"Just Like the Wind"
By: Princess Sassafras
Notes: Good Lord, I've written a Legal Drug fanfic! I am now in love with Kazahaya…yes, definitely in love…and this fic is birthed from that. Just enjoy it!
Slight Shounen-ai.
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My name is Kazahaya. Early on I realized I could snatch memories from man or beast or thing. Anything that has a spirit…anything that I touch…can lend to me its history. It may sound strange to you, but one day I looked into a mirror and realized I wasn't ugly.
What does this have to do with my gift? I'll tell you. One day I woke up and had nothing to concentrate on. No work, none of Kakei-san's special assignments, and no more sleep to squeeze out of the day. No urge to touch anything, no accidental visions. I only looked into the mirror, and saw…myself. And I remembered all of those hopeful stories that boys told about girls who didn't turn really pretty until high school, girls who had been concerned previously only with books or being kind to people, and that once they were beautiful had no idea that they were. Guys like to take advantage of girls like that, I think. Or at least snatch them up as fast as they can.
I will never be normal. It is not only because of my powers or how I spend my time (certain special projects for example), but also because I do not think normally. My thoughts are trained outside of myself all the time. Other than desiring—naturally—the basic things that a seventeen-year-old male would want, like good food and good sleep and nice clothes, what attention do I want for myself? It seems every human being is always seeking some kind of outside human attention. They need friends, lovers, co-workers to fill their time with…what? They are looking for places to tie themselves down, people and jobs and homes to tie themselves to. I have no such desire.
If it weren't for other people, what would being attractive be for? It is not for us, but for others that we as a race primp and dress. I have never much cared for primping or dressing.
I am beautiful. I do not say so braggingly, but in awe. It is a simple fact. And I did not realize it until very recently. I was too busy feeling or knowing things outside of myself, or running from place to place, to notice.
Running…blowing about from place to place. I can never keep still; it feels natural to move. If I am trapped somewhere unmoving it is like dying. That's why I lay down in the dead cold snow that night, almost wishing not to be found. A part of me would rather die than have nowhere to go. But I would rather go nowhere than stay somewhere where there was no room to move.
"Kazahaya…your name is like a warning. It's telling you that one day, you might disappear…just like the wind."
Where am I going and when can I stop? When can I have endless days like that one day I looked into the mirror and smiled at myself for the first time? I want to wear new things and sit with someone I love in a teashop after a long day at a normal office. I want toget one of those dogs I saw on TV. When can Ibe stilllong enough to have these things?
I am a fleeting being; being fixed is death. Those who love me will die a sort of death, too. Unless they, like me, are made to move.
Only one being seems to be able to keep up with me, and I wish he wouldn't. Each time I fall he is there to drag me up by the scruff of my neck.
Each hell's cave I blow myself into isn't empty for long; his hulking, hovering form is soon against my back. How I loathe his presence.
How I loathe his disapproval. How I loathe his snide or crude remarks. How I loathe…
But I do not loathe him. And that is what I loathe the most.
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As if none of you LG fans know whom I meant by "him!" Gosh.
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