To hell with the Political Correctness Police - a Happy Christmas to all beings everywhere! XD

Here is my gift to all my fellow fan fic'ers. Personally, I found it great fun to write and a nice change from the story format I usually stick to. So try to enjoy my offering and season's greetings to all.

CHAPTER 4
" 'TWAS THE TRITE BEFORE CHRISTMAS"

'twas the night before Christmas and all through the lair

Every creature was ready for a wicked affair.

The bear net were hung by the chimney with care

In hopes that Saint Nicholas would soon be lured there.

The henchmen were nestled all snug on the roof

(Four Badniks, a dwarf and a mechanised poof)

And Ivo in nightgown and I in top hat

And tuxedo and slippers downstairs with a bat.

When out on the lawn, there was such a soiree

I sprang from the stairs to check it was our prey.

Away to the window I ran like a bolt

And looked out and scanned for the bearded fat dolt.

The moon shone above like a round cheese aglow.

'twas a bit too bright, really - it was melting the snow.

And at last, to my wondering eyes did appear

A rickety sledge and eight tired reindeer.

The large hairy driver, o'er the side being sick,

I knew in a moment was drunken Saint Nick.

More rapid than gunshots, his cursing did come

And he hollered and yelled as he sipped some more rum:

"Damn Dasher! Damn Dancer! Gay Prancer and Vixen!

Blast Comet! Sod Cupid! Screw Donner and Blitzen!

To the top of the bar, to the top of the pub!

Oh, I need some - I need some - belch - need some more grub!"

As the reindeer glanced over and rolled their deer eyes

The troupe did jerk upwards and caught Nick by surprise.

So up to the top of the castle, they flew

With the sleigh full of booty and drunk Nicky too.

And then, I heard shoving and grunts on the roof

The robots had sprung and had bound the deers' hooves

And as I grinned with malice, I turned round to see

Down the chimney Saint Nicholas fall painfully.

He wore vodka-stained fur, from his head to his foot

And was caught in our net, all covered with soot.

The sackful of toys he had hauled on his back

Would be sold off on eBay. Wouldn't we make a stack?

Our eyes - how they twinkled! How wickedly merry!

We'd caught that old walrus who stank of old sherry!

His magical cronies were tied up in bows

And the presents were ours to do as we chose.

But the massive cigar he held tight in his teeth

Was now glowing bright red like some sizzling beef.

I glanced his grim face as he saw Ivo's belly

Which shook, as he jeered, like a bowlful of jelly.

He had now had enough, this pissed-off old elf

And I started to fear for my personal health.

He did burst from the net and the look on his head

Immediately told us we had much to dread.

He yelled some rude words and went straight to work

Packed our stockings with coal, then turned with a jerk.

And forming two fists, we were punched on the nose

And while we writhed in pain, up the chimney he rose.

He clobbered the lackies, to his team gave a whistle

And they burst from their bonds and took off like a missile.

But we heard him exclaim, as we groaned on the floor,

"Happy Chris - shit, no booze! To the liquor store!"

TO BE CONTINUED...

That's one Christmas I'll be glad to forget.

Next time, I celebrate the 'success' of the new "Shadow the Hedgehog" game, as everyone's favourite angsty gangsta invades the house feeling angrier than ever and with a score to settle with us! Personally, I'd rather have another round with Santa...