Well, here it is, the party episode for which you've been waiting. I
hope y'all aren't too disappointed in this chapter, because I am. In my
opinion it kind of bites, but y'all might disagree, which would please me
no end.
Thanks for the reviews, y'all.
Starry Nights, I'm glad you liked the Rhonda part; she rubs it in a bit more here. Phoebe has dealt with the emotional baggage. Imo the project wasn't really that bad; it was just a scapegoat. Put yourself in her place; you suddenly get intelligent conversation from someone you wouldn't have given credit for even being verbal. Said someone knows the innermost secret of your best friend and is going to do something about it, even though he's in love with her. That would be a lot for anyone to absorb. Then the note indicating someone's toying with Arnold & Helga, well! But by now I have ideas about the other group projects and we will see how it goes.
Houkanno Yuuhou, Arnold & Gerald's side project is just starting; I'm planning on making it like water torture, but who knows what could happen. And I've noticed other fics where someone was watching 'Yo Ernest!' And not noticing the resemblance (personally I've never seen the show on any of the 80 plus episodes of HA! I've seen, but maybe it's on one of the episodes I've missed).
Draco's Angels, I continue to appreciate your insights. You're right; it will last quite a while, at least a year. But it won't be several chapters to the day. And there is more to Brainy, stuff I have yet to uncover. I appreciate your and HY's recommendation; as soon as I finish this I will submit it to Kim's site and I hope she likes it.
n8, here's the party already.
Horseamew, Dramagirl310, thank you two too.
Hey Arnold! is created, copyrighted, & / or owned by Craig Bartlett, Snee-Oosh, & / or Nickelodeon, which in turn is owned by Viacom. "Silence Is Golden" is from the Tremeloes' record Chip, Dave, Alan and Rick (CBS Columbia / Epic 1967). "Mind Your Own Business" was written by Hank Williams Sr. and was a hit by him on the MGM label in 1949. His son Hank Jr. also had a hit with it on Montana Cafe (Warner 1986). Clue is owned by Milton Bradley, I think. The Riverside Shakespeare is copyrighted 1974 by Houghton Mifflin. Tell Me On a Sunday, the musical written by Don Black and composed by and performed under the direction of Andrew Lloyd Webber (the Dino Spumoni & Don Reynolds of the theater if you ask me) was originally performed on BBC in January 1980. I have no idea who has the copyright on that.
It is early Saturday morning. Normally at this time, Gerald Johansen would be sleeping in; but then, this is no ordinary Saturday morning; it's the morning of his best friend's birthday.
"'M'I the first to wish you happy birthday?"
"No, Grandpa & the boarders beat you to it. Oskar seemed to think I should be giving presents instead of getting them."
"Specifically to him, right?"
"Yes."
Gerald didn't say a word to this; he just looked at his friend. Arnold knew what he was thinking.
"It's going to work, Gerald. You'll see."
"You're a bold kid, Arnold. So anyway, is this a good time to work in that other thing, or do you have chores to do?"
"Not on my birthday, usually."
"Usually?"
"Well, with Grandma you never know."
"Kimba, is that Colonel Binghamton I heard come in?"
"Yes, Grandma. We have a project we're working on upstairs."
"So do I; it's called Thanksgiving dinner. We'll have too many guests to celebrate around the table this year, so we'll have to do it on the roof."
"I'll be up to help you later, but right now we have to get started." And with that Arnold, with Gerald in tow, hotfooted it for his room.
Once they entered, Arnold went for the remote. The appropriate buttons were pressed, lighting the room.
"Good thing this is the alternate entrance to the roof, or there'd be people through here all day." said Gerald, gazing toward the steps up one side of Arnold's room to the window at the top of same which afforded access to the roof.
"Tell me about it." Arnold agreed, as he crossed over to the spot where he kept the enigmatic little pink book. "Here it is."
"Where's the note?"
"On my desk, in front of the computer."
"Oh yeah, here it is."
"Let's get to work."
After an hour of comparison to all of the signatures in the yearbooks, they were no closer to figuring out the authorship of the anonymous note than they had been before. The writing didn't seem to match that in the book or the signatures of any of their classmates.
"Maybe we've been going at this all wrong, Gerald; maybe whoever wrote this wrote in a different hand or something. It could be that they didn't want to be identified."
"I guess that's possible."
knock knock knock "Kimba, I'll need your help in fifteen minutes."
"Coming, Grandma."
"Will the colonel be staying to help?"
Gerald's head shakes desperately to the negative in response.
"Um, no Grandma. The colonel has to return to headquarters, but he'll be back this afternoon."
"whew, Thanks, man."
"No problem."
"Man! How do you put up with that all the time?"
"Like I said, one gets used to it. And it's harmless; it's just a matter of humoring her. I don't mind; I owe her a lot."
"Yeah, I guess. Well, catch you this afternoon."
"You'll be here for the party."
"I wouldn't miss it."
And with that and a thumb wiggle, Gerald went downstairs, while Arnold went up to the roof to help his grandmother.
Meanwhile, over the phone lines, a conversation was taking place, the second one between the parties involved in less than a day, the first one having been the night before. That one hadn't come to much; hence, part of the reason for this one.
"Hello?"
"Moshi moshi, Helga."
"Uh, hi, Pheebs. It's a bit early, isn't it?"
"Point taken. So, are you ready for Arnold's birthday party?"
"Like I just said, it's a bit early yet."
"Well, there's much to be said for getting things out of the way early so that you would have that much more free time later on."
"Pheebs, we've talked about this before; you know I'm at my best under pressure."
"Do you even have his birthday present?"
"Sure. I have it right here in front of me." rrriiiippppp crinkle crinkle "You hear that? I'm wrapping it right now."
"All right. I hope you got something good. Just because you can't let him know--"
"Pheebs, don't worry about it. I got him something I think he can use."
"As do I; although knowing him he won't fully appreciate the sentiment behind it."
"Well, you have my curiosity up. What are you getting him?"
"I'll tell you when you tell me what you're getting him."
"Ooh, touche. So when do you want me to come by and get you?"
"Er, actually, Gerald already asked to escort me there."
"Ooh, Gerald, huh?"
"Stop it."
"Stopping." Helga sang in a good-natured jab at a certain habit of her best friend.
"It's no big deal, really. It's just that this will be the first time I'll actually be inside the boarding house..."
"But you were inside before, back when we were eating cereal so the Hair Boys could get that telescope."
"Oh, yes. Be that as it may, my contact with the tenants has been limited to say the least, and Gerald wants to inform me about their idiosyncrasies."
"Not to mention the idiosyncrasies of Arnold's grandparents."
"Well, yes. Is there anything about them you want to tell me?"
"Nah, why spoil it for Geraldo. So, I'll see you there, then."
"Until this afternoon, then."
BBOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!
So commenced the party of the year, from the roof of the Sunset Arms Boarding House. True to the pre-party publicity, everyone showed up. There were enough people on the roof to violate a number of local codes and ordinances. The police might've been called had they not already been there, 'to keep an eye on things' as they said. Ditto the health and building inspectors. A spirit of charitableness was in the air, due partly to Grandma's 'confusion' over which holiday it was, and due partly to the guest of honor. Oh, the cause of that explosion? It's being dealt with now.
"Pookie, lower that blunderbuss this instant!"
"Of course, Dr. Robinson."
"sigh Oh well, it could be worse. She could be dressing me like a turkey." Phil muttered under his breath. But not so under his breath that it escaped the ears of Arnold and Gerald.
"Good thing she doesn't know about Simmons' turkey suit." Gerald muttered to his best friend.
"Right." agreed Arnold. "So what happened when you and Phoebe came? I was up here and didn't see."
"Well, I was telling her about your Grandma..."
flashback
It was a half hour ago. Our second-favorite couple was approaching Sunset Arms, and the male member of same was advising the female about certain oddities of the people they'd be meeting.
"...so he'll give you an autograph for your mother if you ask him, but forget about getting him to sing in public; I know I've tried."
"I see."
"So have I left anyone out?"
"I don't believe you've mentioned Arnold's grandmother yet."
"Aw, man! I knew I was leaving someone out. Well, she's a character. There's times I wonder if she's in her right mind, but she's cool. And she can surprise you. One of the surprises, though, is what she might call you."
"Meaning?"
"Well, sometimes she'll call Arnold 'Kimba'--"
"As in the lion?"
"Right; I guess she thinks of him as a young lion."
"Well, he does have the mane for it."
"I guess. And I've also heard her call him 'Tex'. And she seems to think I'm some colonel named Binghamton. So it's anyone's guess what she'll call you."
"I see. Well, here we are."
"So we are." By then the two had reached the door of the boarding house. Before knocking, Gerald turned to Phoebe. "Now Phoebe, before we go in, I'll tell you what Arnold told me the first time I stayed the night here. At times the things you see may confuse or even frighten you, but just remember, everyone is essentially harmless."
"Just knock, Gerald. I'm sure you're exaggerating."
"That's what I thought at the time. And what Arnold said in response, word for word, was: 'you've been warned'." knock knock
"Could someone get that?"
"Hey, what do I look like, the doorman around here?"
"You, Oskar, look like nothing! You do nothing!"
"All right already, I'll get it! Of all of the..."
The door opens, showing the diminutive Ernie Potts in pilgrim garb. His expression, in its usual stolid funk, became somewhat lighter when he saw Phoebe.
"Oh, it's you! Say, have you thought about what I told you about a career in demolition?"
"Oh!" Phoebe hadn't expected to see him here. "W-, well I, I, yes, yes I have, Mr. Potts. But this sort of decision can't be rushed, and I still have plenty of time yet to think about it."
"Yeah, I understand. But you don't want to take too long; your first few years in the trade can be the best, and you don't want to waste them frettin' about a decision that should've already been made."
"Yes, Mr. Potts. I will give the matter serious consideration."
Satisfied, Ernie went elsewhere.
"What was that about?" Gerald asked.
"Remember career day?"
"Yeah-- oh."
"Precisely."
Just then, Arnold's Grandma entered the room from the kitchen, attired in an outfit that would've done credit to Anne Bradstreet herself.
"Oh, Colonel Binghamton, you're back. The feast will be held on the roof of the meeting house; we're having too many visitors for the congregation to meet inside."
"Pookie, are you bothering Short Man's friends?"
"Why Reverend Robinson, this is unexpected. We hadn't thought to see you again in this lifetime, certainly not in the Colonies. Please go upstairs; I'm sure your congregation will be overjoyed. I trust your voyage from Scrooby was uneventful?"
Phil decided that any further attempts at conversation or even remonstration with Pookie would be pointless. And he didn't exactly want to engage in such anyway, so he went upstairs. Pookie returned her attention to Gerald. But before she said another word to him, she noticed Phoebe, and her eyes lit up.
"And I see you've brought Lady Cavendish with you." Here, she bowed to Phoebe, who returned the favor.
end flashback
"Then what happened?"
"I don't know; I was lost after 'konichiwa'."
"They were speaking Japanese?"
"Yeah, both of them! Man, I didn't know your Grandma knew Japanese!"
"Me neither. Maybe she really did spend some time at a monastery in Tibet, or was it a convent in Shanghai."
"Well, I wouldn't be surprised at anything I found out about her anymore."
"That's what I keep thinking, just before she surprises me again."
"There you two are! You can trade war stories later; it's time for the feast now. Come with me, John."
"John?" Gerald mouthed at Arnold, who could only shrug in response.
Sure enough, Pookie had chosen that moment to round up everyone for 'Thanksgiving'. Tables, heaped with food and surrounded by chairs, were in abundance on the roof. One of them had been designated the head table, the one toward which Pookie was marching the two young men. Some of the seats were already filled, but not the one next to Phoebe, and not the one next to Helga.
"Colonel, your seat is next to that of Lady Cavendish of course. And Mr. Alden, you of course will sit next to Miss Mullins." Meaning Helga apparently, as it was toward the empty seat next to her that Arnold was now being guided. Helga might have been a bit embarrassed, but that was outweighed by her level of interest, of anticipation of what Pookie would do next. She didn't want to let on, but she was having a ball.
One and a half hours later, the dinner had ended and the tables had been cleared away, except for the one where Arnold's presents had been gathered. With the roof basically cleared, the dance floor was open. Brainy was on the job as dj and people were out on the floor, having a good time.
From over on the other side of the roof, Phoebe wandered over to where Brainy was holding court.
"Um, Brainy, could I have a word with--"
"How many times did she fall for his lies?
Should I tell her, or should I be cool?
And if I tried, I know she'll say I lie.
Mind your business. Don't hurt her, you fool.
buh-dum bum boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom BOOM!
SILENCE IS GOLDEN,
but my eyes still see.
SILENCE IS GOLDEN, GOLDEN,
but my eyes still see."
The music went down at that point, and another tune came up, but Brainy's point had been made to Phoebe: he didn't want to talk about it right now. Phoebe returned to the table, where Arnold was in the process of unwrapping his presents.
"It's, it's..."
"It's a jar of pumpkin preserves."
"Wow. Thanks, Stinky."
"And there's more where that come from if'n you want it. I reckon I wouldn't have been interested in a-raisin' fruits and vegetables at all if it weren't for you."
"It, it was no trouble, really."
"Well, I figgered I owed ya anyway."
"Well, like I said, thanks." sounds of unwrapping "Whoa! The Pentium 6 processor!"
"I thought you'd like it, my man."
"I do. Thanks, Gerald! I'll be able to triple the good I get out of my computer."
"Yeah yeah. Just put it someplace safe, and we'll install it later."
Before another word could be spoken, a disturbance arose from around the door. Arnold, as the "host", arose to see about it, and came face to face with Wolfgang and Ludwig.
"Well, guess who didn't get an invitation to your party."
"Everyone was invited, Wolfgang. I thought that was understood."
"Guess there's a lot of things you don't understand."
"Look, Ludwig, both of you are as welcome here as anyone. You missed dinner, but there's still plenty of cake and other refreshments. If you want to dance, feel free to do that too."
He suddenly felt himself being lifted by two hands belonging to the two bullies.
"Now what's going to stop us from causing a lot of damage around here, starting with you?"
"You don't want to do that, Wolfgang."
"Why not?"
"Because if you do, he might not be able to call off the bouncers."
That last voice was unexpected. Wolfgang and Ludwig, Arnold still in hands, turned to see who it was. It was Big Patty, flanked by Harold and Torvald.
"Is there going to be a problem here?" she asked, her arms akimbo for maximum intimidation effect. The boy bullies had their arms crossed, also for full intimidation effect.
"Uh, no, no problem at all. Why, I'm not looking for any problems, are you, Ludwig?"
"No, Wolfgang, no problems at all."
They had lowered Arnold on sighting the other bullies, bullies apparently on his side. With their hands now off of him, they backed toward the door --- where Stoop Kid was now standing. The bump, the turnaround, the shocked looks, and the hightailing to any refuge on the roof they could find. Only to run into Tommy and Burt, who were a year older than they. After that it was a matter of running scared, which scared them into behaving themselves, especially after they saw Mr. Packenham also among the guests.
Arnold and Gerald, surprised to see Tommy and Burt coming down on their side, approached them to find out about their part in defusing the situation.
"Thanks."
"Eh, don't thank us. They're in the grade below us. We bug on them like they bug on you." said Burt.
"Besides," said Tommy, "if you want to thank someone it should be our girlfriends." As he said this he pointed behind Arnold and Gerald, who turned around to find themselves face to face with--
"Connie?"
"Maria?"
"Hey, chicky babies." Connie replied.
"How are ya goofs doin'?" Maria smiled. "Look at 'em, Connie. Didn't we tell 'em that all the girls would be lookin' at 'em?"
"We did." Connie agreed.
"But, don't take this the wrong way, we still got a thing for Tommy and Burt."
"Yeah, a thing."
"Um, I'm not sure what just happened, but how can we thank you for whatever you had to do with it?"
"You just did, Arnold."
"Hey, Maria! Come over here!" It seems that by then Tommy and Burt had gone elsewhere.
"Aw, forget you!" But their girlfriends had backbone; they weren't finished with Arnold and Gerald. After another kiss each, the girls turned serious.
"Um, do you guys know Phoebe Heyerdahl?" Connie ventured.
"Phoebe?" asked Gerald. "Well, yeah, she's a friend of ours."
"Uh-oh." came back in stereo.
"Well, could you tell her next time you see her we're sorry for what we put her through when she was in sixth grade with us?" Maria continued sadly.
"You just did."
Now it was the girls' turn to turn around; they found themselves face to face with Phoebe, who fortunately was smiling, indicating that all was forgiven.
A hug took place to seal the deal, and then Connie and Maria went over to their boyfriends, talk-arguing the while as usual.
A nudge from Gerald. "Come on, man. Let's go back and finish opening your presents."
And so they did. Unobserved by them, Lila now took her turn to approach Brainy and try to initiate conversation with him.
"Brainy, I--" but she met the same fate as Phoebe, this time courtesy of Ol' Hank and his son Bocephus.
"WHY DON'T YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS,
(MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS)
IF YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS,
I'LL BE A-MINDIN' MINE."
Point made. Lila turned, and took her gift with her to the table where once again the birthday boy was holding court.
"Hey, look at this, Gerald. Gift certificates for Tildens, Hoskes, AND Budnicks!"
"Of course, Arnold. Now you just take these, go to those stores and buy whatever you want. I've already spoken with the people in charge; you have carte blanche. Nothing's too good for you." It was Rhonda, the bearer of that last present. She was definitely flirting with him, again, which was causing Helga to do a slow burn, much to Rhonda's delight.
"Um, thanks, Rhonda." More unwrapping, revealing what appeared to be a ticket. "'Certificate of Amnesty'?"
"That's from Harold and me." Heads turned as once again Patty surprised everyone. "In fact it goes beyond that; anyone who messes with you messes with us."
"Yeah, anyone tries to do anything to you, I'll pound them!" Harold seconded his 'girlfriend' (call her that around him at your own risk, though).
"Well, thanks, both of you."
A bit of a lull followed, in which Gerald took the chance to ask his friend something.
"You know, my man, you would've been well within your rights to have Wolfgang and Ludwig thrown out of here."
"I know, Gerald. But, well, I can't explain it. I look at them and I see how I could be in a year or two. I don't understand it myself."
"Whatever you say, Arnold. Whatever you say." At this point he smiled a bit more as Phoebe stepped forward with her present.
More unwrapping. "Clue, the deluxe collector's edition?"
"I know you like playing it."
"Thanks, Phoebe." Next was Helga.
More unwrapping produced a slightly used copy of... "'The Riverside Shakespeare'?"
"Yeah, considering your performances in those Shakespeare plays we've been in you can use all the help you can get. You might want to start reading right away. This is the book they use in college, and if you start now you just might be ready to take the class by then. Just, just... don't get any ideas, football-head, I just don't want your performance to drag mine down next time we're in a play together!" And with that, she stalked off to anywhere else. "Come on, Phoebe."
"Coming."
Arnold's eyelids were now three-quarters of the way down. "Nice seeing you too, Helga. Oh, and thanks."
Helga half-pulled Phoebe --- as was her wont --- toward just out of sight of Arnold but where she could still keep an eye on him.
"That was very nice of you to give him that, Helga."
"Pfft! Yeah, right. It's just like I told him, I don't want his performance stinking up mine anymore."
"Right. Hey Helga, they're serving ice cream over there; do you want any?"
"Um," Helga recognized their code phrase. "No, I think I'm fine. What about your present? You said it would be appropriate."
"Well, after all these years, I figured it was about time that someone went out and bought him a Clue."
Laughter was elicited from that statement. "Good one Pheebs."
"Thank you. Um, Helga, are you sure you don't want to go get something to eat?"
"No, I'm good, still full from dinner. I think I'll just stay here and watch what goes on."
And it was a sight to see, because it was now Lila's turn.
It was a CD. "'Tell Me On a Sunday'?"
"It's one of Andrew Lloyd Webber's first successful musicals, and I'm ever so certain it's one of my favorites."
"Wow. Thanks, Lila."
"There's more, Arnold."
"Really?"
"I'm ever so certain there is. Do you have a portable CD player and fresh batteries?"
"Yes."
"Well, I'd like to meet you tomorrow at the park. There's something I'm oh so certain we need to talk about. Would you meet me there, and bring your CD player with this in it?"
"Sure, Lila. When?"
"Two o'clock."
"Okkay."
A few yards away, Helga took in the scene with mingled anger and puzzlement. "Hmph, wonder what Miss Perfect has in mind?"
"I, I don't know."
"Wait a minute. Phoebe, you're on that group project with her; are you sure you don't know what she's going to do?"
"Well, we were supposed to meet at the park tomorrow to go to the library to meet with Brainy about the project. The meeting's at three, but she did say something about having some business to take care of first."
"Oh, really. Well, I'm going to be there too. If Li-laaaa is going to do something, I'm going to know what it is."
"Well, if that's what you really want, Helga." Phoebe said. Things were progressing more smoothly than anticipated. She didn't have to convince Helga to go to the park with her tomorrow; in fact it would have been hard to try to stop her even if she had wanted to. Whatever Lila had in mind for the morrow was going to be interesting.
Next is Sunday, or is it? Y'all will just have to wonder. For those who don't know, Bocephus is a nickname for Hank Williams Jr. And yes, Mind Your Own Business does sound almost exactly like Move It On Over (with which George Thorogood & the Destroyers had a hit in 1978), and for good reason as it is also by Ol' Hank. The pilgrim thing was inevitable considering I already had Grandma thinking it was Thanksgiving. Dr. John Robinson was the beloved pastor of the Pilgrims, who due to age and sickness could not join them on their voyage to America, entrusting the flock to the care of elder William Brewster. He was also an ancestor of mine, the Robinson line coming down to my mother's mother and her father John Lafayette Robinson. Other names, John Alden and Priscilla Mullins, were from the Courtship of Miles Standish. Anyway, hope y'all liked this chapter, 'cause I really have reservations about the next one. As always, please read & review. And as always, I'm Nftnat; on e-mail I'm nftnataol.com and on IM I'm Nftnat. Cy'all.
Thanks for the reviews, y'all.
Starry Nights, I'm glad you liked the Rhonda part; she rubs it in a bit more here. Phoebe has dealt with the emotional baggage. Imo the project wasn't really that bad; it was just a scapegoat. Put yourself in her place; you suddenly get intelligent conversation from someone you wouldn't have given credit for even being verbal. Said someone knows the innermost secret of your best friend and is going to do something about it, even though he's in love with her. That would be a lot for anyone to absorb. Then the note indicating someone's toying with Arnold & Helga, well! But by now I have ideas about the other group projects and we will see how it goes.
Houkanno Yuuhou, Arnold & Gerald's side project is just starting; I'm planning on making it like water torture, but who knows what could happen. And I've noticed other fics where someone was watching 'Yo Ernest!' And not noticing the resemblance (personally I've never seen the show on any of the 80 plus episodes of HA! I've seen, but maybe it's on one of the episodes I've missed).
Draco's Angels, I continue to appreciate your insights. You're right; it will last quite a while, at least a year. But it won't be several chapters to the day. And there is more to Brainy, stuff I have yet to uncover. I appreciate your and HY's recommendation; as soon as I finish this I will submit it to Kim's site and I hope she likes it.
n8, here's the party already.
Horseamew, Dramagirl310, thank you two too.
Hey Arnold! is created, copyrighted, & / or owned by Craig Bartlett, Snee-Oosh, & / or Nickelodeon, which in turn is owned by Viacom. "Silence Is Golden" is from the Tremeloes' record Chip, Dave, Alan and Rick (CBS Columbia / Epic 1967). "Mind Your Own Business" was written by Hank Williams Sr. and was a hit by him on the MGM label in 1949. His son Hank Jr. also had a hit with it on Montana Cafe (Warner 1986). Clue is owned by Milton Bradley, I think. The Riverside Shakespeare is copyrighted 1974 by Houghton Mifflin. Tell Me On a Sunday, the musical written by Don Black and composed by and performed under the direction of Andrew Lloyd Webber (the Dino Spumoni & Don Reynolds of the theater if you ask me) was originally performed on BBC in January 1980. I have no idea who has the copyright on that.
It is early Saturday morning. Normally at this time, Gerald Johansen would be sleeping in; but then, this is no ordinary Saturday morning; it's the morning of his best friend's birthday.
"'M'I the first to wish you happy birthday?"
"No, Grandpa & the boarders beat you to it. Oskar seemed to think I should be giving presents instead of getting them."
"Specifically to him, right?"
"Yes."
Gerald didn't say a word to this; he just looked at his friend. Arnold knew what he was thinking.
"It's going to work, Gerald. You'll see."
"You're a bold kid, Arnold. So anyway, is this a good time to work in that other thing, or do you have chores to do?"
"Not on my birthday, usually."
"Usually?"
"Well, with Grandma you never know."
"Kimba, is that Colonel Binghamton I heard come in?"
"Yes, Grandma. We have a project we're working on upstairs."
"So do I; it's called Thanksgiving dinner. We'll have too many guests to celebrate around the table this year, so we'll have to do it on the roof."
"I'll be up to help you later, but right now we have to get started." And with that Arnold, with Gerald in tow, hotfooted it for his room.
Once they entered, Arnold went for the remote. The appropriate buttons were pressed, lighting the room.
"Good thing this is the alternate entrance to the roof, or there'd be people through here all day." said Gerald, gazing toward the steps up one side of Arnold's room to the window at the top of same which afforded access to the roof.
"Tell me about it." Arnold agreed, as he crossed over to the spot where he kept the enigmatic little pink book. "Here it is."
"Where's the note?"
"On my desk, in front of the computer."
"Oh yeah, here it is."
"Let's get to work."
After an hour of comparison to all of the signatures in the yearbooks, they were no closer to figuring out the authorship of the anonymous note than they had been before. The writing didn't seem to match that in the book or the signatures of any of their classmates.
"Maybe we've been going at this all wrong, Gerald; maybe whoever wrote this wrote in a different hand or something. It could be that they didn't want to be identified."
"I guess that's possible."
knock knock knock "Kimba, I'll need your help in fifteen minutes."
"Coming, Grandma."
"Will the colonel be staying to help?"
Gerald's head shakes desperately to the negative in response.
"Um, no Grandma. The colonel has to return to headquarters, but he'll be back this afternoon."
"whew, Thanks, man."
"No problem."
"Man! How do you put up with that all the time?"
"Like I said, one gets used to it. And it's harmless; it's just a matter of humoring her. I don't mind; I owe her a lot."
"Yeah, I guess. Well, catch you this afternoon."
"You'll be here for the party."
"I wouldn't miss it."
And with that and a thumb wiggle, Gerald went downstairs, while Arnold went up to the roof to help his grandmother.
Meanwhile, over the phone lines, a conversation was taking place, the second one between the parties involved in less than a day, the first one having been the night before. That one hadn't come to much; hence, part of the reason for this one.
"Hello?"
"Moshi moshi, Helga."
"Uh, hi, Pheebs. It's a bit early, isn't it?"
"Point taken. So, are you ready for Arnold's birthday party?"
"Like I just said, it's a bit early yet."
"Well, there's much to be said for getting things out of the way early so that you would have that much more free time later on."
"Pheebs, we've talked about this before; you know I'm at my best under pressure."
"Do you even have his birthday present?"
"Sure. I have it right here in front of me." rrriiiippppp crinkle crinkle "You hear that? I'm wrapping it right now."
"All right. I hope you got something good. Just because you can't let him know--"
"Pheebs, don't worry about it. I got him something I think he can use."
"As do I; although knowing him he won't fully appreciate the sentiment behind it."
"Well, you have my curiosity up. What are you getting him?"
"I'll tell you when you tell me what you're getting him."
"Ooh, touche. So when do you want me to come by and get you?"
"Er, actually, Gerald already asked to escort me there."
"Ooh, Gerald, huh?"
"Stop it."
"Stopping." Helga sang in a good-natured jab at a certain habit of her best friend.
"It's no big deal, really. It's just that this will be the first time I'll actually be inside the boarding house..."
"But you were inside before, back when we were eating cereal so the Hair Boys could get that telescope."
"Oh, yes. Be that as it may, my contact with the tenants has been limited to say the least, and Gerald wants to inform me about their idiosyncrasies."
"Not to mention the idiosyncrasies of Arnold's grandparents."
"Well, yes. Is there anything about them you want to tell me?"
"Nah, why spoil it for Geraldo. So, I'll see you there, then."
"Until this afternoon, then."
BBOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!
So commenced the party of the year, from the roof of the Sunset Arms Boarding House. True to the pre-party publicity, everyone showed up. There were enough people on the roof to violate a number of local codes and ordinances. The police might've been called had they not already been there, 'to keep an eye on things' as they said. Ditto the health and building inspectors. A spirit of charitableness was in the air, due partly to Grandma's 'confusion' over which holiday it was, and due partly to the guest of honor. Oh, the cause of that explosion? It's being dealt with now.
"Pookie, lower that blunderbuss this instant!"
"Of course, Dr. Robinson."
"sigh Oh well, it could be worse. She could be dressing me like a turkey." Phil muttered under his breath. But not so under his breath that it escaped the ears of Arnold and Gerald.
"Good thing she doesn't know about Simmons' turkey suit." Gerald muttered to his best friend.
"Right." agreed Arnold. "So what happened when you and Phoebe came? I was up here and didn't see."
"Well, I was telling her about your Grandma..."
flashback
It was a half hour ago. Our second-favorite couple was approaching Sunset Arms, and the male member of same was advising the female about certain oddities of the people they'd be meeting.
"...so he'll give you an autograph for your mother if you ask him, but forget about getting him to sing in public; I know I've tried."
"I see."
"So have I left anyone out?"
"I don't believe you've mentioned Arnold's grandmother yet."
"Aw, man! I knew I was leaving someone out. Well, she's a character. There's times I wonder if she's in her right mind, but she's cool. And she can surprise you. One of the surprises, though, is what she might call you."
"Meaning?"
"Well, sometimes she'll call Arnold 'Kimba'--"
"As in the lion?"
"Right; I guess she thinks of him as a young lion."
"Well, he does have the mane for it."
"I guess. And I've also heard her call him 'Tex'. And she seems to think I'm some colonel named Binghamton. So it's anyone's guess what she'll call you."
"I see. Well, here we are."
"So we are." By then the two had reached the door of the boarding house. Before knocking, Gerald turned to Phoebe. "Now Phoebe, before we go in, I'll tell you what Arnold told me the first time I stayed the night here. At times the things you see may confuse or even frighten you, but just remember, everyone is essentially harmless."
"Just knock, Gerald. I'm sure you're exaggerating."
"That's what I thought at the time. And what Arnold said in response, word for word, was: 'you've been warned'." knock knock
"Could someone get that?"
"Hey, what do I look like, the doorman around here?"
"You, Oskar, look like nothing! You do nothing!"
"All right already, I'll get it! Of all of the..."
The door opens, showing the diminutive Ernie Potts in pilgrim garb. His expression, in its usual stolid funk, became somewhat lighter when he saw Phoebe.
"Oh, it's you! Say, have you thought about what I told you about a career in demolition?"
"Oh!" Phoebe hadn't expected to see him here. "W-, well I, I, yes, yes I have, Mr. Potts. But this sort of decision can't be rushed, and I still have plenty of time yet to think about it."
"Yeah, I understand. But you don't want to take too long; your first few years in the trade can be the best, and you don't want to waste them frettin' about a decision that should've already been made."
"Yes, Mr. Potts. I will give the matter serious consideration."
Satisfied, Ernie went elsewhere.
"What was that about?" Gerald asked.
"Remember career day?"
"Yeah-- oh."
"Precisely."
Just then, Arnold's Grandma entered the room from the kitchen, attired in an outfit that would've done credit to Anne Bradstreet herself.
"Oh, Colonel Binghamton, you're back. The feast will be held on the roof of the meeting house; we're having too many visitors for the congregation to meet inside."
"Pookie, are you bothering Short Man's friends?"
"Why Reverend Robinson, this is unexpected. We hadn't thought to see you again in this lifetime, certainly not in the Colonies. Please go upstairs; I'm sure your congregation will be overjoyed. I trust your voyage from Scrooby was uneventful?"
Phil decided that any further attempts at conversation or even remonstration with Pookie would be pointless. And he didn't exactly want to engage in such anyway, so he went upstairs. Pookie returned her attention to Gerald. But before she said another word to him, she noticed Phoebe, and her eyes lit up.
"And I see you've brought Lady Cavendish with you." Here, she bowed to Phoebe, who returned the favor.
end flashback
"Then what happened?"
"I don't know; I was lost after 'konichiwa'."
"They were speaking Japanese?"
"Yeah, both of them! Man, I didn't know your Grandma knew Japanese!"
"Me neither. Maybe she really did spend some time at a monastery in Tibet, or was it a convent in Shanghai."
"Well, I wouldn't be surprised at anything I found out about her anymore."
"That's what I keep thinking, just before she surprises me again."
"There you two are! You can trade war stories later; it's time for the feast now. Come with me, John."
"John?" Gerald mouthed at Arnold, who could only shrug in response.
Sure enough, Pookie had chosen that moment to round up everyone for 'Thanksgiving'. Tables, heaped with food and surrounded by chairs, were in abundance on the roof. One of them had been designated the head table, the one toward which Pookie was marching the two young men. Some of the seats were already filled, but not the one next to Phoebe, and not the one next to Helga.
"Colonel, your seat is next to that of Lady Cavendish of course. And Mr. Alden, you of course will sit next to Miss Mullins." Meaning Helga apparently, as it was toward the empty seat next to her that Arnold was now being guided. Helga might have been a bit embarrassed, but that was outweighed by her level of interest, of anticipation of what Pookie would do next. She didn't want to let on, but she was having a ball.
One and a half hours later, the dinner had ended and the tables had been cleared away, except for the one where Arnold's presents had been gathered. With the roof basically cleared, the dance floor was open. Brainy was on the job as dj and people were out on the floor, having a good time.
From over on the other side of the roof, Phoebe wandered over to where Brainy was holding court.
"Um, Brainy, could I have a word with--"
"How many times did she fall for his lies?
Should I tell her, or should I be cool?
And if I tried, I know she'll say I lie.
Mind your business. Don't hurt her, you fool.
buh-dum bum boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom BOOM!
SILENCE IS GOLDEN,
but my eyes still see.
SILENCE IS GOLDEN, GOLDEN,
but my eyes still see."
The music went down at that point, and another tune came up, but Brainy's point had been made to Phoebe: he didn't want to talk about it right now. Phoebe returned to the table, where Arnold was in the process of unwrapping his presents.
"It's, it's..."
"It's a jar of pumpkin preserves."
"Wow. Thanks, Stinky."
"And there's more where that come from if'n you want it. I reckon I wouldn't have been interested in a-raisin' fruits and vegetables at all if it weren't for you."
"It, it was no trouble, really."
"Well, I figgered I owed ya anyway."
"Well, like I said, thanks." sounds of unwrapping "Whoa! The Pentium 6 processor!"
"I thought you'd like it, my man."
"I do. Thanks, Gerald! I'll be able to triple the good I get out of my computer."
"Yeah yeah. Just put it someplace safe, and we'll install it later."
Before another word could be spoken, a disturbance arose from around the door. Arnold, as the "host", arose to see about it, and came face to face with Wolfgang and Ludwig.
"Well, guess who didn't get an invitation to your party."
"Everyone was invited, Wolfgang. I thought that was understood."
"Guess there's a lot of things you don't understand."
"Look, Ludwig, both of you are as welcome here as anyone. You missed dinner, but there's still plenty of cake and other refreshments. If you want to dance, feel free to do that too."
He suddenly felt himself being lifted by two hands belonging to the two bullies.
"Now what's going to stop us from causing a lot of damage around here, starting with you?"
"You don't want to do that, Wolfgang."
"Why not?"
"Because if you do, he might not be able to call off the bouncers."
That last voice was unexpected. Wolfgang and Ludwig, Arnold still in hands, turned to see who it was. It was Big Patty, flanked by Harold and Torvald.
"Is there going to be a problem here?" she asked, her arms akimbo for maximum intimidation effect. The boy bullies had their arms crossed, also for full intimidation effect.
"Uh, no, no problem at all. Why, I'm not looking for any problems, are you, Ludwig?"
"No, Wolfgang, no problems at all."
They had lowered Arnold on sighting the other bullies, bullies apparently on his side. With their hands now off of him, they backed toward the door --- where Stoop Kid was now standing. The bump, the turnaround, the shocked looks, and the hightailing to any refuge on the roof they could find. Only to run into Tommy and Burt, who were a year older than they. After that it was a matter of running scared, which scared them into behaving themselves, especially after they saw Mr. Packenham also among the guests.
Arnold and Gerald, surprised to see Tommy and Burt coming down on their side, approached them to find out about their part in defusing the situation.
"Thanks."
"Eh, don't thank us. They're in the grade below us. We bug on them like they bug on you." said Burt.
"Besides," said Tommy, "if you want to thank someone it should be our girlfriends." As he said this he pointed behind Arnold and Gerald, who turned around to find themselves face to face with--
"Connie?"
"Maria?"
"Hey, chicky babies." Connie replied.
"How are ya goofs doin'?" Maria smiled. "Look at 'em, Connie. Didn't we tell 'em that all the girls would be lookin' at 'em?"
"We did." Connie agreed.
"But, don't take this the wrong way, we still got a thing for Tommy and Burt."
"Yeah, a thing."
"Um, I'm not sure what just happened, but how can we thank you for whatever you had to do with it?"
"You just did, Arnold."
"Hey, Maria! Come over here!" It seems that by then Tommy and Burt had gone elsewhere.
"Aw, forget you!" But their girlfriends had backbone; they weren't finished with Arnold and Gerald. After another kiss each, the girls turned serious.
"Um, do you guys know Phoebe Heyerdahl?" Connie ventured.
"Phoebe?" asked Gerald. "Well, yeah, she's a friend of ours."
"Uh-oh." came back in stereo.
"Well, could you tell her next time you see her we're sorry for what we put her through when she was in sixth grade with us?" Maria continued sadly.
"You just did."
Now it was the girls' turn to turn around; they found themselves face to face with Phoebe, who fortunately was smiling, indicating that all was forgiven.
A hug took place to seal the deal, and then Connie and Maria went over to their boyfriends, talk-arguing the while as usual.
A nudge from Gerald. "Come on, man. Let's go back and finish opening your presents."
And so they did. Unobserved by them, Lila now took her turn to approach Brainy and try to initiate conversation with him.
"Brainy, I--" but she met the same fate as Phoebe, this time courtesy of Ol' Hank and his son Bocephus.
"WHY DON'T YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS,
(MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS)
IF YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS,
I'LL BE A-MINDIN' MINE."
Point made. Lila turned, and took her gift with her to the table where once again the birthday boy was holding court.
"Hey, look at this, Gerald. Gift certificates for Tildens, Hoskes, AND Budnicks!"
"Of course, Arnold. Now you just take these, go to those stores and buy whatever you want. I've already spoken with the people in charge; you have carte blanche. Nothing's too good for you." It was Rhonda, the bearer of that last present. She was definitely flirting with him, again, which was causing Helga to do a slow burn, much to Rhonda's delight.
"Um, thanks, Rhonda." More unwrapping, revealing what appeared to be a ticket. "'Certificate of Amnesty'?"
"That's from Harold and me." Heads turned as once again Patty surprised everyone. "In fact it goes beyond that; anyone who messes with you messes with us."
"Yeah, anyone tries to do anything to you, I'll pound them!" Harold seconded his 'girlfriend' (call her that around him at your own risk, though).
"Well, thanks, both of you."
A bit of a lull followed, in which Gerald took the chance to ask his friend something.
"You know, my man, you would've been well within your rights to have Wolfgang and Ludwig thrown out of here."
"I know, Gerald. But, well, I can't explain it. I look at them and I see how I could be in a year or two. I don't understand it myself."
"Whatever you say, Arnold. Whatever you say." At this point he smiled a bit more as Phoebe stepped forward with her present.
More unwrapping. "Clue, the deluxe collector's edition?"
"I know you like playing it."
"Thanks, Phoebe." Next was Helga.
More unwrapping produced a slightly used copy of... "'The Riverside Shakespeare'?"
"Yeah, considering your performances in those Shakespeare plays we've been in you can use all the help you can get. You might want to start reading right away. This is the book they use in college, and if you start now you just might be ready to take the class by then. Just, just... don't get any ideas, football-head, I just don't want your performance to drag mine down next time we're in a play together!" And with that, she stalked off to anywhere else. "Come on, Phoebe."
"Coming."
Arnold's eyelids were now three-quarters of the way down. "Nice seeing you too, Helga. Oh, and thanks."
Helga half-pulled Phoebe --- as was her wont --- toward just out of sight of Arnold but where she could still keep an eye on him.
"That was very nice of you to give him that, Helga."
"Pfft! Yeah, right. It's just like I told him, I don't want his performance stinking up mine anymore."
"Right. Hey Helga, they're serving ice cream over there; do you want any?"
"Um," Helga recognized their code phrase. "No, I think I'm fine. What about your present? You said it would be appropriate."
"Well, after all these years, I figured it was about time that someone went out and bought him a Clue."
Laughter was elicited from that statement. "Good one Pheebs."
"Thank you. Um, Helga, are you sure you don't want to go get something to eat?"
"No, I'm good, still full from dinner. I think I'll just stay here and watch what goes on."
And it was a sight to see, because it was now Lila's turn.
It was a CD. "'Tell Me On a Sunday'?"
"It's one of Andrew Lloyd Webber's first successful musicals, and I'm ever so certain it's one of my favorites."
"Wow. Thanks, Lila."
"There's more, Arnold."
"Really?"
"I'm ever so certain there is. Do you have a portable CD player and fresh batteries?"
"Yes."
"Well, I'd like to meet you tomorrow at the park. There's something I'm oh so certain we need to talk about. Would you meet me there, and bring your CD player with this in it?"
"Sure, Lila. When?"
"Two o'clock."
"Okkay."
A few yards away, Helga took in the scene with mingled anger and puzzlement. "Hmph, wonder what Miss Perfect has in mind?"
"I, I don't know."
"Wait a minute. Phoebe, you're on that group project with her; are you sure you don't know what she's going to do?"
"Well, we were supposed to meet at the park tomorrow to go to the library to meet with Brainy about the project. The meeting's at three, but she did say something about having some business to take care of first."
"Oh, really. Well, I'm going to be there too. If Li-laaaa is going to do something, I'm going to know what it is."
"Well, if that's what you really want, Helga." Phoebe said. Things were progressing more smoothly than anticipated. She didn't have to convince Helga to go to the park with her tomorrow; in fact it would have been hard to try to stop her even if she had wanted to. Whatever Lila had in mind for the morrow was going to be interesting.
Next is Sunday, or is it? Y'all will just have to wonder. For those who don't know, Bocephus is a nickname for Hank Williams Jr. And yes, Mind Your Own Business does sound almost exactly like Move It On Over (with which George Thorogood & the Destroyers had a hit in 1978), and for good reason as it is also by Ol' Hank. The pilgrim thing was inevitable considering I already had Grandma thinking it was Thanksgiving. Dr. John Robinson was the beloved pastor of the Pilgrims, who due to age and sickness could not join them on their voyage to America, entrusting the flock to the care of elder William Brewster. He was also an ancestor of mine, the Robinson line coming down to my mother's mother and her father John Lafayette Robinson. Other names, John Alden and Priscilla Mullins, were from the Courtship of Miles Standish. Anyway, hope y'all liked this chapter, 'cause I really have reservations about the next one. As always, please read & review. And as always, I'm Nftnat; on e-mail I'm nftnataol.com and on IM I'm Nftnat. Cy'all.