A/N: This chapter is dedicated to The Disciple...thanks for all the encouraging reviews! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. It gives more insight into her relationship(if you even want to call it that)with Atton. So I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own SW or KotOR II...oooh, it would be a scary world if I did.

Chapter 16: Seeds Of Doubt

Atton stood behind her, his face not betraying even a hint as to what he was thinking. Amira was worried about him. He hadn't spoken a word since they had arrived on Nar Shaddaa, which was surprising considering it was him who had wanted to come here in the first place. Amira continued to ponder her next move. She had met a couple twi'leks earlier who had said that they knew Atton.

They also said that he was a murderer, an assassin. She didn't know what to do. She trusted Atton with her life. Atton had been with her and had protected her since the beginning, when they had met on Peragus. He wasn't a bad person...he just seemed, at least to Amira, a little lost. Almost as if he didn't know what his role in the galaxy was. Amira felt for him...even pitied him slightly.

"Atton?" She turned to face him.

"Need something?" He replied with his usual cockiness.

"There were some...questions that I wanted to ask you." Amira paused. She had a feeling in her gut that this was not going to be a pleasant conversation.

"Alright, what is it you wanted to know?" Atton said and Amira could sense his nervousness.

"I met someone who say they know you." She began softly.

"Yeah? Did they say I owed them credits, too?" Atton said with a smile.

"They said that you're not really Atton at all." Atton's smile quickly disappeared and was replaced with a frown. "And that you showed up during the Jedi Civil War."

"I'm as Atton as Atton will ever be! And whoever your trusted informant is, he's right. I did show up here, along with a lot of other refugees." Atton said angrily.

Amira withdrew slightly. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No, because you're asking about it. If I wanted to tell you something I would have told you. Anything else?" Atton said.

Amira swallowed. "I think I have a right to know, we are working together after all."

"Not once have I asked you about the Mandalorian Wars, not once! I heard about Serroco, and Dxun, and I sure as hell know about Malachor V!" Atton snapped at her.

"You weren't there. You don't know how it was-"

"Oh yeah? Maybe you're wrong about that. Maybe you're wrong about a lot of other things too. What makes you think you have the right to interrogate me on anything?" He yelled accusingly.

"I was just asking...I only wanted-" Amira began.

"You have plenty of lives to answer to..." he paused, "all you Jedi do. How did you even live with yourself after Malachor? Is that why you went back to the Jedi in chains? Hoping they'd kill you?"

Amira stepped forward. "That wasn't how it was!"

"Wasn't it? Sure you thought they'd kill you. But Jedi don't kill, do they? At least not their prisoners. So you got off easy...brushed under the cargo ramp. Just another dirty little Jedi secret." Atton said motioning with his hand a sweeping action.

Amira was taken aback. She had trusted this man and here he was, yelling at her and telling her what had happened when he wasn't even there himself! Amira's heart felt like it had been ripped out.

Atton leaned closer and whispered in her ear, "I'll tell you, all those Jedi on Malachor...they deserved it. Every last one of them."

"How could you even say something like that?" She Force pushed him slightly back away from her.

"Because Jedi lie...and they manipulate. And every act of charity and kindness that they do, you can drag it out into the light and see it for what it really is. The galaxy doesn't need Jedi hypocrisy or Jedi arrogance any more!" Atton said, smiling to himself as Amira stood farther away from him. She was afraid of him and Atton fed off that fear.

"That is the Sith. The Sith are the evil ones, Atton, not the Jedi." Amira said, defending her ideals.

"The Sith, the Jedi...you don't get it, do you? To the galaxy, they're the same thing. Just men and women with too much power, squabbling over religion while the rest of us burn!" Atton said, frustrated. "At least the Sith are honest for what they're killing for. The Jedi are pacifists, except in times of war. They're teachers, except when it comes to telling their students the truth. And when they save you? It's only so you can suffer more!"

"Take that back, Atton Rand! Or I'll-" Amira began.

"Go ahead and try. I think I'm a little more than you can handle." He said, smiling proudly. "But I expect that kind of arrogance from a Jedi."

"Atton-"

"Whatever... leave me alone! I don't even know why I'm wasting my time with you anyway." Atton said turning away from her.

"Why are you here, Atton? Why are you trying to protect me?" Amira asked finally. She had to reach him somehow. This man was drowning in darkness, there had to be a way to save him. And if there was a way, Amira would find it.

"I don't know. I don't even understand it most of the time. I think it has to do with..." Atton trailed off. A pained look crossed his face, and he once again disappeared into the darkness.

"What is it, Atton?" Amira asked quietly, placing a hand on Atton's shoulder.

"Well, there was this woman, a Jedi. She...she gave her life for mine. I never knew her name. She sought me out; she said she had come to save me. She was lying, of course, or at least I think she was. It didn't matter though, she told enough truth to get my attention. She said that Revan was doing something terrible to Jedi in the unknown regions. That when we captured Jedi, they were sent to a place designed to...break them. And anyone in her service that showed the ability to wield the Force was sent there too, to turn them. To break them into dark Jedi or assassins trained to kill Jedi." Atton sighed and put his hands in his pocket, as if trying to bury the memories.

"And?" Amira asked. She had to know why Atton was the way he was.

"She said that that's what would happen to me. That I had the Force inside of me and that is why I was so good at killing Jedi. That I would become an instrument of the darkside...forever." Atton paused. "I had heard talks among the ranks of troops vanishing. I knew what she meant but I didn't believe her...or want to believe her."

"What happened to her?" Amira asked, afraid of his answer.

"I did to her what I do to all Jedi. I hurt her...a lot. And just when I thought she couldn't take anymore, she showed me the Force, inside my head. And I felt everything she felt, and I heard just an echo of what the Force was...and what I was doing." Atton's voice cracked for a moment. Pain obvious in his tone. "I think I loved her. But it wasn't that kind of love. It was the kind when you're willing to give up everything for someone you don't even know."

Amira smiled. "That is what it means to be a Jedi."

Atton shook his head. "I killed her for crawling in my head, for showing me that. But before she opened her mind to mine, my only thought was that I'd love to kill her. And then, in the end, I killed her...because I loved her. In the end, she sacrificed herself to keep my secret. To prevent the Sith from knowing about the touch of the Force inside me. She wasted her life to save me. Me." Atton knelt to the ground. Amira knelt beside him, she tried to take some of the pain away, but he had so much anger and hate inside him.

"Perhaps she felt some greater good would be achieved by protecting you." Amira said.

"And I felt her die, when she opened her mind to mine. I had killed Jedi before, like I said, but I was never there to feel it, to be on the receiving end. After that, I couldn't stop feeling things. Before guilt, lust, impatience...it had been orchestrated to get close. Now it just kept tumbling out. I couldn't keep doing what I was doing. So I left. I fled with all the other displaced war veterans to Nar Shaddaa, and I lost myself there, until the war came to an end. I wanted no more of Jedi, or Dark Jedi, or the Force. I just wanted to be left alone."

Amira touched his arm gently. "I know how you feel."

"And then I met you on Peragus. And I thought...maybe, maybe she had saved me so I could help you. And if I can't...then I have to try." Atton finished. A sad smiled displayed on his lips.

"Then I welcome your help...and your honesty." Amira said. Amira felt she had saved Atton from a doomed future that day...she had rescued a drowning man.

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"What you are asking me to do it's...it's unethical!" The zabrak protested.

"Not if I give you permission." Amira countered.

Bao-Dur shook his head sadly. "I can't, General."

"Please, Bao, I need your help." Amira pleaded.

"General...why? I don't understand what you want me to do." Bao-Dur replied.

Amira herself didn't quite understand either. The dream, or memory, she had last night had made her think that she might know something about Mical's death somewhere deep in her memory. She couldn't access it herself, so she figured Bao-Dur could try and do it for her. She was almost certain that she had forgotten something that had happened that day. Bao-Dur could possibly be the one who found the one clue that could help her find the killer.

"I want you to look inside my mind and see if you can find anything important to do with the day Mical..." She fought back tears. "The day Mical died."

Bao-Dur looked sympathetically at her. "Are you sure there isn't anyone else who could do this, General? I think Atton would be better at it then I am, considering you were closer with him."

"Atton is missing, Bao, and you are here now. Please?" Amira gave him a sad look.

Bao-Dur groaned. "General, you know that I'd love to help you but-"

"But?"

"The Council has forbidden everyone from aiding you in your quest for revenge. They say it is a self-destructive path and anyone who starts down it can't return. They're worried about you, General." Bao-Dur said, avoiding Amira's gaze.

Amira was struck speechless for a moment. The Council was already plotting against her? Perhaps they did have something to hide from her. Perhaps everything that she had been taught from them was mired in treachery. The more the Council excluded her, the more Amira became determined that they were the true threat to the Republic.

"Bao, why do you think they exiled me in the first place? They saw me as a threat to their seat of power. They will again rise to power and control the Republic. We can't let them do that, Bao." Amira said. Her mind was still reeling with information and theories. Maybe Atton had been right all that time ago...

"General, you don't think that Jedi are planning to overthrow the Republic, do you?" He asked, worry clear in his voice.

"I think it's possible. Think about it, Bao. They have ample motive. All with power are afraid to lose it...the same goes for the Jedi." Amira leaned back in her chair.

"I don't think the Jedi would do such a thing." Bao-Dur said with a confidence he did not feel. "What would we do if they were, though? We are Jedi too."

"I have a plan. You will have to trust me." Amira said standing up.

Bao-Dur stood up beside her. "What are you going to do?"

"My loyalties lie with the Republic, and with the Senate...they no longer lie with the Jedi. They betrayed my trust." Amira smiled to herself. "But...I will give them their dues, eventually."

"You're starting to sound like a Sith, General." Bao-Dur said placing a hand on her shoulder.

"The Sith is merely a title. A title I will wear gladly if it will help me protect those that I love." Amira said and there was a coldness in the air as she said it.

"I will follow you, General." Bao-Dur said.

"Good, I may call upon you later. Thanks, Bao. It is good to know that I can trust in you." Amira said. "I am leaving for Kashyyyk tonight. The Council must not know, Bao."

"You're leaving alone? It will be dangerous, General." Bao-Dur said, concern reflected in his eyes.

"I am bringing T3 and HK with me. Fear not, I will be fine." Amira said. In her gut she knew that something would happen...she knew that she would find Mical's killer. There was something else...she knew not what that something was though. It was elsewhere and elusive; Amira knew there was something at work in the galaxy. She would find out what that was, or she would die trying...

A/N: Sorry it took longer to update than usual! So as you can see, Amira cares for Atton like a brother. Anyway, you will get a really cool flashback into Amira's life before she was a Jedi soon. Anyway, please review!