Goodness, so many reviews! Well, to make up for the long time it took
me to put
this thing up this chapter is long, and I mean LONG! Twelve pages on MS
Works! I apologize for that, but I couldn't see a good place to break, so
here it is.
Thank you for the reviews, particularly Starry Nights, Houkanno Yuuhou, & Sleather Chonkers. You don't know what it means to me that my submission, to ff.n yet, is getting attention from the HA! board.
SN, you're about to find out.
HY, I'll admit I am one of those people (I remember seeing a rerun of an early episode of Scarecrow & Mrs. King and noticing how adorably moppet- like Jamie and Philip were; I wondered if we --- my brother & I --- were ever that saccharine? And I was told that we were worse)
SC, yes, I am severely lacking in character description and atmosphere, like what the characters are wearing, etc. Hopefully I'll improve on that. Anyway, like I said I value all advice I can get from the board. I hope for more of the same.
I'd also like to thank Yardbird9 for his e-mail; hopefully, you too will get some answers here.
JESS, Horseamew, Dramagirl310, thank y'all too.
Be advised that in reading this chapter, you'll find out much. I'm going into dangerous territory when it comes to ooc re. Brainy, but really, what do we know about him? Plus, he's been in therapy for a year and a half. I have plans for him, big plans.
Also, I cried while writing certain sections of this; what do you think the chances will be of your reading it without crying? You've been warned.
Hey Arnold! is created, copyrighted, & / or owned by Craig Bartlett, Snee-Oosh, & / or Nickelodeon, which is in turn owned by Viacom.
I'm not sure which company originally held the copyright on I Claudius by Robert Graves, but the reissue of it and of its sequel Claudius the God is copyrighted by Vintage International. The tv version was one of the classics from PBS' Masterpiece Theatre.
"B-Brainy?!?"
"Yes, Phoebe, it's me, Brainy. Please, would you join us?"
Momentarily muted, Phoebe did as her fellow glasses-wearer suggested.
As she sat she cast a glance at Lila that as much as asked questions. In response, Lila could only shake her head and shrug. There was nothing she could say; all that she and Brainy had been talking about was her. And Arnold.
As before, Brainy took charge.
"I assume the two of you have pretty much the same questions you want to ask me, so I'll save us all a lot of time by answering at least some of them first.
"Obviously, I can speak. My taciturnity you might say, and the heavy breathing, are mostly an act. I do have asthma, but I keep it under control with medication. Not to mention drinking plenty of water, and one thing you must admit about these institutions of learning; you're never too far from a water fountain."
That attempt at humor went flatter than a Yahoo soda that was opened last month.
"Right. Well, moving on..." But by now the ladies' patience had run out.
"Did you put this note in my locker?" Lila began, holding up the note as Phoebe held up a similar piece of paper, which by implication had been placed in her locker.
"Yes."
"How?" Phoebe asked.
"I have my ways."
"That's not good enough."
Brainy calmly looked back at Phoebe. "You're right; it isn't. But for now it will do."
Now it was Lila's turn again. "Did you send those telegrams to us at Helga's last night?"
"For that matter, did you have something to do with the three of us being on the same team for this project?" Phoebe continued.
A wry smile crossed Brainy's face. "Right. I just happened to know ahead of time that the both of you were going to be at Helga's last night. Not to mention the breaking into Simmons' office, the going through his lesson plans that would've been necessary to have arranged something like what you're implying. Do you have any idea what it would take to pull off something like that?"
Brainy was doing a masterful job of talking around the truth without actually admitting or denying anything; even Phoebe, accustomed as she was to such linguistic legerdemain from Helga, didn't notice that he never actually answered the question. She and Lila just looked at each other, defeated. Finally, she tried another tack.
"All right, could you at least explain why you hide behind the wheezing, why you're so quiet? You're obviously quite intelligent; why hide it?"
Brainy was silent for a while. Minute followed minute, and as his silence continued the others started to wonder if hearing him speak at all hadn't been a dream. Then, he broke the silence.
"What the hey, I've gone in this far, I guess I'll have to start trusting someone sometime. Tell me, have you ever read I Claudius, or seen the tv series?"
That came out of left field, and took Phoebe aback somewhat. Then she too found her voice. "We have the book at home, as well as its sequel Claudius the God. And we have the series on videotape; we're on the waiting list for the DVD."
"Do you remember Claudius' meeting in the library with Pollio, the historian?"
Phoebe's mind went into overdrive as she tried to recall the exact scene to which Brainy was referring. Finally, her silence too was broken as comprehension dawned on her, the requested information having registered in her mind. "Yes!, Yes, I do!"
"Do you remember the advice Pollio gave Claudius?"
Phoebe had to think about this another minute, but she remembered after a few more minutes. "Y-yes, he, he said, 'If you want to survive, exaggerate your stammer and twitch... no one will think you're worth killing.'"
"And it worked; he survived all of the intrigues, all of the murder. Finally, he was installed as emperor, because he was the only one left. I can still recall what he said to the Senate when that happened." His eyes cast upward with the memory. "He told them that they may think him half- witted, 'but at least I have survived with half my wits while thousands have died with all of theirs intact'."
Phoebe puzzled over this for a while. "So what does that have to do with you?"
"I don't get a lot of grief from those who dish it out because I don't impress them as worthy of their time. I don't stand out. I get a little flak from Torvald or whoever, but no more than anyone else and much less than most people. You must have noticed, even been on the receiving end of little bits of abuse yourself because of your intelligence or your glasses."
"Well..." Phoebe hedged.
"Exactly. And if you weren't best friends with Helga, who knows how much worse it would've been. You might've been riding the back of the bus with the rest of us geeks.
"And what about you?" He continued, turning to Lila. "Do you remember what happened to you during your first weeks here?"
"Please don't remind us." Phoebe pleaded. "I was part of that."
"It's all right, Phoebe. It's in the faraway past now; I've already forgiven and forgotten." said Lila.
"Yes, she and Helga and Rhonda and the others apologized and all of you made up and are more or less friends now, but that doesn't change the fact that it did happen."
Phoebe seemed more upset than Lila at that bit of the past, so Brainy didn't dwell on it. "You see, anyone who distinguishes themselves in any way invites attention, and some of that attention is always negative. So I avoid it. People don't even know I exist. I'm a sphincter, a specter, a cipher, and I prefer it that way. Although I have been seeing Dr. Bliss for this among other things; all of that might change. You might just have some serious competition next year for the academic honors, Phoebe."
"I look forward to the challenge." she responded.
"All of this is ever so interesting and informative," put in Lila, "but we're supposed to be discussing our group project, and we haven't said anything about it yet. I assume you have something in mind, Brainy?"
"Well..."
RRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!!
Immediately, Brainy started to pack his school things. "Saved by the bell. Look at what you two have done; you've been getting me to talk about myself so much that now it's time for lunch. We'll just have to come back afterwards, pick this up after lunch. Same time same place?"
And with that he walked away from the table and out of the library.
It took awhile for Phoebe and Lila to follow suit. They were reeling; this person who that morning they wouldn't have credited with the intelligence or cognizance of Eugene's latest bike had left them utterly stupefied and bamboozled. Finally they arose.
"So what did you two talk about?" Phoebe inquired.
"Mostly about me."
"You?"
Lila nodded.
"Any idea why?"
"I think it has something to do with Arnold. He wanted to know what my feelings are for him, and then he told me I had to make it clear to him where we stand. I don't know what to make of it."
But I have my suspicions she thought, not telling Phoebe what Brainy implied about Helga.
This was yet another shock for Phoebe. "Really? Would you care to tell me more about it?"
"I'd really rather not, Phoebe. It's been a long morning, and I'm oh so hungry now."
And with that, Lila left for lunch, Phoebe hot on her heels.
Of course they separated before they got to the cafeteria, as Phoebe gravitated to her usual lunch companion, Helga.
At lunch, Phoebe and Lila both made attempts to talk with Brainy, but it was exactly like talking with a brick wall. When anyone --- such as Helga --- questioned the two, the stock answer was "group project", which adequately served to fend off further questions. By the end of lunch Helga had come to the conclusion that was Brainy was being a pain, which was true come to think of it.
Even before lunch period ended, Phoebe and Lila were back in the library at the same table. Brainy was due to return, and they were determined to be ready for him.
It started as soon as he was seated. "Brainy," Phoebe began, "up to now we've been very patient with you, but your statements and actions have now officially driven us to the point of distraction. It seems that every time you answer one question we have, you cause two more to be raised."
"Ah, yes. I am quite the Hydra, aren't I?"
"I'm serious! That is, Lila and I, we're serious. It's come to this: you're not leaving here until we have some real answers."
"All right, but could we discuss our project first?"
"Fine!"
"Excuse me?" Lila finally piped up.
"What?" said a still hot under the collar Phoebe.
"Well, Brainy implied that he had a project idea in mind; perhaps we could start by hearing what it is."
By now Phoebe's ire had almost run out. Or it had reached that level at which one doesn't trust oneself to speak. For whatever reason, Phoebe said not a word, but only nodded.
The spotlight was now on Brainy, as if it wasn't before. Finally, they were going to get some answers.
"Well, what I had in mind was to help a certain dysfunctional family to heal."
Phoebe and Lila exchanged surprised looks. Whatever they had been expecting, it wasn't that! But then again, Brainy was proving to be full of surprises today.
Finally, Phoebe found her voice. "Well, Brainy, I will admit that is an intriguing prospect. Do you have in mind any family in particular?"
"Yes, I do."
"Someone we know?"
"Oh, yes. In fact, the youngest member of this family should be entering this building just about--"
"CRIMINEY!!!"
"SSSHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
"--now."
The identity of the owner of the voice they had heard could not be mistaken; it was Helga G. Pataki. Phoebe and Lila shifted their gaze and their heads in the direction from which it had come.
Sure enough, there she was, along with Arnold and Gerald. Apparently, theirs was not the only group that decided to work on their project in the library.
Phoebe's head whipped back around to face Brainy. "The Patakis? You want to help the Patakis get along with each other, like a normal family?!?"
"Yes."
Phoebe was aghast. "Brainy, if it were possible I would be the first to go along with it. Helga's my best friend, and I hate seeing her suffer. But--"
"I think we can do it, and I've already worked out how."
That brought Phoebe's train of speech to an end, again. The observer could almost see the gears turning in her mind. But Brainy apparently came to the conclusion that she needed just a little bit more convincing.
"Come with me, ladies." He invited, rising from his chair.
He walked to the set of stacks on one side of them. On the other side of those shelves was the table where the other group sat.
Brainy stopped six inches away from the books, a two-inch gap between shelves directly in front of him. He was perfectly situated to see everything that went on at that table without being seen himself. Half a minute later, he was conscious of Phoebe and Lila finally joining him. The three of them proceeded to eavesdrop on the goings on with Arnold, Gerald and Helga.
"So, anyone have any ideas?" Arnold was heard to begin.
"Criminey, Football-head! You're in this group, so it'll be no problem. They were right in class; that movie was your life story."
"I didn't think I'd ever hear myself say this, but Helga's right, Arnold. You do this kind of thing in your sleep." Gerald found himself seconding Helga's opinion.
"That's just what I was saying, Geraldo. Doi! This is one project I am not worried about. In fact, I think I'll just take a walk while you two figure something out. Or I should say while Arnoldo figures it out like he always does.
"Helga, would you cut my man a break? He didn't get any sleep last night what with--"
"THAT'S IT!!"
"SSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"sorry" three voices uttered in concert.
"Nice going, football-head." muttered Helga.
"I can't believe it; she got you in trouble again!" Gerald whispered, too low for Helga to hear. It was too low for those on the other side of the stacks to hear too, but Phoebe read Gerald's lips, so Brainy and Lila knew what he was saying.
Had they paid attention, they might've have noticed Phoebe looking at Gerald almost as much as she was looking at Helga.
"So what is this brilliant plan of yours, hair boy?"
Voices lowered. As Arnold's back was to them, the three on the other side of the stacks couldn't make out what he was saying. But Gerald and Helga could, and their response was immediate, instantaneous, and in unison.
"WHAAAATT?!?!?"
"SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"sorry"
"Now who's getting whom into trouble?" Arnold remarked sardonically.
But the others wouldn't be denied as first Helga, and then Gerald, continued to expostulate.
"That's, that's just crazy! Absolutely insane! It's impossible, no one can do that!"
"It must be one of the signs of the Apocalypse, but Helga's right again, man. I mean, if it wasn't something you've tried to do before I'd think different, and it's not like you haven't pulled off some miracles in the past. You got us into the book of records, you cured Chocolate Boy of his chocolate addiction, you saved the neighborhood..."
"We know the list, Geraldo."
"...but you already tried this, and it wore you out!"
"That was because I didn't see this option before. All we have to do is--"
"Excuse me; I need to get up for a minute, before the insanity spreads." Helga interrupted as she left her seat.
She ducked behind Arnold and continued on in that direction; the direction that would take her to the shelves; not two feet away from where Brainy, Lila and Phoebe were, looking at her approaching them!
There would have been panic had Brainy not called the girls' attention to the fact that Helga was still quite a few inches taller than them, as a result of which her eye level would meet only books. Plus the light was better on her side, so even had she thought to look she wouldn't have seen their shadows.
Secure in her ignorance of their presence, the three tuned their ears for her soliloquy, which wasn't long in coming.
"Hmph! Arnold! What a dreamer! What a doofus! What an ignorantly naive little man! And yet..." Here she took out her locket. "I adore him. His commitment to right all of the problems in the world one by one, to fix what is wrong no matter how long it takes him or how much it costs. Such noble self-sacrifice which I have seen again and again--"
"Helga?"
"gasp um, I'll be right there, Football-head!"
Saddened, she looked back at her locket. "Why? Why can't I call out to him like he does to me?"
She paused, as if waiting for something. Then, hiding her melancholy under a mask of bravado as was her wont, Helga marched back to the table, taking her place with Arnold and Gerald.
Three heads turned back to the table on this side of the stacks.
Phoebe and Lila were nervous. Of course they knew of Helga's secret love for Arnold, but they didn't know that Brainy knew. Helga had gone to the trouble to make sure she was unobserved whenever she launched into her poetic flights dedicated to the football-headed love god; what then were the chances of Brainy having been observed any time he crept up behind Helga in the past?
As the three seated themselves, a silence descended, a silence once again broken by Brainy.
"Did you notice that point where she paused, as if she was waiting for something?"
Heads nodded.
"That was the point when I used to come up behind her, breathing more heavily than usual. Then she would punch in an emergency meeting with Ole Betsy, or sometimes the Five Avengers."
Comprehension dawned on the others.
"You see, I've known about this for some time."
As they realized the depth of what Brainy knew about Helga - quite possibly more than the two of them put together - the ladies were speechless. Or Lila was; Phoebe did manage to squeak out one word. "Why?"
One pair of glasses swung to face another. "Why?" he repeated.
"Why would you sneak up behind Helga?"
A melancholy smile drifted across his face. "All in good time." he assured her.
Brainy was silent for a minute, then he started his final argument, deciding the time had come to pull out all of the stops. "Did you see her, ladies? Did you really see her? Did you notice the turmoil that is even more a part of her than the bully facade? People don't, you know. They don't see the real Helga, because she's afraid to let them know it exists. Because of the pain at home, and the pain of peer pressure, she has walled herself into a prison, a prison inside which the true Helga is dying, yes, dying. It is suffocating behind the stones thrown with every unkind word, starving from the lack of affection and honest caring, drowning in a sea of hurt and resentment. And now, with the onset of adolescence imminent, it will only get worse. If someone doesn't intervene --- if we, ladies, don't intervene --- oh, I shudder to think of what her tragic end will be. Suicide, perhaps, or patricide? A loveless marriage? An abusive relationship? Relationships consisting of casual sex and little else, or worse, selling her body for the illusion of love and the reality of money? The utter death of the Helga we know is there? Take another look, ladies," he exhorted as he pointed beyond the stacks to her place at the other table. "Take another look at her tortured exterior and deny her the humane treatment we all deserve if you can! Look at her! Look at the anguish we know is there, and then tell me, hasn't she suffered enough for one lifetime?"
The speech had its intended effect, causing rivers to pour out of Phoebe and Lila's faces. It was a good thing that Brainy had thought to pick up a couple of extra packages of tissues during lunch.
The tear floods continued for a quarter of an hour, the only response to his question of which Phoebe & Lila were capable consisting of the vigorous nods of their heads. Brainy saw that he had carried the day, so he said nothing, waiting for his colleagues to compose themselves and replenishing their tissues when necessary.
Finally, Phoebe again managed to say one word, and again it was one of the journalistic questions: "When?"
"When what?" said Brainy.
"When do we start?"
"Well, it will have to be next weekend."
"Why not this weekend?"
"Something else is going down this weekend, something which will have to take place if my plan is to come to fruition.
"You see, ladies," he continued, pulling a sheet of paper out of his school things, "this is part of a greater plan I have. Of course as soon as we complete our group project I am willing to continue it on my own; I won't ask you to help me any further."
"Let me see that!" Phoebe exclaimed as she yanked the paper from his grasp. But after reading it, she was, while closer to the truth, just as puzzled. "'Obstacles to be removed in order to bring Arnold and Helga together'?"
"What?" Lila finally found her voice.
"What is this?" Phoebe demanded.
Brainy didn't dare hedge, not this time. "Well, it's like I said, I've known about it for some time. I've long since lost count of the times I've heard her waxing rhapsodic about her muse, the football-headed love god. And both of you have known too."
Dead silence reigned.
"I know. Neither of you can talk about it. She's your best friend, so with you it's a sacred trust. And you," here his gaze shifted from Phoebe to Lila. "she told you. I'm not sure when, but my money would be on the time we did Romeo & Juliet. And unless I miss my guess, she followed the revelation with some threat of physical duress which was no doubt unnecessary, but that's Helga."
He paused for a melancholy sigh, then continued. "But I'm under no such restrictions. She doesn't regard me, and she hasn't threatened me, so I am free to broach the silence about this matter between us. I can tell you what you already know, that she is absolutely, positively in love."
He continued, remembering what he'd heard from outside the office building where Dr. Bliss had her office on that day, the day he'd "proposed" to Helga. "She wants to grow up and..."
"She's head over heels..." Lila interrupted, recalling Helga's confession.
Phoebe followed suit, the sleepwalking incident flooding out of her mouth. "She absolutely adores him..."
"...and have a fabulous life with him..." continued Brainy. And from here, the three took turns with their memories.
Lila: "...hook line & sinker..."
Brainy: "...coffee in Paris..."
Phoebe: "...positively mad..."
Brainy: "...roses, sailboats,..."
Lila: "...over the moon..."
Brainy: "...the whole nine yards..."
Phoebe: "...mad as a hatter..."
Brainy: "...a perfume named after them, Arnold & Helga..."
Lila: "...loop the loop..."
Phoebe: "...utterly nutty..."
Lila: "...wah wah deuce..."
Phoebe: "...ga-ga in love."
Lila: "...in love with the boy."
Their reveries ended, Phoebe and Lila gasped, shocked at what they'd just revealed to each other and to Brainy. He just gave a cryptic smile.
"Very good; no illusions between us. So now we know that we know, now we can proceed.
"You see, this is why it had to be the three of us doing this. For reasons I'll go into later, I had to do this, and it had to be with the two of you. We three are the only ones who I know know the secret. You two are the only ones I can talk to, the only ones I can trust."
The significance of a trust was not lost on either of the ladies; at that moment they knew that they too had to see this through to the end, just like Brainy.
Phoebe looked askance at Lila. "'wah wah deuce'?"
Lila shrugged. "I'm ever so certain that I have no idea what that means."
Phoebe wasn't sure how to pursue that, so her attention returned to the sheet of paper in her hand. "'1: Remove competition for Arnold'." She then looked at Brainy, questions in her eyes.
"That means to make sure that whoever Arnold is currently infatuated with is out of the picture."
"Already taken care of." Lila announced, "or it soon will be."
"When?" Brainy asked.
"This weekend, I'm just not sure of the exact time."
"Well, it shouldn't be tomorrow I would think," put in Phoebe, "with it being his birthday and all..."
"That's right, tomorrow is his birthday. I had oh so forgotten that he invited me."
"Are you going?"
"Yes."
"You, Brainy?"
Brainy nodded. "I'm the dj. They can't afford Nebulous Ned or whatever name he's using now, so they get me. How about you?"
"Oh, of course. Someone has to keep an eye on Helga."
While Phoebe was talking, Brainy noticed a few stray tears still hanging around Lila's eyes. As he was taking a tissue out of the package, he heard the end of Phoebe's last statement. Surreptitiously, he wrote "...and Gerald" on the tissue in marker before he handed it to Lila. She saw what he'd written before she used the tissue, hiding a smile behind it.
"Alright, then. I'll tell him Sunday. And I know exactly how I'll do it."
"I won't ask how, but we'd better know the when and where, Lila. Helga will need to be there to pick up the pieces, again." said Brainy.
"Sunday, at the zoo in the park. I'd say 2:00."
Brainy's eyes moved to Phoebe.
"I can get Helga there, but would you have any idea how?"
Brainy thought for a few seconds. Then his visage broke out in an ear to ear grin, accompanied by chuckles that dangerously bordered on guffaws. "Just tell her the truth. You agreed to meet Lila at the park around that time so the two of you could go on to the college library --- this one's closed during summer, of course --- to meet with me for our group project.
"Oh, by the way you two, our next meeting for this project will be at the college library at 3:00."
Phoebe and Lila thought about what Brainy had said, then they too smiled as they realized that it would be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Well, almost.
Phoebe continued to read: "'2. Bring peace to her family'. Well, if this project succeeds..." She looked up at Brainy, who nodded. Then, back to the list. "'3. Peer pressure, male (Harold)'." Again she looked at Brainy, more questions in her face.
"I figure that if Harold would stop picking on her, the other guys would follow suit. Plus, Helga only became a bully to stop 'pink boy' from laughing at her."
As if following a script, Phoebe again nodded, then returned to the list. "'4. Peer pressure, female (Rhonda)'." Again the curious looks.
And again the answer. "What Harold is to the male peer element, Rhonda is to the female peer element. Only Arnold and Helga can hold their own against them, and we have to make sure that Helga has the will to do so without resorting to bullying."
"I see," said Phoebe, "so what's next?"
Brainy pulled out another sheet of paper. "Next, we will have to make sure of anyone else who might know of Helga's feelings for Arnold."
Phoebe gasped. "Who else could possibly know?"
Brainy held up the second sheet of paper. "I have a short list right here; please don't pull this one away, Phoebe."
"Very funny."
Brainy read the names. "The others who might know, in reverse alphabetical order according to first names, are Tish Wittenberg, Rhonda Wellington Lloyd, and Patty Smith."
"What about Patty Smith?"
Brainy's face shot up, finding himself staring straight into the eyes of the owner of the last name he'd read. Patty had walked up between Phoebe and Lila, who hadn't noticed her, so intent had they been on the conversation.
"Patty, what are you doing here?" Lila asked.
"I work here," Patty responded, gesturing to the library cart she had been pushing down that aisle. "What about Patty Smith?"
Brainy tried to bluff. "wheeze wheeze uh, something?"
Patty pointed at Brainy, leaning across the table and almost getting in his face in that way bullies do. "I heard you. You were speaking intelligently, and you mentioned my name. What about Patty Smith?"
Brainy was scared, his eyes darting from side to side, as if to convey that he didn't want his competence to become public knowledge just yet.
Patty could get messages just as well as she could give, and considering how good she was at giving messages for others to get that's saying something. "Look around; we have bookshelves on either side of us, and we're in the middle of a long aisle. If anyone shows up at either end, the first thing they'll see will be me having a 'discussion' with someone; they won't venture further."
"Bullying has its privileges?" Phoebe ventured timidly.
Patty nodded, then her scowl-ridden gaze shifted back to Brainy. "What about Patty Smith?"
Brainy gave up, but he tried another dodge. "Well, what about Patty Smyth? Lead singer of Scandal, also had a solo career, married to John McEnroe...?"
There are those who can intimidate merely by exhaling. Patty was one of those. No words were needed as Brainy gave in.
"All right, since you heard me mention you it's only fair. There's something that only a few people know, those at this table. There are a few others who might know it, and you are one of them."
"Well, what is it?"
"Well, you see, that's the trouble, Patty," Lila said. "If we tell you, and it turns out that you don't know..." She didn't finish the sentence, figuring Patty would grasp the meaning. She was right.
Patty was silent. Then she followed Brainy's gaze to the stacks, and what was on the other side of them. Her brow furrowed with thought, then cleared. "Is this about Helga's big crush on Arnold?"
Shock now reigned, again, this time in three parts. "However did you find out?" asked Lila.
"I figured it out when I had that run-in with Helga. Arnold went to bat for her, and she was impressed. I asked her if she liked him. She denied it, a little too quickly to be honest. She even smiled when I said he was cute. We understood each other. So, do you need any help?"
Phoebe explained, "Um, well, we can't have any help, not yet anyway. What we're doing now is part of a class project and..."
"Oh yeah, Harold was complaining about that just now. I understand."
But now Brainy found his voice. "Maybe after this project is done, you can help with another part."
Patty smiled, "Let me know." then she left in the opposite direction from which she'd come, occasionally putting a book on a shelf from the cart she continued to push.
Before she turned the corner, she looked back at them. "By the way, the library's closing in ten minutes. You might want to get your stuff together."
Without waiting for an answer, she was off again.
With her gone, the three at the table simultaneously exhaled.
"What did you mean, telling her she could help later?" Phoebe wanted to know.
"It's called having an ace in reserve. You never know what could come up. Anyway, I said 'maybe'.
"So," Brainy continued, "that just leaves Rhonda and Coach Wittenburg female. Since Patty was talking to me as much as to anyone, could you..."
"I'll talk to Rhonda." Lila volunteered.
"And I'll talk with Coach Wittenburg, female." finished Phoebe.
"Excellent. Things are coming along good so far."
RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!
"Well, Patty warned us." said Brainy, gathering his things.
"Not so fast." said Phoebe. "You owe us an explanation, and I told you that you weren't leaving until we got it!"
Brainy hesitated, then sighed. He knew this was coming. "All right, fire away."
"For starters, who ARE you? I mean, you're always in the background, when you're there at all. You never say anything to anyone, and here you are taking charge of this project, all your idea. You've said it yourself, you're a cipher and you like it that way; yet here you are full of poise and confidence--"
"No I'm not." Suddenly Brainy looked & sounded emotionally fragile, his confidence gone. "You have no idea of the torture I'm putting myself through to do this, what it's doing to me. I'm having to call on all of the inner strength I can muster, and I wouldn't even have that were it not for Dr. Bliss. I'm really a very shy person, but this is something that has to be done."
"And that brings up the main point; why are you doing this? This is more than a class project to you; why are you doing this for Helga? Why is it so important to you? What's your deal?"
Behind his glasses, Brainy's eyes misted. "'What's your deal?' That's exactly what she said." he murmured. "Hanging around her is doing you good; some of her assertiveness is rubbing off on you."
After what had already transpired since the movie, Phoebe thought that nothing more could surprise her; but she was proven wrong once again as she looked on something she didn't expect. It looked to her like Brainy was about to cry.
After yet another uncomfortable interval of silence, the dam broke, but not the one in his eyes.
"You really want to know? I'll tell you. I can boil it down to three words: I. love. Helga."
That did it. The coup de grace of all of the many shocks Phoebe had experienced that day. The will to stand left her as she sat on her seat on the floor, now officially completely numb.
Brainy continued, his face now marked with the anguish he had been hiding.
"I've been in love with her as long as she's been in love with Arnold, the very same day, and just as much. You asked me why I kept sneaking up behind her; it was to tell her of my feelings. Every time I'd see her go off alone, I'd follow. I've followed her everywhere, tailed her every place, been absolutely obsessed with her. Even as I'd approach her --- always from the back; I'm afraid to face her --- I'd hear her rhapsodize on her love for 'the football-headed love god'. But I didn't care; I had to tell her I loved her. But every time, my excitement took control of me. I'd breath too loud, and before I could get a hold of myself it was Ole Betsy. But I didn't care; I'd try again I loved her that much. And I still love her...,"
Here he had to pause to compose himself, even help himself to his tissues, finishing the last package, "...but I've had to face the hardest truth of my life; that no matter how much I love her, she'll never love me back. It's taken me a year and a half of therapy to realize and accept this, that she'll never be mine, that the girl I love more than life itself will never love me.
"But I determined one thing: that if I couldn't have what I wanted, I could at least help her to get what she wants: the love of Arnold. And I hope he comes to appreciate her as much as I would have. Maybe then, I can finally make peace with my feelings. Maybe when I see her with him, it will finally sink in that I should let go of, of...," he was barely hanging on, "...of what I had never had in the first place."
He was literally finished, spent mentally and emotionally. The tears now started to come in earnest.
Before the others could see him bawl like a baby, Brainy moved to leave. Numb Phoebe offered no resistance. And why would she have; she'd gotten what she'd asked for.
Brainy almost broke into a run, not wanting anyone to see him cry. But before he was out of earshot, he stopped. "Lila?" he asked, raggedly.
Lila hadn't known what to say in the entire previous exchange, so she'd kept quiet. She now stood next to an almost recumbent Phoebe, attempting to help her up. "Yes, Brainy?"
"I'm not sure if Phoebe should be left alone right now; she's been through a lot. Could you stay with her until she recovers?" Lila could hear both the laughter and the tears in his rough voice.
"Of course, Brainy. Will you be all right?"
"Sure." And with not another word, Brainy left, now at a full run.
After a bit of a struggle, Lila succeeded in raising Phoebe into a chair.
At that moment Patty passed them, on her way out. "The library's closed now." Then she noticed Phoebe's condition. "What's wrong with her?"
"I'm oh so certain that she's just had the shock of her life."
Patty looked around, with her eyes but not her head. "Brainy?"
Lila nodded. "It was ever so surprising to hear him speak in the first place, but what followed was ever so far past the realm of surprise."
"Well, we'd better get her outside." And with that, she lifted Phoebe to a standing position and walked her out, Lila doing what she could to help.
Halfway off the school grounds, Phoebe started to recover. By the time they reached the bus stop, she was again in control of herself, coherent even.
"Did, did I just hear what I thought I just heard?"
"I'm oh so certain you did."
"Are you two going to be all right?"
"I'm ever so certain we will now, Patty. Thank you for asking, and for your help."
"You're welcome. I have to go now; Harold's picking me up."
"All right, Patty. Good bye, and thanks again."
That was the last of the conversation to which Patty was a party; she left with those words.
Momentarily, the bus came. Lila didn't know if Phoebe would need help. It happened that she didn't; as soon as they stepped onto the bus she waved off Lila's offer of help.
They took their usual seats, Phoebe's next to Helga. Neither was inclined to say anything; their thoughts were so full of the events of the day, the most earth-shattering day Lila had experienced since that last dark day in Pleasantville, the most jarring day Phoebe had experienced in her life.
Helga didn't say anything either; the entire bus was quiet, extraordinarily so for the last day of school. The project had effected everyone. And the effects were only beginning.
There will be more soon. First Phoebe and Lila have to talk with two other people, and then, the party.
As always, please read & review. And as always, I'm Nftnat. On e- mail, I'm still nftnataol.com On IM, I'm still Nftnat. Cy'all.
Thank you for the reviews, particularly Starry Nights, Houkanno Yuuhou, & Sleather Chonkers. You don't know what it means to me that my submission, to ff.n yet, is getting attention from the HA! board.
SN, you're about to find out.
HY, I'll admit I am one of those people (I remember seeing a rerun of an early episode of Scarecrow & Mrs. King and noticing how adorably moppet- like Jamie and Philip were; I wondered if we --- my brother & I --- were ever that saccharine? And I was told that we were worse)
SC, yes, I am severely lacking in character description and atmosphere, like what the characters are wearing, etc. Hopefully I'll improve on that. Anyway, like I said I value all advice I can get from the board. I hope for more of the same.
I'd also like to thank Yardbird9 for his e-mail; hopefully, you too will get some answers here.
JESS, Horseamew, Dramagirl310, thank y'all too.
Be advised that in reading this chapter, you'll find out much. I'm going into dangerous territory when it comes to ooc re. Brainy, but really, what do we know about him? Plus, he's been in therapy for a year and a half. I have plans for him, big plans.
Also, I cried while writing certain sections of this; what do you think the chances will be of your reading it without crying? You've been warned.
Hey Arnold! is created, copyrighted, & / or owned by Craig Bartlett, Snee-Oosh, & / or Nickelodeon, which is in turn owned by Viacom.
I'm not sure which company originally held the copyright on I Claudius by Robert Graves, but the reissue of it and of its sequel Claudius the God is copyrighted by Vintage International. The tv version was one of the classics from PBS' Masterpiece Theatre.
"B-Brainy?!?"
"Yes, Phoebe, it's me, Brainy. Please, would you join us?"
Momentarily muted, Phoebe did as her fellow glasses-wearer suggested.
As she sat she cast a glance at Lila that as much as asked questions. In response, Lila could only shake her head and shrug. There was nothing she could say; all that she and Brainy had been talking about was her. And Arnold.
As before, Brainy took charge.
"I assume the two of you have pretty much the same questions you want to ask me, so I'll save us all a lot of time by answering at least some of them first.
"Obviously, I can speak. My taciturnity you might say, and the heavy breathing, are mostly an act. I do have asthma, but I keep it under control with medication. Not to mention drinking plenty of water, and one thing you must admit about these institutions of learning; you're never too far from a water fountain."
That attempt at humor went flatter than a Yahoo soda that was opened last month.
"Right. Well, moving on..." But by now the ladies' patience had run out.
"Did you put this note in my locker?" Lila began, holding up the note as Phoebe held up a similar piece of paper, which by implication had been placed in her locker.
"Yes."
"How?" Phoebe asked.
"I have my ways."
"That's not good enough."
Brainy calmly looked back at Phoebe. "You're right; it isn't. But for now it will do."
Now it was Lila's turn again. "Did you send those telegrams to us at Helga's last night?"
"For that matter, did you have something to do with the three of us being on the same team for this project?" Phoebe continued.
A wry smile crossed Brainy's face. "Right. I just happened to know ahead of time that the both of you were going to be at Helga's last night. Not to mention the breaking into Simmons' office, the going through his lesson plans that would've been necessary to have arranged something like what you're implying. Do you have any idea what it would take to pull off something like that?"
Brainy was doing a masterful job of talking around the truth without actually admitting or denying anything; even Phoebe, accustomed as she was to such linguistic legerdemain from Helga, didn't notice that he never actually answered the question. She and Lila just looked at each other, defeated. Finally, she tried another tack.
"All right, could you at least explain why you hide behind the wheezing, why you're so quiet? You're obviously quite intelligent; why hide it?"
Brainy was silent for a while. Minute followed minute, and as his silence continued the others started to wonder if hearing him speak at all hadn't been a dream. Then, he broke the silence.
"What the hey, I've gone in this far, I guess I'll have to start trusting someone sometime. Tell me, have you ever read I Claudius, or seen the tv series?"
That came out of left field, and took Phoebe aback somewhat. Then she too found her voice. "We have the book at home, as well as its sequel Claudius the God. And we have the series on videotape; we're on the waiting list for the DVD."
"Do you remember Claudius' meeting in the library with Pollio, the historian?"
Phoebe's mind went into overdrive as she tried to recall the exact scene to which Brainy was referring. Finally, her silence too was broken as comprehension dawned on her, the requested information having registered in her mind. "Yes!, Yes, I do!"
"Do you remember the advice Pollio gave Claudius?"
Phoebe had to think about this another minute, but she remembered after a few more minutes. "Y-yes, he, he said, 'If you want to survive, exaggerate your stammer and twitch... no one will think you're worth killing.'"
"And it worked; he survived all of the intrigues, all of the murder. Finally, he was installed as emperor, because he was the only one left. I can still recall what he said to the Senate when that happened." His eyes cast upward with the memory. "He told them that they may think him half- witted, 'but at least I have survived with half my wits while thousands have died with all of theirs intact'."
Phoebe puzzled over this for a while. "So what does that have to do with you?"
"I don't get a lot of grief from those who dish it out because I don't impress them as worthy of their time. I don't stand out. I get a little flak from Torvald or whoever, but no more than anyone else and much less than most people. You must have noticed, even been on the receiving end of little bits of abuse yourself because of your intelligence or your glasses."
"Well..." Phoebe hedged.
"Exactly. And if you weren't best friends with Helga, who knows how much worse it would've been. You might've been riding the back of the bus with the rest of us geeks.
"And what about you?" He continued, turning to Lila. "Do you remember what happened to you during your first weeks here?"
"Please don't remind us." Phoebe pleaded. "I was part of that."
"It's all right, Phoebe. It's in the faraway past now; I've already forgiven and forgotten." said Lila.
"Yes, she and Helga and Rhonda and the others apologized and all of you made up and are more or less friends now, but that doesn't change the fact that it did happen."
Phoebe seemed more upset than Lila at that bit of the past, so Brainy didn't dwell on it. "You see, anyone who distinguishes themselves in any way invites attention, and some of that attention is always negative. So I avoid it. People don't even know I exist. I'm a sphincter, a specter, a cipher, and I prefer it that way. Although I have been seeing Dr. Bliss for this among other things; all of that might change. You might just have some serious competition next year for the academic honors, Phoebe."
"I look forward to the challenge." she responded.
"All of this is ever so interesting and informative," put in Lila, "but we're supposed to be discussing our group project, and we haven't said anything about it yet. I assume you have something in mind, Brainy?"
"Well..."
RRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!!
Immediately, Brainy started to pack his school things. "Saved by the bell. Look at what you two have done; you've been getting me to talk about myself so much that now it's time for lunch. We'll just have to come back afterwards, pick this up after lunch. Same time same place?"
And with that he walked away from the table and out of the library.
It took awhile for Phoebe and Lila to follow suit. They were reeling; this person who that morning they wouldn't have credited with the intelligence or cognizance of Eugene's latest bike had left them utterly stupefied and bamboozled. Finally they arose.
"So what did you two talk about?" Phoebe inquired.
"Mostly about me."
"You?"
Lila nodded.
"Any idea why?"
"I think it has something to do with Arnold. He wanted to know what my feelings are for him, and then he told me I had to make it clear to him where we stand. I don't know what to make of it."
But I have my suspicions she thought, not telling Phoebe what Brainy implied about Helga.
This was yet another shock for Phoebe. "Really? Would you care to tell me more about it?"
"I'd really rather not, Phoebe. It's been a long morning, and I'm oh so hungry now."
And with that, Lila left for lunch, Phoebe hot on her heels.
Of course they separated before they got to the cafeteria, as Phoebe gravitated to her usual lunch companion, Helga.
At lunch, Phoebe and Lila both made attempts to talk with Brainy, but it was exactly like talking with a brick wall. When anyone --- such as Helga --- questioned the two, the stock answer was "group project", which adequately served to fend off further questions. By the end of lunch Helga had come to the conclusion that was Brainy was being a pain, which was true come to think of it.
Even before lunch period ended, Phoebe and Lila were back in the library at the same table. Brainy was due to return, and they were determined to be ready for him.
It started as soon as he was seated. "Brainy," Phoebe began, "up to now we've been very patient with you, but your statements and actions have now officially driven us to the point of distraction. It seems that every time you answer one question we have, you cause two more to be raised."
"Ah, yes. I am quite the Hydra, aren't I?"
"I'm serious! That is, Lila and I, we're serious. It's come to this: you're not leaving here until we have some real answers."
"All right, but could we discuss our project first?"
"Fine!"
"Excuse me?" Lila finally piped up.
"What?" said a still hot under the collar Phoebe.
"Well, Brainy implied that he had a project idea in mind; perhaps we could start by hearing what it is."
By now Phoebe's ire had almost run out. Or it had reached that level at which one doesn't trust oneself to speak. For whatever reason, Phoebe said not a word, but only nodded.
The spotlight was now on Brainy, as if it wasn't before. Finally, they were going to get some answers.
"Well, what I had in mind was to help a certain dysfunctional family to heal."
Phoebe and Lila exchanged surprised looks. Whatever they had been expecting, it wasn't that! But then again, Brainy was proving to be full of surprises today.
Finally, Phoebe found her voice. "Well, Brainy, I will admit that is an intriguing prospect. Do you have in mind any family in particular?"
"Yes, I do."
"Someone we know?"
"Oh, yes. In fact, the youngest member of this family should be entering this building just about--"
"CRIMINEY!!!"
"SSSHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
"--now."
The identity of the owner of the voice they had heard could not be mistaken; it was Helga G. Pataki. Phoebe and Lila shifted their gaze and their heads in the direction from which it had come.
Sure enough, there she was, along with Arnold and Gerald. Apparently, theirs was not the only group that decided to work on their project in the library.
Phoebe's head whipped back around to face Brainy. "The Patakis? You want to help the Patakis get along with each other, like a normal family?!?"
"Yes."
Phoebe was aghast. "Brainy, if it were possible I would be the first to go along with it. Helga's my best friend, and I hate seeing her suffer. But--"
"I think we can do it, and I've already worked out how."
That brought Phoebe's train of speech to an end, again. The observer could almost see the gears turning in her mind. But Brainy apparently came to the conclusion that she needed just a little bit more convincing.
"Come with me, ladies." He invited, rising from his chair.
He walked to the set of stacks on one side of them. On the other side of those shelves was the table where the other group sat.
Brainy stopped six inches away from the books, a two-inch gap between shelves directly in front of him. He was perfectly situated to see everything that went on at that table without being seen himself. Half a minute later, he was conscious of Phoebe and Lila finally joining him. The three of them proceeded to eavesdrop on the goings on with Arnold, Gerald and Helga.
"So, anyone have any ideas?" Arnold was heard to begin.
"Criminey, Football-head! You're in this group, so it'll be no problem. They were right in class; that movie was your life story."
"I didn't think I'd ever hear myself say this, but Helga's right, Arnold. You do this kind of thing in your sleep." Gerald found himself seconding Helga's opinion.
"That's just what I was saying, Geraldo. Doi! This is one project I am not worried about. In fact, I think I'll just take a walk while you two figure something out. Or I should say while Arnoldo figures it out like he always does.
"Helga, would you cut my man a break? He didn't get any sleep last night what with--"
"THAT'S IT!!"
"SSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"sorry" three voices uttered in concert.
"Nice going, football-head." muttered Helga.
"I can't believe it; she got you in trouble again!" Gerald whispered, too low for Helga to hear. It was too low for those on the other side of the stacks to hear too, but Phoebe read Gerald's lips, so Brainy and Lila knew what he was saying.
Had they paid attention, they might've have noticed Phoebe looking at Gerald almost as much as she was looking at Helga.
"So what is this brilliant plan of yours, hair boy?"
Voices lowered. As Arnold's back was to them, the three on the other side of the stacks couldn't make out what he was saying. But Gerald and Helga could, and their response was immediate, instantaneous, and in unison.
"WHAAAATT?!?!?"
"SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"sorry"
"Now who's getting whom into trouble?" Arnold remarked sardonically.
But the others wouldn't be denied as first Helga, and then Gerald, continued to expostulate.
"That's, that's just crazy! Absolutely insane! It's impossible, no one can do that!"
"It must be one of the signs of the Apocalypse, but Helga's right again, man. I mean, if it wasn't something you've tried to do before I'd think different, and it's not like you haven't pulled off some miracles in the past. You got us into the book of records, you cured Chocolate Boy of his chocolate addiction, you saved the neighborhood..."
"We know the list, Geraldo."
"...but you already tried this, and it wore you out!"
"That was because I didn't see this option before. All we have to do is--"
"Excuse me; I need to get up for a minute, before the insanity spreads." Helga interrupted as she left her seat.
She ducked behind Arnold and continued on in that direction; the direction that would take her to the shelves; not two feet away from where Brainy, Lila and Phoebe were, looking at her approaching them!
There would have been panic had Brainy not called the girls' attention to the fact that Helga was still quite a few inches taller than them, as a result of which her eye level would meet only books. Plus the light was better on her side, so even had she thought to look she wouldn't have seen their shadows.
Secure in her ignorance of their presence, the three tuned their ears for her soliloquy, which wasn't long in coming.
"Hmph! Arnold! What a dreamer! What a doofus! What an ignorantly naive little man! And yet..." Here she took out her locket. "I adore him. His commitment to right all of the problems in the world one by one, to fix what is wrong no matter how long it takes him or how much it costs. Such noble self-sacrifice which I have seen again and again--"
"Helga?"
"gasp um, I'll be right there, Football-head!"
Saddened, she looked back at her locket. "Why? Why can't I call out to him like he does to me?"
She paused, as if waiting for something. Then, hiding her melancholy under a mask of bravado as was her wont, Helga marched back to the table, taking her place with Arnold and Gerald.
Three heads turned back to the table on this side of the stacks.
Phoebe and Lila were nervous. Of course they knew of Helga's secret love for Arnold, but they didn't know that Brainy knew. Helga had gone to the trouble to make sure she was unobserved whenever she launched into her poetic flights dedicated to the football-headed love god; what then were the chances of Brainy having been observed any time he crept up behind Helga in the past?
As the three seated themselves, a silence descended, a silence once again broken by Brainy.
"Did you notice that point where she paused, as if she was waiting for something?"
Heads nodded.
"That was the point when I used to come up behind her, breathing more heavily than usual. Then she would punch in an emergency meeting with Ole Betsy, or sometimes the Five Avengers."
Comprehension dawned on the others.
"You see, I've known about this for some time."
As they realized the depth of what Brainy knew about Helga - quite possibly more than the two of them put together - the ladies were speechless. Or Lila was; Phoebe did manage to squeak out one word. "Why?"
One pair of glasses swung to face another. "Why?" he repeated.
"Why would you sneak up behind Helga?"
A melancholy smile drifted across his face. "All in good time." he assured her.
Brainy was silent for a minute, then he started his final argument, deciding the time had come to pull out all of the stops. "Did you see her, ladies? Did you really see her? Did you notice the turmoil that is even more a part of her than the bully facade? People don't, you know. They don't see the real Helga, because she's afraid to let them know it exists. Because of the pain at home, and the pain of peer pressure, she has walled herself into a prison, a prison inside which the true Helga is dying, yes, dying. It is suffocating behind the stones thrown with every unkind word, starving from the lack of affection and honest caring, drowning in a sea of hurt and resentment. And now, with the onset of adolescence imminent, it will only get worse. If someone doesn't intervene --- if we, ladies, don't intervene --- oh, I shudder to think of what her tragic end will be. Suicide, perhaps, or patricide? A loveless marriage? An abusive relationship? Relationships consisting of casual sex and little else, or worse, selling her body for the illusion of love and the reality of money? The utter death of the Helga we know is there? Take another look, ladies," he exhorted as he pointed beyond the stacks to her place at the other table. "Take another look at her tortured exterior and deny her the humane treatment we all deserve if you can! Look at her! Look at the anguish we know is there, and then tell me, hasn't she suffered enough for one lifetime?"
The speech had its intended effect, causing rivers to pour out of Phoebe and Lila's faces. It was a good thing that Brainy had thought to pick up a couple of extra packages of tissues during lunch.
The tear floods continued for a quarter of an hour, the only response to his question of which Phoebe & Lila were capable consisting of the vigorous nods of their heads. Brainy saw that he had carried the day, so he said nothing, waiting for his colleagues to compose themselves and replenishing their tissues when necessary.
Finally, Phoebe again managed to say one word, and again it was one of the journalistic questions: "When?"
"When what?" said Brainy.
"When do we start?"
"Well, it will have to be next weekend."
"Why not this weekend?"
"Something else is going down this weekend, something which will have to take place if my plan is to come to fruition.
"You see, ladies," he continued, pulling a sheet of paper out of his school things, "this is part of a greater plan I have. Of course as soon as we complete our group project I am willing to continue it on my own; I won't ask you to help me any further."
"Let me see that!" Phoebe exclaimed as she yanked the paper from his grasp. But after reading it, she was, while closer to the truth, just as puzzled. "'Obstacles to be removed in order to bring Arnold and Helga together'?"
"What?" Lila finally found her voice.
"What is this?" Phoebe demanded.
Brainy didn't dare hedge, not this time. "Well, it's like I said, I've known about it for some time. I've long since lost count of the times I've heard her waxing rhapsodic about her muse, the football-headed love god. And both of you have known too."
Dead silence reigned.
"I know. Neither of you can talk about it. She's your best friend, so with you it's a sacred trust. And you," here his gaze shifted from Phoebe to Lila. "she told you. I'm not sure when, but my money would be on the time we did Romeo & Juliet. And unless I miss my guess, she followed the revelation with some threat of physical duress which was no doubt unnecessary, but that's Helga."
He paused for a melancholy sigh, then continued. "But I'm under no such restrictions. She doesn't regard me, and she hasn't threatened me, so I am free to broach the silence about this matter between us. I can tell you what you already know, that she is absolutely, positively in love."
He continued, remembering what he'd heard from outside the office building where Dr. Bliss had her office on that day, the day he'd "proposed" to Helga. "She wants to grow up and..."
"She's head over heels..." Lila interrupted, recalling Helga's confession.
Phoebe followed suit, the sleepwalking incident flooding out of her mouth. "She absolutely adores him..."
"...and have a fabulous life with him..." continued Brainy. And from here, the three took turns with their memories.
Lila: "...hook line & sinker..."
Brainy: "...coffee in Paris..."
Phoebe: "...positively mad..."
Brainy: "...roses, sailboats,..."
Lila: "...over the moon..."
Brainy: "...the whole nine yards..."
Phoebe: "...mad as a hatter..."
Brainy: "...a perfume named after them, Arnold & Helga..."
Lila: "...loop the loop..."
Phoebe: "...utterly nutty..."
Lila: "...wah wah deuce..."
Phoebe: "...ga-ga in love."
Lila: "...in love with the boy."
Their reveries ended, Phoebe and Lila gasped, shocked at what they'd just revealed to each other and to Brainy. He just gave a cryptic smile.
"Very good; no illusions between us. So now we know that we know, now we can proceed.
"You see, this is why it had to be the three of us doing this. For reasons I'll go into later, I had to do this, and it had to be with the two of you. We three are the only ones who I know know the secret. You two are the only ones I can talk to, the only ones I can trust."
The significance of a trust was not lost on either of the ladies; at that moment they knew that they too had to see this through to the end, just like Brainy.
Phoebe looked askance at Lila. "'wah wah deuce'?"
Lila shrugged. "I'm ever so certain that I have no idea what that means."
Phoebe wasn't sure how to pursue that, so her attention returned to the sheet of paper in her hand. "'1: Remove competition for Arnold'." She then looked at Brainy, questions in her eyes.
"That means to make sure that whoever Arnold is currently infatuated with is out of the picture."
"Already taken care of." Lila announced, "or it soon will be."
"When?" Brainy asked.
"This weekend, I'm just not sure of the exact time."
"Well, it shouldn't be tomorrow I would think," put in Phoebe, "with it being his birthday and all..."
"That's right, tomorrow is his birthday. I had oh so forgotten that he invited me."
"Are you going?"
"Yes."
"You, Brainy?"
Brainy nodded. "I'm the dj. They can't afford Nebulous Ned or whatever name he's using now, so they get me. How about you?"
"Oh, of course. Someone has to keep an eye on Helga."
While Phoebe was talking, Brainy noticed a few stray tears still hanging around Lila's eyes. As he was taking a tissue out of the package, he heard the end of Phoebe's last statement. Surreptitiously, he wrote "...and Gerald" on the tissue in marker before he handed it to Lila. She saw what he'd written before she used the tissue, hiding a smile behind it.
"Alright, then. I'll tell him Sunday. And I know exactly how I'll do it."
"I won't ask how, but we'd better know the when and where, Lila. Helga will need to be there to pick up the pieces, again." said Brainy.
"Sunday, at the zoo in the park. I'd say 2:00."
Brainy's eyes moved to Phoebe.
"I can get Helga there, but would you have any idea how?"
Brainy thought for a few seconds. Then his visage broke out in an ear to ear grin, accompanied by chuckles that dangerously bordered on guffaws. "Just tell her the truth. You agreed to meet Lila at the park around that time so the two of you could go on to the college library --- this one's closed during summer, of course --- to meet with me for our group project.
"Oh, by the way you two, our next meeting for this project will be at the college library at 3:00."
Phoebe and Lila thought about what Brainy had said, then they too smiled as they realized that it would be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Well, almost.
Phoebe continued to read: "'2. Bring peace to her family'. Well, if this project succeeds..." She looked up at Brainy, who nodded. Then, back to the list. "'3. Peer pressure, male (Harold)'." Again she looked at Brainy, more questions in her face.
"I figure that if Harold would stop picking on her, the other guys would follow suit. Plus, Helga only became a bully to stop 'pink boy' from laughing at her."
As if following a script, Phoebe again nodded, then returned to the list. "'4. Peer pressure, female (Rhonda)'." Again the curious looks.
And again the answer. "What Harold is to the male peer element, Rhonda is to the female peer element. Only Arnold and Helga can hold their own against them, and we have to make sure that Helga has the will to do so without resorting to bullying."
"I see," said Phoebe, "so what's next?"
Brainy pulled out another sheet of paper. "Next, we will have to make sure of anyone else who might know of Helga's feelings for Arnold."
Phoebe gasped. "Who else could possibly know?"
Brainy held up the second sheet of paper. "I have a short list right here; please don't pull this one away, Phoebe."
"Very funny."
Brainy read the names. "The others who might know, in reverse alphabetical order according to first names, are Tish Wittenberg, Rhonda Wellington Lloyd, and Patty Smith."
"What about Patty Smith?"
Brainy's face shot up, finding himself staring straight into the eyes of the owner of the last name he'd read. Patty had walked up between Phoebe and Lila, who hadn't noticed her, so intent had they been on the conversation.
"Patty, what are you doing here?" Lila asked.
"I work here," Patty responded, gesturing to the library cart she had been pushing down that aisle. "What about Patty Smith?"
Brainy tried to bluff. "wheeze wheeze uh, something?"
Patty pointed at Brainy, leaning across the table and almost getting in his face in that way bullies do. "I heard you. You were speaking intelligently, and you mentioned my name. What about Patty Smith?"
Brainy was scared, his eyes darting from side to side, as if to convey that he didn't want his competence to become public knowledge just yet.
Patty could get messages just as well as she could give, and considering how good she was at giving messages for others to get that's saying something. "Look around; we have bookshelves on either side of us, and we're in the middle of a long aisle. If anyone shows up at either end, the first thing they'll see will be me having a 'discussion' with someone; they won't venture further."
"Bullying has its privileges?" Phoebe ventured timidly.
Patty nodded, then her scowl-ridden gaze shifted back to Brainy. "What about Patty Smith?"
Brainy gave up, but he tried another dodge. "Well, what about Patty Smyth? Lead singer of Scandal, also had a solo career, married to John McEnroe...?"
There are those who can intimidate merely by exhaling. Patty was one of those. No words were needed as Brainy gave in.
"All right, since you heard me mention you it's only fair. There's something that only a few people know, those at this table. There are a few others who might know it, and you are one of them."
"Well, what is it?"
"Well, you see, that's the trouble, Patty," Lila said. "If we tell you, and it turns out that you don't know..." She didn't finish the sentence, figuring Patty would grasp the meaning. She was right.
Patty was silent. Then she followed Brainy's gaze to the stacks, and what was on the other side of them. Her brow furrowed with thought, then cleared. "Is this about Helga's big crush on Arnold?"
Shock now reigned, again, this time in three parts. "However did you find out?" asked Lila.
"I figured it out when I had that run-in with Helga. Arnold went to bat for her, and she was impressed. I asked her if she liked him. She denied it, a little too quickly to be honest. She even smiled when I said he was cute. We understood each other. So, do you need any help?"
Phoebe explained, "Um, well, we can't have any help, not yet anyway. What we're doing now is part of a class project and..."
"Oh yeah, Harold was complaining about that just now. I understand."
But now Brainy found his voice. "Maybe after this project is done, you can help with another part."
Patty smiled, "Let me know." then she left in the opposite direction from which she'd come, occasionally putting a book on a shelf from the cart she continued to push.
Before she turned the corner, she looked back at them. "By the way, the library's closing in ten minutes. You might want to get your stuff together."
Without waiting for an answer, she was off again.
With her gone, the three at the table simultaneously exhaled.
"What did you mean, telling her she could help later?" Phoebe wanted to know.
"It's called having an ace in reserve. You never know what could come up. Anyway, I said 'maybe'.
"So," Brainy continued, "that just leaves Rhonda and Coach Wittenburg female. Since Patty was talking to me as much as to anyone, could you..."
"I'll talk to Rhonda." Lila volunteered.
"And I'll talk with Coach Wittenburg, female." finished Phoebe.
"Excellent. Things are coming along good so far."
RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!
"Well, Patty warned us." said Brainy, gathering his things.
"Not so fast." said Phoebe. "You owe us an explanation, and I told you that you weren't leaving until we got it!"
Brainy hesitated, then sighed. He knew this was coming. "All right, fire away."
"For starters, who ARE you? I mean, you're always in the background, when you're there at all. You never say anything to anyone, and here you are taking charge of this project, all your idea. You've said it yourself, you're a cipher and you like it that way; yet here you are full of poise and confidence--"
"No I'm not." Suddenly Brainy looked & sounded emotionally fragile, his confidence gone. "You have no idea of the torture I'm putting myself through to do this, what it's doing to me. I'm having to call on all of the inner strength I can muster, and I wouldn't even have that were it not for Dr. Bliss. I'm really a very shy person, but this is something that has to be done."
"And that brings up the main point; why are you doing this? This is more than a class project to you; why are you doing this for Helga? Why is it so important to you? What's your deal?"
Behind his glasses, Brainy's eyes misted. "'What's your deal?' That's exactly what she said." he murmured. "Hanging around her is doing you good; some of her assertiveness is rubbing off on you."
After what had already transpired since the movie, Phoebe thought that nothing more could surprise her; but she was proven wrong once again as she looked on something she didn't expect. It looked to her like Brainy was about to cry.
After yet another uncomfortable interval of silence, the dam broke, but not the one in his eyes.
"You really want to know? I'll tell you. I can boil it down to three words: I. love. Helga."
That did it. The coup de grace of all of the many shocks Phoebe had experienced that day. The will to stand left her as she sat on her seat on the floor, now officially completely numb.
Brainy continued, his face now marked with the anguish he had been hiding.
"I've been in love with her as long as she's been in love with Arnold, the very same day, and just as much. You asked me why I kept sneaking up behind her; it was to tell her of my feelings. Every time I'd see her go off alone, I'd follow. I've followed her everywhere, tailed her every place, been absolutely obsessed with her. Even as I'd approach her --- always from the back; I'm afraid to face her --- I'd hear her rhapsodize on her love for 'the football-headed love god'. But I didn't care; I had to tell her I loved her. But every time, my excitement took control of me. I'd breath too loud, and before I could get a hold of myself it was Ole Betsy. But I didn't care; I'd try again I loved her that much. And I still love her...,"
Here he had to pause to compose himself, even help himself to his tissues, finishing the last package, "...but I've had to face the hardest truth of my life; that no matter how much I love her, she'll never love me back. It's taken me a year and a half of therapy to realize and accept this, that she'll never be mine, that the girl I love more than life itself will never love me.
"But I determined one thing: that if I couldn't have what I wanted, I could at least help her to get what she wants: the love of Arnold. And I hope he comes to appreciate her as much as I would have. Maybe then, I can finally make peace with my feelings. Maybe when I see her with him, it will finally sink in that I should let go of, of...," he was barely hanging on, "...of what I had never had in the first place."
He was literally finished, spent mentally and emotionally. The tears now started to come in earnest.
Before the others could see him bawl like a baby, Brainy moved to leave. Numb Phoebe offered no resistance. And why would she have; she'd gotten what she'd asked for.
Brainy almost broke into a run, not wanting anyone to see him cry. But before he was out of earshot, he stopped. "Lila?" he asked, raggedly.
Lila hadn't known what to say in the entire previous exchange, so she'd kept quiet. She now stood next to an almost recumbent Phoebe, attempting to help her up. "Yes, Brainy?"
"I'm not sure if Phoebe should be left alone right now; she's been through a lot. Could you stay with her until she recovers?" Lila could hear both the laughter and the tears in his rough voice.
"Of course, Brainy. Will you be all right?"
"Sure." And with not another word, Brainy left, now at a full run.
After a bit of a struggle, Lila succeeded in raising Phoebe into a chair.
At that moment Patty passed them, on her way out. "The library's closed now." Then she noticed Phoebe's condition. "What's wrong with her?"
"I'm oh so certain that she's just had the shock of her life."
Patty looked around, with her eyes but not her head. "Brainy?"
Lila nodded. "It was ever so surprising to hear him speak in the first place, but what followed was ever so far past the realm of surprise."
"Well, we'd better get her outside." And with that, she lifted Phoebe to a standing position and walked her out, Lila doing what she could to help.
Halfway off the school grounds, Phoebe started to recover. By the time they reached the bus stop, she was again in control of herself, coherent even.
"Did, did I just hear what I thought I just heard?"
"I'm oh so certain you did."
"Are you two going to be all right?"
"I'm ever so certain we will now, Patty. Thank you for asking, and for your help."
"You're welcome. I have to go now; Harold's picking me up."
"All right, Patty. Good bye, and thanks again."
That was the last of the conversation to which Patty was a party; she left with those words.
Momentarily, the bus came. Lila didn't know if Phoebe would need help. It happened that she didn't; as soon as they stepped onto the bus she waved off Lila's offer of help.
They took their usual seats, Phoebe's next to Helga. Neither was inclined to say anything; their thoughts were so full of the events of the day, the most earth-shattering day Lila had experienced since that last dark day in Pleasantville, the most jarring day Phoebe had experienced in her life.
Helga didn't say anything either; the entire bus was quiet, extraordinarily so for the last day of school. The project had effected everyone. And the effects were only beginning.
There will be more soon. First Phoebe and Lila have to talk with two other people, and then, the party.
As always, please read & review. And as always, I'm Nftnat. On e- mail, I'm still nftnataol.com On IM, I'm still Nftnat. Cy'all.