Chapter 9 – Not Quite Yes
John laughs at a joke being told by Abe Towanga.
Abe is a nurse who has come to take the place of Peter; dear Peter who had been murdered during Luka's capture a few years ago. Despite Abe's imposing physical stature, he stands about 6'4 and weighs over 250 pounds, he possesses the ability to put people immediately at ease with his outgoing personality and sincere smile.
The group of seven friends, Uwe, Angelique, John, Kem, Debbie, Charles, and Abe, have left the clinic are now seated around a long table in their favorite club, Karibu.
The table is positioned in a prime location at edge of a slightly raised floor that leads to an open-air patio, thereby permitting the group to be refreshed by the occasional breeze that passes through the city.
John is sitting next to Kem at a spot in the center of the table's seating arrangements – a spot strategically chosen so that all of their friends will be able to easily view tonight's planned event. As Abe continues his humorous story, John leans back casually in his chair and takes in his surroundings.
It is just after 9 p.m., and the club is starting to fill up with patrons, some of whom are already on the dance floor, others who are enjoying their drinks and their friends' conversations at the numerous tables that are located throughout the club.
As John looks around, he catches the eye of James Obono, the club's owner, and he nods and smiles at him. James returns the gesture.
James is originally from Kenya, but his mother had immigrated from Kivu when she was a child, so he feels a special connection to the area. In 1964, he decided to settle in Kisangani and open his own business. At that time, life in Kisangani had been peaceful and prosperous. Even though times have most definitely changed, James has decided to stay and do his part to help provide Kisangani's citizens with some semblance of normalcy.
During John's last visit, James had had a chance to meet and get to know this young man, who had left his country as part of a genuine attempt on his part to help people who were essentially strangers to him. And, as with Angelique and Kem, the relationship between John and James has strengthened since John's return from the States. In fact, James arranged to have the perfect table waiting for John for tonight. He had even managed for some of his friends who had returned from visiting relatives in France a few days earlier to clandestinely deliver two highly prized delicacies – a bottle of French Champagne and a box full of delectable pastries – in order to help John celebrate the happy occasion.
As John's gaze falls on James, he is eagerly searching for John's signal that indicates that he wants him to bring over the special treats. However, John shakes his head no; he is not quite ready for that to happen.
John returns his attention to his table just as Abe concludes his story. Everyone starts laughing and John joins them in their laughter, although he isn't quite sure what exactly happened to make them laugh.
Uwe starts talking and everyone shifts their attention to him. Everyone that is, except for John. He focuses his attention on Kem, and as he studies her, he takes in every detail of how she looks at this moment.
She is wearing her hair in the high on the head pony-tail style that he finds completely adorable on her, and she is dressed in a simple pair of pants and a striped linen shirt. Nothing fancy, yet this is how he loves her most. No need for a lot of makeup or a low-cut gown, although he wouldn't mind seeing her in one of those someday; just a simple clean look that allows her very appealing natural beauty and grace to shine through.
His admiration intensifies because he knows that this is how she will look on most days as they spend their lives together. This is how she will look as they share coffee in the mornings, and this is how she will look in the evenings as they share a quiet dinner at home. And he wants to have her and her looks by his side for the rest of his life. He only hopes that this time she will say yes.
Uwe notices how John is looking at Kem, and he decides to quickly end his story. Everybody at the table becomes aware that the moment is near, and they shift a little in their seats as they try to keep up the pretense that this is just another simple gathering.
John starts to open his mouth, and as he does Kem draws back a little from the table, and looks him squarely in the eyes.
John's mouth becomes frozen in mid-sentence, and his face flushes until he is a deep shade of red.
"Are you alright?" she asks with concern.
John's mouth moves, and his voice makes a strange noise, but no intelligible words come out. He gives it a second try. "Yeah, it's just warm in here. I think that I need to move around a bit", he lies, and even as he says those words he is mentally banging his head on the wall for not just coming out and asking her the question.
"Hmm…okay", she says slowly. She is still concerned that his color is too high and she wonders if they shouldn't go home so that he can lie down and get some rest. However, before she can make that suggestion, John cuts her off.
"Would you like another drink?" he asks as he nods in the direction of her almost empty soda bottle.
"Ah…sure. I'll take another tropical Fanta. Are you certain that you're okay?" she asks again.
"Yeah…yeah", he says as he shrugs his shoulders and pulls back from the table. "Does anybody else want anything?" he asks and he hurriedly scans the group with his eyes.
Everyone shakes their heads in answer to his question. Although, Kem thinks that they are shaking their heads because they do not want anything, in actuality, they are shaking their heads in disbelief at John's nervousness.
John gets up from the table and walks over to the bar.
Kem watches him go with a concerned look on her face, while the others try to rearrange their expressions so that she does not become suspicious.
"You know, maybe I feel like another beer after all," Charles says, trying to sound casual.
"Me too", says Abe echoing Charles's earlier statement. Abe and Charles get up and start walking over to John who is already standing at the bar, and Angelique decides that she should step in to keep Kem from becoming either overly concerned or suspicious, so she diverts Kem's attention by asking her a question about work.
As Abe and Charles get closer to John, they pair off and stand next to him on opposite sides.
"You are asking her some time tonight, right?" asks Charles in a slightly exasperated voice.
"Yeah…I don't know what happened", John responds bewilderedly. He shakes his head as he continues, "Suddenly, I got nervous, and I couldn't think of what to say." He takes a deep breath and sighs, "I guess I just want everything to be absolutely perfect. I don't want to mess this up."
Abe, Charles, and James exchange a sympathetic look. Then James takes John gently by the shoulders, pulls him closer to the bar, and says in a paternal tone, "You're going to be fine. Just say to her whatever is in your heart."
John takes another deep breath and exhales an unsteady breath as he tries to calm his heart and his emotions. After a few seconds, he seems like he is finally in control again.
"Alright, I'm ready", he says. He nods at Charles and Abe, and they all start walking back to the table. John sits down and tries to find a casual pose as he places the soda in front of Kem.
"Hmmm…thanks babe. Well, you look a little better anyway", she says.
John smiles and shrugs. Kem smiles back and leans over the edge of her chair in order to rest her head lightly on his chest.
John looks down at her and he finds that he is nervous again. In fact, his pulse is racing so fast that he feels like he's standing at edge of a high cliff that he is about to jump off of.
But why was he so nervous? He had asked her this question before…several times before, in fact. So why should he be so nervous this time? Then the answer came to him –because this time he was dead serious. He needed them to move on with their relationship, and for her to make an official commitment to him and any life that they may have together.
"Kem?"
She moves back a little and looks up at him. She can hear the question in his voice so she answers by asking, "Do you want to go?"
"No", he says quietly. The rest of the table falls silent as they wait in suspense for the question that they know is about to come.
John angles Kem's chair so that she doesn't have to crane her neck in order to look into his eyes, and as he looks into her wide chocolate brown eyes, he smiles briefly at the puzzlement he sees there.
"Kem", he says slowly, and he cups her hand gently in his. "You know I love you. I love you. I love the way that you make me feel. I love that I can't take my eyes off of you. I love the way you say my name. I love the way you feel in my arms, and I can't do without you. Before I left Chicago to come here, I wondered if this time together would make us grow apart or change my feelings towards you, and to some extent it did. I found that I love you more with each passing day, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I also have found that I need you to tell me the same. I need you to commit to us in the same way that I am willing to commit to us. Will you please marry me?" he finishes and he is almost breathless at this point.
He's done his best, but as he looks into her eyes, he can't tell what she's thinking.
"You're asking me to marry you in front of all these people?" she asks quietly and she looks down away from his gaze.
"Yeah", he says a bit nervously. Her question wasn't exactly the response that he'd been hoping for.
"John, I wish you hadn't done this", she says and the look of hope on his face is replaced with one of shock and disappointment. He lets go of her hand.
"I…I thought that we could do this more intimately, without so many people to hear…", and her soft voice trails off.
John drops his gaze from her face as he takes in what she just said and what she is implying. The upbeat music and sounds of laughter from the other tables in the club suddenly seem out of place. None of their friends at the table are speaking, and the tension is almost painful.
Charles glances briefly at John, knowing that John's heart has just been broken. Even though Charles wants to say something, he understands that it's best if he just remains quiet.
Kem's soft voice begins to fill the uneasy silence. "I've been trying to find the best way for some time now to say certain things to you, and I finally decided that I should write them down." She pulls an item from her bag, and John recognizes it as the letter that she had been working on earlier this morning.
"I started writing this letter", she continues, "and it's not quite finished because there's a section that I can't seem to get right. I wanted to work on it some more, but maybe I should give it to you now, even though it's not done." She pauses and looks at John. He has turned his head to one side so that he doesn't have to look at her, and he is gazing into the distance with an unmistakable look of pain on his face.
"I was going to let you read it for yourself", she continues, "but under the circumstances maybe I should read it to you instead." He remains silent and still.
She starts to read from the letter. "Dear John…"
To be continued.
I promise that the Part 3 of this story will focus on action and events surrounding the Congo and the upcoming war, but I had to get this aspect of the story out of the way first. And yes, Part 3 will contain the rest of what is in Kem's letter.