Disclaimer: I don't claim to own anything that Mercedes Lackey already owns.
"Vanyel..."
"Ashke..."
"I love you, my ashke..."
Tylendel's voice echoed throughout my raging mind. I didn't want him to go. I had to come to terms with his... I can't even think it. I know I have to get through this. But it is just so much easier for me to ignore it. I'm so broken. Ever so broken. I want to die. It would be easier that way. Savil foiled that for me. Everyone's watching me. I can feel what they're feeling. I even get a few tidbits of their thoughts. They hate me, resent me. They think I should have died, instead of 'Lendel. I can't help but agree. It would be so easy. I could just bring the whole Collegium down. It would be so easy. But what about all those innocent students. They may have teased me, but is their death worth it? I hate this. I really hate this. I should just go to sleep.
A pack of wyrsa appeared in the middle of the celebration. People were being ripped to pieces. The screams, oh the screams. Tylendel my love, please, stop. Stop Tylendel! I tried to yell, but no sound came from my voice. Gala! She can save him! Ahh! Oh, the pain, the pain. Darkness ensues
I look up at the Belltower. The Death Bell looked upon me ominously. My beautiful love standing just in front of the bell. He spread his arms out and jumped. I screamed a voiceless NO! I tried to run, I couldn't move. I could only stand there, and watch as he fell slowly to the ground. A pack of wyrsa erupted from his body and came at me. One jumped at me
"NO!" I screamed. I gathered my energy and pushed the wyrsa halfway when I realized it was Donni. I pulled it back and
"Aaaaaahhhhh!"
I burned inside, I was lost in a chaos of thoughts, feelings, wyrsa, 'Lendel's face, Yfandes, Savil's face, Jays' face, my father, Lissa, everyone, everything . I couldn't make sense of anything. Everything whipped around me, I tried to gain control, but got swept in the miasma of memories, pain, love, guilt, fear. I was lost in a myriad of everything.
Everything got so cold, so wet. Andrel stood over me with an empty bucket. Why did he do that? I want to die. I began to cry. Jays and Mardi were helping me, even after I did all those terrible things.
Later, Savil tried to talk to me. I'm responsible, no matter what she says. Jays was right. I am a lech. I still don't deserve to live.