Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Tamora Pierce except for the plot and minor things I've made up here and there which you, of course, won't even notice. So don't sue me.
Title: Ghost of the Past
Author: winky-wink
Genre: Romance/Humor/Drama
Rating: T (Just to be Safe)
Pairing: I'm leaning towards Alanna/Jonathan (it goes with the era in her life I'm writing about) but that could change with encouragement.
Musical Affection: 'Ghost of You' by My Chemical Romance.
Author's Note: Confusedknight: Thanks for your review. I like the idea of taking small exercpts and making it into a bigger and wilder thing.
Lela-of-Bast: Thanks to you too. I try to keep the characters in character otherwise the story doesn't appeal to me much. Anyways, I just remembered Lady Catherine whilst reading this book to my younger friends.
Hmm...what else is there to say? I hope anybody who comes across takes the time to read it over and review 'cause that would really make my day. But I will still continue to write. I don't stop for anything. Anyways, I hope anybody reading (and hopefully reviewing!) enjoy this chapter. Oh and bear with me if some little facts are a little jumbled. Like who's who's Knightmaster and Squire and stuff like that.
'Family life is messy, clinging and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper'-Friedrich Nietzsche
Alanna shifted her weight from one side to the other as she held her sword in a 'guard' position. Her opponent, and rather good friend, Douglass, slashed out at her. And fast. But no matter what his speed, Alanna still managed to block and get in a swing of her own. Her reflexes were well-tuned and she managed to throw Douglass' sword clean from his hand. The other squires cheered and clapped their hands at the success of their fellow squire. Alanna gave them all a smile for their ethuasiasm before turning back to Douglass and handing him his sword which had fallen close to her feet. He took it gratefully, although he was disappointed to have lost to Alan of Trebond. Not that it was a surprise occurance. Oh no, it happened everyday.
"There's not one person that can beat you, Alan," Douglass said, almost sounding jealous.
"Nonsense. Alex of Tirragen always give me a good run for my money," Alanna pointed out, putting away her sword, "And anyways, you're getting far better Douglass."
He smiled at Alan's kindness and put away his own sword. Their sword's master called for them to begin to put away all their supplies for the day. Dinner would be served in ten minutes or so. The elder squires hurried on their way, purposefully. They would each join up with their Knightmaster so the two of them could go down to dinner together. Alanna, Douglass, and Geoffery when up to the west side of the palace that was quarters to each of their Knightmasters.
"I can't wait till the ball 'morrow night," Geoffery said, his voice eager, "I haven't had female companionship for two months!"
"What about that lady you courted for a while? Yuna of something of the other?" Douglass asked, hands behind his back.
Geoffery shrugged, "She was fine. Until I caught sight of her legs.-he shivered-They're hairier than mine."
Alanna laughed while Douglass just cringed at the thought. Geoffery turned towards her, a sparkle glinting in his eyes.
"What of you, Alan? Courting any ladies as of recent times?" he teased, knowing how his redheaded friend felt about that sort of stuff.
"No," Alanna snapped back, sharply, "I've got better things to do than worry about romance."
Douglass chuckled, "You'll have to deal with romance someday, you know."
"Not today," Alanna replied, pertly.
"What would your ancestors say? The well-blooded Trebond line stopping at you? You must keep wife someday," Geoffery said, sensibily, "Don't you see that for yourself?"
For some odd reason Alan only smiled.
"Now why do you have that smirk on your face?" Geoffery questioned, eyebrows raised, "I'm being truthful."
"Well, dearest Geoffery, as far as I am concerned I will never never ever have a wife," Alanna responded, her grin only grew wider, "You can be sure of that. You'll never see Alan of Trebond married to a woman."
Douglas frowned, "You can't know for sure. No one can foretell the future."
"Oh, I believe I'm making a fair call on this one," Alanna answered, still smiling, she led them down a corridor to their left.
"Then if you don't ever plan to marry a woman...what do you plan to marry?" Geoffery demanded, then snorted, "A man?"
Alanna didn't answer. Instead she broke out into peals of laughter, confusing both her friends. They glanced at each other and shrugged. It was typical Alan behavior to act strange sometimes.
"Well I'm going this way to meet up with Gary. See you too at dinner, then?" Geoffery asked, walking down yet another corridor.
"Yes, of course. Bye," Douglass called after him in a casual way of farewell.
"So, Alan, do you like anybody right now at least?" Douglass questioned, once they were well alone.
Alanna was about to answer with a swift 'no' as she usually would of done but then stopped as she thought of Jonathan and the kissed they'd shared in the war against Tusaine. Then she thought of George and the two kisses they'd shared before the war against Tusaine and under the tree. Memories of both men made her blush. And she tried her hardest to hide her folly but Douglass noticed that look on his friend's face right away.
"You do like someone, don't you!" he exclaimed, excitedly, "Finally someone has caught the heart of Alan of Trebond! Who is it? You must tell me!"
Alanna shook her head furiously and that only caused Douglass to pester her all the way to Raoul and Jonathan's rooms. Alanna was glad when they seperated momentarily to get their Knightmasters. She knocked on Jon's door, gently.
"Jon? It's time for dinner," Alanna called through his door, her voice suddenly quiet.
"I'm coming," Jonathan's mumble came from deep within his room, "You can let yourself in."
She opened the door and instantly felt more comfortable in his presence. Jon was one of the few people who knew her secret. That she was a woman. So he was also one of the few people she could truely be herself in front of. He flashed her a quick smile when she entered as he rushed to throw on a proper tunic. Alanna smiled back as normal as could be although her heart started beating slightly faster.
"Oh, can you pass me those papers?" Jon asked her, pointing to a mess of papers on his desktop.
Alanna nodded and handed them to him. She eyedthem momentarily. It spoke of the economy of the country. She sighed. He was already being heavily prepped for Kingship. She hated the thought of him as King. It would only push him farther away from her. From everyone. And yet she knew he had to do it. He'd be a perfect king. Just and Fair, slightly arrogant but good all the same.
"Thanks. Alright, let's go," Jonathan said, heading towards the door. However, he hovered near her for a bit and inquired, "What's wrong?"
Alanna, lost in thought of Jonathan and his becoming the future King, was caught off guard by the question. She tried to focus and jumbled her words together as she tried to answer.
"Uh..erm..well..it's nothing, really," Alanna replied, finally, looking down at Jon's right knee lest her eyes give away her thoughts.
He looked doubtful but didn't question her any further. They were most likely already late for dinner. It did not do to be a tardy Prince. Stepping into the hall the two of them saw Raoul and Douglass coming towards them. Both of them were wearing sly smiles and had michevious eyes that twinkled. Alanna was suddenly weary of their presence.
"Hello Jon," Raoul greeted, followed by Douglass, "And hello to you too, Alan. How've you been? Not lovestruck are you?"
She looked up, utterly shocked. She couldn't believe the gossip that was Douglass. She gave him an angry glare that caused the smile to fade off his face, slightly.
"I don't have a clue as to what you're talking about, Raoul," she declared, sternly.
He laughed, "According to young Douglass here, you understand perfectly well."
"Huh?" Jon looked confused, his eyes darting between his three friends, "What are you talking about?"
"Alan has taken a fancy to someone! But he won't say who!" Douglass cried, before Raoul could even speak. His excitement was infectious and soon even Jonathan was smiling.
"Why, Alan," he joked, "I'm hurt that you didn't even think to tell your Knightmaster about your newest conquest."
He knew as well as her that she clearly was not interested in anyone. Well perhaps that wasn't exactly true. She was a bit interested in two different men. Not that she would admitt it, of course.
"Shut your faces, all three of you," Alanna growled, "Or I'll break yer faces!"
Their smiles only grew wider.
Alanna awoke and groaned. Once again, she was forced to be up even for the damned sun to fulfill her squirely duties. She heard rustling in the next room and knew that Jon was already awake and bustling. She sat up in bed and released yet another groan. Alanna of Trebond was not a morning person. The morning air was cold and crisp in her room and she shivered, pulling her sheets closer to her.
After a while she forced herself out of bed and began to wash her face. The first spray of cold water was rather refreshing. Awakening her like nothing before it. With a new found energy she started to dress and comb her hair. Not that she really had to do much. Her hair was cropped short like any old boy's. Finally she was ready, and with a final glance in the mirror to make sure she had no goo in her morning eyes, she knocked on the door that ajoined her Prince's room to her's.
He opened it and looked her over, quite amused. She was worse for the wear. Bags under her violet eyes and a slight pout to her mouth. His friend could never muster even slightstrength to actually look cheery in the mornings. He made way for her to enter.
"G'morning, young Trebond," he greeted, "Off to breakfast then?"
Alanna gave him one groggy look, eye for eye, then nodded. He smiled and placed an arm around her shoulders to steer her down to the Noble's Mess Hall. Alanna was like a drunk with an extremely bad hangover this time of day.
"Now that we're alone, why don't you tell me about this little...lover of yours?" he asked, corners of his mouth twitching.
She moaned openly before grumbling, "You know that's not true. I'd sooner fall in love with a court lady than a pig."
Her Knightmaster grinned, smugly, "And how do you know I was suggesting your lover was a court lady?"
Alanna stiffened, suddenly aware of how close he was standing to her, his arm slung around her shoulders. Her alertness was immediate and he relished in making her squrim. It was not an easy feat.
"Oh, look! The Mess Hall!" Alanna claimed, with an excitement not her own, before shrugging off his arm and hurrying inside.
She was thankful for losing him. She knew she could not hold out over him much longer if he was near her all the time. His charm was like a sickness that spread through her body. First taking her heart. Then her mind. Alanna would not allow that to happen. Would not allow herself to break her celibacy against love.
Instead she settled between Gary and Geoffery who, though being handsome, were not likely to tempt her urges. They both had nothing but tonight's ball on their minds which made for utterly boring conversation for Alanna.
"You mustn't over exert yourself at the ball, young one," Gary advised, "You need to have a good balance. You cannot be half so flirtaious as Jonathan but you also can't be half so prudent as Alan."
"Hey!" Alanna protested, taking the shot at her with offence.
"Just being honest, Alan," Gary said in way of apology, "You know it's true."
Alanna frowned but Geoffery snickered.
"Alan's not as imbalanced as you think, Gary," he stated, one of his bright smiles playing on his happy face.
"Oh no," Alanna muttered, hiding her face, "Douglass has gotten to you too! Don't tell Gary. You'll only poison his mind against me."
"Now I have to know what this is all about," Gary said, definitely.
"Alan's taken a liking to one of the ladies at court!" Geoffery practically squealed.
Gary seemed at a loss for words to say for once in his life. Shock etched all over his strong-boned face. He looked at Alanna as if wondering, 'Who are you and where is Alan?' Alanna blushed all shades of red.
"Mithros! Who would've thought it?" Gary said, after regaining his composure, "Why who is it, Alan? Who is this wonder woman that has finally captured your heart?"
'Well,' Alanna thought, 'This particular wonder woman is so amazing because she is really a man, you see. In fact, my wonder woman is the Crown Prince to Tortall.'
However, what she really said was, "There is no wonder woman, Gareth of Naxen, y'hear me? Behind this story is nothing but lies and rumors."
Gary did not seem convinced. In fact, it seemed everyone preferred to believe that Alanna had finally found someone to love rather than ignore what was so plainly the truth. Did they really believe she would fall in love so quickly and suddenly? Or did they just want to see their loverless friend finally find someone for himself? Or herself as it was.
Soon after breakfast, though, another distraction came. This time in the form of Timon, Duke Gareth's servingman.
"His Grace, wishes t'see ye," he said, simply.
Alanna looked up for the sword she was brandishing, obviously disturbed. What did the Duke want with her? Was she in some kind of trouble? Had her secret finally been figured out?
Seeing the horror-stricken look on her face, Timon added words of comfort, "Don't worry, sir. I dun think he plans to trouble ye much."
Feeling, slightly better, Alanna left Lightning in the care of Douglass before following Timon to Duke Gareth's office. Standing outside the door, she stopped. She heard voices. A man and a woman's. Getting more suspicious by each passing minute she knocked on the door.
"You may enter," Duke Gareth's voice floated out into the hall.
Alanna obliged and opened the door, keeping her eyes on her Duke.
"Good afternoon, your Grace," Alanna said, obediently, bowing.
"Same to you, Squire Alan," he said in return.
Alanna heard Timon close the door behind her and stood straight. The Duke was smiling at her but behind that smile was a hint of another feeling. What was it? Anger? Doubt? No. It looked more like confusion.
"You may greet your Aunt now, Squire," he said, making his order sound like he was giving permission for something.
'My aunt?' Alanna pondered, dumbfounded herself.
She turned around and saw the worst sight anybody could've asked for. There sat Lady Catherine. She was aged by seven years but it was nonetheless her. There was no mistaking those tight brown curls and that smirk of a smile. She looked Alanna up and down, a devious look in her eyes.
Alanna forced herself to speak. If she was going to keep up this act, she had to greet her Aunt as any nephew would.
"Aunt Catherine. I am overjoyed to see you," Alanna said with another bow, although her voice was expressionless. She knew that her future lay in the evil hands of this woman. While Lord Alan may not have noticed that there was no Alan of Trebond, Aunt Catherine definitely would. Sharp as a tack, she knew that there were only two Trebond children that were spun from Lord Alan. And maybe she also knew that the boy was at the City of the Gods. Which meant that the boy before her was no boy at all. However, even if she guessed all these things, she gave no inclination.
"Alan, it has been too long," Lady Catherine answered, a smile appearing on her face, "My, my, what a squire you have made. And to think, I had not forseen this in your future."
She knew. Alanna knew she knew. The Lioness gritted her teeth. She was at the mercy of a brutal savage!
"Mmm...," Alanna murmured, "Your visit came as a surprise to me, dearest Aunt."
She inclined her head, "That much is obvious."
An awkward silence fell between them. Duke Gareth cleared his throat.
"Well, as you can see now, Lady Catherine of Galla, Alan of Trebond clearly exists," Duke Gareth said, coldly, as if he and Alanna's Aunt had just had an argument over this.
"Clearly," Catherine repeated, her eyes sizing Alanna up, "I'm sorry to have forgotten about you, Alan. What between Alanna and Thom and you being the youngest. Forgive my old mind. It slips up sometimes."
"Oh, of course I forgive you. I am inclined by blood to forgive you," Alanna said, knowing she was treading on dangerous waters.
She couldn't believe Catherine was keeping Alanna's secret under wraps. However, she knew she must be very, very careful. Her Aunt's mind could be swayed easily. Make her angry once and she'd spill the beans.
Lady Catherine smiled, "You are oh so merciful, Alan."
Alanna had the dignity to blush, "Ehm. May I ask, Aunt, how long you are here for?"
"That much is undecided," Lady Catherine replied, grinning, "Your cousin, Helena, and I love to stay at the Royal Palace for as long as we can. We shall stay as long as we are welcomed."
Here she looked at Duke Gareth who countered with, "You will be welcomed for as long as you wish to stay."
Catherine smiled, "Fabulous. Well I must see myself off to my rooms. Good day, Duke Gareth. And as for you, Alan, I hope to see you at tonight's ball. I know Helena does."
With that she got up and swept out of the room with her usual elegance. Alanna watched her go, stricken. Helena and Catherine mixed for a very unpleasant visit in the next few weeks. She was shaking in her boots with worry. She could not risk losing her chance to become a Knight after coming so close just because of a wicked old woman and her whore of a daughter! She would not go down without a fight.
Seeing her shake, Duke Gareth misinterpreted what she was feeling, "Don't worry Alanna. I'll make sure they won't bother you much at tonight's ball. You'll be allowed all the usual pleasantries."
Alanna gave him a weak smile, "Am I permitted to leave for jousting?"
Duke Gareth nodded, "But, of course."
That evening Alanna told Jon of all her worries since he was the only one who would actually understand without exclaiming, 'You're a girl!' or dropping down in a dead faint. He assured her he'd help her to maintain her secret for as long as possible. But it did not calm her at all. She was only sixteen, her seventeenth birthday months away. She had to be at least eighteen to take the Ordeal of Knighthood and win her shield. They could not put off Lady Catherine and Helena for another year and a half. It was impossible.
A sullen and awfully broken down Alan attended the ball that evening. She was beginning to feel hopeless again just as she had when she was a young girl. Lurking in her corner, she was pleased to see neither Lady Catherine nor Cousin Helena.
"Why so down, Alan?"
Alanna looked up. Geoffery's face was heated from his latest dance with Yuna. The lady with the hairy legs.
"No reason that concerns you," Alanna snapped, her temper getting the better of her once again.
He rolled his eyes, "Come on now."
"Is that Yuna I see flirting with Gary?" Alanna asked, trying to divert his attention away from her.
"Where?" Geoffery looked up, frantically, his face suddenly angry.
Noticing the two of them together, he marched off. Stalking with rage. Alanna chuckled. For someone who pretended they didn't like Yuna, he did care an awful lot for her. That was love, Alanna supposed, Loving someone past their imperfections. Like the fact they had hairy legs. Or that they were an arrogant yet charming, spoilt yet kind, Prince. She stopped herself in her last thought with a loud sigh. She really couldn't afford to love Jonathan.
"Hello Cousin Alanna," someone whispered in her hear.
She nearly jumped out of her skin at that name. Whirling around she settled when she realized it was only Helena, though not much. Studying her older cousin she wrinkled her nose. It wasn't because Helena was ugly. It was because she was beautiful. Something Alanna could never hope to be. Not that she wanted to anyway.
"Don't call me that here!" Alanna whispered back, harshly.
"Alright. Alright. Don't go crazy, now," Helena replied, studying her.
Her final remark was blunt, "You're a boy."
"No, really?" Alanna said, sarcastically, knowing she really shouldn't push her luck.
Helena sneered, "I can see that becoming a boy hasn't changed your snarky attitude."
Alanna snorted, "And I can see you're still the same old prig as well."
Her cousin ignored her and instead chose to pose another question, "So what are you now? A page?"
"A squire," Alanna responded with pride in her tone.
Helena made a face as if it was lost to her why someone would give up a life as a soft, beautiful, noble lady to become a knight. There was glory, yes, but at the end of the day what did you get? An aged, bruised, body that had seen horrors no man could or should ever imagine. And that was if you were lucky. And a man. If you were a lady knight then you would also be husband-less and therefore have no children. Or if you did, they would most likely be illegitimate and therefore a bastard. Where was the fun in that? No wonder lady knights were exiled.
Alanna seemed to sense what she was thinking because she added, "It's a wonderful life and I never regret what I'm doing, you know."
Helena wondered for the sanity of this she-male beside her and said, "I don't think it's so wonderful. Besides, you can't flirt with any of the knights, then can you?"
Alanna was about to say she didn't need to flirt when she realized that maybe she had been doing a little bit of flirting. Was that thing idle yet embarrassing chatter between her and Jonathan flirting?
"I don't need to flirt," Alanna said, finally, "They're all too much of my friends."
"Like who?" Helena questioned, her interest growing.
"Like Gareth the younger of Naxen. Douglass and Geoffery over there. Raoul of Goldenlake and sometimes Alex of Tirragen," Alanna listed her friends.
"Hmm...they are rather desirable, aren't they?" Helena eyed them, eagerly, "How do you hold yourself?"
"I simply don't know," Alanna smirked, sarcasm dripping off her voice like rain droplets did off a leaf. She knew she could hold herself just fine.
"Which of them is your Knightmaster?" Helena implored, her interest growing as the talk of men grew.
"None of them," Alanna replied, smiling softly to herself.
"Then who? Don't tell me you got some old cout like that Fireth of Jakal," Helena moaned, sounding uncharactiscally unladylike.
"I thought you believed him handsome," Alanna grinned, teeth gleaming.
"Not since he got married," she said, solidly, "Now enough of this pussy-footing. Tell me who your Knightmaster is. Whether he be ugly or not. Might as well keep tabs."
"Well," Alanna said, relishing in the moment when she spoke the name of the most handsome bachelor in all of Tortall, "It's Jonathan. Of Conte."
Helena looked to her, the brown-haired beauty's eyes ready to bulge, "Say that again."
"Jonathan of Conte. He's one of my bestest friends."
"Not the very same-?"
"Oh yes. He is the very same. That is, if your talking about the heir to the throne of Tortall," Alanna teased, swimming in her sudden trance over Helena, "Why? Are you interested?"
Helena did not reply for quite some time as if she had fallen deep into thought. Her eyes glazed over as her eyes gently roamed the room, landing on the target. Jon was currently speaking to Lady Cythera and Raoul, a grin spread across his face as he spoke animatedly.
"Introduce me," Helene ordered.
Alanna blinked, "Excuse me?"
"Introduce me or I'll reveal your dirty little secret," Helena threatened, not even blanch faced.
Alanna did not need telling twice. She had to do Helena's bidding if she wanted to become a Knight. Cringing, fists balled up, and white-knuckled she made her way to her friends, face red. She hated this. This obeying she had to do. She also hated handing over her secret fancy over to her vindictive cousin.
Author's Note: Much more conversation in this chapter than the last. Anyways, I hope you like it. I try, I do. But if you don't like it I always appreciate constructive criticism. Just review, please. It makes my world go round.
winky-wink