Disclaimer: None of this is mine. None of the characters are mine unless I make up a few fake ones here and there like Helena. Who really is sort of like a portrait of Delia of Eldorne when you think about it...but anyways, just don't sue me.
Title: Ghost of the Past
Author: winky-wink
Genre: Romance/Humor/Drama
Rating: T (Just to be safe)
Pairing: Still undecided but looking to be A/J
Musical Affection: 'The Real Thing' by Gwen Stefani.
Author's Note:tortall princess: I can't say much about what will and won't happen in the plot yet. I'll just have to see, won't I? And, yes Helena is annoying and rude and obnoxious and all that crap. She's a true devil's adovocate.
Kokari: Helena like Delia? Yeah, actually I saw that. You can even see it mentioned in my disclaimer. She's a lot like Delia. I'll just have to have them meet then, won't I?
Kylie: I was thinking so too. It also goes with that time in Alanna's life when she was just learning about her feelings about him.
Well...I'm just writing as I go. So not much to say. Just that I'm drifting along right now, hoping to do a somewhat good job on all this ff business. Anyways I hope you enjoy.
'God man women beautiful and foolish. Beautiful, that man might love her and foolish, that she might love him back' -Anonymous
As Alanna and her cousin walked over to where Jon stood, casually chatting with their friends, she felt Helena come closer to her and link her arm with her's. She wanted to give the impression and they two of them were the closest of cousins. The Lioness tried to move away but Helena had a strong grip for such a tender-looking noble lady and, anyways, Alanna was at her mercy.
They had caught Jonathan's eye as they came over to him. Although, Alanna realized with a twisting in her stomach, he wasn't looking at her but at Helena. Even he realized she was beautiful. And why not? It wasn't like he really had anyone else. There was Delia of Eldorne but he had cast her aside ever since their return from the Drell River.
"Hello Alan," Jonathan greeted her, eyes lingering on her face for a moment before switching back to Helena, "I haven't seen you all night."
"Uh...I was rather preoccupied," Alanna replied, knowing there was no need to give him a proper answer since he was obviously not really heeding her words, "And hello Raoul. Lady Cythera."
She bowed, happy to have inched out of Helena's grasp. Lady Cythera held out her hand as was the duty of any noble lady. Alanna tried to hide her revulsion as she kissed it. She knew Helena would be enjoying this little moment and store it in her mind for later mental torture.
"Yes, and who's this, Alan?" Raoul asked, nodding to Helena, "Is this the court lady who has-"
"No!" Alanna cried, horror-stricken, she didn't need to be further embarrassed in front of cousin, "She's Lady Helena of Galla, my cousin."
Here, she shot Jonathan a meaningful look that she hoped translated to 'Don't get too friendly with her. She has fangs' but he didn't seem to notice. Insteadhe bowed, gallantly, to her great disapproval and lightly passed her fingers under his lips. Raoul followed suit. Lady Cythera could only bow in a nod her head, jealous of how the tables had turned. Alanna was fuming. And he said he was going to help her through this!
"It's a pleasure, I'm sure," Jon said, softly, a smile coming to his lips, "Any friend of Alan's is a friend of mine."
"I didn't say she was my friend. I said she was my cousin. There's a difference," Alanna retorted, coldly.
"Oh, Alan, do stop teasing!" Helena scolded with a laugh, breaking away the awkward moment, "He's a funny one, isn't he?"
"I can agree to that," Raoul grinned, thumping Alanna soundly on her back.
Alanna did not return the same. She only pouted. Never did she think that Helena's charm get to her friends. She had thought them unreachable. Guess not.
"So, my dear cousin tells me you're her Knightmaster, Your Highness," Helena stated, saying the closest connection they had thus far.
"Mmm, yes. Sh-ehm-he's quite a lot to handle sometimes," he smiled, grandly, and looked at Alanna who just pretended to ignore him. Sensing this he added, "But he's also one of my bestest of friends. Best fighter I've ever seen. Was a true hero in the Tusaine war."
He snatched Alanna up by the arm and held her tight against his side to emphasize his point, though she protested. She had wanted to give him the silent treatment as punishment for being so nice to her evil alter family. But when he looked down at her with those blue pools that some called eyes, lips turned up, she couldn't resist him. She smiled back and Helena quirked up an eyebrow. She was obviously wondering whether or notthe Crown Prince realized his squire, whom he had his arm swung around, was really a girl. Alanna was even pleased to see a hint of jealously at the closeness they shared. She smirked.
"Yes...He's simply astounding. Always surprising me," Helena commented, "Well I'd love to talk some more but I just remembered something I must bring to my mother's attention."
"That's apity. Perhaps we'll meet you later? How long are you in Corus for?" Raoul questioned, as he would've to anyone, as a polite gentleman.
"Quite a while, I suspect," Helena answered, and with a quick glance at Alanna and Jon, still standing side-by-side, she left.
"Your cousin is a jewel, that's for sure, Alan," Raoul murmured, watching her waltz across the room, "Wouldn't you agree, Jon?"
"Uh...-he looked at Alanna who acted as if she was oblivious to all this conversation- she's beautiful, if that's what you mean. I don't know so much about her person, yet," Jonathan said, hoping he hadn't said too much to put Alanna into a bad mood.
"Beautiful? Her nose is too small for her face!" Lady Cythera snapped, being used to being the one people called beautiful, "And her hair is the palest of brown. It's a tragedy she didn't get your fiery locks, Alan."
Alanna had never liked Lady Cythera more and was to say such before Raoul interrupted, "Isn't that a bit much? You make it seem likeshe's ugly! Don't tell me you're envious of her, Cythera, m'dear."
"Me? Jealous? Now that's a laugh," she pursed her lips, "I bid you farewell this evening, Raoul of Goldenlake, Alan, Your Highness."
"Aw, now look what you've done, Raoul. You've displeased and perhaps even upset Lady Cythera," Alanna joked, her eyes dancing.
"I was just being practical is all. I don't know what's got her petticoats in a bunch," Raoul shrugged, washing out his words with wine.
"Did you ever think to consider she likes you?" Jonathan joined in the the sudden Raoul-attack.
The bigger boy choked on his wine, "Pardon?"
"Loves you even. Maybe she suspected marriage," Alanna said, grinning.
"Oh no. I don't believe that's true. Women and balls aren't for me," Raoul said, nervously, swirling his wine.
"I don't think the women here tonight see it that way," Jon continued, "Poor old Raoul. Gaining the affections of one of the most beautiful women at court. What a big burden."
"Would be for me," Alanna muttered, unknowingly out loud.
"Well you're a different case, aren't you?" Jonathan countered, pointing out the obvious.
Raoul's face scrunched up in confusion, "Why is he a different case?"
Alanna and Jonathan only now realized their mistake. Trapping themselves amongst their own words. Especially Jon. He faltered in his response, looking to Alanna for aid but she had none.
"Erm...well...he's...rather younger than you, isn't he? Only a squire. Has many years to go before he has to find himself a wife," Jonathan settled, making up for his intial mistake.
"Yes, I suppose. But not all that younger," Raoul finished, seemingly satisfied by whatever Jon had made up.
Alanna sighed in relief but Raoul didn't notice. Instead he headed over to where Gary and Geoffery stood, having a heated argument. She couldn't hear it but she suspected it may be becauseof Lady Yuna, who was standing between them, looking shaken. Alanna immediately regretted having distracted Geoffery from their discussion with that as an excuse. However, the Goldenlake Knight looked fully capable to patch it up. The Lioness turned away, looking to the exit out of the Ball room.
"I'm leaving. Good night, Jonathan," she mumbled to him, stepping away.
"Wait!" he called after her, "I'm going too."
"You are? Why? You usually never leave a ball until you have to dragged out kicking and screaming with some Lady on your lap," Alanna snickered at his look of displeasure.
"Not true. But how about I just tell you that I have no Lady at court who interests me," Jonathan sighed, running a hand through his coal black hair.
Alanna raised an eyebrow, "You make it seem as if you have a lady outside of court. You don't, do you?"
It was his turn to laugh. Yet it was mirthless as if he couldn't believe what she was saying. As if he suspected her to know her something. Alanna searched her mind. Nope. She didn't have a clue. He had never mentioned anyone before.
"So what if I do?" he responded, finally, as they headed up to their rooms.
Alanna felt her heart wrench painfully and her stomach turn. He was courting some-some lady and she didn't even know it! And to think she had ever even hosted the idea of the two of them being together. Daydreamed about the day when he would hold her as something other than a friend.
"Oh," Alanna said, face unreadable, she had to strain hard to keep it non-caring and platonic.
He seemed surprised and a little hurt by her reaction to this piece of information. Well, what did he suspect? A loud whoop, followed by insistent questions about who it was and mindless giggling and eternal discussion? No, she wasn't like that. Why did he expect her to be?
"Night Alan," he said to her before going into his room and shutting the door.
Alanna stared at it for quite some time. He was never going to come out so what was the point in just standing there? But she almost wished he would. Instead of going into her rooms, she headed back down to the stables, hoping to get in a midnight ride with Moonlight. She had much to think about. Why not ponder it over with a glass of rum from the Dancing Dove? She'd see George there for certain and maybe even confide in him.
Within minutes she came out into the moonlight, her copper locks looking eerie in the silvery light. As usual, Stefan was there at the stables, tending to Darkness, Jon's horse who was housed next to Moonlight.
"Greetings, sir," he nodded to her before continuing his work, "I thought ye'd be up at ther castle fer th'ball."
Alanna shook her head, "I'd rather be riding."
Stefan nodded once again. This time with a certain respect for the squire. He helped the young Trebond harness Moonlight. The golden horse nuzzled Alanna's shoulder, affectionately when she (Not sure about Moonlight's sex. I'm going to say girl.) realized Alanna was there and that there was to be riding. Alanna smiled and stroked her mane.
"Yer in love, aren't ye, lass?" Stefan asked, caressing Moonlight's long and slender neck.
Alanna looked up in shock, mouth gapped wide, "Excuse me?"
A thousand thoughts whirled her mind. Her? In love?
"Moonlight. She's in love," Stefan explained, a smile playing on his chapped lips.
Alanna resisted her sigh of relief since it would only cause suspicion from Stefan. Instead she posed a question, "Who's she in love with exactly?"
"That'un yonder," he replied with a jut of the head.
Alanna turned around and saw Darkness, Jon's black stallion, standing there, looking at her with those handsome dark eyes. She felt an odd mixture of emotions that someone didn't generally feel when they realized their horse had taken a fancy to another's. First, she was amused. Secondly, she was warmed. As if the thought of her horse and Jon's horse being in love was some kind of romantic thing that could lead to-possibly-her and Jon. She shook away her silly thought. Great Mother Goddess! Hadn't he told her that very night he was interested in someone else?
'Actually' an annoying voice in the back of her mind said matter-of-factly, 'He didn't say someone else, precisely. Just mentioned there was someone he was interested in. Why couldn't that someone be you?'
The Trebond actually shook her head to get the thought out of her mind. Love was a distraction. Distractions often lost you fights. She couldn't risk that. Instead she asked another question, something made to be applied to the horses but she had in mind of it being answers for situations with others as well.
"How do you know-...when someone's in love?" Alanna inquired, trying to seem casual.
Stefan looked at her, closely. More closely than he ever had before. For a second Alanna was afraid of him reading all her secrets. But he looked away after a brief moment and responded, "Well, ye just know, don ye? Its'a feelin' like y'could never stay away from that person. Like y'dd risk it all for the other person. But I couldn't really tell ye. The only creatures I've really seen in love be the horses."
"Mmm...," Alanna trailed off then suddenly slammed back on track, "I should get going if I want to be back at the palace before dawn. Good night, Stefan."
He watched the Firehead ride off with Moonlight, looking extremely graceful and heroic.
The Dancing Dove was just as wild as most nights with reckless drunks and countless prostitutes at every nook and craney in the bar. As Alanna entered, many of the usuals greeted her, heartily. She nodded in return, face brightening. Some offered her to sit and have a drink but she refused. Instead, she purposefully headed to the bar and asked to see George. She hadn't really planned to come to the Dancing Dove just to see him but when she'd gotten here she realized that was her goal all along. He was one of the few people who knew her biggest secret and therefore was easy to confide in and could understand like no other. Especially now that she couldn't talk to Jon. How awkward would it be to talk to the Prince about his own squire loving him? Very, she decided, glad that George was always around to have a shoulder to lean on.
A waitress ushered Alanna to a back room, down a darkened hallway, lit only by the faintest of candles.
"Wait in here and he'll be with you in a moment. He just as some unfinished business to wrap up," the waitress gave her a scarily michevious look and Alanna tried not to imagine what that business could be.
She didn't exactly hold it against George. He had no other choice from the path of life he'd chosen. The King of Rogues, she was sure, had to do things, she could think...unthinkable. That was the life of a thief for you.
After a minute or two, the great oak door opened and George entered, a wide grin on his face. He shut the door behind him and spoke.
"Alanna, it's been a while," George stated, meaning to pat her arm but ended up stroking it.
Alanna twitched uncomfortably. That was the one thing wrong with George. He fancied her. She wished with all her heart that he wouldn't but luckily he didn't act upon it much. And when he did, she took it with as much tolerance as possible because she felt guilty for not returning the same affections.
"Only four days," Alanna pointed out, "Not that long."
"Four days y'say?" George said, thoughtfully, taking a seat, "Feels longer."
Alanna shrugged, "How are you, anyways?"
"Not bad. Not good. Some rebels are causing me trouble. Fortunately, we settled it tonight. Believe me you, they won't be causing trouble anymore," he said with a chuckle. A chill ran up her spine. He noticed and added, "Oh no! Not that.-he laughed again- I don't usually do that."
She gave him a relieved smiled, "Good. Listen, you must be wondering why I'm here?"
"No. I'm just glad to see you. You look beautiful by the way," he commented.
She blushed and tried to hide it behind her hand but he noticed anyway, "Well, actually, I'm here for a reason other than receiving compliments. I came to ask you for advice."
He raised an eyebrow, "The Great Alanna of Trebond asking me for advice? On what?"
Alanna took a deep breather, "It's sort of hypothetical. Like...it isn't happening. I just wanted to know what I should do if I were ever in this situation, you know what I mean? It's more like I'm asking for a friend. Not me."
George nodded, slowly, keeping his eyes on hers, as if understanding perfectly. His lips twitched, "I believe I can understand. Give it to me, then."
"Ok. Ok!...ok...Here goes. You see, say there's this girl-"
"What's her name?" George implored, acting innocently curious.
"Erm...Katrina," Alanna answered, feeling hot all of a sudden, "And well, Katrina has a best friend. A male best friend. And, recently-"
"What's her best friend's name?" George interrupted once again, this time not able to hide his smile at her obvious discomfort.
"J-uh-J-J-Jack," Alanna spluttered.
"So Katrina has a male best friend named Jack?"
"Yes."
"Go on."
"Alright...where was I? Oh. Um, yes, as I was saying recently Katrina started to realize she might have some feelings for Jack. Romantic feelings. But Jack seems oblivious to it all. And it hurts. Hurts a lot. Not that Katrina exactly wants to be having these feelings either, but she can't help it, can she? So, whenever she sees Jack with another woman she feels like a little piece of her heart is breaking. What should she do?"
George stayed silent for a long time. Something had come over him that Alanna had not noticed before. He seemed...sad? She frowned. Why? She hadn't meant to make him this way.
"So Katrina's sure she loves Jack?" he questioned, his voice quiet and frightening serious.
"Love? Oh, Goddess, no! But she knows she likes him," Alanna replied, her body shaking. Was that unshakable feeling love? It couldn't be.
"I see," George said, brightening slightly, though not much, "I suggest Katrina tell Jack. I know the idea may frighten her but perhaps getting it out in the open will help give her some closure. If she's ever to move on, that is."
"Move on?" Alanna blanched, "To who?"
George peered at her across the table and reached his warm hand out and took her cold one, "I happen to know someone who loves Katrina, very, very much. And, even though she is so clearly interested in someone else, he'll wait till the end of the world to get her."
Alanna squirmed, uncomfortably. The whole time George held her hand all she could give about was Jonathan. Jonathan. Jonathan. Jonathan. She groaned inwardly from the frustration. Why couldn't she let the Prince go and love the person that had loved her all along?
"I have to go, George," Alanna said, finally, getting up.
George smiled, softly, "I thought you would say that. 'Night Alanna. Just think about what I said, alright?"
Just as she reached the door, she looked back and called back over her shoulder, "Of course."
"Promise me?" he suggested.
"George...," Alanna sighed, not really wanting to.
"Please?" he said.
"Alright, I promise," Alanna said, just to please him before sliding out the door. She knew that was a promise she wasn't going to keep.
She was foolish. That much was true. What kind of Knight would she make? Faithful was right. She was a lovesick girl. Alanna of Trebond looked down at her notebook in embarrassment. Etched all over it, were the words: Alanna of Conte. Ugh, not even Delia did this probably. And here she was, a senior squire, knight-to-be-in-training, ajoining her name with that of another man's. She hated herself right now.
"Alan, please pay attention," the Etiquette Master scolded her, "What are you scribbling? Give that here."
Alanna blushed the deepest of reds. This couldn't be happening to her. Douglass and Geoffery looked at her in amusement, wondering what good old Alan could possibly be writing with such intense concentration.
"I can't, sir. I'm sorry," Alanna said, sinking lower in her desk and trying to stuff the notebook away.
Give this notebook to the Etiquette Master and all her secrets would be revealed. No. No. No. Her chances of becoming a Knight where already cut in half thanks to Helena and Lady Catherine. She couldn't let the Etiquette Master rip apart the rest of the slim pickings.
"Pardon? I do not believe I heard you right," the Etiquette Master said, coldly, clearly not pleased.
"Just give him the notebook, Alan," Douglass whispered in her ear, hoping to talk some sense into her.
"You heard me alright, sir," Alanna said, trying to keep her voice strong but she noticed it waver.
"No, no. Tell me I heard you wrong. I think, no wait, I know I just told you to hand over that notebook, young man. And I hope you didn't just say no because disobedience is severely punished around here. And for that, I will read the entire contents of the notebook out to the entire class," the etiquette master snarled, looked down his nose at her.
Alanna had one of two choices. Hand over the book and get revealed for the girl she really was and lose the chance of becoming a Knight or to run for it. She was about to choose the latter when the door opened and her Knight in shining armor entered. Sir Myles of Olau.
"Sir Myles," the Etiquette Master greeted him, turning away from Alanna, "How can I be of service?"
"I just came to borrow a few textbooks, good sir," he said, and noticing Alanna, winked at her.
"Which ones?" the Etiquette Master demanded, heading over to his bookshelf.
"Here's the list," Sir Myles said, handing it over to him. It was long. Very long, Alanna noticed to her relief.
"Hmm...," the Etiquette Master searched his shelf, thumbing a few books here and there, "Let me see."
Just then the bell rang for the students to get to the next class. Everyone jumped up, shuffling their books and scrolls together. Alanna thanked the gods and rushed to get out of the classroom with Douglass and Geoffery at her heel.
"Alan?" the Etiquette Master called above the hurry, "A two hundred essay for tomorrow on 'Why not to write notes in class' please."
Alanna hung her head and nodded. However, once outside, her face was flushed from the excitement of escaping. She was free! Off the hook! She was so caught up that she didn't even notice that Geoffery had tugged her notebook out from under her sweating fingers. However, once she noticed the corner of her notebook in her companion's hands, she frantically made to reach for the leather bound secret-keeper.
"Geoffery, give it back this instant!" Alanna yelled, getting heated.
He threw it to Douglass, laughing. The other boy caught it and opened it to the page Alanna had been scribbling on. No! All this work, all six years of it, would be for nothing now. Douglass looked at its contents and looked up at his redheaded friend, shock apparent on his handsome young face. Geoffery hastened to get a look at it before Alanna gave him a black eye and looked just as surprised as Douglass had. Alanna sighed. Why not let the whole world read it?
"So...," Alanna said after a while, "I guess you know my secret now."
Her voice could never have been sadder than it was then. Her heart was broken. She'd lose all her friends. Who'd want to befriend a liar? A she-male?
"Yeah," Douglass grinned, "I suppose we do. Alanna of Conte? Is that like-Jon's cousin or something?"
"Huh?" Alanna looked up, confused, "I don't think you understand..."
"Oh, we understand perfectly," Geoffery intervened, "You're in love with this Alanna of Conte. She's obviously royalty. But I wonder how come I've never seen her. Is she one of those quiet ones in the corner?"
Alanna suddenly understood what they were getting at. They thought Alan of Trebond and Alanna of Conte were two very different people. She laughed in a choked sort of way. Saved again! The Great Mother Goddess really was watching her. Except this time she'd left Alanna with a great mess to clean up after.
"Um no," Alanna replied, quickly trying to make up a story, "She's never at court. Never ever. She doesn't like it. And uh, yeah, she's Jon's cousin. About my age and, yes, I do love her. She's the court lady I've been trying to deny."
Geoffery grinned and Douglass followed suit, "We have to meet her. Judging from the looks of most of the royal family, she must be a stunner."
"That she is," Alanna said, trying to play along, and grinning to herself at the obsurity of it all.
"Tell me, does Jon know you love his cousin?" Douglass asked, the three were hurrying along to lunch now.
"No," Alanna answered, sharply, "And don't tell him. I prefer him not to know."
"Ah," Geoffery nodded, "I can relate. Once I courted my friend's sister and never heard the end of it when he found out about it. He thought I should marry her or something."
"Yes, and I don't want that between Jonathan and me," Alanna went on, "He is one of my best friends."
If Jonathan never found out what could it hurt? Douglass and Geoffery would be satisfied and would stop pestering her about her lover. And, as a bonus, Alanna had already credited the fake Conte with a reputation of hating court. Perfect. Perhaps she could manage this after all.
Author's Note: And the plot gets more complicated. Haha. I hope you all liked it. Alanna of Conte, Helena, and Lady Catherine mix to cause quite a lot of trouble for our favourite Lioness as the story goes on.
winky-wink