((This chapter never seemed to come eh? Well you can hate me all you want but I have been getting a LOT more inspiration lately so chapter might come along faster than half a year…
Disclaimer: The world's slowest authoress here… I dun own any of 'em… if I did, by the time I created one character in FF VII It'd be the year 2389… ))
Chapter 2: The "New" Authoress…
-As the gang was screaming out in defeat Yuffie and Red XIII were planning their own little scheme somewhere else in the Gold Saucer.-
"I'll ask you again. Why are you dressed like Cloud, Vincent?"
"I said it before and I'll say it again… I AM CLOUD YOU MATERIA UPSESED FOOL!" Cloud screamed trying to break himself free from the chair he was tied to.
"Don't get smart with me Vincent… What do you take me for? A fool?"
"I JUST CALLED YOU THAT!" Oh how much Cloud wished he could get Yuffie to understand the simple language he spoke…
Yuffie's eye's seemed to flash red for a second. "Fine then you know what…? Red XIII! Get the S.G.T.O.D!
"Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…" Red XIII cried silently as he remembered the pain from the Chocobo race.
"JUST DO IT!" Yuffie screamed her entire body engulfed in flames.
Tears ran down Red XIII's face as he limped off to get the S.G.T.O.D.
"What the heck is a sgtod?" Cloud said still trying to break free from the chair.
"You'll see…" Yuffie said with a bit of a smirk.
-Hours passed and the red lion with the missing eye never returened… (Perhaps he got lost since he only has "one eye" -depth might become something of a challenge to him… and corners… and just plain everything that could trick his only good eye…)
"GAWD WHAT'S TAKING HIM SO LONG?"
"Maybe he got lost like the narrator said…"
"DON'T CALL ME THE NARRATOR! THAT NAME IZ SO LIKE OLD GAWD! CALL ME THE AUTHORESS!" The authoress screamed at the blond who had just stated the obvious…
Yuffie remained silent for a moment before remembering what she was gonna say. "… Now what was I gonna say… uhhhh OH YA," She turned her attention to Cloud. "SHUT UP! I'M GOING TO FIND HIM!" Yuffie said as she stormed out of the room. "FLY MY WEBS FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Cloud heard her scream and then he heard a loud 'WHAM' a little ways down the hallway.
"Now that had to hurt… Good…." Cloud said while silently laughing.
-30 minutes and 3.9847333049 seconds later-
"ARGH I'M BOARD!" Cloud screamed while struggling in his chair to get free. ((A/N: Remember Cloud's in Yuffie's room with hundreds of sharp pointy objects for him to cut the rope on……)) "If only I could break free….. I'M DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!" He cried out. "Well if I'm gonna face utter demise I might as well do it in style…" Cloud began to tap a '1-2-step' beat with his foot as he began to hum a little bit and then sing…
"My name is Cloud… I have a sword… I fight cactaurs… Because I'm bored… I like to ride on chocobos… it's better than HAVING AFOROS! And when I go into a inn… 15 seconds… IT'S DAY AGAIN-OMFG I MEAN THAT DEFYIES THE WAY OF THE UNIVERSE! W00T I CONTROL THE SPACE TIME CONTINUUM! OH! AND THEN I CAN USE A PHINOX DOWN! SO'S WHEN I DIE I WILL NOT FROWN! BECAUSE I AM CLOUD! WAY BETTER THAN SEPHIROTH BECAUSE MY HAIR DEFYS ALL GRAVITY! BUT! MY ONLY FLAW IS I CAN'T HAVE TO MANY PO'SHUNS OR I MIGHT GET CAVITIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Cloud screeched on a high note that seemed to break the glass of some rich snob's "fine" glass that the butler bought from a dollar store… for a dollar.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!" A girl with a relatively LOUD voice screamed out clearly over-powering Cloud's screech.
"… Who are you? AND WHY ARE YOU INTURUPTING MY OPERA?" Cloud looked at the newfound figure in the doorway.
"I am the authoress… ROARING FLAME CAT!" She said as she struck a dramatic pose.
"… Is this leagal?"
"What do I care? Humor haz no laws… I think…" RFC said as she thought for a moment.
"Well reguardless… Where's Yuffie…? And why are you here? Not that I mind…"
RFC let out a deep moaning sigh, that many of her friends' dubbed the "the death cry." "Yuffie finds it funny to kick me out of my spot and take control of the story…"
"… If she's typing now why hasn't all hell broke loose?"
"Shehazn'tfoundthe power of the ALMIGHTY AUTHORESS! So we're safe… at least I think so…. This haz never happened before… even WITH all the chaos and randomness ruling meh life…"
"… Well since you're here… can you untie me?"
"Nevahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" RFC hissed in a "I'm your mastahhhhhhhhhhhhh" way as the word seemed to be carried off into the depths of the-words-that-never-end-so-help-me-god…
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Cloud screamed out in the same manner as RFC.
"I NO LONGER HAVE THE POWER OF THE AUTHORESS- THAT'Z WHY! I'M NOT SITTING IN THE FANCY LEATHER CHAIR WITH THE SEAT THAT'Z SO FRIKKIN' UNCOMFORTABLE I COULD CHOP OFF MY REAR END! THE ONLY REASON I HAVE A FANCY CHAIR IZ BECAUSE I HAVE A LEATHER ROCKING CAHIR IN MY ROOM AND MY PARENTS' ARE INTO MAKING THINGS MATCH! SCREW MATCHING I WANT COMFORTABLE DARN IT ALL!" RFC screamed out-shattering the cheep rich persons'china/glass while she rolled on the floor in her own demise.
"You don't get out much… do you?"
"Naw… I sit at home all day wishing I weren't a starving artist…"
"Welcome to the club."
RFC was about to walk over to Cloud to untie him due to the "If you dun untie me I'm gonna cry look" was starting to make her wanna jump him, and fangirl squeal, and glomp and all that random stuff fangirl do that they just can't control for the life of them. But… just as Cloud said… all hell was about to break loose… YUFFIE FOUND THE CHAIR THAT GIVES THE AUTHORESS THE ALMIGHTY POWER OF GOD!
"DEAR LORD!" Cloud screamed out. "I CAN'T CONTROL MY ARMS!" Cloud began to untie the not that was now in a bow… (which wasn't there at the beginning let RFC tell you.)
Cloud slowly began to loosen the noose and finally stood up. "Huh you'd think that would've been harder… or more horrible…"
"Never let your guard down…… the authoress has all the power of god in fanfictions such as this…"
"HOW DO WE SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING THE AUTHORESS IS THERE WATCHING OUR EVERYMOVE?" Cloud screamed out in a panic.
"Oh that'z eazy… We get lazy and decide not to type while you guys' sleep… I call it a "If I don't pee now I'm gonna explode" break. But then when we return from those brakes we usually take advantage of the time that we are feeling SO relieved to look into your minds and tell what you are dreaming to the whole world." RFC responded coolly like it really wasn't that big of a deal.
"IF I COULD I'D BE CURLED IN THE FETAL POSSITION WISHING YOU PEOPLE WOULD LET US LIVE OUR LIVES IN PEACE! BUT I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T" Cloud said as his arms began taking off his armor and messing up his hair.
"… Cloud…" RFC looked over to the blond in a very worried state.
"Help my poor and tortured soul……" He whispered before the new "Authoress" took complete control of him.
"Lord help us all…" RFC slowly backed away, as she knew all to well what was to happen next. Cloud got down on all fours and let a low-purr escape his lips.
"CLOUD'Z GONE FRIKKIN' HORNY! ZOMG I'M TOO YOUNG! MY VERGIN EARZ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" RFC screamed out at the top of her lungs… which wasn't high-pitched… oh no. What she lacked in having a high voice, she more than made up for in the volume.
Cloud veered back, clutching his ears for fear that they would explode. As he continued to wander back he tripped over the chair he had once resided in, did a backwards summersault, and hit his head on a wall where a high shelf held a large jar-like pot, that had to be very heavy due to the shelf started to bend toward the middle.
The jar wobbled and danced… and eventually fell of the shelf and onto Cloud's head. Causing the substance it was holding within it to spill all over him.
…Silence…
RFC looked over to Cloud wondering if approaching him wold be wise or prove to be her death. She didn't have to do anything for Cloud began to laugh…not like a 'ha ha" kind of laugh… more like the 'ZOMG I'M GONNA SUMMON A COMMET AND BLOW YOU TO SMITHERINES-WHEN HERE I AM WORSHIPING MY MOTHER!' kind of laugh. Low and sinister at first, but it quickly grew into something to fear.
Cloud raised his arms to remove the pot from his head causing the substance to spill on the floor. Oh how RFC knew this substance all to well… Sugar…
"The time has come…" Cloud's face curled itself into that grin the Grinch made when he got the idea to steal Christmas.
"The time for what?" RFC asked… Clearly having no idea what was gonna happen next.
"A dance…" Cloud hissed in a whisper that rushed passed RFC's cat ears, as well as the blur of Cloud's figure-down the hall, and to god only knows where then.
"A… dance?" RFC Was clearly confuzed… Everything was a blur to her simple minded brain… when she remembered something from the last chapter. "Vincent…" She said as the name hung on her breath for quite some time. She was about the chase the blond Bishie she adored so, when she caught something purple in the spot where Cloud had once been ready to lunge at her. There they were… as real as real could be… Cloud's purple… or are they navy? Pants. And not to far from it there was his sweater… and dear god… a pair of boxers with little purple hearts with black wings sprouted from them.
"C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-cloud… IZ FRIKKIN' NUDE ! AND HE PASSED ME WITHOUT ME BARFING! ………… OH… wait… nudity… Cloud… dance… OMFG CLOUD'S GONNA GO YAOI! … now iz that good or bad…? I can never tell…" RFC Thought as she gathered his shirt and pants… Leaving his boxers to be picked up by the fangirls that will soon catch on and sell 'em off Ebay. "My life'z nevah eazy… Eh… but what do I care…?" RFC shrugged off as she began walking down the hallway Cloud ran down to "Warn" the others. But to RFC's demise she had absolutly no sence of urgency… so by the time she gets to the others they might as well all be poisoned with the mental images of Cloud's nude behind plastered on ever wall of every fangirls' room…
"Might wanna end the chapter here Yuffie… You'll be typing for a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time… if you wanna sit there and tell my slow-paced story of how I never rush anywhere…" RFC Said sad she eyed the new authoress out of the corner of her nearsighted eyes and with the 'ching' of her glasses.
"Good idea..." Yuffie nodded.
-end chapter 2...