Authoress Notes: Well, here it is, the sister fic to Disorder and Harmony. I must warn others who have not finished Xenosaga Episode Two: Jenseits von Gut und Bose will see spoilers here. With that aside, please enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Xenosaga.
Pairings: chaosxKOS-MOS implied WilhelmxKOS-MOS and chaosxKOS-MOSxWilhelm.
Plot/Summary: Reflections lead down the path of memories of chaos. A quiet moment in the Durandal, a prelude to a dark tide. Takes place after the end of Xenosaga Episode Two.
Antithesis
By: xKuroSeraphimx
---
"I've made up my mind. I won't hold back anymore."
He entered the vacant park of the Durandal, moving steadily and silently between the fountain and seats.
"That's wonderful. I'm thrilled… that you'll finally be entering the stage."
Finding his favorite, red bench, he sat upon it, sea, and translucent eyes gazing at the scenery of the Kukai Foundation. Dots of stars blinked in and out as the Foundation's petal-shaped shields moved slowly on their own. He let out a sigh, content in just sitting idly alone in the park.
It was rare moments like this did chaos find a sense of peace from his usual, hectic life.
I made my decision, he thought, his eyes softening slightly. Can't go back on it now, can I?
It was finally time to step in, much as he didn't want to. chaos knew that was what the CEO of Vector Industries, Wilhelm, was waiting for a long time. He knew that by placing his friends in danger, chaos was likely to cave in and enter Wilhelm's twisted and cosmic opera.
chaos's eyes narrowed. Yet…
"Don't talk as if you're any better than me." His voice came out in a deceptively benevolent hiss. "After all, you want –her- to awaken just as much as the rest of us do."
"And causing others pain would satisfy her when she does?" he objected hotly, anger boiling in his chest.
Cerise eyes glared down at him with a malicious glint in them. "You forget, my dear old friend," he empathized the word with a sneer. "Having others suffer will call out to her, and slowly, but surely, she will react. Eventually. Has she not reacted to you a couple times before?"
The tanned-skinned man fell silent at that, wondering how he could have known about what happened between them. His counterpart smirked smugly before having his back facing towards him.
"I am not blind to that sort of thing, my friend," he said, his voice laced with a highly condescending tone. "Her reactions only show us how well the plan is going, despite the decisions your friends have made."
"… I can't allow this."
The pale man snorted. "And what are you going to do about it? Will you attempt to try and guide her down a different path before she awakens?" he chuckled. "Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. Perhaps this will serve to make the drama more exciting."
He turned to face his platinum-haired friend who continued to glare at him coldly. He effortlessly sent the same amount of coldness with a calm, beguiling smile.
"Yes… Of course, it's always been easy for you to fool people, hmm, Yeshua?"
Look who's talking… chaos thought bitterly once the memory faded back into the recesses of his mind. Still, he could not deny the truth of Wilhelm's words that time.
But the time when he would finally bare all secrets was soon approaching. He wondered how his comrades would take to the news. Probably stunned or refused to believe him, he bet. Angry? Betrayed? chaos knew his friends would not take to what would soon be told to them very highly. They would hate to have someone rule over their lives like some cruel game. No, they wanted freedom over their own lives and destinies; who's right did someone have to play God over them?
A man who knew how the basic human mind would think and act, that's what. Over the course of his long life, Wilhelm studied the workings of Men, through their trials and tribulations. See their need for knowledge and power, stabbing others in the back to obtain what they wanted. Watch their triumphs over hard times or crash and burn over an accident. Humans, he thought, were simple, easy beings that took little effort to manipulate.
Of course, chaos knew he didn't act that way from the start. Wilhelm once saw life the way chaos did. Both men saw the light of others grow and bloom into bright diamonds.
And then, ironically, fall for the same woman.
The two were entranced by the shining will she held within herself. Great and beautiful as was the rest of her, what choice did they have but to submit? She was kind, warm, and loving; a being that was rare founded on that day and age. Maybe that's what drew them towards her. They learned many things from each other, and before they knew it, they became the best of friends. A trio walking down the same winding path of immortality.
However, just as a precious diamond being coveted by two treasure hunters, the two men were unknowingly thrust into a competition for her affection.
It was always thought that Wilhelm would win, with his charming smile and gorgeous looks. He always seemed to be the better of the two. chaos couldn't help but feel a spike of jealousy spark within him at the thought.
Yet, she chose him. Chose to be with him to comfort his pain, take it away within herself and bear it with him. She chose to be by his side…
… until death parts us.
Surprisingly, Wilhelm consented to her decision easily with a fake, sad smile. "If it is her decision to choose you, then I will step down from it." He had said then. It wasn't long before they found out the sweet venom beneath his words, the covetousness inside his heart spiraling down to something mad and cold.
Innumerable amount of years passed, but something had changed within Wilhelm. He still kept that cordial, sweet smile reserved only for –her-, but his attitude had gradually darkened little by little. chaos berated himself for he should have seen this sooner. That way, he could have saved her… Saved her from…
Blood flowed down his hands from the wound in her stomach…The dagger gleamed under the light from the stained glass windows of the church, glinting with crimson lifeblood…
A scream of anguish and pain erupted from his throat…
A smirk of cruelty…
A dagger of death…
Her fading body held tightly in his arms while she caressed his cheek…
"To die… Is to give life to another…"
He brought a leg up to his chest, hugging himself as the painful memory replayed itself in his mind. A knife to the heart would hurt less. "… Why…? Why did you have to die, M—"
chaos's head jerked to the faint sound of metal tapping metal in the pattern of walking. He looked over his shoulder, surprised at the newcomer's presence.
"chaos,"
"… KOS-MOS?"
Indeed it was the Anti-Gnosis Battle Android, KOS-MOS who stepped in the park. Her cerulean-colored hair still shined beautifully under the dim light of the park's neo lights. As if to answer her arrival, artificial fireflies started to drift around the area, adding more light than was already needed.
chaos straightened in his seat, greeting her with a warm, yet melancholic smile. "Hello, KOS-MOS. Good to see you," he said softly. "What are you doing here?"
She took several, long steps towards the bench he sat on and stopped when she was a mere few feet away. "Captain Matthews has requested your presence on the Elsa within half an hour." She answered simply, her voice cold and monotone.
"Ah, I see…" chaos nodded in confirmation. "Half an hour, huh? I've still got plenty of time." He turned his head back to the window before him, his expression softening slightly.
KOS-MOS stared at him intently, her ruby-red eyes scanning every inch of chaos's frame. Silence kicked in between them, not unsettling the two, as words didn't seem important now. Finally, out of curiosity, she spoke,
"May I ask what you have been doing here alone?"
The question itself surprised chaos a little. He did not expect the android to wonder what he would do in his free time. Not that it should have been expected, anyway. Still, it lightened his heart.
"Oh. Well… I was… thinking about the past. The people I've met, have spoken to, greeted… Stuff like that." He answered, his voice taking on an airy, drifting tone.
She was silent for a few moments. "I understand that memories are precious, are they not?"
He nodded. "Yes… Good or bad, sometimes memories help us define what we are. Reminding us what we did back then, what we used to want to be when we grow up, and showing us how much we've progressed over time." chaos paused for a second. "… Without memories… we lose sight of what we really are."
KOS-MOS scanned chaos again. From what she gained from her observation, she deduced that his aura was permeating a sense of intense inner sadness and pain. This brought to mind what she had said to him a while back…
"Relinquish your pain… unto me…"
She did not understand why the memory suddenly popped into her head. She realized, however, that it wouldn't be easy for a being such as chaos, who offered much to others while expecting little to nothing in return, would let go of his turmoil to another. Why not? He had much baggage on his shoulders; why not share it with another? Would it not be less painful for him? KOS-MOS asked herself.
"If memories bring you pain," KOS-MOS started. "Would it not be beneficial just to forget them?"
He sighed, shaking his head. "If it were that easy as you say, KOS-MOS, humans wouldn't evolve with time." Despite his words, he smiled slightly. "But… you're right, memories do bring pain. But without the bad, where would the joy be in remembering the good? Sometimes we hold them both to find a sense of… verification of our existence."
This brought to mind the white-haired U.R.T.V., Albedo's words back in Proto Merkabah.
"And you know what? Perception and pain are but one and the same."
No matter how twisted Albedo seemed in his head, he was probably the one person that understood the true concept of pain and existence. Not being able to die and living life as an immortal, chaos felt a sort of morbid kinship with him when he said that.
Then another figment of his memory came to him, causing him to close his eyes as his head throbbed slightly.
"Why? Why did you do this? What are you going to gain out of all this?"
"Oh, don't be so angry, my friend. I had to do it. She even knew about herself. Don't think I'm the one to blame."
"But why would—"
"She had to choose… Either you, or billions of people she has no recollection of ever meeting in her life. I'm sure, by now, you know what she stuck with."
---
"You think this will ever last?" she asked him, twirling graceful in the waist deep water.
He sat at the edge of the pond, watching her with a loving, yet longing expression on his face.
"What will last?"
"This peace…" She spread her arms wide towards the sky, her white summer dress spread out like a fan. "Do you think this peace we're living in now will last?"
"I wish it would."
She stopped and looked at him, glittering, azure eyes alight with love. "That didn't answer my question and you know that."
He chuckled and stood up before he walked towards her in the water. He didn't even feel the coldness of the pond; the only thing that mattered was the angel before him.
"Honestly, I don't know. I feel… I feel that something will happen that will shatter this peace." He removed his attention from the sky and placing it on her. "But for now, we shouldn't worry about that. We should worry about today and just live it." He pulled her in his arms, savoring the feel of her against him.
Her lips stretched into a smile against his chest before she returned the hug. "I guess you're right…"
---
chaos jerked out of his reverie when he felt cold, metal arms snake around his neck in a gentle embrace. His eyes widened when cerulean locks mingled with his silver strands until a chin was placed upon his head.
"… K-KOS-MOS…!" he whispered, alarmed at what she was doing.
"You are crying," she replied, equally softly. "Are hugs not a gesture of comfort between humans when one is in pain?"
The tanned-skinned man became startlingly aware of streaks of salty tears running down his cheeks. He was crying? When? All this was quickly shoved out of his mind when he realized what KOS-MOS was trying to do for him. His heart clenched once the thought finally dawned on him, and he smiled, a true, genuine smile that he hadn't shown once in a long, long time.
A gloved hand came up to rest on one of her arms to accept her soothing embrace. He reclined into her body, feeling more content to just be in her arms than ever before. Others may see her as a mere weapon, but he saw much more than that. He saw the familiar shining will that was hidden well beneath her, just waiting to burst forth when the time was right. He'd be damned if he let that drown out again.
"… Thank you… so much, KOS-MOS…" chaos murmured lovingly towards her.
"I… am happy to be of service." She replied quietly, slightly increasing her grip unconsciously in the hug.
---
The Compass of Order spun idly on the CEO's desk. Said man laced his fingers together, placing them under his chin as he gazed expectantly at the rotating trinket, cerise eyes glowing with a strange glint.
"So he'll finally be entering the stage…" Wilhelm said to himself. "This shall be interesting. Very interesting indeed…"
His advisor and aide, the Red Testament, stood silently a few feet away from his superior's desk. He turned his head slightly to face the new member of their group, the White Testament, walk in.
"So, Weaver," the Red Testament greeted him as. "What news have you brought to us now?"
His colleague grunted before crossing his arms over his chest. "I have a message," he drawled. "To Master Wilhelm."
"And what is it?" Wilhelm asked directly.
There was silence as the White Testament smirked behind his ivory mask before he said, "Reports say that T-elos is complete. However, –they- will need some time to test her full capacity and see if she needs any last minute adjustments before she proceeds out to the galaxy."
"I see…" the pale man smiled thoughtfully. He turned in his seat and stared at the view of stars out the window. "Well done. It is only a matter of time until everything is complete…"
Caught up in his own world, Wilhelm raised a delicate hand towards the sky as if to catch one of the burning stars. His eyes glazed while the smile on his face widened an inch or two.
Mary, Mary… It will not be long before you appear to us again…
---
"chaos, it is near time that you arrive on the Elsa," KOS-MOS announced, withdrawing from his body.
chaos inwardly pouted at the absence of her arms around his neck. He held back the expression from showing on his face and sighed, standing up from his seat. He stretched for a moment and smiled at her.
"I guess it is…" he replied. "KOS-MOS… Thank you, again, for comforting me. I'm… really glad you took the time to be with me."
The android merely nodded in response, maybe because she didn't find the need to say anything or couldn't find it. The answer was probably the former, anyway. chaos watched her turn on her heel and began walking away from him, and he bit his lip at the sight of her leaving. For some reason, it felt like she was walking away from him for good…
And he didn't want that.
Before he could stop himself, or even know what he was doing, chaos held her from behind. KOS-MOS stopped, feeling one of his arms encircle her neck while the other went around her slim waist. Something… started to pound in her chest. This feeling, a feeling highly foreign to her senses and made her logical drive stop dead in its tracks.
"… chaos," she called, feeling her communications system act odd. "If we do not detach ourselves from this position, you will be la—"
"This may be," he whispered near her ear, the heat of his breath frazzling her senses. "The last time I ever… get to hold you in my arms like this…"
An impregnable silence filled the air around them, the fireflies flickering in and out. chaos motioned for her body to be pressed more firmly against his, as if he let her go, she'd disappear forever. A strange sense of… possessiveness sparked inside his chest, but he stomped that down. Instead, a dark voice filled his head, whispering venomous words that nearly made chaos nearly falter in his grip around the cerulean-haired android.
I won't let her die. Not ever again! I will not lose her! Not for a second time! I will not allow her to escape me again!
chaos growled at himself inwardly, wondering why these feelings were trying to break the surface. She didn't belong to him now. That was all in the past…
But…
No, he needed to restrain himself. He needed to be patient. He couldn't let his personal wants and feelings to cloud his better judgment. chaos couldn't walk away from his main objective.
… No matter how tempting it would be just to let go.
He let out a pained sigh before reluctantly, agonizingly, retracted his arms from her cold body, taking a step back.
"… Sorry," he apologized, feeling oddly guilty all of a sudden. "You… You go on ahead. I'll catch up in a minute."
KOS-MOS seemed to hesitate leaving him there, but nonetheless complied. Once she was finally gone, he sighed again, raking a hand through his silver hair. Another sound reached his ears from behind, but he didn't need to turn to where the sound came to find out whom it was.
"You were to remain neutral," Nephilim said in her hauntingly wise voice. "Now look what has happened. " Her tone suggested that she was slightly disappointed at his current behavior.
"… I couldn't help myself," he replied quietly, staring at a passing firefly above.
"Truly," the auburn-haired girl began. "Now I begin to understand why have dubbed yourself 'chaos'."
He was silent at that. The word chaos seemed to rightly describe his state of mind when –she- … left. Disordered, lost, and plunging into a state close to madness. Eternity for him was supposed to be full of happiness and joy with –her- by his side. All it did was transform into a living hell. Over time, he grew to quell the mad side of him and decided to stick with the name chaos. After all…
"Names tend to link themselves to memories, both good and bad." Jr.'s words echoed faintly in his ears as chaos recalled what he meant.
Also, chaos was the opposite of cosmos, two sides of a coin, each half of a whole. He smiled at the thought.
chaos looked over his shoulder but found nothing. Nephilim had gone, leaving him alone in the Durandal's park. Shaking his head, he realized that he was really close to being late and receiving a loud rebuke from the Captain. He set off in a run, wondering if KOS-MOS was waiting for him by the train. A smile stretched on his lips when he found the familiar head of hair that only belonged to the android standing by the train.
Cosmos and chaos, huh…? Antithesis of the other…
Fitting, as she's my opposite and end.
END
---
Well, here's to this fic! I hope you enjoyed this one-shot, as I finally got off my lazy horse and posted it. If you liked it, please review. Bye!