head as if trying to chase away some persistent thought. "I just remembered something, that happened one year ago."
"And what happened one year ago?" She looked at him; trying to make him smile as she lifted her thin eyebrows as if she had no idea what he meant. "We got married one year ago, is that what still takes your breath away?"
"And how!" He broke into laugh, hugging her. He kissed her and then he turned off the autopilot in order to park the car in the garage of their house.
o O o
Ro's point of view
Although Zee lifted the carseat from the car as carefully as he could, Phi opened her eyes as always when we were carrying her into the house.
"Ro! She woke up!" said Zee, so helplessly confused however as he always was when it was something about her, and I couldn't help but smile.
"It's okay, it's even better. Now she can see the Christmas tree with us!"
"Err . . . yes, actually you're right." He spoke in a funny tone just to make me smile again and he hugged the carseat close to his chest in the cute way that he carried it when Phi was awake.
He was tall, big, and strong enough to carry it like this and in those moments Phi, even with her chair, looked as if she were pinned over his chest like a brooch.
Zee liked to carry the seat like this, because he liked to talk to Phi literally any minute when she wasn't asleep.
As Phi and her seat were more heavy than all of the presents we had bought, I took the shopping bags, leaving Phi with her Dad.
Wade's home-helper bots greeted us with their usual, 'Welcome home, Mrs. Smith. Welcome home Mr. Smith. Welcome home, little Phi.' But they didn't report what they had done in our absence. Zee had reprogrammed them especially not to betray the surprise of the inside decoration of the house.
The tall Christmas tree was covered with red balls and bows, golden garlands and a huge golden Christmas star glittered on the top.
The whole living room was decorated perfectly as well, just as I had wanted it to look.
And on the fireplace mantle, all the Christmas stockings were hung waiting for the smaller gifts that we had bought. The larger presents would be placed underneath the Christmas tree.
Zee carefully placed Phi on the couch as she still was in her carseat. I set the shopping bags down in front the fireplace then took off Phi's winter coat. I then refastened the seatbelt that held her safely in her seat, then I returned to the fireplace in order to help Zee in putting the presents away.
But despite his smile, I could see that he hadn't completely recovered from the panic attack he'd had while we were in the car a few minutes ago.
We finished with the presents and he was about to call a servant bot in order to give him the empty bags, but I stopped him, gently holding his shoulder and I made him look at me.
"Zee, there is enough air here for you to breathe, you wouldn't strangle as that prisoner in the moon jail who you saved. . ."
He nodded with his guilty expression of sadness, which I knew so well.
"I know, Ro, I'm so sorry . . . it's . . . it's coming over me, sometimes . . . I'm sure I'll overcome it, I just need time."
"Of course you'll overcome it; you're doing great so far." I hugged him around his chest and I asked him carefully "Do you still have the feeling that you're insecure in your new body? Do you still feel too fragile and defenceless without your titanium shell?"
"Sometimes . . . but not as often as in the beginning. I'm really feeling better and better now, Ro, believe me. All of this will pass, I don't want you to worry."
I lifted my head to examine his face, hoping to find some sign in his expression that he really was better than before and his words weren't just an attempt to try to calm me down. He was sincere, I knew he was, but I wanted to dispel all of his troubles so I asked him as I was still looking straight at his navy blue eyes, "What about. . ." and I smirked, "What about if we exchange our gifts before the guests come?"
But I didn't wait for him to say anything, I took him by the hand and I dragged him toward the Christmas tree. Then I unhooked the Christmas stockings with our names and handed his to him.
There was no need for us to say that we'll take out our presents at the same time, we just exchanged smiles.
I held a golden necklace with the letter "R" and he held a golden chain with a letter "Z". . .
We both broke into a laugh.
"Tell me the truth, Zee. . ." I managed to say after few minutes, ". . .you weren't tempted to use your hiding skills again to spy on me while I was shopping? You didn't use Dr. Edmund's bracelet or something?"
"No, Ro. . ." he barely managed to say through his laugher, "I didn't!"
"Well . . . then we can make this" I took the golden chain with the letter "Z" from his hands, giving him the one with the letter "R", "I'll prefer to wear your name close to me" and I fastened the "Z" necklace on my neck, while he was putting the "R" chain on his neck and we kissed. . .
Phi began to cry in her chair.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, sweet heart!" I ran to her and I took her in my arms, "Mom and Dad forgot about you, but we both are here and we love you so much! Look, Phi, look how upset is your Dad when you're crying!"
But Phi didn't look at Zee, her full attention was on the glittering Christmas tree, so I went closer to it.
Phi didn't cry anymore, but obviously it wasn't the only reason for Zee's upset expression. Just as I had sensed that he still didn't feel completely comfortable in his new body, now he had sensed that something pulled my thoughts back toward the past.
"Ro . . . you said once that Christmas makes you sad. . ."
"It was a whole eternity back then" I replied, but then I added in a softer tone, "It wasn't a real celebration in those orphanages or even with people like the Morgans. The presents that I received in the orphanages weren't addressed to me; they just arrived there from some rich people to some poor kids. There was nobody there who cared about me for being me. There were no gifts with my name on them. There wasn't anyone who I could give a present to . . . And besides, I told you that this holiday makes me sad before our first Christmas together." I made a fist and I teased him, very lightly pushing his square chin, "Don't you know that my life is divided in two epochs? Before Zee and After Zee!"
He smiled embarrassedly as always when I had told him that he meant everything to me.
And besides, I loved to embarrass him, he looked so cute that way!
He lifted his black brows as a sign that he was waiting for me to say the next thing, he was sure I would say something more and I broke in laugh because he was right.
And I looked at him with hope, "If you let yourself forget that you're more defenseless without your metal body and if you don't think about those panic attacks, tell me honestly, Zee, what is like to be a living human?"
He tenderly hugged me as I still held Phi in my arms and he whispered quietly, "It's more than I ever wished for."
The end
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