Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed

A/N: Hmm, out of the reviews I've received so far, many of them complained about the way Lacus died. Yes, I realized it did ruin the mood, and yes, it may seem like a silly thing, but I thought a car accident or cancer was too cliché.

I also got a complaint about the way Cagalli was acting around Athrun. Well the thing is, Cagalli JUST got there and so she just hadn't noticed him yet, as you will see in this chapter.

Thank you all for your reviews! I appreciated them a lot!

Well…onward!

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"Kira, how's Lacus doing?" Cagalli came in the room, and didn't even acknowledge my presence.

I got a good look at her. She looked just the way she had looked the last time I saw her, which is just the way she's always looked. She wore her maroon and white uniform, as she always had. For a while, it seemed as if nothing had changed at all. It seemed as if Lacus were not lying on the bed dying, and it seemed as if I were still Cagalli's bodyguard. I could only wish it were that way.

When Cagalli finally turned her head away from Lacus's body and turned to face Kira, her eyes made contact with mine. They were the same beautiful fiery honey eyes, I loved her eyes. They made her seem determined when she was thinking, and made her seem innocent all at the same time. I couldn't read the expression on her face when she saw me. It was not quite surprise, not quite embarrassment, not quite amusement. Was she happy to see me? Was she angry? Did she even care?

I wanted to look away from her, but I couldn't. She was so captivating. It seemed that we looked at each other forever.

"Lacus is doing the same as usual," Kira said, breaking our contact. I gave Cagalli a half smile, in which she returned with a nod of her head.

"So she isn't doing worse," Cagalli stated bluntly. Cagalli really hasn't changed at all. She was still the woman I loved.

"Yeah," Kira said softly, "there is still a chance she could come out a live." He reached his hand out to caress Lacus's cheek. I could see the love in his eyes. He loved Lacus so much, and yet he is acting so calmly about her situation.

"I used to be so angry, you know?" Kira asked rhetorically, " I couldn't protect her, and now I'm gonna lose her…and it's not just me, the orphans are going to lose her too."

"The world, is going to lose her," I supplied.

"Yeah, the world is," Kira smiled gloomily. Kira looked out the window at the snow that began to fall gently. "Lacus always loved the holidays. I just hope she could live through this Christmas. I got to go," he said turning his face. But I could already tell that there were tears flooding his eyes. He walked briskly to the door and paused at the doorway, "I'm glad that Lacus at least knew how I felt before…the incident." He paused for a while, and Cagalli and I were staring intensely into his back, hanging on to every word. "I'm sure she would want you two to be happy." With that he closed the door.

Although I'm sure that Kira had good intentions, his speech simply replaced the somber atmosphere in the room with an awkward one. After what seemed like centuries, I finally said, "Do you visit Lacus often?"

"Everyday," she replied softly, "She was like a sister, or perhaps a mother to me. She was always willing to help." She adjusted the blankets covering Lacus's body. "It's just so paradoxical or sardonic. She was always taking care of me, now I have to take care of her." She sat back down on the chair next to Lacus. "Damn it! Why did it have to turn out like this, Athrun? It shouldn't be like this!" She began sobbing into her hands, and I felt lost.

Before I would comfort her, and hug her, and kiss her, but what am I suppose to do now? There wasn't a romantic relationship, or any relationship between us anymore, and I just felt so stupid just sitting there staring at her devastation, doing nothing. It was just so stupid. I'm sure she would want you two to be happy. Kira's words just hung in my head. Although they had a deep meaningful significance at the time they were said, it seems now they were just mocking me. She would WANT us to be together, but it seemed improbable if not impossible. And while, I kept thinking of this and my mind was conflicting on this, Cagalli was still sitting there crying her heart and her lungs out. I really didn't know what to do.

"There's still a chance she's going to make it, you know?" I attempted.

"Yeah, I know," she sniffled. She just looked so vulnerable, so honest, and damn it, I just loved her. Help me, I just loved her. "But you can't bring something back, that is already gone." That just hung in the air, and I couldn't help but feel a secondary meaning to her words. "She's already a vegetable, it's been a month since she's been like this. The doctors…the doctors are already asking for our decision on whether or not to pull the plug." There was a silence that was ill at ease after that. Then she started crying again, and I didn't hesitate to hug her. Lacus would want us to be happy right? I knew I was going to be happy with Cagalli, but is she going to be happy with me? She told me she wouldn't.

I kept thinking about our situation right now. I was hugging her, rubbing her back, telling her "it's alright", and I kept thinking about how she was hugging me back and submerging her head into my shoulder crying her pain out. It just felt so at ease, almost as if we've never broken up, and me comforting her was normal. I loved the feeling of her relying on me, needing me. But I knew she didn't need me. The words on the note she gave me were embedded into my mind.

Athrun,

I'm sorry. I will always love you, but we aren't going to be happy together. I'm a dedicated person, and I'm already in a relationship. I'm married to my country, Athrun, the same way you're married to the ZAFT. We're already married to something more important than our love for each other. We may want each other physically at times, but we will never need each other. I don't need you, Athrun.

I'm Sorry

But right now it seemed to me as if she needed me, and even though the circumstances are grim, I enjoyed it. I was just holding her and letting her cry. It felt…nice.

"Lacus is going to be gone forever," Cagalli breathed in.

"We don't know that for sure," I replied as I rubbed her back.

"You're right, because she, is still living."

I glanced out the window and looked at the powdery snow that has freshly fallen on to the ground. The snow was like glitter being sprinkled to decorate our world. It was lovely.

"Tomorrow is Christmas," Cagalli stated. I nodded my head, becoming slowly aware that I was still holding her. I should have felt uncomfortable or that I had violated Cagalli's space, but she didn't complain, so why fix something that wasn't broken?

I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. "It's ten, Christmas starts in two hours."

"Athrun?"

"Hmm?" I looked towards her face, which was still rested on my shoulder.

"Is it okay to feel so happy, even though Lacus is…dying?"

I didn't know how to respond to that. There were so many secondary meanings that could be derived from that statement. "As long as you aren't happy that she is dying," I finally said, "Lacus would want you to be happy." I hugged her a closer to me, "I want you to be happy too." As I said that, I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks.

"Thank you," Cagalli replied. I looked at her face and I noticed that she was blushing as well.

Then a silence ensued and it was difficult to find a safe topic to discuss. Luckily or unluckily for us, Meyrin opened the door, and we had to pull away from each other.

"Sorry, I ran out earlier," She said as she made her way towards Lacus, "it's just hard to see her like this, you know?"

"Yeah, we know," Cagalli replied.

"It's nice to see you too getting back together though, Lacus would have wanted it." Meyrin continued.

"Uh, we aren't exactly getting back together", I said.

"And we probably never will," Cagalli added. But I didn't expect her to say that, and frankly, it hurt.

"Oh, well I just assumed because you two were hugging each other…" Meyrin said, now embarrassed, "and you were enjoying it, and you both want to get back together-"

"What?" Cagalli said with an edge to her voice, "we don't want to get back together, right?" she turned towards me.

I looked at her, and her eyes were blazing in question. How am I suppose to answer that? Say no and lie to her? Or answer truthfully and get my heart stampeded on again? It was a tough decision, and my silence would only led to the latter. So I took the easy way out, I ran.

I ran out the door, out of the house, into the garden, and right into Kira.

"Athrun!" he cried, "Where are you going?"

"I don't know," my answer sounded stupid and implausible.

"Athrun, what's wrong?" Kira asked. He leaned towards me with a friendly face, and I looked at him, and he only reminded me of Cagalli. So I did the only thing that made sense at the time. I cried. I cried and cried. First, Kira was a little surprised, but he composed himself quickly and gave me a comforting friendly hug.

I don't know how long we stood like that, perhaps minutes, perhaps hours, but Kira was the one to break my crying spell.

"We're covered in snow now, let's go inside. It's warmer there." I nodded my head as he led me indoors.

"Kira! Athrun! We were so worried!" Meyrin exclaimed. I looked around the room for Cagalli.

"Where's Cagalli?" I asked.

"Athrun, there is something I need to tell you…" Meyrin said she looked nervous, and I gave her a smile to hopefully cure her discomfort, "I've been keeping contact with Cagalli these last few years…"

"I know," I said.

"Yeah, but the thing is, Cagalli told me to take care of you, two years back. And so, I would contact her every few days to tell her how you were. They weren't social calls, more like reports."

I was confused, "like a spy?"

"No, she just wants to see how you are, she worries, you know?"

"Cagalli still loves you, Athrun, and she regrets letting you go" Kira said. At that moment, I was happy. But there was still a part of me that doubted this. I needed to hear it from her mouth.

"So, why isn't Cagalli telling me this?"

"Because…" Meyrin stumbled for words.

"Because she's scared," Kira answered with a soft knowing smile.

"She's upstairs with Lacus," Meyrin said, and at her cue I raced up the stairs and opened the door to Lacus's room.

"Athrun?" Cagalli's voice was filled with confusion.

I didn't reply, instead I walked up to her, cupped my hands around her cheeks, and kissed her. She struggled at first but then she relaxed into it and her arms went around my neck and her fingers played in my hair.

I pulled away, "Cagalli, I'm not happy with out you, are you happy without me?"

She adverted her eyes and I felt a pang in my heart, she was going to say she was happy.

"I'm happy right now, because you are with me. Meyrin always told me you were happy, probably to protect me, but I was always happy that you were happy."

"I wasn't happy, I just lied to Meyrin. I love you, and I'll only be happy with you. I don't care if I have to leave ZAFT, I want to be with you."

Cagalli shook her head, "No, ZAFT needs you. I guess…we can always work around a long distance relationship. Then, when we are certain another unnecessary war doesn't start, you can move to Orb, and live with me."

She said it so confidently as if it were already determined, and I can only smile to that, "Sounds good." I replied. I leaned forward again and kissed her, passionately and lovingly. When we pulled away, I looked towards Lacus's body and I could've sworn, I saw her smiling at us.

The clock struck, it was now midnight.

"Merry Christmas, Athrun."

I smiled at her and kissed her again, "Merry Christmas, my love."