Title: Reckless
Rating: PG
Summary: She had always been reckless. And he was the cautious one out of the two of them.
Word Count: 712
Warning: This contains major spoilers regarding J/N and how it..well..ends. And if you aren't familiar with the series..who am I to stop you from reading it? x.x It's also sappy as hell and has a bit of angst in it. If you don't like that, don't read the fic. And it has a rather sappy/crappy ending. Sorry about that..
Notes: This was written for one of my best friends, Melly. It's my birthday present for her. And since it's been - whoa - 5 years since I've written J/N, I thought to write a fic about them. And why they are my first OTP. Yeah, that made no sense. Oh well.
Dedication: For Melly. Thank you so much for always being there and for being my first Internet friend. You've made me feel better when times were bad and just - this is my way of saying "thank you" x infinity. I hope you like it. And happy belated birthday!
She had always been reckless.
And he was the cautious one out of the two of them
He had sensed it when they had met for the first time; she was vivacious, a free spirit. A daredevil seeking for adventures all the time. Never thinking of the consequences or even caring about them.
In some ways, she was like him.
They were kindred spirits, two of a kind. His recklessness and sheer desire to enjoy life to its fullest was equal to hers; if not more. And he, damn him, was the one who encouraged her to be carefree and not restrain herself.
How ironic, considering how he was in his "tough, kick ass police officer" mode. He tried to be calm, cool and collected - it was a part of his job. And himself too. Without any of that, he wouldn't - couldn't - survive. He had learned to control his emotions and not mess up everything a long time ago.
She undid all that. With her he lost all his control - he couldn't think coherently or even concentrate on anything but her. She had power over him, she was temptation - and he welcomed it. She could make him do anything.
With one cheeky wink or dimpled smile he felt himself acting like a love struck schoolboy with his first crush; he could divulge all his secrets to her, he could dance on top of the sky - he could do anything. He hated it, and at the same time he welcomed it. He felt guilty that he had to keep some things from her and he just couldn't in the end. He would always reveal everything.
For all his bravery and cunning, he couldn't keep her from being in danger. From the very beginning she had a curiosity, a desire to know what he did, to know everything about him - his past, his present, and his future. She wanted to know him. And he couldn't give her that knowledge. He couldn't let her know who he really was.
and in the end -
She made him come undone. He tried to protect her, and succeeded; he could only hope that she would never forget him, and most importantly, what they had. He knew that he loved her, and that he couldn't live with her but he had to so that she could live, and that she loved him too - but that alone wasn't enough to pull them through this. What he did for the best, he tried to convince himself. It all worked out perfectly in the end - she was safe, happy, and as vivacious as she ever had been in the end.
Even if he missed her so damn much and wished that he was still there with her. Not having her in his life was a permanent heartache; it felt as if his heart and soul was ripped apart in half. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't live without her. She was his teammate, his best friend, his soulmate - she meant everything to him. He couldn't imagine his life without her; or not even knowing her. Yet he had to; it was the only way he could keep her safe and not be harmed by Clay DiPalma and his gang.
And even if the chance to be with her for the rest of his life had been taken away, and he was forced to move and live in recluse, away from her and his family, he didn't regret what he had chosen in the end for a second. Although he no longer couldn't be her protector, her best friend, her first love - he knew that a part of her would always be with him. She would forever be closest to his heart.
And he would never regret meeting her. She had changed him for the better; he had become more open and less restrained by rules and his own control over himself. She had made him love and know the feeling of what it was like to be truly loved back; to take joy in the little but important things in life - she had made him live.
-
He knew he could never be with her again. He couldn't take that chance.
There was one thing that he knew though -
He would never stop loving her.