And we come to another chapter, the one where the plan goes into
action, the one in the park. The word 'setup' comes to mind. I'm having my
doubts about the whole thing, but I'm bound to ride this out to the end
regardless, which would be good news to y'all who like my work.
As always, I would like to acknowledge the reviews I've been getting; I get the feeling that acknowledging every review is partially why I have been getting so many.
Iris, thank you. As to your objection, I submit the beginning of the episode "Arnold Visits Arnie", where Helga says, "Looks like you're shortstop, Short Man." Btw, people, any resemblance between the beginning of that episode and the beginning of my previous chapter is strictly intentional.
Houkanno Yuuhou, thank you. Arnold is putting two and two together, but only because Brainy is giving him two and two; and what with new math and quantum physics the answer could turn out to be anything. I'm reminded of that episode of I.M. Weasel where Weasel gave the answer as infinity. He's not thinking romance at this stage, as delightfully dense as always; or at least that's what I'm trying for here. You hit it on the head regarding Dino and Nancy. Remember the Nancy Spumoni snow boots? Of course you do. Nancy Sinatra (daughter of Frank), 1966, These Boots Are Made For Walking, well, you no doubt have seen Dale Abersold's comment on the Arnold's Christmas episode on Don Del Grande's site. Enough said. I am sorry to hear that about your life, and do not know what else to say. And I am taking the board in stride.
Dramagirl 310, thank you.
JESS, thanks. Dino will appear, eventually. I don't write anything by accident, except mistakes, and you might want to read that letter again. About that question you raised, I tried to e-mail it to you and got the 'mailer daemon' every time; oh well, you might want to get that seen to. But here is the answer: whippersnapper. It is a word an old person uses for a young person who in the old person's opinion is getting too big for said young person's britches, or in Harold's case is mouthing off. I know this because I have numerous old people among my family and friends and I am a devotee of stuff from bygone times. Nothing is before my time; I am an historian. I will admit that the first time I heard that trailer I thought Harold called her Megan Vitello; well, I guess that is as good a name as any.
jc, you're not going to die, unless you're going to die. But this does not have anything to do with that. Regardless, here is the next chapter.
Chien, thanks again.
Starry Nights, thank you. Your point on age is well taken; you're only as old as you feel and I don't feel old yet. I am glad that you like that other thing and it is continuing as well; you can expect the next chapter tomorrow or the next day.
Sleather, I value your opinion on my use of flashbacks; I might try montage next. Do not cry too much for Brainy; I am the cockeyed optimist here and I would not make him the star unless I had something good in mind for him, although I will admit that this is turning out to be a bit darker than I had originally intended. And maybe real guys are like that, some of us. I mean, I'm a guy, CB is a guy, Arnold is a guy. In the words of Michelle Wright, I keep hoping, telling myself, somewhere there's one good one left.
Ryoko-onee, thanks and you're welcome. There will be Helga angst to spare in the coming chapters, but of course Phoebe won't forget. Even if she hadn't made it a point to wish her a happy birthday every year, they did know of the birthday in their planning sessions; that's part of the background for the whole thing, oh why did that 'April Fools' episode have to ruin everything, I'm going to have to rewrite so much, ARGH! I'm fine now (that's debatable).
Obliviondark, what can I say, the chars interact on the show, I go for something like that here. Having read every HA! fic on ff.n, I can say that there are other fics with Brainy in them. In a couple he's a psychiatrist, in a few he advises Helga, in one he gets Helga, and then there are the excellent fics of Yardbird9, who is also a Brainy fan. But I dare say no one has used him this much before. Peace to you too.
Paradoxical Reality, well, I do try to get into the minds of the chars. It helps that I have watched all of the episodes in my collection within the space of a few weeks, that definitely helps, yes.
J.T., well, if you weren't annoying before... I'm kidding! Thanks to your computer being on the fritz, this story has now been pushed over the top. I've made the 100 club, folks; let the party begin! I am going with it, but I can't promise I won't worry. I'll try not to though, but if I hadn't worried, I wouldn't have been motivated to try harder with previous chapters and wouldn't have been as good.
Ally, glad to hear from you here. I know, that's been bugging me too. I just know that when I see the rest of the eps, not to mention the movie, this story will be so wrong on so much; well, that's the risk one takes in writing a future fic before knowing the whole story about the present. Oh well. I could have waited to start this until after I saw the movie, but it was straining to get out as it was. My theory is that the confession will be a dream sequence er sum junk, and those who have seen the movie are no doubt snickering now; gimme a break, I haven't seen it. Nick US will just be getting around to showing Gerald's Game / Fishing Trip this Saturday. I just know that I'll be going 'oh no!' so much in the coming months; well, what can you do?
Thanks everyone for the reviews; please continue reading & reviewing.
Hey Arnold! is created, copyrighted, & / or owned by Craig Bartlett, Snee-Oosh, & / or Nickelodeon, which in turn is owned by Viacom.
Saturday morning, almost 10 a m:
RIIINNNNNGGGGGGG!!!
RIIINNNNNGGGGGGG!!!
RII-click
"Hello? -- Yes, this is the Heyerdahl residence. -- You are? -- Oh, that project. -- Well, it's just that it had a terrible effect on Phoebe last week. -- Yes, I suppose she's recovered; at least I haven't seen any signs of discomfort since that day. Although she does seem preoccupied. -- Oh my, I'm sorry to hear that. -- Well, she and her father are having their workout right now, but let me check the time, yes, I think it's about over. -- Of course. Would you hold on a minute so I can tell her? -- Who shall I say is calling? -- Brainy? -- Well I won't ask then. Just hang on while I go tell her."
Reba Heyerdahl lays the receiver on the table and walks to the fencing room, where the other two members of the family are finishing their usual Saturday morning fencing session.
knock knock knock "Phoebe, a friend of yours from school is on the phone. He says his name is Brainy, and he needs to talk with you about that project."
"Coming, Mother."
The two Heyerdahl women walk side by side from the fencing room to the telephone.
"Did he say anything about the project?"
"Only that that was what he was calling about. I was impressed with his manners."
"Oh?"
"Yes, so polite and refined."
"Interesting."
"What?"
"Nothing."
By now they had reached the phone, the receiver to which Phoebe now lifted.
"Now don't stay on the phone too long, Phoebe. You know we're expecting your grandparents to call from Kentucky, and you need to change out of your habit and bathe anyway."
"Yes, mother."
Now comparatively alone, Phoebe addresses her correspondent. "Hello, Brainy."
"Hello, Phoebe."
"I understand you're not your usual wheezing self on the phone."
"Heavy breathing on the phone?"
"Right. You know, it's a shame you don't play basketball; you've made enough points in the past eight days to beat Loyola-Marymount at their prime."
"Loyola-Marymount?"
"Oh. Yes. When Gerald's brother was a little kid, that school was in the habit of games in excess of 110 points."
"And you found out about this from Gerald."
"Um, yes."
"Speaking of Gerald, you remember what we're to do today."
"Yes."
"Well, I'm calling to let you know we're meeting at Lila's."
"Why there?"
"That's where Olga will pick her up."
"Olga will be going to Lila's house today?"
"As per Lila's request, of Olga that is."
"Why?"
"Well, we could meet at the Pataki house, but that would be hard to do without Helga getting suspicious."
"True."
"Have you made your birthday call to her yet?"
"No."
"Well then, I'd better hang up so you can get to it. And Phoebe, I'm sorry I'm so hard for you to get along with."
"Oh, it's not you Brainy, it's me. I'm just still finding it hard to believe that you're so smart."
"Thanks. But when you think about it, how do you think I got the handle 'Brainy'?"
"I hadn't thought about that."
"sigh People are clueless, you know that?"
"I thought I did, but I guess I've been clueless too."
"Don't worry about it. Let's save our worrying for Helga."
"Right. Brainy?"
"Yes?"
"Are you sure there's not another way we can do this?"
"sigh I don't know. I've been going over it again and again; if there's any other way it's escaped both of us. You're a genius yourself and you haven't figured out an alternative, right?"
"Right."
"Her family situation has to be resolved, and that won't happen unless her family knows there's a problem, and they won't know unless she spills her guts, and she won't spill her guts unless she's pushed to the breaking point... sob"
"Brainy? Are you all right?"
"I, I have to go, Phoebe. Call your friend, okkay?"
"Okkay."
"See you at Lila's after lunch."
"Right."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Down went the phone in Brainy's room, in his family's house on Elk Island.
"And good luck to all of us."
He lay on his bed, hands over his face. "It's not right, what we have to do. But what choice do we have?"
He rolled off of his bed to a standing position and walked to his desk. There he'd gathered all the tangible reminders he had left of his love for Helga, and before the day would end they would meet the incinerator. He closed his eyes and set his teeth to stem what he knew was coming. A deep breath, and his face cleared. Without a second look, he reached out a hand and swept that part of his past into the wastebasket.
"Happy birthday, Helga. Someday."
Lights out. Then, taking his wastebasket with him, he left his room. He would drop off the contents of the wastebasket, and then take the launch to the mainland, where a long lunch on the waterfront and a longer afternoon in the park awaited him.
"Mother, may I make a quick call to Helga? It's her birthday and she'll be out most of the afternoon, so I'd like to touch base with her while I'm thinking about it."
"All right, Phoebe. Five minutes."
"Yes, mother."
BEEP! #5 on the speed dial. The familiar tones sounded in her ear, and then...
"Yes?"
"Oh. Hello, Olga. This is Phoebe, Helga's friend."
"Hello, Phoebe. Did you call to wish my baby sister a happy birthday?"
"Well, yes."
"Oh, that's so wonderful! My baby sister should be happy on her birthday. So I'm going to invite her to go bird watching with my Little Sis Lila and me. And as if that weren't enough, as if it were in answer to prayer, to further insure her happiness, her best friend calls to wish her a happy birthday; oh, isn't it all just so perfect?"
"Um, yes, perfect. So, may I please speak with Helga?"
"Oh, of course. (Oh, baby sister...)"
"Hiya, Pheebs."
"Happy birthday, Helga."
"What, no Japanese greeting?"
"Something tells me you're not in the mood to hear 'Happy Birthday' in Japanese."
"pft, you got that right. I dunno why I even bother to acknowledge it. Birthdays are fine for some people like Football-head, but not for me."
"Don't say that, Helga."
"Why not? It's true. Who ever remembers? Just you and Ooool-ga. And one of those I could do without, and it's not you."
"Thank you."
"But really, it's just another day. But I guess it could be worse; if I were Jewish everyone would be making a big deal of it, throwing a bat mitzvah, getting me to say 'today I am a woman'. Can you imagine that? Me, a woman; I still haven't gotten anything out of being a girl!"
"I see."
"No, you don't. You try, Phoebe, I'll give you that, but it's just not possible for you to understand what I go through every day with this lame-o family. I'll be honest with you, Pheebs, there's times I'd like to switch Bob & Miriam Pataki for Kyo & Reba Heyerdahl. But I couldn't do that to you."
"Why, Helga, I don't know what to say. I had no idea you felt like this."
"You see, that's my point; you can't know. Sometimes I'd rather have Arnold's grandparents than my parents. And as much as Tall Hair Boy complains about his brother and sister, there's times I'd trade Mary Sunshine for either of them."
"Helga..."
"I'd better stop; this is bumming you out, isn't it?"
"Well..."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring you down."
"No, it's all right. It's probably because you turn 13 today."
"Yeah, that's probably it."
("Baby sister?")
"groan I guess Olll-ga's going to try to get me to tag along with her and Little Miss Perfect on their BSLS b.s."
"Helga!"
"Pardon my French."
"That's not French, and it insults that language to call it so."
"Take it easy, Pheebs. I'm just joking. Anyway, I can hear her coming. Wish me luck."
"sigh Good luck, Helga."
"Thanks; I'm going to need it. Bye, Pheebs."
"Happy birthday."
"Yeah yeah yeah."
click
click
"Oh, there you are, baby sister."
"Yeah, right where you left me a few minutes ago, will wonders never cease."
"Oh Helga, are you sure you won't reconsider going bird-watching with Lila and me? It will be ever so much fun."
'ever so much'? Criminey, they're even sounding alike now; this is too much!
"Um, no thanks, Olga. I'll be just fine right here. I, um, need to alphabetize my WrestleMania trading cards anyway."
"But I thought you already did that over two years ago, alphabetizing your--"
"Oh, did I say alphabetize? Uh-huh, I meant put them in chronological order, yeah, that's it, I decided that I'd rather have them in chronological order."
It wasn't one of her better lies, but as usual, Olga didn't notice. "Well, if you say so. But you know you can come with us any time; I especially want us to do something together on your birthday."
"Oh, don't worry about me; I'll be having lots of fun."
"All right then, baby sister. You have your fun & we'll do something later."
"Right. Later, Olga."
And before her sister could get in another sickeningly sweet word, Helga bolted up the stairs, locking herself in her room. Left in the lurch, Olga headed for the kitchen to prepare another monumental noon repast. Helga wouldn't leave without being subjected to as least some of it. It wouldn't have been so bad if Olga wasn't such a good cook; it made it so hard to not like what she made.
Two hours & forty-five minutes later:
The trio has gathered in the apartment rented by Lila's father. Of the three of them, she had the worst accommodations; but that didn't matter now. What mattered was that it would serve the purpose of a last-minute strategy session. Phoebe had arrived not five minutes ago, the result of having to eat a bit more of lunch than she would have liked. She at least had cleared her reason for hurrying with her parents. Brainy hadn't; he had come there directly from the waterfront. Right now, Phoebe was detailing her dismal phone conversation with her best friend.
"It was horrible; I'd never heard her so depressed before! You're right, Brainy; we have to do this now, today!"
"And we will. Now, before Olga gets here we'd better go over the plan one more time. Lila, would you start?"
"All right. Any minute now, Olga will pick me up and we'll go bird- watching."
"Phoebe?"
"When that happens, you and I head for the Pataki house where we'll wait for Helga to come out. When she does, we follow at a discreet distance. That reminds me, Brainy, how do you manage to keep sneaking up behind her when no one else even notices her sneaking away?"
"Other than never letting her out of my sight? Well, the credit --- or maybe I should say the blame --- should go to old friends of the family."
"Oh?"
"Yes. We might no longer be in the business, but that doesn't mean we've cut ourselves off from the people who knew Wheezin' Ed way back when. My parents figured it wouldn't hurt as long as I knew that what they did was wrong. With that sanction, I was able to pick their brains; there's not much they knew about being sneaky that I didn't pick up. Hey, Wheezin' Ed's great-grandson right there wanting to learn from them, they considered it a compliment. And I was an apt pupil. But I pledged to only use my powers for good."
"Oh, Brainy. Now you're just being oh too silly."
"I guess I am, but I needed a laugh." Which they took for a brief moment. "Go on, Phoebe."
"Right. We follow her to the park, to the spot where she usually goes to be alone. And when she starts writing in her little pink book I go looking for Arnold and Gerald. I find them, come up with a reason to do something with Gerald, and send Arnold off in Helga's direction."
"You'll have no problem figuring out the direction, no matter where in the park you find them?"
"I have been playing in that park all my life, even if we hadn't gone over every inch of it this past week."
"Right; my fault for asking. Now, while you're looking for Arnold and Gerald I contact Lila. Is the walkie-talkie in place, Lila?"
"I'm oh so certain it is. We've taped it to the camera from BSLS."
"I'm still not certain Olga won't notice."
"She won't, not as long as Lila's holding the camera; and Lila, I don't need to go over the reasons it's important that you do."
"Yes, I'm oh so familiar with the reasons. And I don't think Olga will notice either. She's ever so intelligent, but sometimes she can't see what's right in front of her."
"True. Some brilliant people are absent-minded. Then there's us."
Another flat joke, as Brainy soon found out.
"Sorry. So, Lila, when you get my signal..."
"I prevail upon Olga to move in Helga's direction."
"What will you be doing all this time, Brainy?"
"Making sure of Arnold. If I've done my job --- and I will --- Helga will be blowing up about her family to him about the time Olga gets there."
"I'm concerned about something, Brainy. Olga has shown that she can be oh so temperamental; and when she encounters something negative she can fall to pieces and be ever so loud."
"I've prepared for that too." Here he raised a mini-boom box he'd brought for the occasion. "Some of Seattle's finest, came out about the time we were born." He pressed a button, and the others had to cover their ears. Half a second later he pressed the STOP button. "My grunge angst mix CD; burned it myself. On here, you got your Nelvana, your Diamond Jelly, your Noisegarden, basically a who's who of the Pacific Northwest grunge scene. What counts is, it's loud. If Olga's about to blow, you contact me and I'll cover the sound with this."
"That should certainly do the job, but won't Helga and Arnold be disturbed?"
"It'll only last long enough to cover for Olga. If I know her she'll go running off for a minute, although you'll have to see that she runs away from Helga. Then I turn it off, and it's just someone playing their music too loud. Happens in the park every day."
Not perfect, but it satisfied them. Phoebe then kept the conversation going.
"So Helga tells Arnold about her family while Olga is elsewhere crying her eyes out. How will she hear what she needs to hear?"
In response, Brainy raised an eyebrow and pointed at the camera.
"Oh, right."
"And Lila, no matter what, you must keep that camera going and keep it on Helga; do you understand?"
"I'm oh so certain that I do."
"Do you have enough tapes to last the day?"
"Yes."
"Well, here's a couple more just in case."
"Hello, Little Sis. Oh, I see you're doing something with your friends."
"YEEP!" was pretty much the consensus of the three's reactions at Olga's sudden appearance, even though they had been expecting her. 'Had been' being the operative phrase; they'd just forgotten in their planning. As the one addressed, Lila was the first to recover.
"Oh, yes, I'm ever so certain that I am, Big Sis. We were just discussing a project we were doing for the summer."
"Really? Is it anything I can help you with?"
"No it isn't, Olga. We can't even tell you what it's about; those are the rules." Phoebe put in.
"Oh. Well, if you can't tell, you can't tell." Then Olga noticed Brainy, a stranger to her unlike the others. "Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced."
"Oh, I'm oh so sorry; where are my manners? Olga, I'd like you to meet Brainy. Brainy, this is Olga Pataki, Helga's older sister."
"breathes Uh. Huh. Hi."
"Brainy doesn't say much; he's very shy." Phoebe informed.
"That's strange; I could have sworn he was talking just as I was coming up."
That triggered discomfort, not the least on Brainy's part. Lila came to the rescue.
"Well, he didn't know you were there or he wouldn't have said a word. We've known him for years, and only now is he opening up to us."
"Oh. I see. Well, I thought we were going to go bird-watching, but if you're busy, Little Sis..."
"Oh, no, Olga. I'm ever so certain we were talking about that very thing. They were just helping me check the equipment."
"Oh. So, um, are you ready to go?"
"I'm oh so certain that I am."
After Lila said her good-byes to Phoebe and Brainy, she left with Olga, en route to fulfilling her part of the plan.
The other two stood there on the sidewalk for half a minute, then turned to each other.
"So."
"Pataki house?"
"You got it."
And they were off.
The couple blocks hike on either end, and the bus trip in between, were spent in silence. Only when they sighted the dubious haven of the person for whom the pair of them had such high regard, and chose their hiding place from which they could watch for her departure unseen, did Phoebe break the stillness.
"How are you?"
"It's a bit late to be asking that, isn't it? Shouldn't you have asked when we first saw each other back at Lila's?"
"I mean, on the phone you sounded like you were about to cry."
"I've dealt with it."
"You really love Helga don't you?"
"I said I did, but I'm trying to get over it."
"I can't imagine what you're going through --- especially after talking with Helga --- but I can try to imagine. I mean, I've been Helga's best friend for ten years and I have some idea about her love for Arnold. If your love for her is as great, your dream of being with her up to the scope of her dream of being with Arnold, and now you're letting go of that dream..."
"Just facing facts. She and Arnold were meant to be together; she and I weren't. And I guess it's not as big, my love for her. I mean, I haven't filled books with love poems about her. I don't have a shrine to her."
"A shrine?"
"Oops."
"No, what are you talking about?"
"Well..."
"Come on. You said there are to be no secrets about this."
Silence. "I did say that, didn't I?" More silence. "Well, I guess it was your turn to make a point."
"You're dodging the question."
"All right. Have you ever seen inside her closet?"
"No, that's the one place I've never seen."
"When she's alone, she worships the football-headed love god. She has a shrine to him in her closet, including a likeness of him."
"You're kidding."
"Not about this. She's had several busts of Arnold over the years, one made of wads of his used gum."
"Whoa! I mean... did you say 'used gum'?"
Brainy nodded.
"You really have been watching her. That's dangerously close to invasion of privacy; trespassing..."
"I know, I've had no shame where she's concerned, kind of. But can you say she's been any less pathetic?"
"The used gum alone makes any argument I could make a non-starter."
"Here she comes."
And so the tail was on, the two of them following the girl with the pink and black books. As they walked, conversation continued.
"It's not right." Brainy opined.
"What's not?"
"This is no way for her to spend her birthday. It should be celebrated like Arnold's was."
"I'd be the first to agree, but she hasn't been helping people all her life like Arnold has."
"She wants to. She wants to be good, but she's trapped. And you and I both know how, and why."
"Yes." sigh "So we're here to do something about that, aren't we?"
"Right."
By now Helga had entered the park, Brainy and Phoebe about a block behind.
"You are good at this; I would have lost her by now."
"She does that deliberately, to shake any tails. But I keep finding her. I'm a bit out of practice, though."
"It doesn't show."
"It wouldn't to you."
"I've been wondering about that book of hers."
"Which one?"
"The black one of course. I know what's in the pink ones; she's let me see a couple of things she's written; it's beautiful. But do you have any idea what the black book is?"
"I have suspicions. She only brings it on her birthday, so I'm guessing it has some special significance for her. I want to get close to her while she's reading it, but in this case I get this overpowering vibe that I'm treading on sacred ground in a way."
"We're here."
"So we are. She's getting situated to write in her pink book."
"Which is my cue to get Arnold."
"And take care of Gerald."
"Right."
His face played with a rakish grin. "Go get 'em, Phoebe."
"Stop it." She blushed.
As Phoebe was turning to go, Brainy lifted his walkie-talkie and pushed the signal button.
Not too far away, Lila noticed the signal coming through. She was the only one who noticed, as she was holding the walkie-talkie, taped to the bottom of the video camera.
"Olga? I'm ever so certain there might be a better chance of us seeing some interesting birds over here."
"Okkay, Lila. I'm right behind you."
Several minutes later, Arnold found himself walking in dense undergrowth.
What was Phoebe talking about? I didn't get any of it. All I got was that she needed Gerald for something and something was going on in this direction. Why am I here anyway? Maybe she was just trying to get rid of me; she and Gerald have been hanging out together a bit more lately. Those two are cute together. I wonder if they know that. If they don't, they're just dense; it's so obvious that there's no excuse-- Wait, what's that?
All of these were among the thoughts he was thinking. He stopped thinking at the same time he stopped walking, and for the same reason. On the other side of a break in the bushes, not ten feet away, back turned to him, sitting on a bench on one side of a picnic table, was Helga G. Pataki.
Memories of the note from the night before washed over him. So she's hurting and won't admit it, needs his help but won't say anything about it. Well, he'd just find out why. And here was a golden opportunity, alone, not knowing he was there. From his position he couldn't be sure what she was doing, but from her movements he guessed that she was writing. Then she stopped. An arm moved to her side, and he saw a book. A little pink book.
As the significance of this registered, he noticed more movement. He listened, for what he didn't know.
Cliffhanger, I know. But calm y'allselves; the next chapter is written already. It'll be different, though. I can't guarantee it won't offend, though such is not my intention. Of course, please review. I'm Nftnat. On e-mail, I'm nftnataol.com On IM, I'm Nftnat That's it; cy'all.
As always, I would like to acknowledge the reviews I've been getting; I get the feeling that acknowledging every review is partially why I have been getting so many.
Iris, thank you. As to your objection, I submit the beginning of the episode "Arnold Visits Arnie", where Helga says, "Looks like you're shortstop, Short Man." Btw, people, any resemblance between the beginning of that episode and the beginning of my previous chapter is strictly intentional.
Houkanno Yuuhou, thank you. Arnold is putting two and two together, but only because Brainy is giving him two and two; and what with new math and quantum physics the answer could turn out to be anything. I'm reminded of that episode of I.M. Weasel where Weasel gave the answer as infinity. He's not thinking romance at this stage, as delightfully dense as always; or at least that's what I'm trying for here. You hit it on the head regarding Dino and Nancy. Remember the Nancy Spumoni snow boots? Of course you do. Nancy Sinatra (daughter of Frank), 1966, These Boots Are Made For Walking, well, you no doubt have seen Dale Abersold's comment on the Arnold's Christmas episode on Don Del Grande's site. Enough said. I am sorry to hear that about your life, and do not know what else to say. And I am taking the board in stride.
Dramagirl 310, thank you.
JESS, thanks. Dino will appear, eventually. I don't write anything by accident, except mistakes, and you might want to read that letter again. About that question you raised, I tried to e-mail it to you and got the 'mailer daemon' every time; oh well, you might want to get that seen to. But here is the answer: whippersnapper. It is a word an old person uses for a young person who in the old person's opinion is getting too big for said young person's britches, or in Harold's case is mouthing off. I know this because I have numerous old people among my family and friends and I am a devotee of stuff from bygone times. Nothing is before my time; I am an historian. I will admit that the first time I heard that trailer I thought Harold called her Megan Vitello; well, I guess that is as good a name as any.
jc, you're not going to die, unless you're going to die. But this does not have anything to do with that. Regardless, here is the next chapter.
Chien, thanks again.
Starry Nights, thank you. Your point on age is well taken; you're only as old as you feel and I don't feel old yet. I am glad that you like that other thing and it is continuing as well; you can expect the next chapter tomorrow or the next day.
Sleather, I value your opinion on my use of flashbacks; I might try montage next. Do not cry too much for Brainy; I am the cockeyed optimist here and I would not make him the star unless I had something good in mind for him, although I will admit that this is turning out to be a bit darker than I had originally intended. And maybe real guys are like that, some of us. I mean, I'm a guy, CB is a guy, Arnold is a guy. In the words of Michelle Wright, I keep hoping, telling myself, somewhere there's one good one left.
Ryoko-onee, thanks and you're welcome. There will be Helga angst to spare in the coming chapters, but of course Phoebe won't forget. Even if she hadn't made it a point to wish her a happy birthday every year, they did know of the birthday in their planning sessions; that's part of the background for the whole thing, oh why did that 'April Fools' episode have to ruin everything, I'm going to have to rewrite so much, ARGH! I'm fine now (that's debatable).
Obliviondark, what can I say, the chars interact on the show, I go for something like that here. Having read every HA! fic on ff.n, I can say that there are other fics with Brainy in them. In a couple he's a psychiatrist, in a few he advises Helga, in one he gets Helga, and then there are the excellent fics of Yardbird9, who is also a Brainy fan. But I dare say no one has used him this much before. Peace to you too.
Paradoxical Reality, well, I do try to get into the minds of the chars. It helps that I have watched all of the episodes in my collection within the space of a few weeks, that definitely helps, yes.
J.T., well, if you weren't annoying before... I'm kidding! Thanks to your computer being on the fritz, this story has now been pushed over the top. I've made the 100 club, folks; let the party begin! I am going with it, but I can't promise I won't worry. I'll try not to though, but if I hadn't worried, I wouldn't have been motivated to try harder with previous chapters and wouldn't have been as good.
Ally, glad to hear from you here. I know, that's been bugging me too. I just know that when I see the rest of the eps, not to mention the movie, this story will be so wrong on so much; well, that's the risk one takes in writing a future fic before knowing the whole story about the present. Oh well. I could have waited to start this until after I saw the movie, but it was straining to get out as it was. My theory is that the confession will be a dream sequence er sum junk, and those who have seen the movie are no doubt snickering now; gimme a break, I haven't seen it. Nick US will just be getting around to showing Gerald's Game / Fishing Trip this Saturday. I just know that I'll be going 'oh no!' so much in the coming months; well, what can you do?
Thanks everyone for the reviews; please continue reading & reviewing.
Hey Arnold! is created, copyrighted, & / or owned by Craig Bartlett, Snee-Oosh, & / or Nickelodeon, which in turn is owned by Viacom.
Saturday morning, almost 10 a m:
RIIINNNNNGGGGGGG!!!
RIIINNNNNGGGGGGG!!!
RII-click
"Hello? -- Yes, this is the Heyerdahl residence. -- You are? -- Oh, that project. -- Well, it's just that it had a terrible effect on Phoebe last week. -- Yes, I suppose she's recovered; at least I haven't seen any signs of discomfort since that day. Although she does seem preoccupied. -- Oh my, I'm sorry to hear that. -- Well, she and her father are having their workout right now, but let me check the time, yes, I think it's about over. -- Of course. Would you hold on a minute so I can tell her? -- Who shall I say is calling? -- Brainy? -- Well I won't ask then. Just hang on while I go tell her."
Reba Heyerdahl lays the receiver on the table and walks to the fencing room, where the other two members of the family are finishing their usual Saturday morning fencing session.
knock knock knock "Phoebe, a friend of yours from school is on the phone. He says his name is Brainy, and he needs to talk with you about that project."
"Coming, Mother."
The two Heyerdahl women walk side by side from the fencing room to the telephone.
"Did he say anything about the project?"
"Only that that was what he was calling about. I was impressed with his manners."
"Oh?"
"Yes, so polite and refined."
"Interesting."
"What?"
"Nothing."
By now they had reached the phone, the receiver to which Phoebe now lifted.
"Now don't stay on the phone too long, Phoebe. You know we're expecting your grandparents to call from Kentucky, and you need to change out of your habit and bathe anyway."
"Yes, mother."
Now comparatively alone, Phoebe addresses her correspondent. "Hello, Brainy."
"Hello, Phoebe."
"I understand you're not your usual wheezing self on the phone."
"Heavy breathing on the phone?"
"Right. You know, it's a shame you don't play basketball; you've made enough points in the past eight days to beat Loyola-Marymount at their prime."
"Loyola-Marymount?"
"Oh. Yes. When Gerald's brother was a little kid, that school was in the habit of games in excess of 110 points."
"And you found out about this from Gerald."
"Um, yes."
"Speaking of Gerald, you remember what we're to do today."
"Yes."
"Well, I'm calling to let you know we're meeting at Lila's."
"Why there?"
"That's where Olga will pick her up."
"Olga will be going to Lila's house today?"
"As per Lila's request, of Olga that is."
"Why?"
"Well, we could meet at the Pataki house, but that would be hard to do without Helga getting suspicious."
"True."
"Have you made your birthday call to her yet?"
"No."
"Well then, I'd better hang up so you can get to it. And Phoebe, I'm sorry I'm so hard for you to get along with."
"Oh, it's not you Brainy, it's me. I'm just still finding it hard to believe that you're so smart."
"Thanks. But when you think about it, how do you think I got the handle 'Brainy'?"
"I hadn't thought about that."
"sigh People are clueless, you know that?"
"I thought I did, but I guess I've been clueless too."
"Don't worry about it. Let's save our worrying for Helga."
"Right. Brainy?"
"Yes?"
"Are you sure there's not another way we can do this?"
"sigh I don't know. I've been going over it again and again; if there's any other way it's escaped both of us. You're a genius yourself and you haven't figured out an alternative, right?"
"Right."
"Her family situation has to be resolved, and that won't happen unless her family knows there's a problem, and they won't know unless she spills her guts, and she won't spill her guts unless she's pushed to the breaking point... sob"
"Brainy? Are you all right?"
"I, I have to go, Phoebe. Call your friend, okkay?"
"Okkay."
"See you at Lila's after lunch."
"Right."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Down went the phone in Brainy's room, in his family's house on Elk Island.
"And good luck to all of us."
He lay on his bed, hands over his face. "It's not right, what we have to do. But what choice do we have?"
He rolled off of his bed to a standing position and walked to his desk. There he'd gathered all the tangible reminders he had left of his love for Helga, and before the day would end they would meet the incinerator. He closed his eyes and set his teeth to stem what he knew was coming. A deep breath, and his face cleared. Without a second look, he reached out a hand and swept that part of his past into the wastebasket.
"Happy birthday, Helga. Someday."
Lights out. Then, taking his wastebasket with him, he left his room. He would drop off the contents of the wastebasket, and then take the launch to the mainland, where a long lunch on the waterfront and a longer afternoon in the park awaited him.
"Mother, may I make a quick call to Helga? It's her birthday and she'll be out most of the afternoon, so I'd like to touch base with her while I'm thinking about it."
"All right, Phoebe. Five minutes."
"Yes, mother."
BEEP! #5 on the speed dial. The familiar tones sounded in her ear, and then...
"Yes?"
"Oh. Hello, Olga. This is Phoebe, Helga's friend."
"Hello, Phoebe. Did you call to wish my baby sister a happy birthday?"
"Well, yes."
"Oh, that's so wonderful! My baby sister should be happy on her birthday. So I'm going to invite her to go bird watching with my Little Sis Lila and me. And as if that weren't enough, as if it were in answer to prayer, to further insure her happiness, her best friend calls to wish her a happy birthday; oh, isn't it all just so perfect?"
"Um, yes, perfect. So, may I please speak with Helga?"
"Oh, of course. (Oh, baby sister...)"
"Hiya, Pheebs."
"Happy birthday, Helga."
"What, no Japanese greeting?"
"Something tells me you're not in the mood to hear 'Happy Birthday' in Japanese."
"pft, you got that right. I dunno why I even bother to acknowledge it. Birthdays are fine for some people like Football-head, but not for me."
"Don't say that, Helga."
"Why not? It's true. Who ever remembers? Just you and Ooool-ga. And one of those I could do without, and it's not you."
"Thank you."
"But really, it's just another day. But I guess it could be worse; if I were Jewish everyone would be making a big deal of it, throwing a bat mitzvah, getting me to say 'today I am a woman'. Can you imagine that? Me, a woman; I still haven't gotten anything out of being a girl!"
"I see."
"No, you don't. You try, Phoebe, I'll give you that, but it's just not possible for you to understand what I go through every day with this lame-o family. I'll be honest with you, Pheebs, there's times I'd like to switch Bob & Miriam Pataki for Kyo & Reba Heyerdahl. But I couldn't do that to you."
"Why, Helga, I don't know what to say. I had no idea you felt like this."
"You see, that's my point; you can't know. Sometimes I'd rather have Arnold's grandparents than my parents. And as much as Tall Hair Boy complains about his brother and sister, there's times I'd trade Mary Sunshine for either of them."
"Helga..."
"I'd better stop; this is bumming you out, isn't it?"
"Well..."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring you down."
"No, it's all right. It's probably because you turn 13 today."
"Yeah, that's probably it."
("Baby sister?")
"groan I guess Olll-ga's going to try to get me to tag along with her and Little Miss Perfect on their BSLS b.s."
"Helga!"
"Pardon my French."
"That's not French, and it insults that language to call it so."
"Take it easy, Pheebs. I'm just joking. Anyway, I can hear her coming. Wish me luck."
"sigh Good luck, Helga."
"Thanks; I'm going to need it. Bye, Pheebs."
"Happy birthday."
"Yeah yeah yeah."
click
click
"Oh, there you are, baby sister."
"Yeah, right where you left me a few minutes ago, will wonders never cease."
"Oh Helga, are you sure you won't reconsider going bird-watching with Lila and me? It will be ever so much fun."
'ever so much'? Criminey, they're even sounding alike now; this is too much!
"Um, no thanks, Olga. I'll be just fine right here. I, um, need to alphabetize my WrestleMania trading cards anyway."
"But I thought you already did that over two years ago, alphabetizing your--"
"Oh, did I say alphabetize? Uh-huh, I meant put them in chronological order, yeah, that's it, I decided that I'd rather have them in chronological order."
It wasn't one of her better lies, but as usual, Olga didn't notice. "Well, if you say so. But you know you can come with us any time; I especially want us to do something together on your birthday."
"Oh, don't worry about me; I'll be having lots of fun."
"All right then, baby sister. You have your fun & we'll do something later."
"Right. Later, Olga."
And before her sister could get in another sickeningly sweet word, Helga bolted up the stairs, locking herself in her room. Left in the lurch, Olga headed for the kitchen to prepare another monumental noon repast. Helga wouldn't leave without being subjected to as least some of it. It wouldn't have been so bad if Olga wasn't such a good cook; it made it so hard to not like what she made.
Two hours & forty-five minutes later:
The trio has gathered in the apartment rented by Lila's father. Of the three of them, she had the worst accommodations; but that didn't matter now. What mattered was that it would serve the purpose of a last-minute strategy session. Phoebe had arrived not five minutes ago, the result of having to eat a bit more of lunch than she would have liked. She at least had cleared her reason for hurrying with her parents. Brainy hadn't; he had come there directly from the waterfront. Right now, Phoebe was detailing her dismal phone conversation with her best friend.
"It was horrible; I'd never heard her so depressed before! You're right, Brainy; we have to do this now, today!"
"And we will. Now, before Olga gets here we'd better go over the plan one more time. Lila, would you start?"
"All right. Any minute now, Olga will pick me up and we'll go bird- watching."
"Phoebe?"
"When that happens, you and I head for the Pataki house where we'll wait for Helga to come out. When she does, we follow at a discreet distance. That reminds me, Brainy, how do you manage to keep sneaking up behind her when no one else even notices her sneaking away?"
"Other than never letting her out of my sight? Well, the credit --- or maybe I should say the blame --- should go to old friends of the family."
"Oh?"
"Yes. We might no longer be in the business, but that doesn't mean we've cut ourselves off from the people who knew Wheezin' Ed way back when. My parents figured it wouldn't hurt as long as I knew that what they did was wrong. With that sanction, I was able to pick their brains; there's not much they knew about being sneaky that I didn't pick up. Hey, Wheezin' Ed's great-grandson right there wanting to learn from them, they considered it a compliment. And I was an apt pupil. But I pledged to only use my powers for good."
"Oh, Brainy. Now you're just being oh too silly."
"I guess I am, but I needed a laugh." Which they took for a brief moment. "Go on, Phoebe."
"Right. We follow her to the park, to the spot where she usually goes to be alone. And when she starts writing in her little pink book I go looking for Arnold and Gerald. I find them, come up with a reason to do something with Gerald, and send Arnold off in Helga's direction."
"You'll have no problem figuring out the direction, no matter where in the park you find them?"
"I have been playing in that park all my life, even if we hadn't gone over every inch of it this past week."
"Right; my fault for asking. Now, while you're looking for Arnold and Gerald I contact Lila. Is the walkie-talkie in place, Lila?"
"I'm oh so certain it is. We've taped it to the camera from BSLS."
"I'm still not certain Olga won't notice."
"She won't, not as long as Lila's holding the camera; and Lila, I don't need to go over the reasons it's important that you do."
"Yes, I'm oh so familiar with the reasons. And I don't think Olga will notice either. She's ever so intelligent, but sometimes she can't see what's right in front of her."
"True. Some brilliant people are absent-minded. Then there's us."
Another flat joke, as Brainy soon found out.
"Sorry. So, Lila, when you get my signal..."
"I prevail upon Olga to move in Helga's direction."
"What will you be doing all this time, Brainy?"
"Making sure of Arnold. If I've done my job --- and I will --- Helga will be blowing up about her family to him about the time Olga gets there."
"I'm concerned about something, Brainy. Olga has shown that she can be oh so temperamental; and when she encounters something negative she can fall to pieces and be ever so loud."
"I've prepared for that too." Here he raised a mini-boom box he'd brought for the occasion. "Some of Seattle's finest, came out about the time we were born." He pressed a button, and the others had to cover their ears. Half a second later he pressed the STOP button. "My grunge angst mix CD; burned it myself. On here, you got your Nelvana, your Diamond Jelly, your Noisegarden, basically a who's who of the Pacific Northwest grunge scene. What counts is, it's loud. If Olga's about to blow, you contact me and I'll cover the sound with this."
"That should certainly do the job, but won't Helga and Arnold be disturbed?"
"It'll only last long enough to cover for Olga. If I know her she'll go running off for a minute, although you'll have to see that she runs away from Helga. Then I turn it off, and it's just someone playing their music too loud. Happens in the park every day."
Not perfect, but it satisfied them. Phoebe then kept the conversation going.
"So Helga tells Arnold about her family while Olga is elsewhere crying her eyes out. How will she hear what she needs to hear?"
In response, Brainy raised an eyebrow and pointed at the camera.
"Oh, right."
"And Lila, no matter what, you must keep that camera going and keep it on Helga; do you understand?"
"I'm oh so certain that I do."
"Do you have enough tapes to last the day?"
"Yes."
"Well, here's a couple more just in case."
"Hello, Little Sis. Oh, I see you're doing something with your friends."
"YEEP!" was pretty much the consensus of the three's reactions at Olga's sudden appearance, even though they had been expecting her. 'Had been' being the operative phrase; they'd just forgotten in their planning. As the one addressed, Lila was the first to recover.
"Oh, yes, I'm ever so certain that I am, Big Sis. We were just discussing a project we were doing for the summer."
"Really? Is it anything I can help you with?"
"No it isn't, Olga. We can't even tell you what it's about; those are the rules." Phoebe put in.
"Oh. Well, if you can't tell, you can't tell." Then Olga noticed Brainy, a stranger to her unlike the others. "Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced."
"Oh, I'm oh so sorry; where are my manners? Olga, I'd like you to meet Brainy. Brainy, this is Olga Pataki, Helga's older sister."
"breathes Uh. Huh. Hi."
"Brainy doesn't say much; he's very shy." Phoebe informed.
"That's strange; I could have sworn he was talking just as I was coming up."
That triggered discomfort, not the least on Brainy's part. Lila came to the rescue.
"Well, he didn't know you were there or he wouldn't have said a word. We've known him for years, and only now is he opening up to us."
"Oh. I see. Well, I thought we were going to go bird-watching, but if you're busy, Little Sis..."
"Oh, no, Olga. I'm ever so certain we were talking about that very thing. They were just helping me check the equipment."
"Oh. So, um, are you ready to go?"
"I'm oh so certain that I am."
After Lila said her good-byes to Phoebe and Brainy, she left with Olga, en route to fulfilling her part of the plan.
The other two stood there on the sidewalk for half a minute, then turned to each other.
"So."
"Pataki house?"
"You got it."
And they were off.
The couple blocks hike on either end, and the bus trip in between, were spent in silence. Only when they sighted the dubious haven of the person for whom the pair of them had such high regard, and chose their hiding place from which they could watch for her departure unseen, did Phoebe break the stillness.
"How are you?"
"It's a bit late to be asking that, isn't it? Shouldn't you have asked when we first saw each other back at Lila's?"
"I mean, on the phone you sounded like you were about to cry."
"I've dealt with it."
"You really love Helga don't you?"
"I said I did, but I'm trying to get over it."
"I can't imagine what you're going through --- especially after talking with Helga --- but I can try to imagine. I mean, I've been Helga's best friend for ten years and I have some idea about her love for Arnold. If your love for her is as great, your dream of being with her up to the scope of her dream of being with Arnold, and now you're letting go of that dream..."
"Just facing facts. She and Arnold were meant to be together; she and I weren't. And I guess it's not as big, my love for her. I mean, I haven't filled books with love poems about her. I don't have a shrine to her."
"A shrine?"
"Oops."
"No, what are you talking about?"
"Well..."
"Come on. You said there are to be no secrets about this."
Silence. "I did say that, didn't I?" More silence. "Well, I guess it was your turn to make a point."
"You're dodging the question."
"All right. Have you ever seen inside her closet?"
"No, that's the one place I've never seen."
"When she's alone, she worships the football-headed love god. She has a shrine to him in her closet, including a likeness of him."
"You're kidding."
"Not about this. She's had several busts of Arnold over the years, one made of wads of his used gum."
"Whoa! I mean... did you say 'used gum'?"
Brainy nodded.
"You really have been watching her. That's dangerously close to invasion of privacy; trespassing..."
"I know, I've had no shame where she's concerned, kind of. But can you say she's been any less pathetic?"
"The used gum alone makes any argument I could make a non-starter."
"Here she comes."
And so the tail was on, the two of them following the girl with the pink and black books. As they walked, conversation continued.
"It's not right." Brainy opined.
"What's not?"
"This is no way for her to spend her birthday. It should be celebrated like Arnold's was."
"I'd be the first to agree, but she hasn't been helping people all her life like Arnold has."
"She wants to. She wants to be good, but she's trapped. And you and I both know how, and why."
"Yes." sigh "So we're here to do something about that, aren't we?"
"Right."
By now Helga had entered the park, Brainy and Phoebe about a block behind.
"You are good at this; I would have lost her by now."
"She does that deliberately, to shake any tails. But I keep finding her. I'm a bit out of practice, though."
"It doesn't show."
"It wouldn't to you."
"I've been wondering about that book of hers."
"Which one?"
"The black one of course. I know what's in the pink ones; she's let me see a couple of things she's written; it's beautiful. But do you have any idea what the black book is?"
"I have suspicions. She only brings it on her birthday, so I'm guessing it has some special significance for her. I want to get close to her while she's reading it, but in this case I get this overpowering vibe that I'm treading on sacred ground in a way."
"We're here."
"So we are. She's getting situated to write in her pink book."
"Which is my cue to get Arnold."
"And take care of Gerald."
"Right."
His face played with a rakish grin. "Go get 'em, Phoebe."
"Stop it." She blushed.
As Phoebe was turning to go, Brainy lifted his walkie-talkie and pushed the signal button.
Not too far away, Lila noticed the signal coming through. She was the only one who noticed, as she was holding the walkie-talkie, taped to the bottom of the video camera.
"Olga? I'm ever so certain there might be a better chance of us seeing some interesting birds over here."
"Okkay, Lila. I'm right behind you."
Several minutes later, Arnold found himself walking in dense undergrowth.
What was Phoebe talking about? I didn't get any of it. All I got was that she needed Gerald for something and something was going on in this direction. Why am I here anyway? Maybe she was just trying to get rid of me; she and Gerald have been hanging out together a bit more lately. Those two are cute together. I wonder if they know that. If they don't, they're just dense; it's so obvious that there's no excuse-- Wait, what's that?
All of these were among the thoughts he was thinking. He stopped thinking at the same time he stopped walking, and for the same reason. On the other side of a break in the bushes, not ten feet away, back turned to him, sitting on a bench on one side of a picnic table, was Helga G. Pataki.
Memories of the note from the night before washed over him. So she's hurting and won't admit it, needs his help but won't say anything about it. Well, he'd just find out why. And here was a golden opportunity, alone, not knowing he was there. From his position he couldn't be sure what she was doing, but from her movements he guessed that she was writing. Then she stopped. An arm moved to her side, and he saw a book. A little pink book.
As the significance of this registered, he noticed more movement. He listened, for what he didn't know.
Cliffhanger, I know. But calm y'allselves; the next chapter is written already. It'll be different, though. I can't guarantee it won't offend, though such is not my intention. Of course, please review. I'm Nftnat. On e-mail, I'm nftnataol.com On IM, I'm Nftnat That's it; cy'all.