A/N: This needs no explanation. It's a Christmas present to you all! Merry Christmas!
A Hogwarts Christmas.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the school
Not a creature was stirring (except Hagrid's mule);
Knitted bobble hats hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that the house elves soon would be there;
Harry and Ron were all snug in their beds,
While visions of Hermione danced in their heads;
And Minerva in her kilt, and Snape in his hat,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the grounds there arose such a clatter,
Snape sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a bat,
Tore open the shutters and fell over the cat.
The moon shone on the trees in the Forbidden Forest
And Severus was naked…but I digress.
Then, what to his glittering black eyes should appear,
But a gigantic sleigh, and eight massive reindeer,
With a driver who's drunk? Heaven forbid!
He knew in a moment it must be Hagrid.
More rapid than dragons his coursers they came,
And he yelled, and he hollered, and called them by name;
"Now, Beaky! now, Norbert! now, Hermes and Pig!
On, Fluffy! on Errol! on, Fang and Hedwig!
To the top of the tower! to the edge of the lake!
Oh, bugger it all; now Snape is awake!"
As first years that run from the Baron with speed,
Hagrid turned on his tail and went back to Hogsmeade,
And back in his bedroom, Snape shook his head,
Shut up his window and went back to bed.
But then, straight away, he heard in his store,
Somebody op'ning and closing a drawer.
He strode from the room, readying his wand,
And came face to face with a very cute blond.
Draco was dressed, from his head to his toe,
In a nice emerald green that made Snapey say, "So!
Malfoy, you think 'cos you're God's gift to birds,
You can...did I just say that? What an odd pick of words!"
And then from on high there came a loud voice
Saying, "Sorry, dear Snapey. There wasn't much choice."
Severus was stunned but Malfoy was not.
"The authoress," he said. "There's not much up top."
And taking a chance while Snape was in shock,
He ran out the door and was gone like a shot.
Poor Snape went to bed, but elsewhere in the school,
The house elves were planning a communist rule.
With Dobby the leader and Winky his wife,
They marched through the school wielding large butter knives.
And poor Fred and George wanting small midnight snacks
Met mad-with-grief Remus who was waving an axe.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And carved in the wall, whilst wearing a smirk,
A message that read, for all students to see,
"Sirius was my lover!" and then fell to his knee.
While the Weasley twins carried poor Lupin away,
More magic occurred on that new Christmas Day
(Well, just five minutes ago it had struck midnight,
So no complaints please! I'm telling it right!);
A big man appeared who was all dressed in red,
Tapped the side of his nose and with a tilt of his head
Just one moment later had vanished without trace,
But left on the wall, in just the same place,
A gift for all those blessed with the gift of sight;
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"