HELLO ALL! welcome to my first south park fic ever. aren't you proud? I've come to the conclution that kyle/cartman is the best pairing EVER and there aren't enough of them. so I've decided to contribute. I was inspired by "Weight of My Love" by Bagatelle and "To Hear Your Voice" by californianwhohatescalifornia. yay thanks!
disclaimer: trey parker and matt stone own us all
warnings: this story contains slash. duh. by now you've gotten the idea, and so if you're offended by slash or even KYLE/CARTMAN and decide to flame me, I will be mad.
enjoy!
KYLE'S POV
I was looking into the face of Eric Cartman and in that moment I knew I'd hate him forever.
"What, are you scared, Jew? Ten bucks says that I'll pass that English final with higher marks than you," he snarled.
I really did hate him. Honestly, right then I couldn't care less if lightning struck his fat ass and burned him to death.
"I'm not scared, I just know that you're going to cheat," I replied
"Kyle, when have I ever done anything less than honest?" Oh gee, how about never?
"Come on Cartman, he's not gonna waste ten bucks like that," Kenny mumbled. I swear, Kenny should have his own language with that fucking hood encrypting everything he's ever said.
"Wait, you're saying that Cartman's gonna win? Dude, that's low," Stan laughed.
"Ay! Shut your fucking mouth, Stan, this doesn't concern you. But yes, I will win."
Fifteen years old, all of us, stuck in the last week as Freshmen at Middle Park High. South Park being the hick town it is, it never had its own high school.
"Hey look the bus is here," I said, without enthusiasm.
Stan rushes past us and jumps on the bus, reserving his seat next to Wendy. I laugh inwardly; he's so whipped. Nothing much has changed between Wendy and Stan over the years. They're not officially a "couple" but its well known throughout all of South Park that they belong to each other. She even got him to ditch his hat, and I can't figure that one out. He hasn't worn it since sixth grade, unless it was really cold as in the oh-my-God-I'm-gonna-fucking-die-in-the-cold-out-there type weather.
Kenny follows Stan onto the bus, flipping open one of his dad's Play Boys'. It's a wonder that boy's been able to pass everything when all he does is sit and class and rub up against the desk. There probably isn't a single female in all of South Park who can say they've never slept with Kenny. He drinks, steals, smokes, and is as poor as dirt and yet he's still seeing more action than a Resident Evil movie, which is saying something.
I climb the steps up the bus, tugging my signature hat down further on my head, making sure all of my hair is covered. I haven't cut it in about two months, and its getting pretty bad. I take a seat next to Bebe, behind Stan and Wendy. In all honesty, that girl scares the hell out of me, but she's Wendy's best friend, who's Stan's sort-of girlfriend, who's my best friend, so by process of elimination; I hang out with her.
Cartman waddles up the stairs and glares around the bus searching for an empty double seat. Bulky as ever, weighing in at 211 lbs. with a height of 5'8'', he takes the very back seat of three and stretches out. Kenny's occupying the seat in front of him, and turns to show him the centerfold of the dirty mag. Neither Kenny nor Cartman really hang out with me or Stan anymore, but the four of us have been through so much there might be people who call us friends.
It's true, the four of us had drifted apart over the years. Kenny went and hung out with the druggies-- Tweek, Craig, Christophe and Clyde. Stan and I just hang out with Wendy and Bebe. Cartman had been dubbed South Parks' loner.
"So what are you doing after school today, Kyle?" Bebe asked, leaning into me. Oh god, not this again.
"Um, homework," I reply and quickly turn to Token, who's sitting across the isle, and try to strike up a conversation. I swear it's programmed into a chick's mind that when her friend gets a boyfriend, it's her obligation to pair up with someone too. It's like a rule or something.
I chat with Token for a few minutes about stuff we did over the weekend and how much our AP math final is gonna kick our ass. I can sense Bebe listening intently, keen on butting in somewhere.
I was seriously pondering jumping out of the bus when Token turned away and started chatting with Butters. But thankfully (or is it unfortunately?) Cartman pushed his way up towards my seat and squatted down in the isle to face me.
"So are you gonna take the bet or just be a pussy little Jew?" the fat fuck really needed a breath mint; even Bebe recoiled.
"Fine, I will! Just get the hell out of my face; you smell like shit!" I shove him away from me and cough for a dramatic effect. He pushed himself up, laughing, and headed back to his seat.
"You know, we should start calling him Fartman since he smells so bad," Bebe laughed. If anyone other than Sheila Broflovski had raised me, I would've punched that girl so hard for being the hugest ditz ever.
"Oh yeah, that's real original cause my little brother hasn't been calling him that for eight years," I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
"Aww, you're brother is so cute, Kyle." Wow. She didn't even get that I was insulting her. I tap Stan on the shoulder, and he turns to face me.
"How much longer we got?" I ask. He checks his watch.
"About five minutes," he says hurriedly, and turns back to Wendy. I pull my hat down over my eyes in a way that a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign is plastered to my forehead.
"So what are you doing over the summer, Stan?" I hear Wendy ask.
"I'm not really sure. My family's talking about taking a trip to Europe." Wait, what? Did I hear that correctly? Stan's going to another COUNTRY?
"Oh that sounds exciting! All I'm doing is some lame Church Camp."
"Yeah I guess so. Shelly's all up in arms about it; she's leaving for college this fall and my parents want to do a big family thing before she leaves for California. We might be there all summer."
I sit up quickly.
"Europe? Sounds very so-not-in-South-Park to me," I interrupt.
"What? Oh yeah, I just found out last night. Must've slipped my mind, sorry dude, looks like you're stuck with Cartman," he gives me an apologetic smile.
I slump back in my seat, groaning. Damn, a whole two months without my best friend. What a boring summer. Worst of it is, he's right about being stuck with Cartman. Everyone else I'd rather hang out with has summer plans. Camps, retreats, family vacations. Even Kenny's doing something, although, its nothing like a summer camp. He got caught stealing beer from the liquor store so he's got community service all summer and is also currently on house arrest.
Bebe sits up and taps Wendy on the shoulder.
"You know what we all should do? All four of us should go on like a double date, as a celebration of school letting out, and a sort of farewell thing for Stan," she said.
Wendy's eyes lit up, "Oh of course! What a great idea! What do you think, Stan?" He shrugged.
"Yeah that could be fun. Kyle? Are you ready to enter the torture that is a date with Bebe?" He laughed as she smacked him playfully. "Well?"
I took a while to answer. A double date with Stan and Wendy, with Bebe hanging off my arm. Hmm... scary bitch from hell and the gross out of my best friend's love life. Do the words 'No way in fucking hell' work?
"Um, sure, but it can't be tonight. I have to study for English if I'm gonna win that bet," If it was physically possible to kick yourself in the balls, I would so be rolling around crying right now.
I was saved from further conversation on the subject when the bus pulled up to the school. Everyone got off quickly and headed for their first period class. I took off for the French classroom with Butters, sighing and reminding myself that this routine was almost over.
KENNY'S POV
I don't know about you, but I hate mornings. I'd rather braid my pubes than wake up early and attempt coherent thinking. So for people like me, unscheduled first period was introduced. My problem? The bus only comes at seven, and my family's too poor to own a running car. So I get to go to school with everyone else, as if I had a class in the hours one should be sleeping.
I use the extra hour to do the homework I was assigned the previous day, because God knows I can't get anything done at home.
So this morning, just like every other morning of this year and possibly next, I get off the bus and head straight for the heated library. I don't think I've ever been completely warm; hence the hood.
I take out my textbooks and pencil, and borrow some paper from the librarian. As I start on my geometry, some juniors walk in and sit at my table.
"Hey, you're a freshman, right?" I look up. Ohh, hot. Yeah, I feel the warmth now.
"Yeah. And you're Kristal?" I ask, pulling my hood down, "You're one of the class advisors." She beams at me.
"Mm-hmm. This is Sam," she points to the girl next to her. I love today, "and we're having a party to celebrate the end of this excruciatingly painful school year. We heard you're the freshman to invite," I feel Sam's leg bump mine.
"Well, you ladies heard right. However I am unfortunately on house arrest. Can't go more than a hundred feet from the box, except for school," Sam's leg was creeping ever so slightly upward.
"Oh that sucks! Well, do you think we could hold it at you're house, then? If you're parents don't mind of course; we really wanted to get to know you," Inner thigh. More blood leaving my brain.
"My parents won't even be there. This would be Friday then?" I scoot into Sam's touch.
"Friday's perfect. People should start showing up at ten. We'll have a keg," Kristal got up and turned, "Sam, I'll meet you in class," She turned and left, smirking.
"Now, Sam, are you planning to do something with my current state or are you just going to keep smiling at me?" Looks like I won't be handing in any homework today.
BEBE'S POV
What a morning. Second period was torture. How could I have blanked on everything? All year biology had been my best subject and I completely bombed the final. Well, it's past and I'll deal with my parents in July when we get our grades. Now I just want to relax and look at Kyle.
I scan the cafeteria and spot Wendy waving at me to wait for her from the door. I pause and head back to the line with her when she reaches me.
"Tweek just told me that Kenny's having a party at his house hosted by some juniors! It's an end of year thing, they're gonna have a keg and everything," she said excitedly.
"Ohh really? Hey this could be like our double date thing instead! Probably more fun too; if Kyle starts acting all passive I could just flirt around," I giggled, thinking of Kenny himself. If me and Wendy hadn't made a virginity pact at the beginning of the year, I would happily have sex with that boy.
When Wendy had gotten her lunch, we sat at our usual table and waited for Stan and Kyle to come out of P.E.
"They're probably in the showers now," I said suggestively.
"Mmm naked Stan," Wendy got that look on her face that could make anyone jealous of her.
"Ew, Wendy, I don't want to think about that when I'm about to eat," Cartman stopped at our table, "I might just lose my appetite."
"Cartman, you couldn't lose you're appetite if you tried. It's just physically impossible for you," I said.
"Shut up, bitch. Go suck off the Jew or something whorish like that. I came over to ask you guys if you were going to the party, just so I know to avoid it if you are," He reached down and picked up Wendy's pudding, "You gonna eat this?"
"Yes we're going, and yes I'm going to eat that, so give it back, fatass."
"Well in that case, no. It's mine now," He grinned evilly and walked off to his little table in the corner.
"What a jackass! I paid an extra 75 cents for that," Wendy looked as if she was about to go get it back, but just then Stan and Kyle sat down with us, looking peeved.
"...lamest bullshit ever, man," Kyle was saying to Stan.
"What's the lamest bullshit ever?" Wendy asked.
"For the last mile of the year, me and Kyle didn't realize that it was also gonna be graded, so we just basically walked the whole thing. Just now, coach pulled us aside and said we had to do track next fall, because he knows we can do better," Stan explains, making a face. Damn that has got to suck.
"What? That's so stupid! You guys do really well in P.E. The coach should lay off," Wendy said.
"Yeah well when has he ever been fair? Besides, its just for fall. Still, I'm going to need those afternoons for homework because my mom signed me up for a whole bunch of Jew Scout shit in the evenings next year," Kyle sighed and started eating, "She wants me to be 'a well behaved young man'. It's like she thinks I'm gonna join a gang if I'm not constantly supervised. I mean, do we even HAVE any gangs in South Park?" Stan half shrugged, chewing. Wendy muttered, "Really..." and I nodded.
"Well there was that one time Timmy and Jimmy started one," I said, laughing, "but that was just funny."
"So did you guys hear about Kenny's party on Friday?" Wendy asked.
"Kenny's having a party?" Kyle looked up.
"Yeah. Well, he's just providing his house since he can't leave. Some juniors are hosting it. Before you guys showed up we were just talking about how we could use that as our little double date thing," I explained, "How about it?"
"Friday you said? Yeah that's fine. I'll be there. What about you, Kyle?" Stan said.
"I'm there; who else is going?"
"Well most of Kenny's friends, obviously, and then most of the juniors. Cartman just asked if we were going, so I think he's thinking of showing up," I said, handing Wendy my pudding since I decided I didn't want it.
"Dammit leave it to Cartman to ruin something fun. Ah well we could always get him drunk and watch him run around naked in the snow until he passes out," Stan suggested, "Actually that doesn't sound like such a bad idea," he continued, "all in favor of intoxicating Cartman to dangerous levels?" Everyone raised they're hands.
"Then it's settled. We get Cartman drunk," I said, and raised my carton of milk, "to infinite levels of amusement!" All four of us raised our milk in a toast.