Silver Haired Savior
Epilogue: Acceptance and Letting Go
Finished: 12/20/05
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kingdom Hearts or Avril Lavigne or her songs ... if you sue all you'll get is some pocket lint ... and you don't want pocket lint ... do you?
Author's Note:
Here it is, the long awaited epilogue (although I doubt a lot of you actually cared). Angsty, I should warn you. I still need two more people for it ... If you want to, sign up. All you have to do is give me a description of yourself, and what you want your name to be ... personality would also help; otherwise I will make one up unless I know you somewhat.Gomen if any of the characters are OOC! Enjoy! And leave me a holiday present; review!
I hope to sleep,
and never awaken.
For nothing left in this world,
can replace what you have taken.
Night time had over taken him, leaving the islands covered like a sheet of glittering darkness. A silver haired boy gazed upon the city, slumping a little in the same position he had been in for hours. Riku's black suit, only a few hours ago neat and clean, now hung rumpled and dirty on his lithe, muscular form. He was perched atop the large out looking hill that jutted out over the city.
Behind him lay the bushes where he had first met his young lover so long ago, it felt like it had been an eternity since they had been there. Yet, he remembered it almost perfectly. He had been looking for inspiration in his lonely world, a sketch book and pencil in his hand when fate decided to play its cruel cards, yet nothing about the islands had changed at all since then. School would still be starting in anew of weeks, the forest was as green as ever, flowers still bloomed, and the stars still shone as brightly overhead as they had before he had left. Apparently, time does not stop for those who are gone.
Na na
Na na na na na na
I miss you
I miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The silver haired boy looked up at the shimmering, beautiful stars, and with his tear stained aquamarine eyes, scowled. How could those stars look so happy when his lover was dead? His face, once sallow and contorted in anguish was blank as he returned his attention back to the city lights.
People were coming home from work, after working hard all day to scrape out a living; children staying up late, enjoying the last days of the summer as the fall loomed closer and closer, bringing with it the threat of school and dreaded homework; and families gathered together, to spend some quality time eating dinner, watching a movie, or perhaps playing a game together … for the inhabitants of the Destiny Islands, it was life as usual, reminding the silver haired boy that life moves on, and stops for no man, woman, or child. And especially not for Riku Renvulle.
Growing up in a life of luxury had spoiled him, and he had never tasted this kind of agony of not getting everything that he wanted. His life had been thrown into disarray, all by one person. And he would gladly do it again, and again, face this pain and torture if only it could bring an angel back from the dead. Except … he knew he couldn't. He hadn't even felt this depressed when his parents had died. Well, it was only natural. He was never that close to his parents anyways. Sure, he loved them, but not as much as he had loved Sora.
Riku leaned back on the mist sodden ground, wrinkling and dampening his already ruined dress clothes even more. He moved his leg to make it more comfortable from where it had fallen asleep from constant misuse by sitting in the same position for hours on end, not bothering to move. The silver haired boy had numerous bandages all over his body, some hastily bound in an attempt to keep him from losing too much blood, and he had not bothered to change them or fix them.
The boy had just come from the funeral. It was a small gathering, only people who were close to Sora were allowed to come to it. Of course, Leon, Cloud, Aerith, and Yuffie were there, but there were others. Like Kairi, Auron, Selphie, Tidus, Wakka, and Lulu as well, even though most of them didn't know Sora as well as the others had. All throughout the stern sermon, he didn't – wouldn't – cry. He sat glumly throughout the all of the speeches, and had to choke back his tears when it was his turn to speak. And no matter what he did, he just couldn't cry afterwards. It wasn't like he didn't want to – he had plenty of pain inside of him that he just wanted to wash away with his uncontrollable, flowing tears. He just … couldn't. He had used all of them up.
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
Ohhhh
The silver haired boy simply couldn't believe it. His Sora, his light, was actually gone, and was not ever going to come back. No more laughing, no more kisses, no more hugs, no more having the brunette cling on to him when he had had a bad nightmare. No more adorable pouts, no more feeling his velvety skin against his own, no more of that pure, innocent scent that only seemed to belong to the easy-going brunette. No more … anything. Riku simply … couldn't believe it.
After Riku had learned that the out-looking hill was for sale, Riku had immediately bought it. Otherwise, they were going to flatten it and turn it into a shopping mall, killing the natural beauty of the place. The silver haired boy would not allow it. And what a place it was. The hill had a spacious amount of land, with a steep climb up to the top where a bunch of trees surrounded a flat, open space hidden just beyond them. There was a soft, bubbling creek that trickled all the way down the hill, hidden among the woods where people were unlikely to find the natural beauty, making it a calming place where it was not uncommon to find the wildlife searching for a drink. Wild roses grew all around, making it one of the silver haired boy's favorite places to be. There was an outlook hidden behind the bushes, past the trees and the creek, and that's where he was now. And behind him were the bushes where he had met his first – and what he planned to be his last – love of his life, even if he hadn't realized that when he had first met the hidden boy that smelled of ground coffee and chocolate.
He stared at the pale, emotionless moon as thoughts whirled around in his head. "The stars are endless. To them, what's one human life compared to billions of years of life? People come, and people go. That's the way of the world, and life," Riku told himself out loud. "I guess there's some things that not even love can conquer," he said with a bitter laugh. "It's funny how you can know someone for a month and suddenly they take over your life without you even realizing it," the teen mused to his self, not knowing that somebody else was listening to his ideas.
"Yeah, it is pretty amazing, how things like that can happen," a voice behind him said, and Riku looked up to see the ninja standing there, a concerned look on her face as she gazed at the younger boy. She had bandages all over her as well, and her arm was in a sling. She had recounted her story of what had happened to them all after they had gone their separate ways. She and Aerith had both won the battle, but they were so exhausted that they passed out soon afterwards. The same thing had happened to Leon and Cloud.
When they had all come to, they found themselves on the plateau, and saw Riku sitting there, clutching Sora's cold, lifeless body to his own trembling one, and burying his face in the brunette's unmoving chest, crying non-stop, his tears hot and burning his eyes and face. It had taken them nearly half an hour to get the older boy to just get up. And even then he wouldn't let the brunette go, holding him like he was a porcelain doll that would break if he wasn't careful.
Na na
Na na na na na
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that could see you again
I know that I can't
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
"I just … can't believe he's gone," Riku murmured as he realized that he wasn't alone, sliding over to give the older girl some room.
"You know, you have to go home sometime, Riku," she told the boy as she sat down and patted him softly on the boy's hunched back, careful of the boy's wounds. "You can't keep staying at Leon's and Cloud's house forever," she reminded him. For the past week he had been staying at the two men's house, not daring to go back to his own. He was avoiding it like the plague. Heck, he even went as far as to send Leon to his house to get his suit, just so he wouldn't have to visit. It just held too many painful memories for him. Memories of his little angel …
"……… I should have protected him better. It's my fault that he's dead."
"Riku, not that again! There's nothing you could have done differently! He gave up his life to save you! He wouldn't want you like this! He wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself for what happened! Sora wouldn't have wanted you to be here every night since you came back, mourning for him… Sora wouldn't have wanted it …" Yuffie scolded with a glare, tears coming to her eyes as she struggled to hold them back.
"I just feel so bad all the time. It's my fault! No matter what I do, I can't help the way that I feel! It hurts so much … I'm gonna lose it! Absolutely everything reminds me of him! I can't do anything without thinking of him! It's slowly killing me … Yuffie, if this keeps up I think I'm going to go insane."
"Riku, the first step is actually accepting it. I know it's not easy. It isn't for anyone that knew him. He was one of the kindest, sweetest boys around … it's really hard to just let go of people like that. It's like you expect him to just walk in the room and say, 'Hey, I'm back, sorry for making you worry,' even though you know, somewhere in your mind, that he won't."
"But … the pain won't go away. I just can't let him go. No matter what I try … I just can't. I don't want to."
"Well, they say that artists think and feel differently than us regular people. You know, you never did tell us what happened up there between you … and him. We weren't going to push it, seeing as it brought you so much pain just to think about it … but maybe telling can be a good thing."
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
Ohhhh
"Well, when I got up there, he had already started the spell," Riku began, quivering as he recalled the memories. "Then … we fought. But he was still too strong. He had us blasted up against the far wall … and he shot a spell at me … but Sora – he – he protected me … and he … he …… died because he did," Riku recounted, sobbing out the last part as the tears that he had thought had vanished reappeared with a vengeance. By telling her what happened, it was like he had somehow accepted it with all of his heart. And now … he had lost all hope that people could be brought back from dead. "Sora's dead! But I'm still here! I'm still here … and it hurts so much," Those words echoed around the hill, bringing an even more realistic spin on the truth than he would have liked to have ever heard in an entire lifetime. Sora's dead …
"So he used a spell on him, huh?" she commented, pulling the boy into a soft hug, letting him cry into her shoulder. She made a mental note to ask what the spell was later after some time had passed. Right now, it would just be too much strain on the suffering boy. "Shhh …" she whispered with gentle pats, until he had finally calmed down enough. "I think it's time that we head back. I'm sure everyone is waiting for you," she said, and with a nod, he stood up, swiping a hand past his face, walking back past the bushes towards the field.
It was completely silent. The wild roses bloomed every where, creating a small symphony of reds, silvers, whites, and pinks that put even rainbows to shame with its delicate beauty and soft scent. Somewhere in the far off regions of the forests, a mockingbird started to sing a woeful song, and the trees swayed gently to meet the soft tune of the bird as the wind softly picked up. Amidst all of the roses stood a somber, gray tombstone, recently churned earth all around it, marking where the boy's body was. He felt his throat constrict and his heart tear at the thought of the boy he loved buried underneath the cold, hard ground. He knelt down and read the inscription in the stone:
Here lies Sora Malcite,
Devoted lover,
Dedicated friend,
Loving prince.
"This is where we first met. It's beautiful, isn't it, Sora? Roses … I know you love roses. I have to go now … but I'll be back. I promise, Sora, I won't ever forget about you," he said to the marker where his departed lover lay, and started walking through the rose covered fields and down the hills, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. Waiting at the bottom was Yuffie, car keys in hand as she waited patiently for the boy.
"Ready?" she asked.
With one last glance up the hill, he said, "Yeah." Together they got in the car, and started it, and as they drove off, Riku sat staring out the window in complete silence, until, finally making a decision, he dared to break the somber silence. "Hey, Yuffie?"
"What?"
"I think I … I want to move there. So I can be close to Sora. Always."
"Don't be silly. There's no house."
"I'll pitch a tent," he replied simply.
"Now you're being ridiculous. We can look into building a house there," she said.
"… Yuffie, I think I'm ready … to go back again. You know … to the apartment," he said, staring out the window.
"Riku … are you sure? It's been a pretty hectic day …"
"I'm sure. I mean, I'll have to face it sometime, right?"
"…"
"I'll be fine," he said as she pulled up in front of the apartment building. "I'll … see you tomorrow," he said, and entered the building. He slowly made his way to the stairs and trudged his way up. He entered the small apartment that he called his, and saw that everything was exactly how he had left it. Minus a cute, overactive brunette, that is.
I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
I can't take it
It wasn't fake it
It happened you passed by
With a sigh he shut the door behind him, and closed with a dull thud. He walked towards his bed room and gently opened the door. There was the large, empty bed that held so many painful memories for the boy. Feelings of loneliness, despair, and lost hope. It was also the place where he had first claimed Sora and made him his lover.
Dejectedly, he made his way over and sat down on the old mattress. The sheets lay tangled and in disarray from their first time together, bedraggled across the mattress. He ran a trembling hand over them before gently laying down in the soft mass of sheets and pillows. It still had the boy's intoxicating scent, and he smelled it hungrily, basking in the sweet smell. After awhile, he sat up and went over to the closet and grabbed some fresh clothes. He slowly stripped off his dirty, disheveled clothes and put on some light blue boxers and a white tank top. Leaving his suit in a heap on the ground, he went back to the bed.
"Sora, I miss you so much …" he murmured, as he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but sleep just wouldn't claim him. He sat up with a yet another sigh, and moved to stand up, but he was reluctant to leave the special scent, so he grabbed the blanket and took it with him.
He quietly went out into the large, lonely living room. There, he found his bags from Traverse Town. They had arrived yesterday. Grimacing, he slowly unzipped the bags, and pulled out his sketchbook. Gently flipping through the pages, he relived every memory associated with each drawing, almost all of them sketches of his precious Sora.
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you're not coming back
"You're gone, and all I have are these sketches of you … huh? What's this?" he asked, as a thin package fell onto his lap. Stuck on it was a post-it note, in what looked like Kairi's handwriting, although he couldn't tell, having only seen it once before when they were at the hospital.
Dear Riku,
I know he would have wanted you to have this. As much as I love it, you need it more. Take care of it, as I have over the years.
Riku opened the package, and inside was a silver locket, engraved with the sign of the Hallow Bastion crest on the front, and on the back was a the insignia of a paupu fruit, the sign of the Destiny Island craftsperson who made it. He gave a grim smile, and opened it. Inside was a picture of Sora, who looked to be either 12 or 13 in the picture, and he was smiling, his blue eyes alight with delight. That familiar goofy smile graced his lips, and he looked truly…
"Beautiful," Riku said out loud as he studied the picture. Undoing the clasp, he placed around his neck and re-latched it. It went down past his shirt and right above his heart, where he felt the cold metal settle reassuringly. He walked over to the answering machine and looked at the flashing red light. He had nearly 30 new messages. He pressed the play button, and listened from the oldest one recorded.
He got through about half of them before he suddenly felt a wave of tiredness over take him. Turning off the machine, he shuffled slowly into the bedroom, carrying the blanket with him. He lay down in Sora's spot, one of the few places that still smelled like him, and started to drift off to sleep.
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
No
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
Ohhhhh …
On that silent, fateful, lonely night, he dreamt only of Sora and the times they had shared together. "Sora … I love you …
Na na
Na na na na na na
…and goodbye."
I miss you
Happy Holidays and have a Happy New Year!
Edit 5/5/06: The sequel, For an Angel to Cry is now posted. Enjoy.